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Sunday, October 31, 2010

Every year I look, every year I can never seem to find any Halloween apples in the grocery store.

How much pumping goes into the average pumpkin??

Trick or treat? Why not both – make a piece of pie disappear, or have a cupcake levitate….

Frugal Halloween Tips #3 – try handing out single sunflower seeds, or previously chewed gum!

Better run for now – I’ve got to see if I can still fit into my figure skater costume – may have to let out my spandex this year….

Chow for now!!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken…)



Hee Hee Heeeee…

Scaaaary monster, kiddies….

It’s almost cluckin’ Halloween! How d’ya like my Casper costume?

I oughta cut me a ciggie-butt hole though – this cloth seems awfully combustive. Combustible? It’d go up in flames faster than a paper maché Chihuahua…  


After walking inta tha wall earlier, I shoulda mebbe cut eyeholes as well, insteada putting them on with a marker…

Man, I’m gonna be wrappin’ my chicken knuckles aroun’ some tasty candy tonight, if all goes well.  An lemme tell ya, any knucklehead that tosses an apple in my bag, or a clumpa broccoli is gonna be sittin’ funny fer a week – Daddy wants Candy Mountain!!!


Later, losers – I gotta thinka my possible trick – which will probably just be a hoof ta that shins.

Cluck fer now!!

Friday, October 29, 2010

I often seem to be at a loss when it comes to the multiple meanings of words. A “whisk” is something one uses to beat eggs (which conjures up a rather violent image in and of itself – kind of like a mob hit-man roughing up the innocent hen fruit).

Yet “whiskers” are NOT a drawer full of egg beaters – whiskers are stubbly hairs on your spouse’s face. Or your own.

Who decides these things?

Chow for now!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Super foggy out last night. I tried to take a picture but it was too dark and…too foggy. So you’ll just have to take my word for it.

It was sooo foggy (HOW FOGGY WAS IT???)

It was so foggy, an echo got lost trying to make it back to a yodeler…

It was sooo foggy (HOW FOGGY WAS IT???)

It was so foggy, a tugboat docked underneath one of our street lamps.

It was sooo foggy (HOW FOGGY WAS IT???)

It was so foggy, I could barely see three feet in front of me. Mrs. That Dan Guy eventually pointed out that I’ve only ever had two feet…

Chow for now!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

We’re mulling over whether or not to introduce a pet into the Such Is Life household. Not sure if it’s even a tremendously good idea, but the bigger struggle seems to be deciding between a parrot, and a matterbaby.

What’s a matterbaby?

Nothin’ – watsa matter with you????

Heh Heh Heh Heh…

Chow for now.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I had always been under the impression that Pepto-Bismol was some fancy-pants antacid for people that required everything in their lives to look like bubble gum. I had no idea it was so effective when one was suffering from more…ah…explosive digestive issues…

Last night, I think I had some bad sunflower seeds. Whatever the culprit, my body seemed intent on expunging the intruder faster than it had gained access to my intestines. Rapidly, profusely – and often – if you get my drift.

After more sprints than an Olympic track final while trying to fall asleep last night, I turned in desperation to this comforting pink liquid – and (who knew) within half an hour, all was calm, all was bright.

Pepto – you’ve got my vote!

Chow for now…

Monday, October 25, 2010

So, where do YOU stand on people using cell phones anywhere and everywhere? Ever think that there might at least be one place still sacred enough to leave the darn things off, or at least let them go to voicemail?

Came across this old newspaper column of mine, in the digital archives (in case you were wondering what MY thoughts might be):

Chow for now!!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Up-And-Comers Alert!

Last night, Mrs. That Dan Guy and I emerged from our remote Canadian prairie cave to go support one of her colleagues, who was participating in a weekly coffee house series of musical performances here in Calgary.

First off, let me just say that the venue was terrific - the lattes were almost spectacular enough to be enshrined in some sort of latte hall of fame. Great spot for live shows:

Anyhow, Vanessa Mastin was the reason we were there, and she ran through a nice little set of originals plus a cover tune. Quite a nice modern sound, with a hint of retro in at least one of her songs – along with some nice riffs. 

We would have liked to have stayed a bit later to hear more of the featured acts, but after a while (seeing as how we’re both like totally old) we had to hit the trail.

We’ll be back though – a good time had by…well, both of us!

Check out Vanessa at:

Chow for now!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken…)




Ole Charlie sez “howdy, pardners”, as he rides off inta tha sunset…well, technically sunrise at this time a day.

How d’ya like my white stallion? Me, I can bear-ly stand it!!


Hmmm…judging by tha look in Mrs. That Dan Guy’s eyes, I get the feelin’ she might wanna choke a certain chicken righta bout now…

I oughta mebbe make misself a little scarce fer a bit…

Cluck fer now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Can I pick ‘em, or what?

The book I chose to launch my official book association with has just been picked up as a forthcoming major motion picture. W. Bruce Cameron’s “A Dog’s Purpose” website announced yesterday that DreamWorks has bought the film rights to the book, and has already chosen a director to the project (not Spielberg).

Incidentally, if you Google “A Dog’s Purpose”, my review resides prominently on the first page of search results.

With that in mind, I hope to wrap up and post my review shortly of a little-known series about a boy wizard named Harry – to see if I can work my magic for that struggling U.K. author…

Chow for now!!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

May the fours be with you…

You know, I’ve never fully understood that pop culture phrase. Me, I seem to have the “1`’s” with me. What makes the fours so special?

It takes two to tango, and three they say is company – even though one visitor is still technically considered company. Who comes up with these pithy sound bites?

5 can be alive, and 6 might have you picking up sticks – so I repeat…why would you just want to have the fours with you??

I’m not kidding, folks – this stuff keeps me up at night.

7 is a good fit with 11, and 8…well...pick you up at 8 (don’t be late).

9 would be less than a dime, but it’s probably also the amount of seconds it took for you to wonder today just what may have happened to my marbles…

I hope the fours was with them!

Chow for now.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Reincarnation is certainly nothing new when it comes to plot devices for many fiction novels. However, when the individual being reincarnated and then narrating the subsequent experiences is a dog, it tends to get your attention right out of the gate.”

That’s the start of my review for the book I’ve chosen to launch my Associates relationship with, in that box over to the right. You can either click on the hot link, or here’s a direct hyper-link to the full review:

So far the book has spent 11 weeks on the New York Times’ bestseller list – you’ll see why if you give it a read!

Chow for now!!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The English language is tremendously confusing. Take for example the word “mole”

In one instance, a mole is a half-blind fur-covered animal that lives primarily underground. Yet in another context, a mole is a visual imperfection on one’s face, an appendage or their ass.

How does that make sense? Is a mole surface, or subterranean? And for that matter, is it fair that a mole can appear around so many places on your body? Who would even know that they had a mole, if it was subterranean like the animal??

Which also begs the question – what if the popular carnival game “Whack-A-Mole” wasn’t about trying to clobber the four-legged version, but a collection of hapless humans with the skin tags?

Somewhere underground, moles would breath a sigh of relief…

Chow for now!!

Monday, October 18, 2010

I will be the first to admit that I am an old dog – an arthritic, grey-haired old dog that could use a couple of extra notches punched into his belt, and yes – I do drool for no apparent reason throughout the day..

However, I am pleased to report that despite dire predictions to the contrary, you CAN teach an old dog new tricks – I am currently reading my first-ever digital book!

Last week, I loaded a free book-reader program onto my i-Phone, then took advantage of downloading a few free e-books, or “digi-flippers”, as I am trying to make them catch on as.

Pretty cool stuff – even on a screen as small as this wee cell phone has, it’s a pretty easy read.

Not that I want to walk away from the real, live page-flippers yet, but thanks to digital technology…I remain cool as a refrigerated cucumber!

This must be how The Fonz felt…

Chow for now!!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

How come you never see fish and chips together in the wild?

Is a bird in the hand really worth two in the bush? What if the bird in your hand is a feather duster, and the birds in the bush are peacocks?

My bedroom clock is really alarming…

That container with the flowers in it seems somewhat e-vase-ive lately…

That doggie in the window? Twelve bucks.

The circle of life seems to me more ovular…

Classic Mexican Weather Report: Chili Today, Hot Tamale! (can’t take credit for that one – it’s a beloved joke from my childhood)

Veni, Vidi, Vicks – “We Came, We Saw, We Vapo-Rubbed”.

Chow for now!!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken…)













Suck on that, Piano Man!!


Cluck fer now….

Friday, October 15, 2010

Is it just me (I worry that it is), or do common household products sound so much more exotic than they are?

Take for example “Drano”, just one of several products appropriately named for the service that it provides in the home. Sure, it clears clogged drains, even a built-up blockage of accumulated chicken knuckles.
But that name, for me at least, conjures up other images:

Ladies and gentleman…Drano is on the 17th green, leading the pack at 8 under par. He’s lining up his putt..and…YES!! He drains it! Drano sinks his putt!!”

Drano Dryvorek, Russian boxer and amateur flautist defends his title tonight, sparring 12 rounds with Spago Sperdinko. Looking a little heavy after this long break between matches, it’s anybody’s call who might walk away the winner in this matchup…”

Appearing nightly in the Boom Boom Room – The Amazing Drano, who will dazzle the audience with his close-up magic, and vocal stylings. Come have your breath taken away, or at least pulled out of a hat!

Oh, I could go on. Thankfully though, I won’t…

Chow for now!!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Once upon a time there was a young man named Little Jack Horner. He lived at the corner…of Figgy Puddin’, and Christmas Pie (streets).

Jack had an abnormality – as people often did once upon a time. Jack’s claim to nursery rhyme fame was a digit of some concern. He suffering from Throbbing Thumb Thenthaythun. The only relief he could ever find was to thrust his thumb into places he came upon – bird’s nests, honey jars, even overripe melons if they happened to be handy (no pun intended…).

One day, while sitting eating curds and whey, along came a spider. Jack chided the spider for being in the wrong nursery rhyme, and the spider sulked off, without even so much as a lick of whey. The smell of warm curds almost lured him back, but alas, Jack waved his Throbbin’ Thumb towards the exit – spider begone!

Finally one morning Jack found warm Christmas Pie at his breakfast table, which I will have to presume has absolutely no baked elf content, but may contain moderate traces of reindeer. Whatever possessed Jack that morning is lost in the dust of history, but he took one look at that Christmas Pie, and he put this thumb right inside it. Legend suggests he pulled out a plum. More likely, he pulled out one messy thumb…

For no reason, he exclaimed to his mother, “Oh what a good boy am I!!”

“Shut up and eat your breakfast, Junior” she commented, passing him a napkin.

Now I must ask – how does this story become a famous nursery rhyme?? Must have been a shortage of good newspapers back in olden times…we may never really know.

Chow. For now…

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Apparently, there’s not much you can do to change the appearance of a podcast page. After such an exhilarating couple of days revamping this space, I hoped to do the same with my podcast link, while avoiding the lengthy effort that will be remaking my main webpage.

For more on that thought, checkout:

It seems that there are but a few choices when it comes to the appearance of that little interview feature sideline, so now I must begin the focus of updating nonsense and Considering the information is sorely out of date, my photos there wouldn’t glean recognition from my own family members, and I’m pretty sure that Mrs. That Dan Guy deleted damaging references to her dust bunny farm – it is a task I must undertake. 

Before the undertaker does it for me…

More to come, people…
Chow for now though!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

We had a coyote in our immediate vicinity last night. We could tell by the odd noises outside our patio door – which we found in the morning light to be the obviously failed efforts of an amateur roadrunner trap set-up - an anvil over the roadway behind us. The ACME box was still on the boulevard lawn.

The howls must have been instigated when the anvil dropped prematurely onto the coyote’s feet.

Life indeed imitating art…

Chow for now!!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Hmmm… 10 11 10… that’s a lot of 1’s…

Hey, something seems a little different here this morning…

Trying to add my new Amazon Associates link, I found that I had to change my template for this space, so that prompted a few other changes. Now, if you click on the pic above, you’ll go directly to my podcast site. I’ll still try and insert an RSS feed, but this should make things a little simpler.

And, seeing as how this silly little blog has steered more and more towards entertainment the last couple of years, I’ve become an Amazon (.ca) Associate, so over the next while I’ll start giving some recommendations to some of my favourite books, music, and other items – how exciting is that???

Sheesh – people like it when Oprah does that…

Well, at any rate, check out the link to W. Bruce Cameron’s latest release, at the time of this posting it’s already spent 11 or 12 weeks on the New York Times’ bestseller list. I’ll be posting a full and proper review soon, but trust me – if you’re one of the millions of dog lovers out there, this is a fanciful and heart-warming book that will resonate with you.

But you will have to buy it yourself – Oprah I ain’t…

Chow for now (at least some things stay the same…)

Sunday, October 10, 2010

10 10 10…


Hey, yesterday ended up featuring a couple of mini bonus posts here. I noticed that prickly ole Charlie had loaded his monkey bizness bright and early, but when I checked my morning paper, my review for Stage West had finally run in The Herald – so I posted a link to that (in case you missed it).

Later, doing a quick Google search to see where the online version of the review was sitting, I discovered that the feature had also been picked up by The Windsor Star – so I added yet another link to that.

That’s my story, and I’m stickin’ with it…

Chow for now!!

Saturday, October 09, 2010

Tuesdays With Morrie brings the tears to Calgarians

Also viewable from the online home of The Windsor Star:

Tuesdays With Morrie brings the tears to Calgarians

Tuesdays brings the tears

Stage West Calgary
"Tuesdays With Morrie Review", Calgary Herald
Link to Jamie Far Interview

Tuesdays brings the tears

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken…)

So…www.eHarmony.cluckfinder.webbernet …


Enter info:

Single white poultry lookin’ fer fun-lovin’ hen with healthy plumage…”

Nah…gotta be open ta options…

Single, dashingly handsome clucker lookin’ fer a hen that don’t fit tha desk-ription uvva cackle-brained egg-layer…”


Sheesh – this online datin’ dialogue is difficult! How does a bird delicately exclude prudes and dimwits, without narrowin’ tha pool a options?

Mebbe I should work on my profile…


Refined bird, fine pedigree – six-pack slabs. Non-smoker, non-drinker, but I could pick up bad habits when I sleepwalk – just so’s ya know…”

OK, that’s better – but I think I need a hook – or at least more of one than I got on my beak…

Heir of the Bayer Aspirin family fortune – I coulda been a real pill, but I’m humble even in the lap of lug-shurry. I prefer not ta show off, so if ya feel like just watchin’ TV on our date, I am hip ta that jive…”


UGH – wut else do birds dig these days? A sense a humour? Romantical tendencies?


Whoops! Probably a lacka gaseous emissions, I’ll bet!! Lay offa tha beans, Chuck…

OK, I need ta submit this – “funny, romantic, gassless bird seeks similar hen of the female variety, fer walks and talks. Must own reliable vehicle…”

Here goes nuthin’…

Cluck fer now!!

Friday, October 08, 2010

Ever feel like you’ve accidentally walked through some kind of time machine portal? Snooping around in HMV the other day, I thought it was still sometime in the mid-1970’s.

Featured albums on the display case by Eric Clapton, Robert Plant, and a new set of remastered music from John Lennon indicates that despite fears to the contrary, modern music isn’t a gaping pool of elephant vomit - as long as talented, enduring artists can still force a toe into the market. But I wonder if 30 or 40 years from now, you’ll still be able to find an album by some of the modern music industry heavyweights riding the top of the pop charts. Probably Lady Gaga, but that’s about it…

Once Bieber’s voice breaks, he’ll be e-mailing Donny Osmond for career advice. Ride the wave while you can, “stars”…

Chow for now!

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Here’s a link to my latest real estate column – although subject-wise it could apply to darn-near any career you might choose:

If you don’t know someone like this, well...maybe you are one. Ask your friends.

Chow for now!!

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

If Elvis were still alive today, he’d probably be grinning a little bit at the redemptive irony of a current highly-popular TV show emulating the template of his 60’s movies – which despite making bucket-loads of money, often drew ridicule and considerations his career was over by critics.

Watching “Glee” last night, it hit me that the show is a lot like your average Elvis movie, with the characters bursting into song at the drop of a hat – sometimes without a hat even to be seen anywhere on the screen. If The Cat In The Hat were a guest star on the show, he would have to burst into song as well, which I suppose is better than bursting into flames.

Anyway, my point is that the formula sure seems to work for “Glee”, and despite historical revisionists suggesting otherwise, it worked pretty well for Presley as well.

I say we incorporate it into real life – may be you too could be “caught in a tap”!

Chow for now!!

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

If I live to be a thousand years old, I will never understand what possesses songwriters when they sit down to write a song.

Take for example the old Elvis Presley 70's classic “Suspicious Minds”. You’d think it would be about a relationship or something like that, but not when you consider the opening lines, clearly written about…water???

We’re caught in a tap,

I can’t get out…

Maybe it’s an allegory of some kind…

Turn on the tap, let that water flow!

Chow for now!

Monday, October 04, 2010

1700 Posts!

Consecutive, no less – 1700 posts without a single day missed – is that some sort of record? Who tracks that sort of thing?

Actually, my 1700th post was yesterday, I failed to make a note in my daytimer, so of course, I missed it. Frankly, I expected Blogger might have sent a bouquet of roses, or some other small token of appreciation, for bringing tens of readers to their site over the last few years.

I won’t write that possibility off just yet, ever the optimist that I am. For the record, Google – I’m a big fan of those cookie bouquets…

Chow for now!!

Sunday, October 03, 2010

How To Hang A Picture

1) First order of business, buy a picture. The following steps will be severely impeded without that single, essential element. NOTE: In addition to classic picture choices such as “Dogs Playing Poker”, you can now also choose from “Dogs Shooting Pool”, “Dogs Making Pasta”, and “Dogs Discussing Global Warming”.

2) Choose an appropriate blank space on an interior wall of your home. While it is indeed possible to hang a picture over existing pictures and/or picture windows, the best location will often be a new space. Plus nails tend to break glass picture windows, FYI…

3) Make sure that you have proper picture hanging hardware. Sure, you could just use a common nail, but often pictures can be heavy, like lead-coated cast iron. It is best to ensure that the picture you’ve taken the time to hang doesn’t fall down from the wall and get damaged, so consider a combination of screw and anchor, or even the added security of something like a railroad track spike. Landlords are very experienced at repairing or replacing drywall, so don’t fret about what the wall will look like after you and your pictures are gone.

4) Once a picture is securely hung, you must ensure that it is level, and therefore pleasing to the human eye. Agreed, a framed photo of Pamela Anderson will be pleasing to the human eye even if it’s as askew as her brainwaves, but to the average viewer (women), a level picture is rather mandatory. In the absence of owning a proper level tool, here’s a handy household tip, utilizing common items you will likely have right around your own home: Place a broom upside down against the wall where your new picture has been hung. Then, once that appears to be level against the side of the picture you have hung, get a mop, and place that alongside the bottom of the picture. This should achieve the same result you’d enjoy from one of those fancy, store-bought leveling tools.

5) Enjoy your new picture.

(Chow for now…)

Saturday, October 02, 2010

Chicken Scratch

Starring bird-around-town, raconteur and all-around cyber-star Charlie Chicken.

(Editor’s Note: WRITTEN by Charlie Chicken…)

Shoppin’ Day! Time ta re-stock the stogie cabinet!!


Whoo-hoo! Payday, time ta hit tha bricks, and pick up a few Cuban treets, or even just a el-cheap-o American stogie. I loves me tha smell a tabakko in tha mornin’.!


Mebbe I should get some pipe tobacco – add a touch a elegance ta this otherwise dull drivel! Kinda relay a Hue Hefner aura – hee hee..aura…sounds like Bora Bora…


From ther cigar store, I gotta pick up some vino, in case my visit ta tha local tavern bears fruit, of the hen variety. Dashin’ as I is, a lil’ lubricant don’t hurt in tha wee hours of tha mornin’.

Plus, it all helps support my country, what with all tha tax grabs on these so-called “vices”. Or as I likes ta call them, the basics a life.


Better skitter – some clown is eye-ballin’ my favourite ninety-nine cent cigarillos!

Cluck fer now…

Friday, October 01, 2010

10 01 10 (technically 111)

Just watching The Price Is Right, with the new and improved, svelte Drew Carey. Reminded me of this old pic, taken with the more familiar version of the popular comic and game show host.

So, as Drew has shrunk before America’s eyes, my own weight has remained more…ummm…static.

Which could be due to:

1) Accidentally opening a package of soda crackers, and absent-mindedly nibbling on them until the entire package was consume d in one sitting.

2) Accidentally opening a package of Lay’s potato chips, and trying to prove Mark Messier wrong – which is absurd – you really can’t eat just one…

3) Failing miserably in my Oreo “Eating Order” research project (eat top first, eat bottom first, scarf down icing first like a giraffe licking dew off a treetop…there’s just no way that really feels the most right…)

4) Make the tragic mistake of getting into a peanut-eating contest with a cleverly disguised elephant, at the neighbourhood pub during Happy Hour…

5) Volunteer at a market research company the one night they are testing reactions to a new line of peanut butter-coated chicken wings.

Without several of those scenarios, just this past week, I’d be looking just as svelte as Mr. Carey… Yessir.

Chow for now!!