thatdanguy's podcast

thatdanguy's podcast
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Monday, February 28, 2011

If you can believe Google Analytics, this blog is being read on four of the seven continents. Kinda makes sense when compared to my podcast interview series, which has downloads recorded via their own tracking, plus i-Tunes, indicating listeners coast-to-coast across North America, the UK, Germany, France, China and most recently – Japan. I think I can attribute the Japanese connection to author Will Ferguson, who has some history there (along with family, if I’m not mistaken).

This sort of news buoys me up slightly, after some of the disappointments from last night’s Academy Awards. Unlike the Grammy Awards, which ROCKED this year, the Oscars seemed lost in the wilderness. Some nice surprises, some pleasing (and expected) wins, but mostly a muddle. I think the moral of the story is that you need an entertainer to host, not just popular stars either young or old.

Maybe some cut-aways to Charlie Sheen ranting would have spiced things up a bit?

Maybe I should offer Charlie up for next year’s duties? Hey, if they want edgy…

On a positive note, the Calgary Flames won their match-up last nite, so The “C” of Red gets closer and closer to joining the playoffs this year. Who’da thunk it?

Chow for now!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Looks like one of the few strands keeping me digitally sane may be unraveling, which can’t bode well for my own mental threads…

The past month or so, my little net-book has been acting funky. Running Windows XP, it has allowed me to post these daily dribbles and drabbles, as well as let me jump on to a computer without: a) waiting 90 minutes for it to boot up, and b) not having to use Windows Vista 24-7.

Well, it started with poor battery life. I used to get a week with my limited access, but now as soon as I turn it on the battery ion starts to visibly drain like an hourglass. I’m actually lucky to GET an hour out of it. Kind of defeats the purpose of being a laptop.

Now, it’s also gotten as sluggish as Dagwood Bumstead’s friend and hammock-loving neighbour – I may as well hit a key, then go grab a coffee before I try and type the next one – It’s about as speedy as an anchor stuck in fresh mud. Never used to be that bad.

Worse, it now flashes other programs briefly in the background. Let’s say I go to open a Word doc – I’ll see a flash of something like Windows Media Player appear for a millisecond, then vanish as quickly as the apparition appeared. Also, when I actually click on Windows Media Player, it takes a few tries to conjure it up from the ether before it actually arises from the grave to load.

I had a glimpse recently of Windows 7. I’m not sure if it was just an oasis for a man dying of thirsty in a digital desert, but it sure seemed to be a slick operating system. Then again, my toaster looks like a slick operating system compared to what I’m working with right now.

Why couldn’t I have been born wealthy, instead of just attractive, wise, witty, flexible-for-my-age, and patient????

Chow for now…

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken…)

Failed GLEE Auditions, # 12, 897

 – featuring Cornelius D. Chicken”

Climb every mountin’,

Search hives below,

Follow country highways,

Every path and corn row.


Climb every mountin’,

Ford and Hyundai,

Follow pretty rainbows,

'Till you find your ice cream.



Till you find ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!!”


Cluck fer now…

Friday, February 25, 2011

Better go get the chicken…”

No, that’s not a farmer speaking, or an employee at a Canadian KFC restaurant trying to stretch one of their elderly anorexic hens into a couple of 20-piece bucket measl. That’s just the typical approach to a weekend, here in the Such Is Life household.

I actually use that “fetch-the-bird” phrase around here as often as I mutter “@!*#ing Windows Vista!!” An inanimate rubber chicken that posts here on the weekend remains (according to Google Analytics at least) the single most popular feature of this blog, the next closest being my entertainment reviews. I am being upstaged in my own space by a rubber chicken. So this is how my life as a humour writer has unfolded…swell.

Well, at least people are reading – so many bloggers would kill to have the audience that follows Charlie, although glancing at some of those countries, I wonder if maybe readers are either simply salivating at the possibility of said chicken on a rotisserie, or are tuning in each week to see just not wacky the photographer is with location shoots (of much concern to Mrs. That Dan Guy, let me tell you…).

Well, let him shine I say – doing this gig daily, it’s nice to get at least one day off, even if it is to let a delusional chicken rant.

Chow for now!!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

As Mrs. That Dan Guy frequently mumbles around here, nothing seems to be sacred when it comes to mining material for laughs in this space – or as she refers to it – wholesale family embarrassment.

So, imagine my reaction yesterday when she proposed a joint blog/Twitter/Facebook project, which will likely raise my own revealing conversations here by a substantial degree. I’m not at liberty to reveal details yet, and this may not even come to pass, but I will admit that she’s on to a pretty good idea.

Piqued your curiosity? Stay tuned folks – never a dull moment in the Such Is Life household…

Chow for now!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

“Move Over Mrs. Markham”

Stage West Calgary
Jane Noble
J.Sean Elliott

Hey, my interview with a couple of the cast members of this delightful comedy is now available for free downloading!


a) Convert this page to an RSS Feed, which I have yet to see work properly myself…

b) Consult your local Conjurer, to access it via the ether,

c) Just click THIS link:  (probably the easiest),

d) Subscribe for free on i-Tunes, searching for “thatdanguy’s podcast”.

All this on the heels of discovering yesterday that my Calgary Herald review was picked up online by…THE NATIONAL POST!

Not saying I was a tad giddy about that, but I posted links everywhere online I could find, including a site proposing to cure foot fungus. That admittedly may have been ill-advised….

Enjoy! The interview was a gas!!

Chow for now…

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

02 22 11…hmmm…

Well, just about done editing my latest audio interview – the link will definitely be here for tomorrow morning. Fastest half-hour ever – these folks were a delight to chat with!

As a bit of a sneak preview, check out actor/singer/songwriter J. Sean Elliott’s website:

He’ll be performing here in Calgary on Feb 28 between shows at Stage West, and you can get an idea of what to expect right on that homepage.

Is that all I’ve got??

Yup, seems to be…

Chow for now!!

Monday, February 21, 2011

Even without actually attending this year’s Heritage Classic (annual outdoor NHL hockey game), it was impossible to avoid coming into contact with it yesterday.

Ferrying around Mrs. That Dan Guy for her work, attending to an interview of my own (hoping that will be posted online later today, tomorrow the latest), it was everywhere – no big surprise, knowing how near hockey in Canada is to a fanatical religious experience…

I tuned in to a local AM radio station (AM!! How quaint is that?) that was carrying the broadcast. Driving home at one point, I realized I was passing our Canadian Football League’s McMahon Stadium (NOT named after Ed McMahon, to the best of my knowledge) where the game was being played. Glancing over, the crowd was nothing short of astounding - tens of thousands of human popsicles encased in parkas, toques, and frostbite. Hardy souls, Canadian sports fans…

After all the build-up, when we got back home, we watched the game on TV until both tuners of our PVR went to competing recordings. Not sure if it was our weekly animated Garfield cartoons, or another infomercial by Joan Rivers, but it prevented us from catching the end – didn’t matter, our hometown Calgary Flames emerged victorious!!

Yee-Haw!! Vive Le Hockey!

Chow for now…

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Chicken Scratch

(posted by a disgruntled weekend guest blogger, Charlie “Low-On-Patience” Chicken)

Hmmph….so THIS is why I got bumped yesserday?? Big deal – so Banjo Boy knows howta spell…



Ennertainment? I know a thing or two about ennertainment!

My favourite jazz musician iz Chick Corea. There’s a pretty good blues singer in New Orleens named Rooster. An wuzn’t there a classik rock band named “Atomic Rooster” – now THERE’S some talented pluckers!


Mebbe I oughta revive my high school noosepaper column, “Poultry Scat”! I could show summa these hoomans howta appreciate the finer aspecks a tha musical werld!


Ya want classy ennertainment? How about “Ain’t Nobody Here But Us Chickens”?

Or tha United Brotherhood A Poultry Feathers’ national anthem – “The Chicken Dance”???

I got yer class – right here!!


Ah, mebbe it is a good effort – fer a hooman…

Lemme try and figire out that turkey’s password again – I got me some writin’ chops ta dust off!

Cluck fer now…

(Editor's Note: PLEASE scroll down to yesterday's post, for a link to something clearly above Charlie's feeble head. And check back soon for my audio interview with some of the cast!)

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Naughty farce delivers laughs (Calgary Herald, 19 Feb 2011, Page E2)

As promised, here's the official Calgary Herald review - hot off the digital press!!

Naughty farce delivers laughs
Calgary Herald
19 Feb 2011

It may take two to tango, but in Ray Cooney and John Chapman’s popular sex farce, Move Over Mrs. Markham, it takes about six to set up a frenzied dance contest in an uncharacteristically busy English flat. Two married couples, an au pair and a more...

Friday, February 18, 2011

Did I post a link to this month's real estate/general humour column yet? I don’t think I did – I’m pretty sure I linked it to my Twitty, or Tweety, or whatever the heck those twittering things are called.

Just to be on the safe side (and in case you missed it) (and because it gets me off the hook for today’s post), click on this link to see mangled phrases and erroneous word use:


Chow for now…

Thursday, February 17, 2011

It appears that the well has finally run dry – late-nite TV infomercial providers have clearly run out of ways to help us improve our woe-begotten lives.

The same people that found ways to help us hapless humans muddle through vegetable chopping and survive frigid nights in our own homes by sewing sleeves onto velour blankets are now pitching ideas that absolutely indicate the creative minds behind the products are kaput.

The most recent infomercial running (at least here in Canada) attempts to help those of us that are too incompetent to water plants, or reach things higher than our belly button. In sweeping graphic demonstrations, the marketers unveil…a flippin’ pulley. A big, black hideously ugly pulley, to allow anyone with the mental faculty of a toothbrush to pull down hanging planters to water the contents, rather than find a step stool. Bad enough we weren’t competent enough to find ways to clear up spills before Sham-Wow, now we may be endangering our lives reaching up to water plants. Where do I send my $19.99, and PLEASE, let me know before midnight tonight!

The guy with a warehouse full of 59-cent pulleys must be hoping that PT Barnum was right – there’s a sucker born every second…

Chow for now!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I remember when Conan O’Brien was a popular late-nite TV host, a terrific writer with credits on “SNL” & “The Simpsons”, and not just a cause celebre buoyed along by a fan base that only stirred when it seemed he was a done-wrong-by underdog.

Reading the online drama over Jay versus Conan versus NBC gets better all the time. The "ratings" for each show appear to be jumbled in a stew of whatever is most convenient to make each camp’s case – which is still all about done-wrong-by underdog O’Brien. I wish I was so done-wrong-by – I could buy a whole lot of bologna with over $30, 000,000…

This ramble is really brought on by watching a rare episode of O’Brien’s latest show on…TBS? BLT? DOA? I tuned in because I noticed his guest for the episode was my own personal favourite late-nite host (in a three-way tie, but I won’t tell you the other two just yet), Craig Ferguson. I expected a lot with these two, but after fast-forwarding through the “monologue” (I use that term very, very loosely), and then fast-forwarding even faster through some inane banter after the commercial break (was there a sketch too? I just wanted it to be over), Ferguson joined the frivolities. And things just never developed from there.

OK, this is all simply my own opinion, but regularly catching snippets of Leno’s Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, Letterman, and Ferguson, I don’t expect Conan’s vaunted Team Coco will buoy this turkey along much longer. Sue me, but I just don’t think he has the goods anymore. Maybe it was the groundswell of support from viewers he never had while he was hosting The Tonight Show. Maybe it was misplaced confidence when curiosity seekers and fellow albinos tuned in the first week on…what network is he on? TNT? OCD? XYZ?

Maybe I lost my point midway through that first comparison. Who really knows? At any rate, I predict here in writing for all the world (or at least four people) that you better tune in now, I think Conan may soon need to be practicing for a gig on satellite radio. Go ahead, call me a Negative Nelly - it's better than what the Conanites will be saying...

Chow for now!!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

In The News Now:

Reports are indicating that earlier today, an unidentified person had a great fall. We deem it necessary to indicate that “had a great fall” is meant to say that this person fell. Not that he was enjoying a delightful autumn.

And by “fall”, that is to say that this person literally fell. From a wall.

In attendance at the scene, all the king’s horses, and all the kings men. Couldn’t seem to be able to put this fellow back together again. Until we receive official word from hospital officials, we must presume that despite scrambling to assist, the victim may have succumbed to injuries from his fall.

Stay tuned for updates as this develops.

In related news, Lady Gaga appears at Grammy Awards in egg-shaped encasing.

Chow for now…

Monday, February 14, 2011

Stage West Calgary
Move Over Mrs. Markham
Ray Cooney & John Chapman

The Monday Morning “Somebody-Asked-Me-To, So-Here-I-Go” Theatre Review:
Move Over Mrs. Markham”,
at Calgary’s Stage West Theatre Restaurant.

Ah, the grand old British sex farce – a genre that has launched thousands of TV sitcoms, countless risqué movies, and delighted theatre-goers for decades. Even after debuting back in 1969, this production didn’t seem to lose anything in this most recent remounting at Stage West, judging by the reaction of the enthusiastically appreciative audience.

Remounting may not be such a bad turn of phrase with respect to this show either, considering the amount of thwarted “mountings” attempted as the play chugs through both acts. While the first half focuses on building up the blocks that will absolutely tumble towards the conclusion, the second act holds the hearty laughs that form the payoff for the audience. Even at 42 years old and counting, the gags and premises still resonate, a testimony I’d say to the writers of this production.

In a nutshell, a trio of star-crossed couples attempting to couple (some in full flagrant infidelity) find a number of wacky, escalating circumstances preventing their efforts. Along with some fine supporting cast members, the main actors absolutely dive in and infuse the roles with the dynamics that start you off in light chuckling, building to outright belly-laughs. I’ve got a whole new appreciation on the under-utilized art of goosing, and hope to employ maybe the “Canadian Goose” technique sometime this week, to see how much my spouse might appreciate the playful gesture. Hoooonk!!

Once my official (much more descriptive, far more professional) Calgary Herald review appears online, I’ll post the link here to direct you to that resource. And, over the next week I’ll be sitting down with some cast members for my ongoing audio interview series, which you can access by clicking on that photo montage at the top of this page. Check back soon for those features

Until that time, take my word for it – if you’re in the Calgary area (or plan to be) you won’t be disappointed here if you’re in the market for a good saucy sex romp.
Uh, or enjoying a terrific play about that…I really need to work on my clarification skills…

Chow for now!!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

You know, I really need to take just ONE day, one day where I make the effort to reload my main website now that I have it transferred over to a new host. I suppose my lack of motivation might stem from all the things now available right here on this site – even links to my Twitterings. Or Tweets. Or poppycock – whatever you want to call them.

Plus we are otherwise occupied still with far more important matters – like “when will there be a movie version of Wheel Of Fortune”, “was there ever a Windows 6”, and “how much wood DOES a woodchuck chuck”?

So much to grapple with, so little time. As they say though, why put off until tomorrow what you can put off today?

Chow for now…

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken…)

Happy Weekend, hoomans!

Hey, I got a surprise gift inna mail, and I hafta admit, I’m kinda scratchin’ my head over it…


Near as I can figger, itsa eye dropper, but it surely ain’t sized fer the average chicken – unless tha chicken is maybe Paul pluckin' Bunyan!


It could also be fer ear drops, or other orifices I ain’t cluckin’ inclined to consider, if ya know wut I mean…


I’ll find some use fer it, maybe a IV drip fer whiskey? A beaker fer Bud Lite?

It’s probably some cluckin’ practikal joke, but fer the life a me, it don make much sense. I’ll surf tha Googler later, see if I can determine wut the heck it might be.

Fer now, it gives me sumthin ta reach the stuff on tha upper shelf here in tha kitchen. So long, Cheezies! Yer mine now!!


Cluck fer now…

Friday, February 11, 2011

02 11 11…interesting…

Hey, a cheater post today!

Check out my monthly column:

Fun with words…

Chow for now!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Today there will be a candlelight vigil in honour of my late sister-in-law, who continues to inspire and comfort even after she has passed on. Expect a large turnout for that event…

Chow for now…

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Today’s blog post has been nominated for the “1st Annual Sterling P. Silverware Award For Insight, Observation, & General Cleanliness”. What an honour, and that’s without even having posted it yet!

I know I’m the dark horse in this category, and it would simply be incredible if I pulled off the upset and won, but in case I don’t, I’d like to thank a few people who have made today’s post here possible:

1) First off, Benjamin Franklin, for inventing electricity. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to use electronic devices in this modern age without someone having the foresight to invent electricity first. Thanks Ben!

2) Second, evolution, for allowing us to drop our tails, and become proficient with that big word that our thumbs are so well-known for. Prehensile? Ambidextrous? Wiggly? Whatever, it’s what sets us apart from animals without hands.

3) Lastly, Alexander Speller, who invented spelling. That made sentences flow so much better. And made them easy to understand.

I thank you all, and look forward to next year’s awards…

Chow for now!

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Some days are diamonds, some days are dust, which is a polite reference to the bullshit and gall capacity of human beings.

In other words, the classic comedy line: “Aside from that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?”

Chow for now…

Monday, February 07, 2011

02 07 11

Hey, it’s 7-11 today? No wonder I feel like a Slurpee™®©!!

You know, this marriage of social media forms I’m dabbling in this year is getting a bit ridiculous.

First, I awake and post a comment via Twitter to Facebook every morning before driving Mrs. That Dan Guy to work. I return from that (a little later today thanks to an overnight snowstorm) and get this site up and running.

All these virtual tidbits will eventually point to my podcast, my LinkedIn, my Youtube channel, my Farmer’s Almanac projected 2012 daily horoscope and radiated infra-red rainbow chakras. Eventually I’ll be streaming my nightly R.E.M. wave patterns, and offering MP3’s of my bi-weekly singing in the shower. Clearly, nothing is sacred anymore.

However, this is reality for aspiring writers now, as we compete with not only fellow scribblers, but free content online, such as unknown amateur stardom-seekers whacking themselves in the gentles with garden rakes for voyeurs at the office to giggle at instead of getting reports in on time. Egads.

What the hell, I am having fun while while I do it, and I don’t have to step on a garden rake until well after lunch, so…let the games begin!!!!

Chow for now!

Sunday, February 06, 2011

Just before the weekend, I used Skype for the very first time. I know! And how about them space-age cell phone thingies??

Anyhow, after avoiding it as long as I could (yet another technology trying to thin my hair and make it even greyer), I have to admit – it was pretty cool.

The only downside is that when you happen to glance down at the little monitor image of yourself, you will note that:

1) If you are unkempt, you must immediately excuse yourself from the call to put on a hat and/or pants.

2) If you are sitting in front of a poster of scantily-clad women (or men) (or farm animals) (or Justin Bieber) you should really swing the webcam around to a more neutral view of the curtains or a bookcase.

3) Remember that when you start to close your eyes, or roll them upwards as if to say your video chat partner is a completely boring delusional lunatic, they can see you very clearly.

4) Lifting your cheeks to pass gas is also completely evident to the person you are chatting with.

Aside from the odd faux pas or two, this is a totally cool way to be right in the same virtual room as someone. Now I’ll actually be able to SEE my mother ask me why I don’t have a real job.

Chow for now!!

Saturday, February 05, 2011

Chicken Scratch

(posted by handyman, guest blogger, and buck-nekked jaybird Charlie Chicken…)

Baby Baby Baby…oh, Baby Baby Baaaaay-beeee….ohhh!”

Whoops! Why, hello my hooman friens! Just doin’ a few upgrades ta tha ole bird bath here – just about done..


Tryin’ ta add some massage jets ta tha shower here, an I think I got it figured. A bird’s gotta stay clean, ya know wut I mean??


Did a few other home reno projects while I wuz off lass weekend – includin’ installin’ a water bed in tha "Luuv Coop". Sure, it may jus be a ole balloon, but as long as ma beak’s pointed up, all’s well!

Poultry Wave!!


Wut else? Oh yeah, I exchanged tha “Chickie Litter” box wit sum more appropriate indoor facilities. Amazin’ wut ya kin do with a empty coffee can an four feet a garden hose…


Better wrap up this project toot sweet – I hear movement upstairs. Hoomans cluckin’ everywhere!!

Cluck fer now!

Friday, February 04, 2011

Still playing ketch-up, mustard been further behind the 8-ball than I thought.

All things considered, we are slowly getting back to “normal” here in the Such Is Life household. After spending time with family the last week or so, we must conclude however that we may not exactly be normal. Well, I am, but that Mrs. That Dan Guy…

A certain chicken will return tomorrow after a brief recess (like the cavity between his ears. Do chickens have ears? I must Google that…). Even missing a weekend, he is still the most visited feature on this site, which I’m thinking may be a real concern.

Anyhow, better get back to the mountain of ketch-up to do. Mayo may not get it all taken care of, but I have to try…

Oh yeah – the Twitter – today, a tribute to Canada’s noble…beaver??? (@thatdanguy1)

Chow for now!

Thursday, February 03, 2011

Thought (hoped) things would be getting back to normal here today. Ha!

Evidently not, as we madly play catch-up after a week away.

So, for a wee bit of funny, wander over and check me out on Twitter (@thatdanguy1). Two-For-One today!

Until tomorrow,

Chow for now!!

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Oh give me a home,

Where the buffalo roam…

Where buffalo are roaming? For Pete’s sake, who needs to have hulking hairy smelly beasts wandering around everywhere? Never mind the mess they must leave behind, especially depending on their diet.

Let’s try this again…

Oh give me a home,

Where roast beef sandwiches roam.

And cold beer, a little cantaloupe on a tray…

Yeah, that sounds better. And now, I’m hungry…

Chow for now!!

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Where does the time go? It’s been a week today already since we lost two family members, and it feels like just a day could possibly have elapsed since. Winding things down, there’s still a couple more days before things get back to normal in this space.

As always (as of late), you can veer over to Twitter, and find out what Joan Of Arc was musing about, in a historical Lost Tweet Found (@thatdanguy1).

Chow for now…