Chicken Scratch

(by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken)

“Post-Holiday Money-Savin’ Tips”

Happy Holidays, humans! Ole Charlie is gonna start a new tradition, showin’ ya how ta save money over the holidays.

Today, I’m gonna discuss how I get a tree-farm quality Christmas tree, for virtually nuthin’ .

Well, Ok…completely nuthin’…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Step 1: Borrow yer neighbour’s axe, but make sure it ain’t a neighbour who’s tree yer considerin’ collectin’…

Step 2: Consult the Weather Network, ta see when the next full moon is gonna appear.

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Step 3: Stroll aroun’ yer neighbourhood one afternoon, stoppin’ occashunally, so as to assess each tree that may be growin’ on certain front lawns, close enough ta pull back home under covera darkness…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Step 4: Did I mention a pincha rum an’ eggnog?

Step 5: Yer window of opportoonity is somewhere between 2-4 AM, unless ya got nosy blasted dog-walkers in yer neighbourhood – then ya gotta be extra viligent. Eyes open folks! To the winner goze the free tree!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Step 6: Chop quietly, and quickly. Did I mention the toboggan? If I didn’t, and yer standin’ beside a downed pine, I apologize – run home and fetch it quick…

Step 7: Watch how many pinches a rum an’ eggnog ya have, as you will be driving a loaded toboggan down the sidewalk.

Step 8: Get the blasted tree inside yer home pronto, in case noozepaper delivery peoples are startin’ ta arrive.

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Step 9: Decorate, enjoy, and try to avoid yer neighbours fer a few daze (especially the ones talkin’ to the police about a tree missin’ frum their front yard).

There ya have it – holiday cost-cuttin’ tips – YER WELCOME!!

Cluck fer now!!