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Friday, May 31, 2013

"A new Survery SHows..."

I love reading the news scrolls on the morning news shows. I have even applied for a few jobs over the years for advertised postings, as having been a writer for so long, the glorified roles like "news producer" are really just typing out the rolling scrolls that fill the screen below the anchors.

However, I am not a child of a network exec, nor am I 19, so I could not possibly be qualified for such a challenge as writing a short sentence teasing about upcoming news bits.

No, I would only know that there is no such word as "survery", and that typically you only capitalize the FIRST letter in most words.

God Bless Nepotism and the continued aversion to following the law regarding hiring based on bias towards age. As Richard Dawson used to say, "survery says - Morons!!"


Thursday, May 30, 2013

Humid Here...

Well, rainy. Rain rain rain.

Not that I'm complaining!

We complain about the snow, and this is nowhere near as bad. And the heat - well,  I guess we're just weather-whiners...don't care much for heat unless we're holding drinks with little umbrellas in them.

So what might be the optimum weather conditions, you may well ask?

Like unicorns or a welcome ultimate end to The Kardashians' collective careers - I'm not so sure such a thing even exists. So, we whine.

However, if this rain lets up over the weekend (Ha!) there is a cigar and a glass of "wine" without the "h" with my name on it!



Wednesday, May 29, 2013

One Is The Loneliest Number....

Although if Two doesn't wise up, I won't be spending much more time with HIM either!

Now that I think about it, Three isn't exactly the life of the party at the best of times.

One's got company, is all I'm sayin'.


Tuesday, May 28, 2013


I think I have finally connected the dots with why I personally see 11 all the time, in one format or another.

I never thought it was goofy like so many of the explanations you can find online on Google searches, although to other people, it may seem just as goofy as those alien portal theories.

However, last night I awoke three times, and it all ended up being related, after I had a chance to piece everything together.

It also brings the two constants in my life together, my writing and my interest in music - which was something I had already suspected, but now seems all too obvious. And a compelling call to action...

Too tired to get into it all right now, but I need to heed the message, and get busy with what it was telling me. I've had 2 projects sitting on the operating table downstairs for ages that have just become one large one...

This must have been what Ronald McDonald felt like, when he heard the call of the discount hamburger, and built an empire. Pretty sure that's how the Big Mac story goes.....


Monday, May 27, 2013

Aftermath, Calgary Marathon Volunteering...

Well, Mrs. That Dan Guy and I volunteered for The Canadian Diabetes Association yesterday in support of their Team D, at The Calgary Marathon.

You really have to give it to anyone that has the determination to run even part of that event. Crazy commitment and dedication.

Meanwhile, after handing out water, Gatorade and sponges, plus picking up debris for about 5 hours yesterday, we came home limping and battered. Tried to watch a bit of TV, but both fell asleep. Officially crawled upstairs to have an official nap, but every step seemed higher than the last, and every effort to reach those heights became more of a challenge. I swear someone added a couple of flights, WHILE we were scaling to the summit...

We literally felt like we had a jumbo jet land on us.

After the nap, still stiff and sore. Resided on the couch until we felt confident we could climb the stairs one last time.

Slept like babies on tranquilizers.....



Sunday, May 26, 2013

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest "thinker" Charlie Chicken...)



Ackshually, I gots LOTS a idee-as....

How about a Kentucky Fried Hoomans franchise?? Let's see how hoomans like it when chickens is nibblin' on battered knuckles fer Happy Hour!!


How about hoomans tape THEM SELVS dancin'?? "Chicken Dance" mah poultry-bump covered behind!!!

Lotsa hoomans look like they's bin elecktro-cuted when they dance too!!


How about some fashunable clothin' fer chickens? Do ya think we LIKE to be nekked all the time?? These feathers could use sum lug-zurious wool or cotton, juss like them upright hairless apes get ta wear!! If ya gave a couple a hens a workshop, we'd have big-name fashun designers too!

Like...I don know - Clucker Dior, or Oscar DeeLa Rooster!


Feather Dusters??

How wood YOU like it if ah came an plucked ya clean??

How about sum hooman contrabushuns??

* Nostril Hair Duster
* Beard Pluck Pillow
* Butt thanks - yew kin keep THAT!!


Yeah, tha cluckin' light bulb went off taday!!


Cluck fer now.... 

Friday, May 24, 2013

Post Title

That is the greyed-out instructive couple of words that appear in the space above, thanks to the newest layout at Blogger.

I'm about 97% sure it is intended to guide bloggers to put some sort of title in the space that will assist in search optimization, drawing potential readers to their site.

I also worry it could be a requirement for proper salutation of fence posts:

General Picket

Admiral Chicken-Wire

Acting Manager, Electrified Fencing

See what I mean??

Soooo confusing.


Thursday, May 23, 2013

Jerry Lewis Fans - Thanks!


Usually my entertainment posts bubble up and linger for a few days. My Google Analytics indicate that my review of An Evening With Jerry Lewis is STILL the top page view here, and nothing seems about to overtake it anytime soon.

Well, maybe Charlie on the weekend - that bird has a fan base that is simply inexplicable....

At any rate, now that Carol Burnett has had the good fortune to have been chosen for a Mark Twain Prize, it may well be time to mount a Jerry Lewis online campaign for the same recognition.

Shameless?? Well, maybe - but also well deserved for Mr. Lewis....

And if it brings a few readers here...hey....



Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Go Carol!

OK, I'm late to the party on this, but thrilled to discover that Carol Burnett will receive the Mark Twain Prize For Humor!!! Click below:

Prize announcement...

This steers the event back to people that have made the kind of contribution that has stood the test of time, rather than just being popular for the last couple of weeks.

I exaggerate, but what I mean is, people like Ms. Burnett (and Jerry Lewis) may not be top-of-mind for the younger generation, but let's be serious - the younger generation moves on as soon as they discover ANOTHER yawning cat online. By that barometer, the goat that screams in the Taylor Swift parody video should be the next winner of the Mark Twain prize...

On a side note, I need to look at that list of winners again. We have seen many live - Bob Newhart, Carol Burnett, George Carlin, Steve Martin, Bill Cosby....I think I should compare notes, may have to roll up my sleeves and try to see any that we have missed....


Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Fuzzy Wuzzy Wuz A Bear

Fuzzy Wuzzy had problems. I mean, you pretty much leave yourself wide open to ridicule and taunting when you grow up with a name like Fuzzy Wuzzy.

However, after getting teased and bullied just long enough to ignite his temper, Fuzzy decided to make drastic changes to prevent further discomfort.

He learned to clog, and practiced his clogging in the schoolyard during recess.

He became a  fan of Star Wars, and dressed like a Jedi warrior (at least from the waist up - Fuzzy always wore shorts to school)...

He joined the chess club..............

Wait, was Fuzzy TRYING to get the @#*! beat out of himself?????

This was a  very sad story.....


Monday, May 20, 2013

American Comedy Icons...

After recently catching the iconic Jerry Lewis live, we are soon to be seeing where another American comedy (and so much more) legend blossomed. We expect to finalize plans soon to attend my upcoming writer's conference, which is in Hartford this year - home of The Mark Twain House.

Which also brings up something that has been sticking in my craw for awhile now, The Mark Twain Prize For Humor.

I recognize that the producers need to keep things relevant to younger audiences, but come on. No offense to Will Ferrell, Tina Fey and Ellen Degeneres, but they have all had just a fraction of the career that someone like Jerry Lewis has enjoyed. While he is a bit out of the public consciousness now, he is still producing entertainment, including an upcoming Broadway project.

I need to plan a coordinated effort, but I think it may be time to launch a campaign to see Mr. Lewis receive that Mark Twain Prize - before they start handing them out to runner-ups in open mic contests.

Yes, I believe I must do just that.

Who's with me??


Sunday, May 19, 2013

Getting Back To Normal...

Well, we dropped our niece off at the airport, and now we are slowly starting to get back to normal around here.

First off, Mrs. That Dan Guy can FINALLY get back to practicing her clogging. Even though she only missed a few days, the old legs are clearly labouring this morning...

I am back to my Navy Seal regimen...wait...Navy?? No, sorry, Circus seal - throw me another beach ball...let's play catch!!

While it is always nice to see visiting family, putting up with their quirks can be a challenge. I mean, ask me to pull you finger once, shame on me. Ask me to pull your finger thirty or forty times, I need to start getting more aware of the outcome!!!

Or buy nose plugs...

Good times!


Saturday, May 18, 2013

Chicken Scratch

(posted by a forlorn weekend guest blogger...Charlie "Homeless" Chicken...)


Juss hangin'  out here....

Lookin' at ma bedroomba....


Kicked out thiss weekend. Un-sara-moan-iously dumped from mah coop by a...a...visitor!! 


Why can't tha GUEST sleep under tha cluckin'  hallway stool??


Meanwhile, I's freezin' mah pinfeathers off, sleepin' under a Kleenex, with a bar a soap as a pillow!


Tha's OK - once mah roommates get mah choir- o- pracktor bill, they'll think twice about sweepin'  me outta mah bed, an leavin' me tah fend fer mahself...


I think I honky-tonked mah ba-donka-donk on tha floor....


Cluck fer now....

Friday, May 17, 2013

Jerry Lewis Live (And The Shortest Q & A Ever...)

Jerry Lewis
SouthPoint Hotel

"An Evening With Jerry Lewis"

If you have no idea who Jerry Lewis is, this post likely won't be of much interest to you. If, like myself, you are aware that Mr. Lewis has enjoyed decades of success that would boggle the mind (including a lengthy partnership with the late Dean Martin), then please read on...

Both Mrs. That Dan Guy and I had long hoped to attend one of the annual Muscular Dystrophy Association telethons filmed live from Las Vegas, to at least have a glimpse of this comedy icon in person. After his abrupt dismissal a few years ago, we had put that thought out of our minds.

However, we recently discovered that he had a three-night run with his live show "An Evening With Jerry Lewis", similar to Carol Burnett's appearance here in Calgary that we saw a few years ago. A blend of live comedy, film clip gems from a lengthy career - and an interactive audience Q & A - which has seen in past shows some barbs rather than answers to questions Mr. Lewis doesn't care to respond to. Mostly personal items that he feels are no one's business...

On the comedy side, this presentation is lots of fun. Sure, a bit dated, but the man is 87 for Pete's sake! He did happen to poke some fun with a Toronto reference in one joke, so we felt right at home. 

The balance of the show was worth every (very reasonably priced) nickel - the archive TV and movie clips, the rare footage of escapades with Dean Martin...and if you've never seen their reunion facilitated by Frank Sinatra on the aforementioned telethon after 20 years of avoidance, well it never gets old. 

Plus, the Q & A, where if you click on the link above you will see the short clip embedded where I got to ask Mr. Lewis a question. I'd put this up on YouTube, but without permission, even this link is a bit risky. We'll just have to hope that his management and lawyers are OK with a short clip in the process of writing a review....

Jerry is a busy man these days - he's preparing for the Broadway debut of "The Nutty Professor" this fall, and he's off to Cannes (or back already) for the release of a new film. 

If you are a fan, and there is even a microscopic chance to see him live, jump at it. You will not regret it, and as one of the last of the living legends, you will get an amazing view into entertainment stories and memories that are unforgettable.

What a night.....


Thursday, May 16, 2013

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Canadian Pollsters Are the New "Weather Persons"...

I've always thought that being a weather man HAD to be the absolute best possible job in the world. You never have to be accurate, even in the face of broadcasting live that it will be "sunny, clear and warm" during a torrential downpour.

However, I think being a Canadian political pollster now has the potential to overtake that old plum role as the job with the least possible requirement for any sort of accuracy.

Not so long ago, Alberta pundits and pollsters showed a catastrophic end to the Conservative dynasty here in Alberta. Not only was that prediction as accurate as an Iraqi scud missile, the Conservatives returned with a commanding majority.

Last night, British Columbia had the same exact experience. Polls predicted an NDP crush, yet the liberals took another majority.

I want a job where I can make any bold-faced claim as an expert, with no requirement to have the ultimate outcome land anywhere on the dart board, let alone anywhere close to the bulls-eye.

Maybe I need to hang a shingle, and call myself a political psychic. Almost as good a chance as these so-called experts.

Don't we have any animals here that can pick winners, like that critter down south that picks major league sports wins????


Tuesday, May 14, 2013

The One & Only - Jerry Lewis...

I recently had the chance to ask legendary comedian and humanitarian Jerry Lewis just ONE question - and being Canadian, I ended up making it about someone else. Another Canadian no less.

More tomorrow - today, I have to get to my day job....


Monday, May 13, 2013

Lucky Penny (?)

I was strolling down the road last night, and happened upon a penny lying on the ground.

"Find A Penny, Pick It Up, All The Day You'll Have Good Luck"

As I bent over to pick it up, I felt my back pop - must have aggravated an old gymnast injury from my more agile and robust past...

I could barely straighten back up - which was how I didn't see the cyclist coming right at me. He clearly expected me to jump out of the way, but by the time he brushed alongside me, spilling me into the boulevard, it was probably obvoious to him that I was unaware of his presence...

Lying in the grass, I discovered that I had somehow rolled over onto a wasp nest, built among some decorative wooden railroad ties. Back pain or not, I found the will to get back on my feet, and virtually sprinted like The Roadrunner until I left the stings of those nasty buzzing bastards behind me.

Catching my breath, I discovered that one of my shoes had decided to stay behind - likely already a condo development for the younger, more adventurous wasps. How expensive could it really be to buy a new set of sandals??

Limping back towards my bus stop, I just happened to catch the one piece of broken glass on the sidewalk that wasn't being reflected by the sun. Could I have stepped on that with the foot still wearing protection? Alas, no.

After I picked out the shard, I had no other option but to hop on one leg, until I finally made it to the bus stop, where the bus itself was just pulling away...

It wasn't that long to wait for the next bus, only about 45 minutes. The bleeding had come down by then, and as I hopped up the steps onto the bus, I tried to fish out my wallet from my pocket. However, my left hand was red and swollen - looking more like I was wearing a baseball player's catcher's mitt.

When did I develop a severe allergy to copper???

"Find A Penny, Pick It Up, All The Day You'll Have Good Luck"



Sunday, May 12, 2013

In The Age Of Instant Gratification....

It feels funny to have done something for a writing project, and not be able to post about it here right away.

I mean, I often write two entirely different reviews of some entertainment event or live shows, as I don't want the blog version to be the same as the print media version - yet I also respect the instant access factor that the web allows. Hence the fact I post "breaking" news stories when a lingering pimple finally pops.

What I'm working on this weekend though won't appear till a ways down the road, so I can't do a blog version. Maybe later, after the other has come and gone.

Alas, that is my plight. However, my explanation has still given me a few words here that now allows me to click "publish".

My work here then today is done :-)


Saturday, May 11, 2013

(Classic) Chicken Scratch

(Posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

from the archives:

Chicken Scratch, May 31, 2008

Cluck Fer Now!!

Friday, May 10, 2013

If Turtles Had REALLY Big Heads...

...well, then that whole shell advantage wouldn't be so great, would it??


Thursday, May 09, 2013

Starting To Train Today...

No, that's wrong. Still just taking the car. While we do tend to take the commuter train occasionally, it is  pretty much the norm to use our car to get around everywhere.

In unrelated news - I had nothing this morning...


Tuesday, May 07, 2013


Such Is Life Dictionary

Restitution: A policy for sleep (ie: "our Restitution sets out our granted rights with respect to naps and sleeping...")

Tomorrow: Institution


Monday, May 06, 2013

And Lo....

That's kind of a funny story-telling gimmick right there.

"And Lo..."

What about high?

Where's the middle ground?

Do any sentences that begin with "and lo..." ever go sideways??

"and lo, there was then a post..."


Sunday, May 05, 2013

Sparkle, or Spackle...

Spackle is that innocuous product that is painted on ceilings. Sparkle was a major motion picture starring the late Whitney Houston, and other people.

Having recently watched Sparkle after PVR'ing it, I can see why it went almost directly to video. Spackle lasts years, Sparkle lasted a little under two hours.

Given a choice - a fork in the road so to speak - I would watch Spackle, given half a chance....


Saturday, May 04, 2013

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken....)

Howdy hoomans! Happy Saturday mornin' ta ya all!!


Me? Ohh, ah'm juss chillin' in...mah new HOT TUB!!!

Yessir, I gots me a stait-a-tha-ark hot tub on e-Bay, an ah'm juss takin' it fer a tess drive rite now!


Mite get a better feel fer performance if it had water init, but wut tha hey!

Lookin' at this pitcher, now I ain't so shoor it will have enough room for tha chicks, tho...


Wonder if I kin add a coupla levels??

And that heater, right by mah giblets.....


Mebbe I oughta try gettin' mah money back....


Where's tha plug-in???


Well well well....

Ah think ole Charlie wuz DOOPED!!

Ma chickenly wiles didn't proteck me, an let this be a lessin ta ALL of you - bad things happen to good peeple!!


Goldang it, now I gotta try and get mah butt outta here....

Uhhh....a little help???


Is that mah cell phone way over there.........????

Kin sum one call 9-11??


Here we go again....

Cluck fer now..... 

Friday, May 03, 2013

Crusty Buns

So, in typical That Dan Guy form, a day or so ago I suggested I would be posting based on the consecutive letters of the alphabet. Then, I discovered my Calgary Herald review, and had to hastily add that in as a bonus post.

However, I redeemed myself yesterday, entirely by accident, with three B's - Big Bang Theory, Bob Newhart, and Barenaked Ladies. Go figure!

Today, as you can tell by the title of my post, I'd like to talk a bit about the psoriasis scales on my butt cheeks. Hence, crusty buns.

Anyone out there with recommendations for a good cream or ointment? I'd like to turn the crusty buns in soft whites....


Thursday, May 02, 2013

Big Bang Theory Tonight - With Bob Newhart!

Hey kids!

Don't miss tonight's episode of Big Bang Theory (with Canadian band Barenaked Ladies providing the zesty opening theme song...), for an appearance by legendary comic and actor Bob Newhart!

And kids, if you EVER are lucky enough to have him pose for a picture with you, remember to turn on the goddam flash....


Wednesday, May 01, 2013

Stage West Calgary's Chicago crackles with life

Stage West’s Chicago crackles with life


Well, trying something different today (ie: I got nothin'...).

Unless there is a conflict with something that needs to be posted, like links to something published somewhere else than this site, I will start everyday's post with a different letter of the alphabet.

Although, I should think a bit more about the word that I settle on, as I need to still refer to it in the post somehow.

I mean, this ain't like waving a wand and saying "Abacus Cadabra!"...

But I suppose it could be...