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Monday, October 31, 2011

Hippy Halloween!

(Or happy, if ya ain’t old enough to remember hippies...)

Kind of an interesting morning so far. I have the TV on in the background, so that I can remember to set the PVR before I head out. Elvira, Mistress Of The Dark is a guest on a, for lack of a better lack of a better choice. Which is interesting, because I remember hearing about her passing away a few years ago. At least I recall hearing that Cassandra Peterson, the actress who played Elvira for decades, had left this mortal coil for actual darkness.

Not so. A quick Google indicates she is still alive and well, despite prior media reports. Much like Adam West (TV’s classic “Batman”), Abe Vigoda (from TV’s “Barney Miller”), and Trans-Fats (also known as “flavour”).

Many announcements regarding celebrity passings are apparently never actually confirmed. Comedian Sinbad had to offset an internet rumour that he had died, while it turned out it was only his career that had suffered a fatality. There are more that I have forgotten, but the moral of the story is, don’t believe everything you read or see. Or hear.

Or think...

Hey, this kind-of turned out to be a rather appropriate Halloween column. To some degree at least...

Chow for now!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Happily, I am much pleased (Very pleased? Quite pleased? Is pleased even necessary, after I started with “happily”??) to say that it appears I have NOT had a recurrence of my skin cancer. More happily to my dermatologist regarding the irritation where the sun don’t shine, he took my word for it, and didn’t directly inspect the area.

However, he has a plan - I am going to participate in Patching. That is a one-week test where small strips (or patches - that might have something to do with the name of the procedure) are installed on my hairy back, hairy back, hairy back. For that entire week I will be unable to shower, which is a walk in the park - sometimes I can go two full weeks! Am I right, MTDG??

After the week, they will see what I may be reacting to - it could even be that the very creams and concoctions that I am prescribed for the heartbreak of psoriasis are what may be aggravating it even more.

If only beer ingested orally was the answer!!

Onward, and upward...

Cow for now.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger...bloggers...uh...oh boy...)


“Back off, Turd-Beak - MINE!!!”


“Sez You, Poultry Breath - It’s my cluckin’ smoke!!”

“Eat doody, ya moldy feather head!!”



(Cluck - fer now...)

Friday, October 28, 2011

I’m off to see my dermatologist this afternoon, among a few other chores and errands. Hoping that my skin cancer hasn’t popped back out, and that the splotches on my cheek are just normal formations- for a giraffe.

I also hope to get a little “closure”, for the relentless cracking of my fingers. Thanks to the heartbreak of psoriasis, I frequently find myself having to bandage up just about every finger on both hands because of cracking and bleeding, which leaves me few creative options to access my touch screen smartphone. If the phone is so blasted smart, why can’t it react to a finger with a Band-Aid on it? I need a Phone Butler, a quiet little chap that hovers around, willing and able to read my emails out loud when they arrive. If Charlie wasn’t made out of rubber...

At least I get to have a little fun at the doctor’s office. There are a few places where the sun don’t shine (too much information, MTDG? Reader(s)??) that are affected by the heartbreak of psoriasis as well as my fingers - the dermatologist might prefer looking at freckles on ample female bosoms, but he’ll be getting a full moon today, if you get my drift...

If you think werewolves are!!!!!!!!

Chow for now!!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Hey, I was on TV today!

Sure, I was just a prop to Dr. Lau's expert advice, but seeing my puffy, lozenge-shaped head on TV never gets old!

I'm not sure if there will be actual video footage of the piece to link to, but if there is (likely over the next few days), I will post it here for your viewing pleasure. And education - that Dr. Lau really knows his stuff.

Chow for now!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

NB: BT, on CITY-TV, btw

Hey, there, Calgary area homie(s)! Don’t forget to catch Breakfast Television tomorrow morning, for my (likely brief) segment for Diabetes Month - a fact-filled, informative few moments! And I share some stuff as well...

Late post today - so sorry, but out getting a primary vehicle back on the road.

If other drivers can’t get around it, I’ll pull it back into our driveway....

Chow for now!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011








(Chow for now)

Monday, October 24, 2011

Me On TV, And A Quick Thought On The Recent "Mark Twain Award" Announcement...

Wow - super-late start to my posting today, but I had good reason. I was taping a segment for Breakfast Television that will air here in Calgary on Thursday morning. If there is a link to the clip online afterwards, I will post it for your perusal. Nothing spectacular, just appearing as Diabetic #1 in a piece for National Diabetes Month. On a positive note, I do get a speaking part....

Hey, did you hear that former SNL star Will Ferrell is the latest recipient of the Mark Twain Award For American Humor? Does anyone else out there remember when they used to give those out to people that had an actual body of work, and not just a hairy body part that generally gets flashed in most of their movies?

People like Bob Newhart, Bill Cosby, Steve Martin, George Carlin, etc... A proven and sustained career in comedy. I thought they were lowering the bar with Tina Fey last year (don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of both Fey and Ferrell - hey, that sounds like a clothing line: “Try the new Fey & Ferrell hoodies, just in time for school, from $19.99!”).

If the organizers feel a compelling need to plumb the SNL cast, how about Dan Akroyd? He really has sustained a comedy career, and like so many of the aforementioned winners, has affected popular culture along the way (Ghostbusters, Blues Brothers just for examples).

Oh well, who am I kidding? I’ll have a bowl of popcorn, and be watching as they try and fill out 90 minutes with about 46 minutes worth of career highlights, just like I did last year...

Chow for now!!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Sometimes, heroism goes unnoticed. The important thing is that at the time, the hero springs into action, even if there is no reward or recognition. Being a hero at the right time is what’s really important...

Say, for example, you are home with your convalescing wife - recovering from surgery, weak, groggy and generally disoriented.

Suddenly, your heightened senses detect some sort of noise above the racket of the television. Something seems off, but you stand down - no real threat appears imminent.

Then, as your muscles have slowly begun to uncoil and return to normal, a louder “crack” is heard, along with a flash of light, and your finely-tuned nostrils pick up on an ever-so-faint acrid smell - there’s a fire in the hole!!

Calmly surveying the situation, the hero calmly advises his spouse to calmly call 911, downplaying the concern that an electrical fire is already likely coursing through the interior walls of the home. When she appears too distraught to comprehend the three simple numbers for emergency response, he takes it upon himself to place the call - ignoring the concerning scent of destruction by an unseen blaze.

The ambulance is the first responder - trained EMS members calmly walking towards the home. Perhaps a little too calm, but the hero forgives their seeming indifference - they are clearly trained to remain calm in difficult situations.

By the time the two fire trucks roll up, the EMS crew is already walking back towards their vehicle, still in complete control of their emotions. You can barely see evidence of the worry they must be feeling, but now their comrades are on the scene, and they must stand down, trade off their own heroic services with their fellow rescuers.

A well-protected fireman produces a tool, whereby he is able to search right through walls (Holy Superman, Batman!!), and I prepare for the worst - this building is minutes from being reduced to a pile of ash...

It’s a burn-out light - call off the back-up units...”

Well, yeah, it may have just been a burnt out light, but it sure had the smell of disaster lingering on it!!

After a further inspection of our fuse box, and confirmation that the heat of the now-extinguished light bulb was dropping by the second, we were all able to breath a sigh of relief. Mrs. That Dan Guy, clearly swooning over a valiant rescue effort, even if it had all been in vain...pretended not to know me as the fire department left.

It’s not so much that there may have been a slight over-reaction. It’s more just the knowing that one is ready to spring into action, when heroism is being called on...

Chow for now!!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger, Charlie Chicken...)

One a ma shadows iz sad :-(

How cume I gots too shadows anyhow??

Cluck fer now...

Friday, October 21, 2011

Mrs. That Dan Guy is home convalescing after follow-up surgery, which we sure hope clears up this lingering issue.

It’s been kind-of fun pretending never to have seen daytime TV shows like “The Price Is Right”, “Family Feud”, and “Y & R”, although I probably shouldn’t have come across as knowledgeable as I did when Malcolm’s baby turned out to be Neil’s. Just sayin’...

Having a very short window for recuperation, she will be back to work this weekend, and life will go back to normal. I will miss being served breakfast every morning, and having my coffee topped up whenever it became a little tepid.

Hey, it’s all steps on the road to recovery - you can’t coddle an invalid...

Chow for now!!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

"Halloween For Adults"

Just for shiggles, my latest REM humour column, now live online!!

Chow for now....

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Wow! Today in history was REALLY boring!

I did a search (today in history) on Google, and the results were rather uninspiring. The only real item of note was that classic novelist Jonathan Swift (Gulliver’s Travels) passed away. There was something about that elephant rider Hannibal, but by then I was way too bored to read what happened to him. Probably pulled a muscle cleaning up elephant dung...

Here’s what I think may have happened on this day in history:

Oct 19, 1988 - Boy George is shunned by his band-mates in Culture Club, for mixing lavender eye-liner with a teal scarf. Their popularity never recovered.

Oct 19, 2006 - I misplaced a Sticky Note, with a brilliant idea about investing in Apple with the income from selling one of my collectible chocolate bar wrappers. Couldn’t bear parting with the wrapper, and eventually forgot the whole plan, when the Sticky Note vanished.

Oct 19, 515 AD - People wearing animal pelts gathered around a campfire, bemoaning the fact that Wal-Mart had yet to be invented. Falling prices were sadly still many centuries away...

Oct 19, 2011 - I woke up, and Googled “this day in history”. Unimpressed with search results. Ate donut to soften my anguish.

Well, it ain’t much -  but still way better than what I actually found.

Chow for now!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Two vehicles, both immobilized. How delightful! One with possibly a blown radiator, and the other (which has sat for months to preserve it) appears to have sudden onset brake issues.

Did we win a lottery for bad luck??????

If you read of a husky gentleman knocking over banks in our area, or robbing 7-11’s - it is just coincidence.

"It could always be worse" Yeah, well, it could always be better....

Chow for now.

Monday, October 17, 2011

May need to sacrifice a goat at some point - any advice??

"Higher Power" - Ha! It is to laugh....

Chow for now...

Sunday, October 16, 2011

We seem to get a lot of free Tim Horton’s gift cards for one reason or another, so I will often stop in at a neighbourhood gas station that has a little Timmie’s inside, after dropping Mrs. That Dan Guy off at work on the (brutally early) weekend mornings.

There is a clerk inside though that always glares at each new arrival with utter and complete contempt, as they veer away from his cash register, and steer towards the coffee and doughnuts. You can almost hear his thoughts:

Stupid North Americans, paying so much for coffee and muffins they could buy much cheaper in a grocery store”.

Well, my friend, that may be the case - but I’m also not willing to pay $7 for a tin of Red Bull at your over-priced gas station, nor shell out $27.95 for a small jug of windshield washer fluid.

We all have our own perceptions, I suppose.

Chow for now.

Oh yeah, almost forgot - PS: F you, Universe. F you, and the horse you rode in on.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

“Singin’ in tha rain, jus....”


Avert yer eyes, preverts!!


Ole Charlie needs ta scrub his giblets, if ya knows wut I means...

Hey, is this one a them reality shows, where cameras follow ya around doin’ a documentary?? Like “Tha Office”, or “Modem Family”???


That would go a loooong way ta explanin’ why there’s always cameras aroun this here household. 



Anyhew, as ya kin planely see, I wuz just about ta pellet ma pinfeathers with a pulsatin’ shower head - at least wut pinfeathers I seem ta have left. I seem to renumber havin’  a full condiment a feathers wen I wuz younger...


So - beat it, ya sleep-deprived Peepin’ Tom Turkey - I need ta drop ma drawers and suds up!

Cluck fer now...

Friday, October 14, 2011

And so another fresh new day begins. Well, truthfully it did begin a few hours ago, just so you don’t get to thinking that I roll out of bed at the crack of noon....

However, like every other day, nothing changes. Despite our best efforts. Despite the best intentions. Despite my chiseled good looks, and Mrs. That Dan Guy’s billowy locks of hair.

Every day, like Bill Murray in “Groundhog Day” is the same. Only in our case, we don’t have a skookum soundtrack, or the groundhog. Although, now that I think about it, my hair might be starting to resemble Murray’s....

Groundhog Day does eventually end in that movie, right??

Chow for now...

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Still enduring a raft of technical difficulties, with respect to the myriad electronic devices I try and use every day. It could be the equivalent of mental waterboarding, or being tickled while hog-tied to a bedpost.

As if that weren’t frustrating enough, I see that there is a threat of peanut butter prices spiking due to some sort of shortage. What’s next, a plague of locusts? Golf balls with no dimples? Ear goiters??

A man only has so much resolve he can dip into, to keep moving forward every day...

Chow for now.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

It would appear that I have several technology-related problems, not just my much-despised Windows Vista Patience Tester. 

For a few days now, my Twitter to Facebook feed hasn’t worked, although by all appearances it seems to be active again as of today.

I had to shut my much-despised Windows Vista Patience Tester down completely yesterday, as I couldn’t even send e-mails. Now I have it back up and running, but there are a dozen updates loading, which will disable it (between loading and restarting the beast) for about an hour. I kid you not.

So, I am on the Mac which I love, but am nervous to use in case it crashes again.

I just cannot win this battle of technology.

If all of my readers would kindly send me their snail mail addresses, I will convert back to a tablet and a chisel, and start training my fleet of husky, steroid-enhanced carrier pigeons.

That should reduce my stress levels considerably. As well as MTDG...

If I’m lucky, my hair will start to grow back. If I’m really, really lucky, so will hers.....

Chow for now!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Flawtography By Dan” - Episode #010

Regina @ Night, 2008

This is the lovely view from our Regina hotel room, back in 2008. I wanted to capture the lights, and the signage from the Casino Regina, or whatever they call that place below. Regina, for those of you unfamiliar with the Canadian city, is located in British Columbia. Nope – that’s wrong I think. Saskatchewan?? Possibly…

It’s just a glimmery, shimmery sight (as you can plainly see), and the signage does really pop right out in the shot.

I often wonder why I didn’t pursue a more earnest career in photography.

Please, ask permission if you plan on using it anywhere...

Chow for now!

Monday, October 10, 2011

I swear that technology has made my demise a personal goal.

The Twitter to Facebook app apparently isn’t working today. I’ve also spent days trying to finish my latest audio interview editing, only to have the software repeatedly crash. Even though I am terrified to load data onto the Mac in case THAT hard drive crashes again, I will have to bite the bullet and do it anyhow.

Bottom line - Part Two of my Gordon Kirkland interview is now (finally) online. Just scroll back up to that photo montage above, and click on the link - you can click on the little “Podcast” icon, the “Direct Download” link at the very bottom - or just subscribe for free in i-Tunes (thatdanguy’s Podcast).

Whatever floats your boat. Mine would have to be a birch bark canoe, with nothing technological of any sort....

Chow for now!!

Sunday, October 09, 2011

It is Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada, which apparently does not match up with the same holiday/celebration in the U.S. Either we were keen to jump the gun here in Canada, or our turkey marketers felt it might be advantageous to cull the herds (flocks?) well in advance of our neighbours to the south. Either way, it has nothing to do with any of the historical features of the season in America - but we didn’t put much thought to coming up with a better name.

I do get an image of early Canadians watching a romantic comedy filmed in Hollywood about the holiday, and a light bulb going off. After consulting a calendar and realizing that our corn and pumpkins would be primarily buried under three feet of snow later in the year, we moved up our version of the holiday, and now observe it in early October. We compensated by moving Octoberfest to December, Christmas to January, and Valentine’s Day to June. True facts! I’m not sure what happened with Easter, but that holiday moves around every flippin’ year anyway - who can keep track??

Well, I’m about to do my annual shaping of the Spam into a breast of turkey. With a couple of hot dogs for drumsticks, this is going to be yet another salivation sensation!

Chow for now! And Happy Thanksgiving, fellow Canucks....

Saturday, October 08, 2011

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest crooner...uh, I mean blogger, Charlie Chicken)

Oh Baby, yeah - gotta fill the salt shaker,
Pretty lady, oo-ee, salt shaker, fill-ee!!




“I filled it, yes I did,
Ain’t haveta fib...”


“Oh Baby, yeah - filled your salt shaker,
Salty stuff, you nasty thang!!”



“Salt shaker’s full, that ain’t no bull
Salt shaker’s full, way better than wool!!”





Man, they sure don’t write ‘em like that anymore! 

Cluck fer now...

Friday, October 07, 2011

Turned on the furnace yesterday - it was rather pleasant inside our home had it have been a mausoleum, otherwise, losing feeling in my fingers indicated it may have been a tad too chilly.

All of which may indicate a new record for turning on our furnace. In Kelowna, we wouldn’t until late November. In Winnipeg, mid-July. Here in Calgary, October is turning out to be the consistent guidepost, but I don’t think we had to ignite the burners until a little later in the month, last year. I could be wrong.

Just a head’s up - Charlie may get bumped to Sunday this weekend, as I should have Part Two of my interview with author and humorist Gordon Kirkland ready to debut - so debut it will, if it is ready to roll out.

In other news, rampaging pandas pillaged villages in Pang Pang province, after being fed limp bamboo shoots. At least, that’s how it looks in black and white.

Chow for now.

Thursday, October 06, 2011

I believe the universe has officially designated the Such Is Life household as a “shatting” ground. “All Shatting, All Day - All Night!!

Thank you, Universe - we hope you get bunged up some day, but for now, shat away.

Chow for now...

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

No time to post today. Lots going on, and have to run out shortly.

So, I apologize, but there will be no post today. Nothing. Zip. Zero. Nada.

A void. Emptiness. A black hole. A dearth.


Chow for now!!

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

Just a note - our internet carrier has really become as lousy as the lousy American ones we always hear colleagues complaining about.

Just sayin’...

Carry on.

Chow for now.

Monday, October 03, 2011

Slowly starting to get back to using the Mac for my blog posts, as I am still a bit nervous after losing everything earlier. Well, it may still be on the old hard drive, but the helpful Tech Dude at the Apple store couldn’t seem to resuscitate it, even with paddles nor a magic wand.....

So, gingerly I tiptoe through a few cautious blog posts, fearful that at any moment it may  once again croak before my very eyes, or continue on for the next couple of years without incident. Which would be nice. At least until I can afford to get a backup for it - that would be lovely.

I do love using it, even considering it could fade at any moment. It’s the only gambling I’m able to do these days, aside from sticking my butter knife in the toaster.

Chow for now!!

Sunday, October 02, 2011

I have decided to write a hit song. I need a topic though.



Still no topic....................



Wow, this topic part is hard!




Here we go:

Fill The Salt Shaker” (by THAT DAN GUY)

Oh Baby, yeah - gotta fill the salt shaker,
Pretty lady, oo-ee, salt shaker, fill-ee!!



I filled it, yes I did,
Ain’t haveta fib...

Oh Baby, yeah - filled your salt shaker,
Salty stuff, you nasty thang!!



Salt shaker’s full, that ain’t no bull
Salt shaker’s full, way better than wool!!



©Salt Shaker Music, 2011

Chow for now....

Saturday, October 01, 2011

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

Aww, phooey!!!


Cluckin’ annual fisical - an’ tha stoopid equipment ain’t sized rite!! Tha cuff fer this blood pressure checker-upper iz too small fer ma chicken gams, an’ ma wings appeers ta be permanently attached ta my sides - so I gotta wear tha cuff on ma whole body!!


Cluckin’ science - instead a my arm gettin’ squished, my paunch gets pressed so hard my eyeballs pop outta ma head!!


Pretty sur I mighta had a little accident too, if ya know wut I mean...


Cluck fer now...