2009.

It was somewhat the best of years, and in some ways, the worst year. Of everything we soaked in this year, it will be remembered most here in the “Such Is Life” household as “The Year Of The Beatles”. Our brushes with Lennon & McCartney were unforgettable.

Most years, we settle in to watch the good old “Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve” broadcast. After our first-ever visit to NYC this year, we’ll be ignoring the overly perky braying of Ryan Seacrest to spot sights we saw during that trip. We are both now entirely in love with New York City. Especially since someone had the foresight to open a Tim Horton’s right in Times Square…

Highlights of the year? Well, the aforementioned Beatles, my big birthday surprise to start the year, not only seeing Bob Newhart live in concert, but getting to meet and give him a column I wrote about him, NYC, Ventura California where we caught up with old friends, and met new ones…actually, there are too many highlights to try recalling. Scroll through the archives here to find out more.

Here’s looking forward to 2010!

Happy New Year, everyone!!

Chow for now…

W. Bruce Cameron

“8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter”

“How To Remodel A Man”

“8 Simple Rules For Marrying My Daughter”

This past summer I had a chance to interview author W. Bruce Cameron, of the best-selling “8 Simple Rules” fame, which was also a hit TV series starring the late John Ritter.

Once again, you’ll either have to convert this post to an RSS feed (the little orange symbol somewhere on the page), or just go to i-Tunes, and download it from “thatdanguy’s podcast”.

Mr. Cameron talks about his career in general, and what he’s got coming out in 2010. It’s a fun 23 minutes!!

Chow for now!!

Things I Still Have To Do Before This Year Is Over:

1) Find out where the rubber actually meets the road.

2) Patent my new game, “Duck Duck Rooster”.

3) Take apart Mrs. That Dan Guy’s digital camera, to see where the engineers are hiding the film.

4) Test adding peanut butter to chicken noodle soup, possibly creating one of the finest delicacies ever invented.

5) Test-drive a soul patch on my lower back.

6) Write another letter to Barry Manilow, begging him to cover more Bruce Springsteen songs.

7) Write another letter to Bruce Springsteen, begging him to cover more Barry Manilow songs.

8) Return more pop bottles.

9) Watch less Oprah.

10) Try eating peanuts through my trunk like some animals at the zoo do. Hee hee…zoo do…

11) Dry clean my toupee for New Year’s Eve party.

12) Overcome my fear of candle wax.

Chow for now!!

The past few days, I’ve been devouring “We’ll Be Here For The Rest Of Our Lives”, the “swingin’ showbiz saga” memoir written by David Letterman’s band leader, Paul Shaffer. The book somehow found its way into my Christmas stocking. Which goes a long way to explaining the muffled piano sounds I heard repeatedly in the living room, leading up to Christmas Day…

What a page-turner! Shaffer relates story after story of his encounters with music legends, and his own musical career. This cat has done it all, and been smack-dab in the eye of history the whole time! SNL, The Blues Brothers, Late Night With David Letterman – if you like your comedy accompanied by music, this book is…I want to say “bible”, but maybe there’s a more appropriate description considering Shaffer’s own religious persuasion.

Plus, HE’S CANADIAN (or at least born and raised here), so there’s one more reason for a shivering Canuck to admire his successes.

In the first few chapters alone, there are anecdotes about jamming with Bob Dylan, and backing up Ray Charles. Going from watching The Ed Sullivan Show, to playing nightly in The Ed Sullivan Theater.

I tend to keep my books in a certain small room of our home, allowing me to typically digest only small snippets at a time, but several occasions this blasted book has been impossible to put down, forcing Mrs. That Dan Guy to tentatively peek in, just to ensure I’m not dealing with something irritable, or (at my age) nodding off whilst going about my business.

So far, highly recommendable – find yourself a copy, and get in on the groovin’!!

Chow for now!!

You must be getting old if:

-you don’t go to bed late, but still sleep in until 10 AM…

-you have to post a silly column every morning, but you’ve awoken too clueless to even remember what day of the week it is…

-“Brunch” is served around 5 PM…

-your first thought over a late-morning coffee at home is that your pals at the coffee shop must be thinking you’ve passed on…

-the sharpest thought coming to your mind so far this morning is wondering if anyone out there really IS cuckoo for Cocoa-Puffs…

Need more coffee…

Chow for now!

Chicken Scratch

(by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken)

“Post-Holiday Money-Savin’ Tips”

Happy Holidays, humans! Ole Charlie is gonna start a new tradition, showin’ ya how ta save money over the holidays.

Today, I’m gonna discuss how I get a tree-farm quality Christmas tree, for virtually nuthin’ .

Well, Ok…completely nuthin’…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Step 1: Borrow yer neighbour’s axe, but make sure it ain’t a neighbour who’s tree yer considerin’ collectin’…

Step 2: Consult the Weather Network, ta see when the next full moon is gonna appear.

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Step 3: Stroll aroun’ yer neighbourhood one afternoon, stoppin’ occashunally, so as to assess each tree that may be growin’ on certain front lawns, close enough ta pull back home under covera darkness…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Step 4: Did I mention a pincha rum an’ eggnog?

Step 5: Yer window of opportoonity is somewhere between 2-4 AM, unless ya got nosy blasted dog-walkers in yer neighbourhood – then ya gotta be extra viligent. Eyes open folks! To the winner goze the free tree!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Step 6: Chop quietly, and quickly. Did I mention the toboggan? If I didn’t, and yer standin’ beside a downed pine, I apologize – run home and fetch it quick…

Step 7: Watch how many pinches a rum an’ eggnog ya have, as you will be driving a loaded toboggan down the sidewalk.

Step 8: Get the blasted tree inside yer home pronto, in case noozepaper delivery peoples are startin’ ta arrive.

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Step 9: Decorate, enjoy, and try to avoid yer neighbours fer a few daze (especially the ones talkin’ to the police about a tree missin’ frum their front yard).

There ya have it – holiday cost-cuttin’ tips – YER WELCOME!!

Cluck fer now!!

Ho Ho Ho!!!

Merry Christmas, Season’s Greetings, Happy Holidays – from my gang to yours!

Knock Knock.

(Who’s there?)

Centipede.

(Centipede who?)

Centipede on the Christmas Tree!!

Hope your day is magical,

Chow for now!!

Holey Doodles!

I went to the mall yesterday – what a zoo! For some reason, the place was an absolute madhouse. I wondered if maybe the Jonas Brothers were signing whatever it is that they peddle there, or if apples were on sale.

Hmmm…of all the foods I could have named, why do you suppose I randomly picked “apples”???

Freudian slip, I say!

Yeah, I’m telling you, avoid the mall today if it’s going to be anything like it was yesterday. I’m going to hold off until later this evening, when the crowds may have thinned a bit. I need to pick up some toiletry items. For our toilet room.

Chow for now!!

I believe I mentioned here a few days ago that I would run a recent Christmas column of mine from a week or so ago. Well, as it happens, I can provide something even more entertaining (I hope).

Click on the link below:

http://www.voiceprintcanada.com/component/option,com_mtree/task,viewlink/link_id,34342/

then click “Listen” – from there you can either choose to just run the segment, or save it to your computer forever, back it up, make CD-ROM copies, distribute those to friends and family, store a copy (at least one copy) in a safety deposit box at the bank, bury a disc in your back yard in a time capsule, or simply listen to the dang thing, and then move on with your day.

The Christmas column appears about 5 minutes in (talking about my favourite Christmas song – hint: a former Beatle sings it), and a review appears as well, about 17 minutes in. The rest of the stuff is good listening as well, but I know how impatient you guys can be, especially this time of year…

Chow for now!

Wonderful…

Christmas is just days away, but now I’ve got to go off-topic, and ask for your help settling a fierce disagreement here between Mrs. That Dan Guy and I.

Are you ready? Here we go:

I believe that a popular phrase is “a stitch in nine saves time”. She thinks it’s the reverse, as in “a stitch in time saves nine”. (Yeah, I know – she’s looney as a fruit bat, but god bless her spunky disillusionment…)

There is one more possible outcome here – we could BOTH be wrong (her guess would be more wrong).

Maybe the phrase is:

“A stink in time pollutes the mine”.

“Because you’re mine, I stitch the nine”.

“A stick of wine saves the mime”.

“One small stitch for mankind, one big step for nines”.

“If Lady Ga Ga married Stitchy Fornines, would she be Ga Ga Fornines?”

Please, any help you might offer, would allow us to resolve this disagreement, and return our focus to the arrival of Santa.

Thanks in advance for your consideration (note: a stitch in nine saves time – just sayin’…).

Chow for now!!

Things That May Be Running Through Santa’s Head Right Now:

1) Where the heck did I leave those blasted sleigh keys?

2) “Martha, have you sewn up that tear in my long underwear yet?”

3) Screw this – I’m going to Vegas this year…

4) Oh-Oh! Better pack some Imodium…

5) If Lady Ga Ga married Fred Forgingerbread, would that make her Ga Ga Forgingerbread??

6) Did I load the radar detector??

7) On Donner! On Dancer! My, what a lovely venison stew you’ll make!!

8) What’s this ruddy knot doing in my beard??

9) 25…26…what does it really matter after all??

10) By Ohio, maybe Indiana the furthest, Santa’s gonna need to attend to these goldarn hemorrhoids…

11) Great! Now I’ll have to work TWICE as hard once Oprah retires…

12) Mrs Claus? Why do you think the song lyrics are “don we now our GAY apparel”???

Chow for now!!

Things I Don’t Want For Christmas:

-a hippopotamus.

-a hula hoop.

-my two front teeth.

-gay apparel.

-neck apparel.

-Will Apparel.

-peas on Earth, good gills to men???

-untreated lumber.

-knee lesions.

-toe jam.

-toe mail.

-toe the line.

-shingles.

-a rabid wolverine.

-broccoli.

-e-coli.

-coli-flowers.

Just a head’s up, dawgs!!

Chow for now!!

Chicken Scratch

(By guest weekend blogger Charlie Chicken)

“Have yourself a merry pluckin’ Christmas,
Lay down in some lights…

AAAAWK!! (HIC!!)

From now on,
our knuckles will be out of sight.

AAAAWK!!!! (HIC!!)

Have yourself a merry cluckin’ Christmas,
Make Banjo Boy’s hair grey,
From now on,
his hairline will be miles away.

BUK!!!! AWK.

Here we are as in olden days,
Before cable and downloads.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Bring presents to us once more.

AAAAWK!!!! (HIC!!)

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Great Chicken allows
Hang a shining star
upon the highest beak or brow.

And have yourself
A merry pluckin’ Christmas now.”

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Cluck for now – Happy Cluckin’ Holidays Ever-One!!

Once upon a time there was a wee little snowflake, that settled onto a quiet little lawn in Canada. That probably wouldn't have been so bad, if the snowflake hadn't have invited a bazzillion of his little friends. Which totally covered that poor little lawn. And the driveway to the home. And the roof, and trees, and a small dog that had fallen asleep on the lawn.

Then a warm and cheery Chinook blew into town, melting every one of those little snowy beggars, which were never seen again - until next week - it is Canada after all. But by then , the owner of that lawn had devised a giant blowdryer, which was set to melt each and every one of those snowflakes as they fell from the heavens.

Stay tuned next week, for "Slaughter Of The Snowflakes", a heartwarming holiday story...

Hey, if Lady GaGa , married Wally Forgoggles, would she be GaGa Forgoggles???

Chow for now!!

My word – Christmas Eve already? Where did the time go??

PSYCHE!!!

Hey, it’s not really that far away. If you haven’t hit the bricks yet to get your shopping done, here’s a head’s up – the malls are freakin’ insane!! Mrs. That Dan Guy and I had to stop at our local mall yesterday, and if we weren’t able to park on top of Smart cars, we would have been hooped. I’m not sure that people even work in this city. The parking lot was packed to the rafters, if open air parking lots even have much in the way of rafters.

Yes, tis the season of holly and mistletoe, where young girls go to sleep with dreams of new shoes for their already swollen collections. Which makes me wonder – if Lady Ga Ga married Andy Overshoes, would she be Ga Ga Overshoes??

I know someone here that’s gaga over shoes…

Chow for now!!

Once again, our friends at the CBS Network have outdone themselves (please don’t sue us – that clip we ran here the other day is soooo short…)!

Last night was the 1000th episode of the “Late Late Show”, with hilarious host Craig Ferguson – (who I have blogged about promotionally here before numerous times, CBS) and the broadcast outdid itself. Opening with one of his manic lip-sync performances, this time of Trace Adkins’ “Honky Tonk Ba-Donk-A-Donk”, it never really lost pace from there on forward.

Even when a hand-puppet alligator interviewed the first guest, which is when we checked out, until we can finish watching the rest this morning (DON’T TELL US WHAT HAPPENS!!!!).

Piqued your curiosity yet? If not, don’t forget to tune into CBS, right after “Late Night With David Letterman”!

And really, who wouldn’t???

Chow for now!!

Holy Doodles!

1400 consecutive posts, as of yesterday! Where does the time go?

I’ll tell you where it goes – into worries like this:

“If Lady GaGa married a Goo Goo Doll, would she be a GaGa Goo Goo doll??”

These are the worries that keep me up at night…

Chow for now!!

Hey!

Mrs. That Dan Guy and I were spotted on national TV last night!! (Thanks to the eagle eye of Mrs. Argy in Winnipeg for the heads-up on that…)

Here’s a totally illegal link to our brief appearance on CBS’ “Sunday Morning” (don’t blink), in a feature on Paul McCartney. Our “Year Of The Beatles” got a surprising exclamation point with this little surprise:

http://videomail.shaw.ca/view/8053576040-1260737660-85613/0

NOTE TO CBS:

Please do not sue us for this free CBS promotion here. What a terrific program your organization offers to weekend viewers, which you can view from THIS link, by the way:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/12/13/sunday/main5974688.shtml?tag=cbsnewsTwoColUpperPromoArea

And dear readers, don’t forget the delightful primetime lineup, on CBS. Who doesn’t enjoy the wacky antics on “How I Met Your Mother”, or “”The New Adventures Of Old Christine” – HILARIOUS!!!

Don’t forget everyone’s favourite late-nite funnymen – David Letterman, and Craig Ferguson. Only on CBS!!!

OK, there we are. Hope that keeps everyone happy…

Chow for now!!

The Beatles versus The Jonas Brothers

Yesterday (no pun intended) I started to come to the realization that perhaps the Jonas Brothers are the modern-day reincarnation of The Beatles.

Allow me to present my supporting evidence:

1) Both bands had three members (come on, you can’t really count Ringo…).

2) Both hands elicited screaming fits among their young female fans.

3) Both bands played instruments, and sang.

4) Both bands featured members with full heads of hair.

5) Both bands wrote catchy pop songs – although one of the bands wrote ground-breaking songs that still endure over 40 years after their initial release, and the other band writes songs that occasionally endure up to 40 days later.

6) Both bands spoke English.

7) Both bands were primarily Caucasian.

8) Both bands featured solo members proficient on the kazoo.

9) Both bands featured some of the preeminent songwriters of their generations. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10) Both bands hid embarrassing secrets – like a band-mate with knobby knees, or a road manager suffering from “the heartbreak of psoriasis”.

Yessir, the parallels are stunning…

Chow for now!!

Chicken Scratch

By Charlie Chicken, guest weekend blogger

GODZILLA!!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!!

GODZILLA CRUSH SMALL TOWN!!!

Heh Heh Heh…

Yessir, humans, ole Charlie does loves his Chrismas. All these tiny dekor-ayshuns make me feel like a giant. Lets a bird beak off, and get away with it…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Although, all this cotton baddin’, and sparkly sparkles does tend to get inna yer feathers, if ya know what I mean…

I gotta say, this mock villege looks so cluckin’ real, I can almost see the residents goin’ about their bizzness. If by bizzness, ya mean standin’ like stiffs all day!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!!

HAAAAAACK!!!!

HAAAAAACK!!!!

Whoa! Cotton hairball! I think I maya swallowed a ground cloud!!

Better steal summa Santa’s milk. And cookies…

Cluck for now!!