6 Tips For Verifying Broccoli Infestations At Home

I don't know about you, but here in the Such Is Life household, the occasional bunch of broccoli finds a way into the vegetable crisper, forcing out leftover Easter candy and short beer bottles.

Well, I truly have no idea how the damn blight gets into my refrigerator, but I can assure you I will try to walk you through my simple steps just now, so that you verify the presence, and even remove said dense miniature clusters of fibre...

1) Locate refrigerator. Typically found in kitchens...

2) Open refrigerator. Stay focused, there will be distractions: leftover pie, cake, muffins, homemade spaghetti and meatballs, chilli, whipping cream, poppin' fresh dough cookies, pickled beets, pizza from the night of the big hockey game, chilled chocolate mints, and beer. You will want to direct your attention to the crispers, where fruit and vegetables are expected to stay fresh for a few months.

3) Open crisper - there are generally two in your average household kitchen refrigerator.

4) Identify broccoli cluster - in general, these are green, with thick stalks ending in miniature heads of cabbage. have your rubber gloves handy.

5) Confirm authenticity of broccoli cluster: a small hammer or rolling pin tap will generally indicate the lack of softness compared to say, a cupcake or soup. There is a white/yellow version as well, called cauliflower. Even if you have an infestation of mice, these two items (if present) will not be in any risk of harm.

6) Final step, confirm via Google Images that what you have tracked down is indeed a cluster of broccoli. Find a way to safely transport the bunch to your backyard, where hopefully a rabbit or condor will be starved enough to nibble on this offensive "food" item...

Good luck!

Later...