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Wednesday, January 31, 2007

So, here's where I can kill two birds with one stone (and for any PETA people still monitoring this space, I would NEVER kill even a single bird with stones!!). Today, I can provide my typical wacky commentary, but also cover the bases for my commitment to NHL Bloggers.

Because today I would like to talk about the wonder product being hawked by none other than Coach's Corner star Don Cherry - Cold-FX.

Since officially and completely moving to Calgary back in July of last year, both my wife and I have had more colds and cold symptoms than usual. We expected this, as unlike Kelowna, Alberta has a recurring winter season.

After passing a few colds back and forth, plus indicating typical symptoms like runny noses and dry throats for some time, we picked up a bottle of this miracle product, Cold-FX.

But here's the funny thing. We have yet to open the bottle!! Just purchasing the product, and leaving it in our medicine cabinet, we are now cold-less and symptom-less for over two weeks!!

My theory, and admittedly this is entirely theory at this point, is that the little figure of Don Cherry in his checkered blazer on the flyer for the bottle of medication is like that place in Lourdes, where the sick go to be healed. His glow emanates from our bathroom, and envelopes our home in healing energy. His "thumbs up" gesture is as powerful as the genie from Aladdin!!

Crazy, you say?? Maybe, but we're saving a fortune on Kleenex these days!!!

Chow for now!!!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Have I mentioned here yet that I may have inadvertently solved my uncooperative toilet woes??

We had one that you needed to hold down the handle forever for it to flush; one that flushed repeatedly and then ran until you jiggled the handle to stop it; and we had one that would flush very nicely some of the time, but clog even if there was a corner of a piece of Kleenex in it. All in all, these combined household amenities were conspiring to send me over the edge...

We had some professionals look at them (visiting family), and they washed their hands of the beasts immediately (in the sink...NOT in the twalletts).

So, in the face of having to call in plumbers, or some other such radical and expensive move, I reasoned that if the most consistent flusher in the house was the one where you had to hold the handle down forever, maybe I should make all the others the same.

And I'll be damned if that didn't do the trick!! Now each and every one (despite needing as much time with the handle down as a toaster at work during breakfast preparation) flushes like a dream.

Well, I'll admit I've got grander dreams than flushing toilets, but in some circumstances, a successful toilet flush is pretty high on the Happy Scale!!

Chow for now!!

Monday, January 29, 2007

I read on the weekend that legendary NHL goaltender Gump Worsley passed away. I was too young to have seen him play, but I certainly grew up knowing his name.

As a hockey fan, I was always a bigger fan of goaltenders. Loved Ken Dryden, and many others of that era - Tony Esposito, Jacques Plante, Bernie Parent, Roggie Vachon. If I'm not mistaken, one of the best of all time (Terry Sawchuk) was from my original hometown of Winnipeg!!

I realize I'm probably sounding older than dirt with some of those names. And I did enjoy watching some other greats play, like Grant Fuhr and his contemporaries. But those oldtimers really were something to watch, back in their heyday...

Not that there's any problem with some of today's netminders!! There are some terrific puckstoppers on the circuit today, not the least of which is right here in Calgary, Mr. Miikka Kiprusoff. Go Kipper!!!

Chow for now!!

Sunday, January 28, 2007

An open letter to Mr. Rod Stewart....

Dear Mr. Stewart,

A month or so ago, I made a post here in this blog, that was somewhat criticial of your last release - "Still The Same...Great Rock Classics Of Our Time".

At the time, I had listened to it a couple of times, and felt that it was...well...for lack of a better word - lame.

Mr. Stewart, some time has passed since then, and I've dropped that CD into my player a few more times. I have to say, it's begun to grow on me...

Rod (may I call you Rod?), there were a few songs on that disc that I thought really should never be covered. Like that song by The Pretenders, "I'll Stand By You". Well, after a few more listens, you really do that song proud, Rodster! My humble apologies.

Roddie, I thought that you had done a bit of a lifeless version of Van Morrison's "Crazy Love", but I'm going to go with "subtle" instead now. However, this does bring up a point - The Great Rock Classics Of Our Time sure seems to have a lot of ballads....

Sorry Rodd-o. Just thinking out loud. You do in fact "rock out" on...on...

Oh, blast it, who am I kidding?? There are NO ROCK SONGS on "The Great Rock Classics Of Our Time"!!!!!!!!!!

Rodsky, check out your own old albums, there are many great rock songs there. Certainly there has to be something better than "Missing You"...

Chow for now!!

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Hello, humanoids!!

Your pal Charlie's back, and he's got a new gig!!

Yeah, I got hired by some turkeys (no relation) to be a fragrance model!! Go figure.

I had applied for the hand model job, but I DON"T HAVE ANY ARMS!!!!!! Just my pluckin' luck...

Oh yeah, before I forget, buy yourself a bottle of that Calvin Klein arm juice - it smells real good!!

So, last week I was wandering through Safeway, and I come across this display, up at the front of the store.

"Meals To Go", it sez. So, I pop my head into the display, and what do I see??


I say, I say boy:


And the bastards that did this cut off all their heads and arms, so you couldn't identify the corpses. I got my nekked bee-hind out of that place as fast as my little chicken legs could run!!

Next weekend - my guide to shopping at Extra Foods!!

Cluck for now!!

Friday, January 26, 2007


When was the last time I commented on television programs?? I must be getting a little forgetful in my old age...

So, for a couple of people that despise reality shows, most especially ANYTHING that ends in "Idol", we've gotten wrapped up in two performance programs. We're still watching "Grease - You're The One That I Want", which frankly looks hopeless as far as the producers of this upcoming Broadway revival are concerned. The talent pool has thus far resembled a petri dish fresh out of a microwave. Yet oddly, we are drawn to the show, week after week. Damn you, hummable Broadway musical!!!

At the other end of the spectrum, we're watching what I believe is our fourth straight year of Nashville Star (on CMT), even after two consecutive seasons of winners that have gone on to...well, if anybody out there has ever heard what happened to the last two winners, please let us know, and we'll post it here...

I really need to watch more NHL Hockey...

Chow for now!!

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Today's Random Pop Culture Question:

Who would you say is today's greatest songwriter: Bruce Springsteen, or Barry Manilow??

I'd like to hear YOUR comments, on which of these two singer/songwriters is tops in your opinion. For the record, I don't factor in that while Bruce has had some success himself with "Dancing In The Dark" and such, he's had songs covered by The Pointer Sisters!!


I have a beef to pick with the manufacturers of those so-called "choose-your-size" paper towels. I have yet to successfully choose my own size, which admittedly is larger than the average spill.

However, even if I've just wanted to peel off one of the segments, I end up with three. If I want to pick three, I end up with one. And if I just grab at the damn roll, I get a torn shred useless for anything other than dabbing at the end of my runny nose. Can you really call this a "choose-your-size" option, evil paper towel manufacturers?????

I starting to think it may be more efficient to have paper towels available in Kleenex-sized boxes, although that could take up some counter space in the kitchen. However, you just may truly be able to "choose-your-size" in that format!!

Chow for now!!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Last night, President Bush was set to deliver his "State Of The Union" address. We didn't get to watch it.

However, I would suspect that unions are still pretty healthy in both the U.S. and Canada.

Here's my basic history lesson of unions, for anyone else that may have missed Bush's speech.

Way back in olden times, employers used unfair labour practices, and forced their workers into unsafe workplace conditions, often for very low pay. Some employers would even stoop so low as to use children. Truthfully, these employers would have used dog and cats, if they could have trained them to operate heavy equipment.

Unions were invented, which allowed grunts...I mean protect both their working conditions, and their wages. And children were prevented from working for peanuts, except for family-owned businesses, traveling circuses, and professional sports concession stands (the last two examples just involve working WITH peanuts, not necessarily for them).
With no forward motion on machinery training for pets, they too were protected by proxy...

Which was all fine and good, when people needed to work in coal mines, fireworks factories, or sculleries, just to survive.

In modern times, unions offer protection for working conditions in places like commercial haggis manufacturing companies, or Starbucks. I suspect this is to ensure that no one will ever be forced to lift too heavy a ladle of frothed milk, or handle too many goat stomachs...

While this is possibly an over-simplified history of unions, I hope that it makes up for anyone out there (like myself) that missed the "State Of The Union" address.

Chow for now!!

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

It generally takes me one full cup of morning coffee, before I feel confident enough to get online and begin one of these blog entries.

I know, some of you are saying - "Hey Dan, why not enjoy a second cup? We're in no hurry!" And I recognize that, but I still feel that the sooner I can get this out of the way, the sooner I can pencil in the few things I need to do before The Price Is Right starts...

However, there are days (I will confess) that topics are pretty hard to come by, after just one blessed cup of morning Joe. Like today, for example. I'm staring at the computer screen, and just can't seem to come up with a topic for today's blathering.

(Move The Penguins To Winnipeg, 2007 Quest!!)

I could probably discuss why I feel that Enrique Iglesias is one of the most under-appreciated vocalists of our time.

(Seriously. Pittsburgh has had a hockey team long enough. Move 'Em To Winnipeg...)

I could comment on how it would be really terrific if Whitney Houston could find her inner compass again, and bring back those soaring ballads she used to do soooo well...

(Wouldn't it be cool to have Bing Crosby's great-grandson playing hockey in Winnipeg??)

I could even comment on politics, aside from the fact that the average tree squirrel knows more about that than I do.

Well, something will come to me, at some point...

Chow for now!!

Monday, January 22, 2007

I fear that I may have been shortchanging any readers dropping in from NHL Bloggers lately, so I'll just make one quick comment here, regarding the recent "Number One" positioning of the Calgary Flames, in the Northwest Division this past weekend:



So, I read in the newspaper the other day that a Tigger mascot character in Disney World was accused of hitting a child, while they were posing for a photograph. Just another example of fluffy cartoon characters breaking down, you say?? I'm not so sure...

Here's my thought - that Tigger cartoon character was always way too jumpy for my liking. He exhibited all the classic signs of a personality on the verge of complete mental collapse.

As a matter of fact (and this is just me blowin' smoke out of my badonkadonk here), he always seemed to strike me as a cross between Tammy Faye Bakker, and a hypoglycemic chihuahua. I never bought into his "happy dance" crap - I could see the desperate cries for attention, through his bubbly facade.

Frankly, I'm just surprised he didn't crack sooner...

Chow for now!!

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Well, a rather uneventful day yesterday...

Aside from wishing Mrs. That Dan Guy A HAPPY BIRTHDAY herself!! HA!!!

We spent a subdued day - just did a bit of driving around, eventually winding up at another new discovery for us, here in Calgary. After months of driving by it everyday, we stopped in at Pizza Bob's, in the far northwest corner of Kensington. They've been (in one form or another, but always a pizza joint) in that location since 1964, and it wasn't hard to see why. The food was amazing!!

However, now that Mrs. That Dan Guy is one year closer to orthopedic stockings, and blue hair dye, we may not get back crust could be too tough on her old teeth!!

Oh, I'm gonna pay for that.....

Chow for now!!

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Greetings, humanoids! What's up?? Am I the only person here with poultry bumps?? And yes, you can quit starin', perv-o - I ain't wearing any pants...

So, my stylish look today is courtesy of that air-headed grinning bear, and a very slow frog that is still wondering what happened to his hat. I think it all makes me look a bit like Charlie Sheen...

Banjo Boy is downstairs, having breakfast with his wife. Which leaves me to fill you in on what's going on, here in Cowtown for today.

First off, the smoking ban has started to kick in, this past week. Any of the pubs and restaurants that were still in defiance were threatened with fines, so they all chickened out (no pun intended, but it is kinda funny...), and removed their ashtrays. Wouldn't stop me, that's what they build floors for...

Anyhoo, I can still go to a casino or bingo hall to get my puffin', so deal me in, and pass me my Bic!! Hack! Hack! Hack! I'm all in!!

Although, I'll probably stick to the poker rooms. All the bingo halls are filled with old hens....

Cluck for now!!

Friday, January 19, 2007

I see that Kelowna, our former hometown, is getting pounded by some pretty bad weather this year, while Calgary has been enjoying a mild winter - so mild that ponies are dancing in the streets, and wheat is growing tall even as I type this sentence.

We take no satisfaction at the pictures of snow piled high on the streets there.

Well, maybe just a wee bit of pleasure. Sort-of like the pleasure you get when you put a quarter in a gumball machine, and the thing keeps plunking out product, well beyond the measly old single gumball you'd usually receive..

Ah, who am I kidding - we're gloating way more that that!! Last night, we wore our bath robes inside-out, and dangled socks from our ears (like Bassett hounds), while dancing on a coffee table to the theme song from Hawaii 5-O.

All the while, feeling terribly sorry for this stretch of unfavorable winter weather there in Kelowna....

Hey, we also went to go see the Stage West Dinner Theatre production of Victor/Victoria last night, and we continue to be knocked over by the professionalism of the amateur theatre here in Cowtown. The female lead in particular was astounding, singing up a storm.

Better not let her direct that towards Kelowna!!!

Humbly, from Alberta,

Chow for now!!

PS - Please do your part to support the future of NHL hockey In Winnipeg. Let your local congressman know that you are totally in favour of Moving The Penguins To Winnipeg, 2007. I'm still trying to get Mario Lemieux's cell phone number for you all...

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Today, in honour of my being part of the NHL Bloggers' family, I'm posting this photo of former Vancouver Canuck Tom Bertussi, now a Florida Antelope (or something).

Hmm. I seem to remember him looking a little more dashing, back when he was still a Canuck...

Oh, happier times...

And now, back to the nonsense!!

Mrs. That Dan Guy and I were thrilled earlier this week to finally pick up two barstools, which we had ordered last year, for our breakfast island.

Actually, we ordered them in JULY!!!

So, you may wonder...were these rare and particularly hard-to-find pieces of furniture?

No, they were freakin' barstools...

Did they need to grow the wood from young saplings, then weave the fabric of the seats from a rare fibre found only on the loom of leprechauns??

No, they were just friggin' barstools...

Did they need to customize these seats, with some rare sort of finish?

No, they were just blasted ordinary, everyday barstools...

Anyway, we're happy to finally have them...

Chow for now!!

Oh yeah...Support Move The Penguins To Winnipeg, 2007. Your contributions and/or best intentions just may help bring NHL hockey back to a deserving Canadian city...

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Walking through our kitchen yesterday, I stepped on a floorboard, and heard what sounded very much like a duck quacking...

I'm sure it was just the board moving ever so slightly, making some once-in-a-lifetime sound similar to a quack instead of a creak (not to be confused with crick)...

But, could it also have been a vivid aural flashback, from seeing the little duck that David Copperfield used in his show??

Years and years and years ago, when my parents were painting my bedroom, I was temporarily housed in the dining room. Lying in a cot that night, I suddenly heard, loud and clear, the theme song from The Beverly Hillbillies. Over and over, the theme song from The Beverly Hillbillies. Not exactly a Boogieman, but it could also explain why I have an interest in the banjo...

Oh yeah....Move The Penguins To Winnipeg!!

Chow for now!!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Today, we begin a new quest, for a new year.

After the success of Banjo Quest 2006, I realized I may have set my goalpost far too low. And, all kidding aside, the Cadillac Escalade Quest 2007 is realistically likely doomed to failure....

So, I am turning my energies to something far more noble, far more beneficial to the world at large, instead of my own selfish desires (if someone were inclined to support Cadillac Escalade Quest 2007 though, I favour one in burgundy tones...).

So, here we go. Now that we live in a progressive Canadian city that already has one of (if not) the best damn NHL teams in existence, I propose that my quest for 2007 will be a campaign to Move The Penguins To Winnipeg!!

Now, hear me out. No slight to Pittsburgh, but all those long-suffering fans in Winnipeg, devoid of their Winnipeg Jets NEED a professional hockey team, not just a farm team from some West Coast (OK, Vancouver) pretenders. Winnipeg needs a team again, even if it is penguins.

They may have to rethink the logo though. That bird isn't the most frightening caricature to ever appear on hockey jerseys. The new (Winnipeg) owners would need to take a page from junior hockey, and maybe put a frightening, intimidating mask on the penguin. And bulk him up a bit. I see a lot more blubber than muscle there, personally.

So, there you have it folks. For 2007, I need ALL of you, even the well-intentioned but ultimately doomed Vancouver Canuck fans, to support Move The Penguins To Winnipeg, 2007.

Chow for now!!

Monday, January 15, 2007


Big afternoon of magic yesterday. We went to see David Copperfield, who I think was performing in at least 6 or more sold-out shows here in Calgary, over the last few days.

I can see why he's so popular. I've been reluctant to see big-name magicians in the past (still living down the untimely demise of Siegfried and Roy - sheesh, you'd think that those tigers might have had better taste...), but this Copperfield guy was freakin' astounding!!

You couldn't help but wonder how the heck he did half of his illusions - walking through a sheet of steel; making a classic car appear ON TOP of a group of volunteers; making a group of volunteers disappear, then re-appear midway through the concert hall. But the biggie was when he appeared to transport himself and an audience member live to Hawaii, supported by items that they had put on their person in the Calgary theatre. For someone that's got a pretty healthy skeptical bone, you were pretty much left mystified...

What endeared him to me the most personally was his ongoing walk-on character - a little duck that kept appearing throughout the show, eventually becoming part of another illusion. You just can't get enough live ducks in a show...

Two big thumbs up!!

Oh, and for anyone reading this on the NHL Bloggers network, Copperfield is clearly the Wayne Gretzky of magic. Let's just hope he stays away from coaching...

Chow for now!!

Sunday, January 14, 2007

make it stop.....
Drambuie is the devils' work.....

Saturday, January 13, 2007


Today is "Hockey Day In Canada"!!

So, not too long ago I was invited to join NHL Bloggers, which I will admit is a little bit mystifying, seeing as how I 've only ever blogged about hockey one or two times before, in this space.

Plus, my knowledge base of modern hockey is essentially mourning the demise of the Winnipeg Jets... Seriously!! I don't even know where Phil Esposito is playing these days!!

I let them know that, and they still extended their invitation, so assuming I can set this up, today I'll join their network.

In honour of this association, I'll post one of the only hockey columns I've ever written, in my weekly humour column. I think it's a good fit for Hockey Day In Canada.

Then (and I apologize in advance to NHL Bloggers), it will be back to the same nonsensical drivel that has been the hallmark of this space for the past year!

Here's the column, from last year:

Street Hockey Memories

Many, many years ago, my buddies and I found infinite hours of pleasure, out in the coldest winters of Winnipeg. We played street hockey…
I’m not sure if it was just that we were that young and eager, but there really didn’t seem to be a thermometer reading cold enough to prevent the gang of us from hitting the back lane on any given day after school. We’d play until it was too dark to see the frozen tennis ball we used as a puck, or one of our parents hollered, insisting that it was time to come into the house and do our homework.
For some reason, I never did get to play proper organized hockey, with ice skates and real hockey equipment. My skating skills still to this day are entirely un-Canadian. Queen Elizabeth probably skates better than I do. But in heavy winter boots, we could be surprisingly nimble when it came to deking out a defender, and scoring that game-winning goal.
Back in those early 70’s days, there were no big-box sporting goods stores offering a wide selection of Wayne Gretzky-approved street hockey apparel. You either had to buy official hockey equipment, or you had to improvise. I was Ken Dryden, leaning on my broken goal stick, tending net in an oversized green parka – and wearing a back-catcher’s mask, with a regular baseball mitt over my heavy woolen glove.
One buddy was Bobby Orr, in a pair of ski pants, a heavy suede winter jacket, and thick horn-rimmed glasses. The neighbor kid from two doors down at least had a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey, stretched over his heavy coat. For us Canadiens fans, that was just a blue target…
Why we used tennis balls back then was anybody’s guess. You could buy fake pucks, made from much softer rubber than the real ones. Maybe it was easier to stickhandle over the snowy ruts in the back lane that filled in for Madison Square Garden, who knows? But man, could you get one of those things whistling with a proper windup!! It’s a wonder any of us grew up to have families after so many tennis balls found a way to say hello, even through ski pants, briefs, and a pair of long underwear. One proper piece of equipment we ALL eventually owned was a protective cup…
We also learned hasty surgical procedures, as safety features like face visors or helmets were entirely ignored, aside from whoever was a goalie. Welts were a symbol of young adulthood. Sprains were bragging rights for days. And the same freckled little kid that cried whenever somebody stole his lunch at school got a huge kick out of picking a couple of his teeth out of the snow. One thing about ice, it really does slow down blood flow!
Like the professional hockey players of today, even as kids back then we had aspirations to win the Stanley Cup. Although in our case, the Cup looked an awful lot like one of my Dad’s mag wheel rims.
And again like those very same professional hockey players, we even got locked out one year.
The latch to my backyard gate froze shut…

Enjoy Hockey Day In Canada!!

Chow for now!!

Friday, January 12, 2007

For the record, we are NOT watching "Armed & Famous", the new TV show where acting giants such as Erik Estrada, and what's-her-pickle from the Jackson family are working as pseudo-cops, in the field. The commercials alone succeeded in revolting us completely...

However, last night we did tune in for the premiere of Season Five, "Nashville Star"! We've only ever missed one season (the first), and Star remains the only reality, "talent" show we watch (assuming we can stay away from the luring gravitational pull of "Grease-You're The One That I Want"...)

The reason we enjoy this show so much is that it differs in tone from all the other Idol shows, where they trot out people that would be arrested for singing in the shower, to humiliate them in front of millions of people, as if they ever had a serious chance of becoming the next Justin Timberlake.

Although, considering my low opinion of Mr. Timberlake's talents, perhaps they aren't so far away from being crowned after all...

At any rate, this series (currently running Thursdays on CMT - always looking for blog sponsors!!) is usually good for a few pleasant surprises in the performance department, and seems (at least to us) to be easier to swallow than the wailing of the pop star wannabes...

Anyhow, that's a whole lot of quote marks and brackets for one column, and maybe my cue to depart for today...

Chow for now!!

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Cold snap here in Calgary this week. -40 with the wind chill.

I had avoided writing about our extraordinarily mild winter to date thus far, in fear of evoking just this sort of thing.

This is a concern for me, because last year I sort-of burned the tip of my nose in a medicinal tanning booth (a treatment for "the heartbreak of psoriasis"). Back then, I thought I had a cold, but in fact I was scorching my honker to the point of an open welt.

This has now made my beak somewhat sensitive to fluctuations in temperature. I suspect the cold weather is especially damaging, as I lose all feeling there after just a few minutes of exposure.

If the tip of it fell off, I shudder to think of where doctors might take a graft from, to replace it. Although, as Mrs. That Dan Guy often suggests, I have no sense of smell anyway, so it probably wouldn't matter what part of my sea of rolling flesh they trimmed...

Chow for now!!

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

This is soooo depressing....

As you can see by the picture above, we had two tickets to see the legendary Godfather Of Soul, James Brown in concert tonight. We were just under three weeks away from finally getting to see The Hardest Working Man In Show Business, live.

We hadn't planned on seeing him, originally. We tend to take in a fair bit of stuff here in Calgary, and he was just one that had to slip through the cracks.

Until we saw a live presentation of DreamGirls, that features a charasmatic Brown-like character in the cast. After seeing the room get charged by a knock-off, we agreed we had to see the real thing. We were even lucky enough to still be able to get tickets.

Well, as you're probably aware, Mr. Brown passed away Christmas morning. Now all we have is these tickets...but I'd rather have had the chance to get to see him blow the roof off of the concert hall...

Chow for now!!

Tuesday, January 09, 2007


Another Sleepless (Not) In Seattle night, last night.

For some bizarre reason, I awoke at 2:34 AM, and couldn't get back to sleep. I tossed, I turned, I kicked at Mrs. That Dan Guy (no dice - she slept like a hibernating lady bear). I eventually got up, and heard our morning paper arrive, at 4:30 AM. Now that's performance!!

All this insomnia has gotten me so rattled I haven't been able to blog yet on the biggest thing to hit network TV so far, in 2007. Yessir, "Grease - You're The One That I Want" debuted on the weekend, and I for one am completely spellbound!

Well, spellbound is probably too strong a word. I'm...what am I?? I'm mildly interested in seeing the train wreck of hopefuls, as producers decide just how far they can humiliate them, on national TV. Although I despise reality TV in general, once in awhile, things like this slip through the protective armour of my otherwise impeccable taste (that's funny, I could swear I hear scornful laughter...).

Hundreds of hopeless hopefuls, vying for a coveted spot in a new Broadway production of Grease?? And a snotty British producer eager to crush their dreams?? Pinch me, I must be dreaming!!

Chow for now!!

Monday, January 08, 2007

Oh brother....

Neither Mrs. That Dan Guy, nor I got very much sleep last night. No reason in particular, we both just couldn't seem to fall asleep.

Well, for me it may have been worrying about that stupid chicken that keeps popping up, during the weekend postings here. I need to find that prickly poultry some feathers, to try and calm him down!!

For Mrs. That Dan Guy...well, it could be kind-of anything. She's always thinking, that one. Like the other day, when I cut my foot folding socks, she was able to detective her way through a few clues, to instinctively know that I had done something stupid, and had been trying to hide that from her.

I cracked under the pressure, and confessed. Now she's assisting in my daily attending to the wound, in the hopes that it heals properly.

When we couldn't sleep last night, we got up and watched the end of a movie we had started, earlier in the evening. Which led to both of us struggling to get up this morning. Even now, I'm chewing on coffee beans to try and kickstart my sorrowful behind. It will eventually get into gear...

Chow for now!!

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Why is it that a person always has to pee so badly, first thing in the morning?? If that matter wasn't so pressing, a person could sleep in once in a while...

Take a weekend morning for example. This weekend in particular, let's say.

Both Saturday and Sunday morning I awoke at a somewhat regular hour, due to a gnawing urge to put out a fire, figuratively speaking... I had to attend to a gusher, sort of...

Trying to get the matter off your mind just makes it crazier, more persistent. The only solution is to forsake the warmth and coziness of your weekend bed, and toddle over to the little boy's room, for takin' care uv bidness.

Then what?? Do you just crawl back in, and pretend that you never got up in the first place?? Do you hope that your partner hasn't heard the torrent, and comes upstairs to get you out of bed anyway??

This is what I think of, on a Sunday morning...

Chow for now!!

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Charlie Chicken here again, filling in for Banjo Boy...who apparently cut his foot while folding socks...what a putz!!

Well, I finally found some threads in this joint, to cover up my nekkedness. I had to work over a stuffed bear to get this shirt, but the twit just kept smiling!! Who's smiling now??

There were supposed to be some coppery feathers around here somewhere, but I've looked - no dice! Must have been put into a witness (or witless) protection program.

Hey, how about that Canadian junior hockey team yesterday?? Looked like a bloodbath in the first period, but it turned into a real nail-biter by the third period, when they called that penalty with two minutes left to play!! Sorry Russia....ya got pucked!!

I could have gone to a local pub to watch the game. Apparently, there's a bunch in town that are already defying that new non-smoking bylaw. I'd like to see somebody try and tell ME I can't smoke where I want to.

Maybe they need to build a place spicifically for non-smokers.

Hey, wait!! They already did.

It's called Chuckie Cheese!!!

Cluck for now!!

Friday, January 05, 2007

I wish I were 30 years younger, or at least possessed a few specific traits of people from that age group, when it comes to technology.

Don't get me wrong! I can generally get by pretty good, but electronic products now seem to require Einstein brain cells just to turn them on, let alone make any proper use of the friggin' things...

Take wireless thingies, for example. The last time I had bluetooth issues, my dentist was able to upgrade his golf club set to the latest platinum shaft line. Up until less than a year ago, we had to plug our laptop INTO a piece of wiring!! How primitive is that???

My last cell phone, I couldn't get anything other than the pre-installed ring tone to work, let alone go online somewhere, and download the theme song from "Mary Poppins".

I was also (as pointed out several times by Mrs. That Dan Guy) too cheap to add a few "extras" on, like voicemail, and call display, so if I missed a call, there was no record of the caller, nor any message. I may have missed my audition call for Canadian Banjo Idol!!!!

Oh well, onwards and upwards. I've enrolled in the local technical university here, and hope to be able to learn how to view vidoes on my cell phone by the end of February, the latest.

I wonder how long a piece of cable I'm going to need for that???

Chow for now!!

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Jumpin' Jupiter!!!!

Actually, there's nothing really exciting to follow that lead-in. Just needed a "grabber' headline, to draw you all in.

Now, I feel like such a faker. The only thing exciting to report today is that we had chocolate Jell-O pudding last night, for the first time in a week or so. It was good, but certainly not "Jumpin' Jupiter!!" good...

My humble apologies. The next time I feel a selfish urge to post something as provocative as "Jumpin' Jupiter!!", I will endeavor to actually have SOMETHING to justify that...

Although, rags like the National Inquisitioner, and Starrrr Magazine always post headlines like that, to lure your hard-earned dollars away, right at the checkout counter, so why can't I?? I'm not suggesting that Dolly Parton is an alien, or that Demi Moore is actually 175 years old, with an appetite for soft-boiled spaghetti, and clam sauce.

Never once have I posted a headline like "Conjoined Twins Win Dancing With The Stars, Season Two!!", or "Gorilla Seeks Political Office". That has to count for something???

Chow for now!!

Wednesday, January 03, 2007


I suppose I should change that calendar over my desk, which seems to suggest that December 2006 is still alive and well here...

Wouldn't it be cool though, if you really could suspend time just by failing to advance your calendar?? You could have unlimited Groundhog Days, just like Bill Murray did. You could bulk up with 25 days of Dec. 25th turkey, instead of just one!

Actually, remembering a few photos of myself posted here last year, maybe the bulking thing has already gotten a bit of a jumpstart...

You could have a month-long celebration of your birthday, instead of just the once. Although technically, if you just re-lived the same day over and over, you'd get the same gifts, so maybe that wouldn't be a big deal. Unless of course you got a banjo every day.

Of course, if you were a sadist, you could relive the worst days of your life over and over again, instead of just crying into your corn flakes for a day or two. Hey, some people like to wallow...

For me, I'm just gonna change that calendar...

Chow for now!!

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Pardon me...just finishing my morning coffee....

Just about done.......

Ah, one last sip......

(Man, you just don't want to get going, without the boost of morning caffeine coursing through your weary veins!!)

Quiet night last night. We went to see "The Holiday", with the somewhat all-star cast of Cameron Diaz, Jude Law, Kate Winslet, and Jack Black. We bucked the trend of the rest of the world, who apparently chose to see Ben Stiller mugging with computer-animated dinosaurs.

Well, after two other action-packed movies already during this seasonal stretch (Rocky Balboa, Casino Royale), we needed the equivalent of a sweet cup of holiday hot chocolate, topped with sprinkles, and loaded with whipped cream. We got that, for sure. The Holiday is a slow-paced character drama (chick-flick), with no apparent concern to get where it's going in a timely manner.

That said, we both enjoyed it, but maybe a high-speed chase wouldn't have hurt the overall effort... There was really no logical place to insert gunplay or explosions least without affecting the narrative.

Speaking of narrative, we watched the recent spoof on romantic movies "Date Movie" the other night, on Movie Central. At one point, my wife wandered off, telling me to "keep it rolling". I suggested she may lose some of the narrative of the story, to which she responded by laughing heartily all the way down the stairs...

Women. Who can figure them??

Chow for now!!

Monday, January 01, 2007

For our first New Year's Eve in Calgary, we opted to just stay safely and quietly at home for the night. We had some bubbly for the big moment, and a wishbone left over from the Christmas turkey, to snap at the stroke of midnight. Like the boy scouts, we were prepared...

We tuned in to watch Garrison Keillor's New Year's Eve Special, filmed live on American public television, from The Ryman Theater in Nashville. Keillor is the famed humorist whose Prairie Home Companion was turned into a major motion picture last year.

I had planned on saying that his Prairie Home Companion "spawned" the movie, but the visual of Mr. Keillor swimming upstream was a bit much for this time of day...

What a delightful way to usher in the new year!! Garrison Keillor is not only an accomplished humorist, but we also discovered that he can sing a song nicely as well. He had a lot of help though, with some superstars of the bluegrass world. Did I say bluegrass?? Does that style of music include banjos?? Baby, there were banjos everywhere last night! Yee-haw!!!


He had assembled some incredible talent. A group of terrific younger folks, called The Old Crow Medicine Show reminded me alot of early Nitty Gritty Dirt Band stuff. Cowboy Jack Clement performed one of the hits he wrote for Johnny Cash. Cowboy Jack also happened to be the engineer at Sun Studios, sitting in on early sessions by Cash, Carl Perkins, and Jerry Lee Lewis. Love that music history!!

Best part of the whole show was getting a preview of Emmy Lou Harris, who we get to see live here next month. The woman doesn't age...and what a voice!!

After that special wound down, we flipped over to the more traditional Dick Clark New Year's Rockin' Eve, but Alberta didn't get the benefit of a staggered telecast, so we had to toast by the time on the VCR. Hey,whatever works, eh??

When we made a wish, and snapped the wishbone, the bloody thing (we're not lying here) split RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE!! Either we're doomed to bad cuticles and dandruff for the next six months, or we both get what we wished for.

Time will tell...

Chow for now!!