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Saturday, August 31, 2013

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

Let me explain....


It was a bee-oo-tiful, sunny mornin', and we set sail in tha early hours uv tha dawn....


Out on tha open water, we cast our lines, and waited. Waited for tha bounty a Muther Nature...


While ya wait fer bounty, it is tradishunal ta hoise a few brews, ta keep yer whistle wet. That's basic knotical safety proceedure....


Suddenly, another call a nature...called. My dang small chicken bladder.......

So ah gets mahself pozitioned perfectly (ah thought so at least) on tha bow ah tha boat, an ah begins ta top up tha lake level.


Tha's when a tsunami-level wave lifted tha boat, an ah took flight - something we chickens ain't exactly known for....

Mah stream was goin' everywhere, an I ain't talkin' about tha waterwat we wuz in!!


Fass-forward ta mah reskue. An this here pickture....

Still tryin' ta dry mah cluckin' fethers....

How embarassin......

Gotta run - ah does hava a fish ta fry, at least!!!

Cluck fer now....

Friday, August 30, 2013

Several Little Known Facts About Gorillas

1) Most gorillas (in the ball park of 67.5%) prefer Dunkin' Donuts over Starbucks. Pretty simple folk, gorillas...

2) Inventors have been frustrated for decades over trying to invent a grooming brush that gorillas will accept and use.

3) No gorilla has ever uttered "my bologna has a first name...".

4) The World Series Of Poker has banned gorillas from participating, due to shrewd and inscrutable table skills...

5) When adult gorillas develop male pattern balding, they are shipped away so as to prevent photographers from documenting this cruel shared affliction with human males...

6) Arthur Murray never succeeded in trying to teach gorillas to ballroom dance.

7) The popular trend of naming gorilla children "Magilla" went out of favour in the early 1970's...

8) Bears aren't the only animals that poop in the forest. And jungle...

9) Despite enduring fame and popularity in a single movie concept, no other gorillas has ever cracked the Hollywood elite as did King Kong.

10) King Kong had his movie fame dimmed when it came to light he used performance enhancing drugs during filming.

11) 1 in 6 gorillas are enrolled in banana smoking cessation programs.


Thursday, August 29, 2013

On This Day In 1813

On this day in 1813 the "Battle Of Chlumec & Prestanov" raged for two days. Even though it was just on this day in history I had hoped to focus.

Make sure you remember to celebrate!!


Wednesday, August 28, 2013

If only there were a way...

If only there was a way we could communicate instantly in this modern world. 

For example, I could send some sort of "message", and expect a response back promptly.

If only there were a way....


Monday, August 26, 2013


Any word on how the Budweiser buddy boys are doing? For a while several years ago they were in loads of TV commercials, calling each other on the phone to find out "wuzzuuuuupp".

Now I wonder "wuzzuuuuuuupp"? Surely those sorts of vocal talents were transferable?? Call centers, reservation agents, wondering what airborne things might be, or whatnot....

If anyone knows how those fellas are getting on, I'd be happy to hear.


Sunday, August 25, 2013

Sunday Thought: Nickelback Is The New KISS...

Despite an apparently infinite number of haters, I think history will treat Nickelback well...

Here's the thing. KISS debuted back in the day to mixed results. I remember listening to an early album with a buddy, and liking what I heard. We all wore chunky heel boots just like the band members, but refrained from wearing outlandish makeup. 

KISS eventually routinely began to produce albums with (arguably, personal opinion) one or two good songs, the rest entirely forgettable. And they went out of favour after a time, returning years later as conquering heroes.

Enter Nickelback. 

I recently picked up an album after resisting to do so for years. It's not like I didn't like them, I just didn't think I'd care for them enough to have anything other than a Greatest Hits collection in my basement CD holder.

Seeing them live at the recent Alberta Flood Aid concert, they really reminded me of KISS - several catchy, anthemic songs, and adoring fans who enjoy those songs. For the record, I count myself among those with this Canadian band...

However, go check out the CDs. Their best songs are scattered over different albums. The one I bought is good, but not great - aside from When We Stand Together, which I will listen to at top volume until the cows come home. Then I'll make the cows sit down and listen to it, and probably let it play one more time after that...

So, Nickelback to my mind is the new KISS. Decades from now, just like KISS currently, those driving,  irresistible Nickelback pop/rock power hooks will fill arenas all over again, and they will join the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame as worthy members. For the love of Pete, if everyone that hates them truly did, they wouldn't be the top rock act on the road!!


Saturday, August 24, 2013

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

Hey Hey Hey....

Hey Hey Hey...


But you're an animal, baby, it's in your nature
Just let me liberate you
Hey, hey, hey

And that's why I'm gon' take a gooooooood girl....a real nice chick...

I know you want it

I know you want it


I know you want it

You're a goooooood girl......



Beat it, I'm busy - and nekked!!!


Can't a chicken git his privisea???


Pluckin' Peep In Toms....

Cluck fer now - I gotta soap up......

Friday, August 23, 2013

"Helpful" Financial Planning Tips (column)

My latest REM humour column is now live online, wherein I provide questionable financial planning advice.

Click here to give it a read!

Apologies to Twitter followers who got links yesterday :-)


Thursday, August 22, 2013

Here's The Thing...

No, sorry - that's not the thing.

Still looking for the thing...

Where did I leave that thing???

Must think about the thing....


Wednesday, August 21, 2013

There's A Kind Of Hush, All Over The World.

No, sorry - I think there's actually a kind of THRUSH, all over the world. They may be hushed though, so that could count....


Monday, August 19, 2013

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Oprah & I - 2 Degrees Of Separation via @NSNCgroup

"The Butler", a new movie out currently featuring Oprah Winfrey reminds me of the value of being part of such an amazing organization as the National Society Of Newspaper Columnists.

Never mind the exceptional colleagues I get to rub shoulders with as fellow members. Set aside the golden opportunities my wife and I get in seeing different parts of America, as the conferences routinely change cities each year.

For me, the best part of being part of this group is that the powers that be tasked with planning each conference go to great lengths to bring in some of the best speakers to each event. Such as Grapevine, Texas in 2005 where a Washington Post columnist was in attendance. At the time, Wil Haygood had a brand new book out on Sammy Davis Jr, which we were quick to snap up, and have him sign:

Here's a great OWN piece on how a column of his transitioned into the movie in theatres now, from Huffington Post.

My minor connection to a great story, simply by being part of a great organization...


Saturday, August 17, 2013

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger, and a VERY bad bird - Charlie Chicken...)







CLCK FR NW.................

Friday, August 16, 2013

A Quick Recap: @ABFloodAid - The Flood Aid Concert

Alberta Flood Aid Concert

McMahon Stadium 

with Nickelback, Tom Cochrane, Jann Arden, Randy Bachman, Matthew Good, Colin James, Loverboy, Corb Lund, Ian Tyson, Johnny Reid, The Sheepdogs, Brent Butt - and more!

What a night - you really had to be there. Prime Minister Harper was, and so was Premier Redford. Along with over 31,000 supporters of this effort that raised over $1,400,000.00 at the very least last night.

If you look over the names of the bands that gave freely of their time and talents, it is a literal Who's Who of the best of Canada on the world stage.

Rather than try to describe what was truly a part of history, I'm just going to add in a few pictures. Find a link, and stream the show to see for yourself.

But, you really had to be there....


Thursday, August 15, 2013

Jumpstarting A Frog

I'm not sure if this is practical advice or not, but if you ever find yourself having to jumpstart a frog, here are the proper procedures:

1) Use Q-Tip to prepare frog by spreading thin film of conductive gel.

2) Ensure proper voltage is set on paddles - low enough to revive, but not so high as to pop out frog's eyeballs...

3) Bend close to frog, try to determine length between breaths. Of the frog....

4) Press charge, shout "Clear", apply paddles to frog's chest.

5) Continue until frog legs quiver, or you have tried long enough to determine frog has possibly croaked.

6) File report with proper authorities, ensure frog may or may not be enrolled in trial for frog resuscitation results.

7) Help frog back to body of water. NOTE: DO NOT attempt jumpstarting while YOU are in a body of water!!

8) Unsuccessful frog resuscitation allows for transporting dead frog to closest French restaurant.

Hope you find these tips helpful!!


Wednesday, August 14, 2013

The Summer Of My Dissed Content...

You know, if I actually had dissed content, that would be a pretty clever post heading.

No one has dissed my content recently, as a matter of fact all my content is enjoying regular traffic - so I had better knock wood to ensure that trend continues!!


Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Monday, August 12, 2013

Monday Monday

Tuesday Tuesday Tuesday

Wednesday Wednesday Wednesday Wednesday

Thursday Thursday Thursday Thursday Thursday

Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday

And, it's the weekend again!!!!



Sunday, August 11, 2013

Justin Bieber's Dark Secret!

The latest in my shameless Search Engine Optimization series, this post has literally nothing at all to do with Justin Bieber. If he has a dark secret, it is certainly nothing that I am privy to.

However, if this has caused you to surf away from legitimate Justin Bieber sites, I do apologize. Thanks for stopping by, and please turn off the lights when you leave....


Saturday, August 10, 2013

Chicken Scratch - Classy Edition

(posted by weekend guest blogger, Sir Charles PoultryPockets III...)

Greetings, friends and colleagues. A happy day to each and all.

May I first extend my heartfelt wishes that providence and good fortune follow you everywhere you go today. 


Pardon me, oh dear - where did that come from??

Regardless, I am spending my morning catching up on my reading, as I make my way through the collected works of William Shakespeare, a fair to middling scribbler.

"Harp, what light through Wander yindow brakes?"


Oh dear, pardon me - whatever is that odd exclamation??

You know, I must say, this book is rather heavy on the ole chicken legs, if ya know wut I cluckin' mean...





Sum one git a crane, pronto, before mah pluckin' skitter bits ass-ficks-ee-ate!!!


AH'M GITTIN' DIZYY - sum one call tha mediks, fer tha LOVE AH GORD!!!!!!


Mah chicken fingers iz numb..


Cluck fer now, ah gotta try flippin' this cluckin' movin' van offa mah legs!!!!

Friday, August 09, 2013

TGI Fry Day!

Today, perhaps crinkle cut. Or shoe string. Maybe steak fries.

TGI Fry Day indeed!!


Thursday, August 08, 2013

When The Going Gets Tough...

It is most likely you failed to marinade or tenderize it long enough. Try using a crockpot next time, and it should be far more tender!


Wednesday, August 07, 2013

Row Row Row Your Boat

Unless you have an outboard motor. Then just give it some gas, for Pete's sake.


Tuesday, August 06, 2013

My review of Halo High Water - Top Download!

Well, yesterday's post took no time at all to hit #1 in my page views.

So I shamelessly offer it up again for you:

Halo High Water Review

As an added bonus, I offer you the photo I alluded to yesterday, of performers' feet..


Monday, August 05, 2013

@HaloHighWater Alberta Flood Rebuilding Fund Concert

Halo High Water 
Benefit Concert, for
Calgary Foundation's Flood Rebuilding Fund
Tom Jackson, Graham Greene, Carolyn Dawn Johnson, Dean Brody, Susan Aglukark, Jim Cuddy, Brett Kissel, George Canyon, Michelle Wright, Paul Brandt and many more...

Paul Brandt, Michelle Wright, Graham Greene, Tom Jackson

Susan Aglukark, Carolyn Dawn Johnson, Paul Brandt, Michelle Wright, Graham Greene

Last night we took in the first of our pair of Alberta flood benefit concerts - and while this Halo High Water event may have been the smaller in scale, it was in no way shape or form small in talent and unforgettable highlights from the assembled artists. For two solid hours, attendees and supporters of the effort to raise money for flood victims throughout Alberta were witness to some of the biggest talent on the planet.

The photos above don't exactly speak to that - I had to sneak a couple of pics from below a railing, and we were seated up in the attic - but regardless, I did happen to snap a couple, even under the vigilant eye of the theatre usher - the one I didn't post was a row of feet onstage....

Too many people gave freely of their time to include here, but what the heck, let's give it a try, as best as I can.


Tom Jackson - ever the genial and heart-on-his-sleeve host. Together with actor Graham Greene, they moved the evening along with humour and warmth - and in Jackson's case, a couple of songs. Having recently seen Jackson's Huron Carole live, this was another chance to see Mr. Jackson fill a stage with charisma and commitment to a cause. 

Carolyn Dawn Johnson - long a fan, her too short set (like all the performers, only a song or two each) went by far too quickly, but well-chosen songs got the night off to a great start.  A nice duet with new country artist Brett Kissel...

Livy Jeanne - a great discovery, this young artist delivered with her "Any Other Way".

Dean Brody - Solo, doing a couple of amazing acoustic versions of his hits ("Bob Marley", and "Canadian Girls") Brody elicited roars from the crowd, an obvious favourite. We need to see a full night of this gentleman live.

Susan Aglukark - part of a mini-Huron Carole reunion with Jackson, I cannot imagine ever getting tired of hearing this delightful (and powerful) voice...

Jim Cuddy - now officially the single artist I have seen live the most - and in three different provinces! Turning in an epic acoustic version of "Five Days In May", and a slightly more uptempo
take on the timeless "Try" - again, the crowd went wild.

Brett Kissel - looks like I'll be buying a CD today - Kissel made an impression on anyone not familiar with his work, and his two originals were very well received!

George Canyon - after following his run on Nashville Star, this was the first time we've seen him live?? How can that be - and he LIVES here???? Without a doubt, one of the most compelling performances of the night with "Slow Dance" - absolute silence in the Jube during that.

Michelle Wright - second time seeing this favourite here in Calgary, and every bit as good as the first time. May have to see if we have "Strong" on CD already - if not, that's a must-have!!

The Travelling Mabels - how have we missed out on this talented trio? Like Emmylou Harris with friends on a breathtaking "Alberta Blue"....

Don Amero - another new CD to pick up, this Winnipeger was one more happy surprise, and a barrel of talent!!

Paul Brandt - what can you say about the hometown boy - with the Alberta Youth Choir, Mr. Brandt offered a surreal experience - and his version of "Alberta Bound" with them ranked among my favourite, most profound concert experiences ever - and that includes performances by Springsteen and McCartney. Unreal... 

So much more - the taste of Alberta Ballet, Olympic athletes, NHL and CFL stars, cast of Heartland, and compelling videos of the flood made this a night that I won't soon forget. Well done Calgary Foundation, Halo High Water, and all the sponsors that helped make this happen.

Find out more at Halo High Water, and donate if you can!!


Sunday, August 04, 2013

Dipsy Doodle

A morning newscaster on TV just used that term to describe a weather front. Which made me wonder what exactly a dipsy doodle may be, exactly...

My gut feeling is that it might be a freehand doodle, somewhat in a dipsy fashion.

But, what if it were a sketch of a dipsy, doodled??

Does Polly Wolly dipsy doodle all the day, or does she strictly doodle?

If anyone out there has any answers, please feel free to pass those along. Now I will be absolutely unable to get anything done today, until I know for sure...


Saturday, August 03, 2013

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

Did ah sleepe thru mah alarm???


Howdy hoomans!

Ole Chuck is testin' new beds since mah lass mattress popped a coil! Damn neared pierced mah 


Ah know tha pickcher looks like ah'm "lyin' in state", but ah kin assure yez, ah'm moss definitely alive!

So, this one is frum tha sports collection aht Sleek Country - why buy a football mattress anywhere else??


Ah dew hafta say tho, it could use a few more cushionins - that rough edges poke mah pinfeathers....

Of course, bein' such a tall bird in tha chicken world ain't makin' thiss task so easy - I wish there was a Mister Big N Tall fer bird beds!!


While ah do like tha rugged football theme here, mah next tester is a fourposter Gone With Tha Wind model - we'll see how THAT works if I hass a late-night snack a beans and poutine - gone with tha wind mah feathery ass!!!


Later, chumps! Charlie out!!

Cluck fer now.....

Friday, August 02, 2013

Slow Day

Enjoying an extra-long weekend today, with this rainy Friday added into my Monday off. It will be filled, after our very slow go the first few hours so far, since getting out of bed.

Running around, shopping, groceries, maybe a movie - who knows?

Some pre-planning is going to take a lot of the spontaneity out of this day off - but that's a good thing.

Otherwise, we might waste it altogether....


Thursday, August 01, 2013

A Lack of Wiener


I knew that my post a few days ago would attract web surfers, when I posted a misleading "headline" like "Arc Of A Wiener". Anyone following the follies of a certain U.S. politician, or just searching for naughty words was likely to click and view that post.

They would have been disappointed, but they were likely to have clicked on it...

Yesterday's post was a dud though - only around 40 views. That is really bad

So again, I offer up a wiener. No content, just the wiener.

This is part scientific experiment, part "I got nothing"...

Thanks for stopping by, if you did!!