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Saturday, September 30, 2006

We've got a weekend pass, as I don't expect Purolator to be delivering my long-lost freakin' ladder on a weekend...

It'll be nice to feel the sun on my face again, and the gentle caress of a light wind. I've been terrified to leave the house since mid-week, but there has been no reward for my loyalty and patient anticipation. I remain ladderless.

Actually, I will confess to throwing in the towel late yesterday afternoon, as I had to head over to the walk-in clinic, to get some prescriptions renewed. From there I drove into downtown, to meet up with the Mrs, and take in some Red Lobster fare after work. Lobsters of the world, I salute you, for your sacrifices are much appreciated, and delicious.

But when we returned home, there was no indication of a courier's visit. My plans to inventory the roof vents will have to wait until next week some time. My hope of vacuuming the hanging light in our 2-storey foyer must be postponed...again...


Chow for now!!

Friday, September 29, 2006

Friday morning, and I'm starting to feel a little like The Prisoner Of Zenda, or maybe Rapunzel at the very least...

Still no ladder, no sign of Purolator. I'm convinced that Murphy's Irrefutable Law Of Ladder Delivery will kick in, should I leave the house even momentarily, just to check our mailbox. Even if I've only just left the house for a few seconds, THAT is when the delivery guy will show up, and depart just as fast should he find nobody home. I'm totally handcuffed, unable to get on with my life until that blasted package arrives!!

I suppose I could be doing some of those chores that my wife has left me notes about, throughout the house. Plus, we still are nowhere close to being organized, since our recent move, so I could try doing a bit of that.

However, I prefer to sit and anguish over my predicament, rather than be pro-active, and get my mind off what may have happened to my ladder. Has the delivery guy decided to use it himself, to hang his Christmas lights?? Has his teenaged son stolen it, to elope with that hussy down the street?? Has someone baked it into a cake, and sent it to their brother, to help him escape his own incarceration?? How ironic would that be??

As I sit here conjecturing, a far more important thought comes to mind: I wonder if Starbucks delivers?

Chow for now!!

Thursday, September 28, 2006

I’m currently under self-imposed house arrest. Have been all week.

This is the end result of an impulse purchase at the recent home improvement show we attended. My wife and I avoided the dazzle of the Wonder Mop, and sidestepped the allure of The Magic Chamois. We dodged a pitch on a broom that desired to be a vacuum one day, but lost the battle when it came to a guy demonstrating ladders…

Yes, we were easy marks for this salesman, as we stood before him, obviously ladderless. He knew what we needed to make our lives complete, and curse him for selling exactly that!!

The only catch (aside from full payment in advance) was that the free delivery involved Purolator, who would be showing up “sometime” this week, with our enchanting new miracle ladder. But Purolator doesn’t call first, so that you can plan ahead. At least the telephone and cable companies provide you with an 8-hour window, on a day in the distant future.

Not a courier company. Our stealth ladder could appear any day this week, any time. Should I happen to go in the back yard for 3 minutes to prune our dandelions, and not hear the doorbell, Purolator will leave me a sticky note on my front door, and I will be forced to drive into the outskirts of civilization, with high hopes of ever finding their pick-up depot.

Damn you, ladder, and damn you ladder guy!! I need to be free, yet you have locked me up in my own home!!

Hey...look at that! The Price Is Right is on soon….

Chow for now!!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

The latest threat to our personal health now appears to be common household apples.

Dentists are suggesting recently that while eating an apple a day may be allegedly sound thinking for overall body health, the acid content of these products will take an ultimate toll on your teeth.

So, I surrender....

No more apples, oranges, or mangoes. Farewell, bananas. Adios, avocados, although honestly I know not if you even are a fruit!!

Although I have literally survived on fruit and vegetables these last few years, I will now force myself to ingest chocolate, toffee, and pretzels, so as to enjoy a full set of gleaming teeth on my 92nd birthday. Well, there is that one molar on my lower right side that checked out several years back, but maybe he was the first casualty of this recently-discovered tooth murderer??

No more!! I will lose no additional teeth (toothies?) to killer grapes, or axe-wielding pomegranates, although once again, I'm not even sure that a pomegranate is a just sounds like one.

I am confident that my pearly chompers will appreciate softer fare, like Twinkies and warm, poppin' fresh dough. Look at the healthy set of incisors on that Pillsbury Dough Boy!! No wonder he's not selling tubes of carrots, he was already hip to the fruit jive!!

More on this another time, I'm sure. Right now, I have to go pick the two scoops of raisins out of my breakfast cereal, and replace those time bombs with some chocolate chips...

Chow for now!!

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Just a quick one today, as I'm running late for my physio.

So as not to make your visit entirely disappointing, I will leave you with one of my favorite childhood jokes:

What was Snow White's brother's name??

Egg White!! Get the yolk????

Oh boy..........

Chow for now!!

Monday, September 25, 2006

A genuine treat yesterday, as my wife and I attended "Word On The Street", part of National Book & Magazine festivities held in various cities throughout Canada. The event here in Calgary featured a diverse blend of authors reading short pieces, plus booth upon booth of displays on the local literary/arts groups.

This was my procrastinator's introduction to almost every place I should have already long ago made my way over to, all in one convenient village. Local newspapers, magazines, bookstores, and writer's groups, just to name a few. Quite an inspiring collection of folks, had a lot of fun getting a quick chance to see and chat with several members of these groups.

Also enjoyed the surreal side of the event, as there will always be something that unexpectedly steals the spotlight, no matter who may be on stage.

In yesterday's case, mainstage reader Ian Brown of The Globe & Mail and the CBC was well into his presentation on the "inner thoughts of men", when a much older gentleman on a walker started to make a looooong, slow journey right behind the back part of the low stage. Try as you might, you just couldn't take your eyes off this older fellow, as he inched his way along, intent on making it from Point A to Point B before sunfall...

Stealing the spotlight in the process...

Chow for now!!

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Just when you think you've seen it all...

Last night we went to see "Urinetown, The Musical". I kid you not...

It was playing in a recently restored theatre in downtown Calgary, and we had heard all kinds of great buzz about it. The play, I mean. Sure, people were probably buzzing about the renos too, but for today, let's try and focus on the musical!!

Our first surprise was that the last-minute tickets I had picked up happened to be front row, center. My immediate worry-wart concern was that if this play lived up to its name, would we be needing plastic protective gear, like when you go see watermelon massacre man/standup comic Gallagher?? Thankfully, we did not...

Our second surprise was how much we enjoyed the show. Not to spoil "Urinetown, The Musical" too much, should it turn up in YOUR fair town, the premise of the show is a Broadway musical that somewhat lampoons Broadway musicals, while being set in a future where water is such a scarce resource, the population is forced to pay to pee. I will admit, I was unprepared for toe-tapping show tunes under that sketchy premise, but tap I did, and often... The whole show is a tongue -in-cheek send-off of the genre, but done so well I can see why it was a success back when it originally ran. With all the mugging directly to the audience, it plays a bit like one of those "Smokey & The Bandit" movies, but heck, I liked those too.

One thing was interesting to note throughout the evening. Not one member of the audience ever got up to go to the bathroom during the show. How that for taking things maybe a little too literally??

Chow for now!!

Saturday, September 23, 2006

We went to one of those touring home shows yesterday - the sort that brings all kinds of experts and TV hosts in, and also usually has about a billion household gadgets for sale as well.

Driving up to the event, we got a glimpse of a big celebrity, outside the building. Mike Holmes, from Holmes on Homes. He was taking a smoke break before his presentation.

I suppose discovering that a home renovator smokes is kind-of akin to discovering that a light comes on whenever you open your fridge door. Most construction guys I've known (and worked with) have smoked, drank, cussed, and (more often than not) farted. For all we know, the smoking may just be part of a "tough-guy construction dude" front that Mr. Holmes has to put on in public. He may not ever do it at home, over high tea...

Once we got over the smoking shock, we got into the Roundup Centre (not kidding), and waded into the sea of exhibitors. There was representation from heating companies, ladder companies, hardwood flooring companies, and gazebo companies.

There were booths and booths of hot tub manufacturers, kitchen designers, and fencing people. Not the kind with swords...fencing for your yard, for Pete's sake...

And peppered throughout, there were the quirky "As Seen On TV" items, that are guaranteed to revolutionize your life, for just 3 easy payments of $19.99. A rechargeable carpet sweeper, that literally sweeps carpets. A "magic chamois", that while we watched never once pulled a rabbit out of a hat.

We also watched a demonstration of what could have been a broom, which I think was trumped handily by the rechargeable carpet sweeper.

I caught a brief glimpse of TV chef Christine Cushing. Man, does that lady have dimples...

All of these delights were on display in a vast showroom that had been set to sustain a tropical rain forest. Actually, the heat in there would have created a tropical rain forest. The presenter pitching his "magic chamois" must have thought I was swooning at his miracle product, when in fact I was suffering a mild heat stroke.

All kidding aside, we ended up leaving with a ladder that boasted over 50 positions, which was just too much for my guy logic to resist!!

I also picked up a brochure on that rechargeable carpet sweeper. It may be just the thing for high traffic areas in the home, without having to lug out a full-sized vacuum.

Chow for now!!

Friday, September 22, 2006

With the recent return this week of most popular prime time TV series, there have been some sudden cuts to the experimental summer fare that has filled our living room airspace, these last few weeks.

No more will we be tuning in to Celebrity Duets, to determine if Xena will smite Cheech, over the best duet rendition of "Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree". I know there are several weeks left in the competition, but my wife and I will have to go to our eventual graves, never knowing if Whatsisname (Carlton) from Fresh Prince will warble his way to the top of the heap, and win....uh...what was the prize again?? Please, don't let it be a record deal...haven't we got enough already, what with Paris Hilton on CD?????

We never did succumb to Dancing With The Stars, although once we did Sweat With The Oldies. That alone was an experience we cared not to repeat, even as viewers.

I'm sure there were way more shows running that I haven't touched on, but thankfully we were too busy to get caught up in them - what with getting our affairs in order, moving, learning how to use an abacus, sharpening #2 pencils, figuring out the physics behind upside-down ketchup bottles, counting the fabric hairs in our office carpeting, doing pocket lint inventories, learning to play one of those big Alpine "Riccola" horns, and creating some whimsical animal sculptures with common household copper scouring pads.

Chow for now!!

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Whenever I get a bad cold, I become the Johnny Appleseed of misery. My partner suffers maybe even more than I do...

The problem, I think, is that I am just not like John Wayne when it comes to grappling with discomfort. The Duke could take a bullet between the eyes, and still have ample time to nonchalantly finish his cigarette, feed his horse, and then give a long-winded philosophical soliloquy before expiring.

One bout of sniffles, and I'm moaning and groaning like one of those young Russian tennis stars, every time I blow my nose.

I don't ever just "have a cold" so much as I "bear the weight of the entire universe, including former planet Pluto". I don't do sick well at all.

My wife hates it as much as I do whenever I start to get a tickle in my throat, and my own eyes start to swell up like Don Knotts eyeballs, upon getting his foot run over by a FedEx van. Oh, she's gracious enough, and always there to offer sympathy and support, but I suspect she has a self-serving bottom line - getting me back to health as quickly as possible, so as to shorten the length of my whining intervals.

Whoa!! Post nasal drip on the keyboard!! Better run...

Chow for now!!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

As my wife and I continue to unpack our new home, I am reminded of those miniature homes that people set up around Christmas time...

Coming into one of the craziest housing markets in Canada, we knew in advance that we may have to sacrifice some of the features our last home had. And, we knew that when we made an offer on this particular house, it was in fact slightly smaller than the one we had just left in Kelowna. What difference could a couple of hundred square feet make, one way or the other, we thought?

As it turns out, the differences are subtle, but to tend to impact our lives as we make the adjustment. Our coffee maker is set up on a handy shelf just outside the kitchen window, and with the recent cold temperatures, has made excellent frappucinos for my wife's morning commute to work.

Our previous master bedroom had enough room for all our furniture, plus a regulation-sized horseshoe pitch. This one, well...I can see where they got the idea for stacking appliances. We now feature a two-storey dresser drawer set!!

I'm not complaining, it's just a matter of resolving ourselves to a new life - a life where we have ordered a pygmy sectional sofa, and enjoy what the department store called a mini-stereo system, filling up one complete wall of our family room. Our 8 x 10 wedding picture looks like a mural on the living room wall.

Speaking of Christmas, and those adorable little village pieces that you can set up, I'm wondering if one might not make for a fair-sized addition??

Chow for now!!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

I know it's probably too soon, but this empty feeling inside will eventually pass...

Last night was the first Monday evening since mid-summer that Rockstar: Supernova wasn't on. Once they picked a winner, I guess they decided it would be best to end the competition. Well, bully for them... now what do WE have to do, watch network TV???

Feeling a little sluggish this morning. I went to bed fighting an unexpected cold, but it wasn't much of a fight. Colds fight dirty, man! I tried to sleep, but the bug just kept filling up my nose, which caused my head to fall over sideways (when it wasn't swelling up to beach ball proportions). Every time I looked at the bedside clock, I had to wonder if it had stopped. I remember still being awake at 3:30 in the freakin' AM!!


Gotta run. Physio shortly for my pinched nerve.

Chow for now!!!

Monday, September 18, 2006


Didn't some old cartoon character used to say that all the time?? Maybe I'm confusing my paraphrasings. My memory has been questionable at the best of times.

And what do these old cartoon characters do when they eventually retire?? When was the last time you ran into Foghorn Leghorn in a neighborhood grocery store, grimacing at a package of Shake N Bake coating?? Does Little Lulu play cards once a week with Doris Day and Betty White??

People complain all the time about how violent cartoons were, back in the day. Yet you never hear about Yacky or Chopper knocking over a 7-11, like grown-up child stars have been wont to do. And Tweety never once turned up in amateur movie offerings like Paris Hilton has, so why all the concern about classic cartoon characters?? They look like saints compared to cartoon characters now.

That's the problem when you have so-called experts exploring the effects of something like a Saturday-morning cartoon series. Just because Elmer Fudd had a few misfires back into his face, or more than a couple of Acme safes fell from the sky, those beloved characters have been held up as examples of too much violence for young minds to assimilate.

Personally, I never took a coyote using mail order catalogues all that seriously, so why would you take the phony violence out of context, at the end of the day??

Chow for now!!

Sunday, September 17, 2006

I found a collection while unpacking the other day, and set it aside. It was a big fat book: "The Complete Works Of William Shatner". I didn't even remember having bought it, so I was pretty anxious to try finding some time to read it.

I mean, he has such a body of work, it just makes sense that he would put together an overview of his career and accomplishments. Most people would call it a biography, but not Bill. "The Complete Works". Much more in keeping with his lofty status as a world-class entertainer. ..

It will probably cover at least some aspect of his classic Star Trek run, both in television and film. I can't say for sure if it will touch on TJ Hooker and his most recent work on Boston Legal, but I can only hope.

He has written books, sort of. His science fiction adventures are co-written, so maybe he has at least come up with the titles.

And, who can forget that he has at least TWO albums out?? What a renaissance man - singer, actor, author, puppeteer. The man is simply inspiring. I'll bet his wife lets him have a banjo!!

I will absolutely crack open his "Complete Works" shortly!!


What a bummer. In my haste to unpack the books, I misread the title. Turned out to be "The Complete Works Of William Shakespeare", whoever the heck that is...


Chow for now!!

Saturday, September 16, 2006


In the middle of SEPTEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is going on here????

Last night my wife and I were out shopping, and watching snow fall. The shopping became somewhat secondary to the shock of discovering our swimming days outside are clearly done for this year. And those raspberry bushes I planted last week may not make it either...

Thankfully, it didn't stick. There's no evidence at all today, aside from watching snowy highlights from last night's Calgary/Winnipeg CFL game on the newscast this morning (it can't be the TV anymore, because we're aren't trying to catch wayward signals with a fork and aluminum foil anymore...)

So, in the big picture, this unseasonable anomaly didn't affect us much. This will however suspend my paper-mache rock garden project until next spring.

Back in Kelowna, we'd still be camping in a tent, for Pete's sake!! We wouldn't be tremendously warm I'll admit, but we wouldn't be having morning coffee with Mr. & Mrs. Frosty T. Snowman either.

So much to learn...

Chow for now!!

Friday, September 15, 2006

My wife was on fire the other night!

(Note to self: May want to rethink opening statements like that in the future...)

We had been trying to kill some time before an event we were attending a few nights ago, and happened into a building marked "Casino". Wow! These "casinos" are quite something!!

This particular establishment was like a miniature but glitzy slice of Las Vegas, right here in town. There were card tables, roulette wheels, and something that they called "slot machines". How inventive!!

The idea of these "slot machines" is that you plunk in a few pesos, and lo and behold: money comes back out, hopefully in a higher quantity than what you inserted!!! It's like a reverse ATM!!

Now, as we wandered and plunked coin a bit here and there, it became evident that not every machine worked that way. There must have been a malfunction, because no matter how many coins I plunked, the machine refused to return any at all. The attendant I called over looked at me like I had three ears when I complained about it.

However, my wife had some form of keen acuity in finding ones that didn't malfunction. Every time she sat down, the darn things just kept returning her money, faster than she could cram more in. Hence, my comment on her burning good fortune...

We ended up leaving well ahead in doubloons, of what we had come into the building with, at least thanks to her efforts. We were giddy with glee, and would have been rubbing our hands together in some giddy-like fashion, had it not been for the residue of handling coins, fresh from a "slot machine". Yuck!! Don't they wash those things??

Chow for now!!

Thursday, September 14, 2006


Late start today!!

Kind of a frantic morning, as I was off to physio first thing, then I have a doctor's appointment shortly, necessary to get my Alberta driver's license.

Between all this, it is pouring rain since yesterday, which bounces off my bald spots like soggy popcorn kernels. I am not a fan of that, but just maybe consider me a tad grumpy while I re-settle myself in our new surroundings during what appears to be monsoon season.

We are definitely not in Kansas anymore. Not that we spent any actual time in Kansas, but our orientation to the Alberta weather swings brings to mind that old saying.

Just a couple of days ago I had every door and window open in the house, as we struggled to invite in any wayward wisp of a breeze. Yesterday, my tulips started to frost over in the kitchen, so I turned the furnace on. This is a shock, considering we never used to do that in Kelowna until late October. It is either unseasonably cold, or I am a giant baby. Possibly a bit of both... Either way, I am afraid...

Hey, a Canadian won again, in the latest incarnation of Rockstar!! Yee-Haa!!

Chow for now!!

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

If I were an inventor, I would likely be a pretty laid-back inventor.

I'd probably come up with ideas that would simply save mankind time, rather than revolutionize life as we know it.

For example, I would discover that you could save on daily teaspoon use by adding cream and sugar to your coffee BEFORE you poured it into the cup, thus allowing nature to do the stirring. In addition to being less stressful to your stirring arm, that process might save you at least one dishwasher use a year!!

I might also come up with something like inexpensive tooth-fillers, for unsightly gaps. Who needs the high cost of a dentist? Simply eat something white and pasty, like bread, which will temporarily fill in gaps, until your next meal. If your teeth are yellow, consider a pineapple!

If I put my mind to it, there are probably HUNDREDS of common-sense solutions, like the couple I just outlined above, for many everyday issues. Why put teams of expensive, trained research scientists to work, gobbling up money that could otherwise be spent on a Vegas comeback venue for Florence Henderson?? So many things we tend to worry about are, in light of other events, truly minute.

Like the guy once said, don't sweat the small stuff. After all, what's a little small sweat among friends??

Chow for now!!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006


Finally, one full day in our newest home, without once running across town, or needing to assist in the birth of a new hamster. Why I would be midwifing hamsters is beyond me, but so many things pop up over the course of my day, you need to be prepared for anything.

The downside of a full day with no break is that most of that time was spent treasure hunting. The treasure: our cherished possessions. The hunt: wherever the movers decided to drop these loaded boxes and tubs of possessions, most often with no regard for the room they should have ultimately appeared in.

We've so far found kitchen boxes in the garage, and had to wade through a sea of tubs in the basement to find a vital item for our bedroom. I'll leave that to your imaginations, although I can say you'd be awfully disappointed if you thought of anything that would make a nun blush...

To be honest, we were unpacking to beat the clock. We had to be done in enough time to juggle Rockstar: Supernova, with the Canadian Country Music Awards, broadcast simultaneously for some mad reason.

We also had the treat of experiencing a pack of prairie coyotes on the prowl, as they howled in the dead of the night. We had coyotes back in Kelowna, but these prairie "yotes" really sounded close, and hungry.

Chow for now!!

Monday, September 11, 2006

Wow! Late start again for the blog. I'm really starting to be a total slacker lately...

Well, today is our first full day in our newest home, without having to chase around town, or leave the province. If all goes well, we may even get another room put back together today. So far, we've got a bedroom and a TV room somewhat set up, which for a man is essentially complete and total success.

Of course, we needed the bedroom so as to be able to catch 40 winks, or whatever that old saying suggests. And the TV room, well it HAD to be ready for the big Rockstar: Supernova finale, beginning tonight and taking three full, agonizing days to conclude. Longer even than Banjo Quest 2006!

Gotta run. My wife is anxious to set up her table hockey game, and pool table...

Chow for now!!

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Sleeping Above A Nightclub
My wife and I are up pretty early today, for a Sunday morning. We have to catch a flight back to Calgary, after a very quick weekend trip to Kelowna. I had to be in Kelowna this weekend as a presenter for International Literacy Day, at the big downtown library. Are we all up to speed now??
At any rate, the prospect of a return visit to Kelowna made me a little nostalgic, having been away now for almost 7 whole weeks. If we were going to stay, why not stay in a lovely little vintage hotel, known locally as The El. The El Dorado.
The only problem was, when I called to book a room, it was less than vacant. The only room with a balcony facing the lake was right above the bar - "a little bit noisy". How noisy could it be??
Checking in, we noticed the little chair in front of the antique desk was tapping its toes to the music below. Then it really got into the swing of things, and started to hop like your average hippity-hop music star, over to the bedside across the room. Exchanging wide-eyed glances, my wife and I realized just how noisy it could be...
As luck would have it though, once we settled into bed, and became gently massaged by the thumping of the music below, the exhaustion from three straight days of moving anxiety allowed us both to attain a deep state of unconsciousness, despite Gnarls Barkley howling about how "Crazy" he might be, on the floor below us.
Rule # 1 for sleeping above a nightclub: Medication, or exhaustion. Either one will do the trick!
Chow for now!!

Saturday, September 09, 2006

I have determined that God must be Swedish. Why else would there be the wonderland for mankind that is IKEA??

At the risk of a product placement of sorts in today’s blog, those IKEA stores are absolutely CRAZY, man!! I defy someone to ever get in and out of one in less than an hour. They are the retail equivalent of a Lay’s potato chip…

And I can’t eat just one of those…

Never mind that you will likely never see every product offered for sale in an IKEA store, no matter how much time you spend in one. Never mind that you WILL find things you would likely never, ever need over the course of your life, in that store. Standing ultimately at the checkout with an industrial-strength buggie, you will be giddy with excitement. You will run to your car, anxious to return home and begin what will likely be 3-4 hours putting together wood. Wood that may one day resemble a book shelf - maybe even a canoe. It’s a crapshoot whenever you use instructions printed in Swedish…

God, while clearly Swedish to my determination, has also likely never moved. I seem to recall his address as being Heaven, ever since I was a kid. Moving, I suspect, is the devil’s work…

Chow for now!!

Friday, September 08, 2006

Another quickie today, although not as fun a quickie as those of you with active imaginations may be thinking. We have just discovered that checkout time here in our suite is 10:00 AM!!! Do they have any idea how many pairs of shoes we have to move out of here by then!!!

Yes, our hotel days are at an end. We've left the forwarding address with housekeeping though, so that they will be able to continue the exemplary work at our new residence.

Chow for now!!

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Late today, and it'll be a short one, much like both our tempers today. Moving is the most insane thing people can do...

We are getting our house put together today, after getting just the master bedroom set up last night. Neither one of us cared to sleep on top of moving boxes.

So, back to the grind. More tomorrow!!

Chow for now!

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Day One of our three-day moving extravaganza went well, yesterday. Pretty much we just got in, which was exciting enough in and of itself. The wife and I have a loooow bar set for thrills...

Yesterday was also our last opportunity to decide where the furniture for each room will go, when it arrives today. Great exercise in theory, but we’ll see how it works (in true application) when the stuff arrives. The sectional just may not work in the foyer.

This is where you need these household geniuses (genii??) that populate TV shows like Sell This House, or While You Were Out – people that just know deep in their hearts that a macramé penguin doesn’t have a place in a formal dining room…That said, I just may hold my ground there.

Thus also begins our transformation from urbanites to suburbanites. The hustle and bustle of downtown will be replaced by the hustle and flow of rush hour traffic, better known as trickle and idle…

We have actual professional movers involved, which begs several questions:

1) Do I need to wear something other than a bathrobe and slippers while they are hauling hernias into the house??
2) Is it proper motivation for the movers if I stand by the front door and quip: “Let’s put some elbow grease in there, buddy…”
3) Should I take more than 15-16 minutes to decide where sofas and granite tables should be placed, as the movers try not to set them down??
4) Is my blue Hawaiian shirt comfy enough to wear, while watching the movers??
5) Who will survive the cut tonight on Rockstar: Supernova??
6) Why DO banjos only have four strings??

Chow for now??

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

That there, my friends, is a Dixie Chick. The one that pays a banjo…

Sometime over the next few weeks we’ll be seeing The Dixie Chicks live, in concert. Again.

Well, to be fair, we didn’t really see them all that much the first time around. Back when they first exploded onto the country music scene, they appeared at the big outdoor Merritt Mountain Music Festival, in BC.

However, enroute to their debut tour, my dear and lovely spouse was running a little late. There’s a wealth of well-worn clichés for someone that runs consistently late to virtually everything, but let’s just say that by the time we finally made it down to the concert area, the Chicks were strumming the final chords of their last song.

So, this upcoming show is a chance to see them in their entirety this time, and now with my new-found love of the banjo, I’ll likely enjoy the show so much more. Thanks Hon!!

Today, well, today is also possession day. After months of living in a temporary accommodation, we are finally getting the keys to a house. We’ll get to see our personal belongings again. I am giddy with excitement. I am goofy with anticipation.

I am going to physio…

Chow for now!!

Monday, September 04, 2006

Having a bad hair day, which is ironic, considering how little I have left….

Not the greatest start to a Labor Day that hasn’t already been very good to begin with. First, we have discovered that we don’t get the annual Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy telethon here in our suite, so we miss that star-studded funfest for a good cause.

Then (and we had already heard about this last night, but it’s all over the news this morning) – famed animal expert Steve Irwin was accidentally killed while on vacation. What’s next?? A plague of locusts???

At least the weekend was not without some high points. We had some family stop by while on a little driving vacation of their own, although a week ahead of getting to see or stay in our new home. We had a chance to catch up a couple of times, and let me tell you, good times were had by all. What happens on vacation, stays on vacation…

So, today is officially our last full day here in what has come to stand in for a home the last few months, but with an elevator. We’ll still stay in for the next few nights, so we can keep up on Rockstar: Supernova, until we get our cable connected. As much as we look forward to having a roof of our own over our head, we ain’t missing our Supernova…

Well, back to the holiday programming. Local channels have “best of” breakfast broadcasting, and the major TV networks are featuring faceless weekend wonders, anchoring the stories of the day.

Chow for now!!

Sunday, September 03, 2006

The humble toaster is one of the simplest appliances you’ll ever get to use. Pop in a piece of bread, whistle for a few seconds, and voila!! Toast!

We are on our second toaster in this suite of ours, and thank the stars that we are finally getting out of here, into our house soon. For a simple appliance, both of these toasters have offered up a reasonable amount of aggravation.

The last one, which we tried to hobble along with, toasted just one side of a slice of bread. Perfectly, albeit, but one side perfect, the other side still just bread made for an interesting breakfast. The bread side typically didn’t even get warm, often causing general confusion and distress to my highly-attuned taste buds.

We had hoped to get through the last few days of our stay by just ignoring this appliance anomaly, but the morning I buttered the wrong side of the end product, and my peanut butter just kind of lingered without melting in, I had it. I had my wife write a scathing note for housekeeping, demanding a toaster that was capable of browning BOTH sides of a slice of bread. I don’t think she even said “please”…

Within the day, we had a shiny new (new to us, but still old) appliance.

The replacement toaster started off with much promise. For a couple of days, I enjoyed some of the most professionally cooked toast I’ve ever had.

And now, I have masterfully built up the tension to today’s piece, inserted red herrings in my plot, and you are clearly awaiting the payoff – the curveball.

Sorry, the toaster is still working pretty damn well….

Chow for now!

Postscript: I've been informed that the note left for housekeeping was neither scathing, nor even all that serious in nature. It even had a happy face.


Saturday, September 02, 2006


-One set of marbles.

These marbles are used - well-worn. Not sure of the sizes, but I have to assume that they range from small to average.

The marbles were last seen…boy, that’s a good question…I’ll have to confer with the Mrs. there…

These marbles have great sentimental value, as I have had them since I was a young boy. Not always the most reliable marbles in the world, but my marbles nonetheless.

Should you come across these marbles, I am offering a reward of my deepest gratitude, and eternal thanks. I know it’s not much in the big scheme of things, but until I recover these marbles, it was the best I could think of. And you might not find them all in one place, as they have been rather scattered lately.

Help me recover my marbles. Keep a keen and vigilant eye as you go about your day. That shiny round object you might see sitting on your rumpus room sofa watching reruns of V.I.P. just might be one of my sorely-missed marbles…

Chow for now!!

Friday, September 01, 2006

Now that the entire Star Wars series of movies has wrapped up, I worry for Chewbacca.

You have to admit, any of the other actors should be able to find work without much trouble. Even Yoda. After all, who doesn’t need the occasional consult of a wise…man???

What’s the employment market like for a retired Wookie?? For one thing, how do these hairy dudes age?? Are they like humans or dogs? Or is it Wookie years, however the hell you’d figure that out??

Can he convert the advantage of his size to the football field, or is he too old? How many Wookies could it possibly take to change a light bulb, at his height?? Even so, what kind of market is there for gigantic, hairy light bulb changers??

I imagine Chewbacca could pose as the “before” pictures in electrolysis ads, but you’d have to find just the right model for the “after” picture to be convincing.

Does Chewie have a second wind in his career with this new TV show – “Celebrity Duets”?? I know he wasn’t ever much on coherent word use (“aggrrhhhggrrhhh” was his most common uttering), but how many three-syllable words would you need to know to front Van Halen??

With his substantial physique, Chewbacca could consider a career as a mover. He likely wouldn’t need any other helpers.

He might also make a pretty decent union negotiator. Who’d get lippy at a grizzly bear with decent posture and a set of ammo belts around his shoulders??

Help me out here folks. While other characters from the Star Wars series are making the talk show circuit, and appearing at dinner theatres in Moose Jaw and Minot, I see no Wookie anywhere. While other characters are dealing with snakes on planes, Chewbacca is conspicuously absent from the radar. Does Hollywood need another "Revenge Of The Wolfman" movie?? He'd be a natural!

If you can think of any employment options for a used Wookie, let me know, and we’ll post them here, and forward the best on to his agent.

Chow for now!!