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Saturday, August 09, 2014

Chicken Scratch


(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

Howdy hoomans - hope yer gettin' yer filla Saturday mornin' kartoons - ah juss got up, so ah gotta take a few minutes ta shake tha cobwebs frum mah skull...

An have a smoke or two...

BUK-AAAAWK!!!! 

So, ah seen sum pikchurs recently uv a amazonian bird that looks like mah ole acquaintance Hen Rietta. Ah had tah go search her out in tha convent she's been livin' in, ta grab a pitcher so's ya know THIS is the real Hen Rietta here. 

Or there - in tha convent...

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Ah oughta dig up sum old posts, ah'll see what ah kin do about that - fer now, trust me - she's makin' life a livin' hell fer tha nuns at tha convent, singing' about the hills of life, an tha sound a moo sick. 

Frankly, she's as daffy as ever - she shoulda been a duck!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Well, ah needs more coffee - so cluck y'all - Charlie's settlin' in ta wake up aroun here...

Cluck fer now!! 

Thursday, August 07, 2014

"Don't Let The Bed Bugs Bite"??

How about "Don't Let The Bed Bugs live long enough to be ABLE to bite"!!

Later...

Wednesday, August 06, 2014

Whoopsie!

Yikes!

Almost forgot to blog today - I just got right into my day after Mrs. That Dan Guy went off to work, and completely forgot!

I can't even remember what I HAD planned to blog about!!

So, in the place of something that was probably enlightening, uplifting, and near brilliant, I simply present to you one of my favourite childhood jokes:







Damn...

Can't remember that either...

Well, remember...uhh..the sun always shines outside of the shade??

Look both ways before you cross Meryl Streep??

Hakuna matata???

Hey, look over there!!!

(Later...)

Tuesday, August 05, 2014

My interview with StoryBook Theatre's J.P. Thibodeau

My post today is a redirection to the Calgary Herald Blogs section, where my latest interview has just gone live:

J.P. Thibodeau Talks About StoryBook Theatre's Upcoming Season

Please check it out!

Many thanks...

Later!


Monday, August 04, 2014

Holiday!

I'm never sure what holiday exactly is going on, but here in Canada at least, we are enjoying a long weekend today. Bueno!

If this is intended to be a day of sombre reflection, that is what I am currently doing - reflecting...reflecting...

If it should actually be a day of Mardi Gras-like frivolity and celebration, I will do that instead - hey, I'm easy!

If it is a day to remember why we wear pants, I will pay homage to my own, with perhaps a relaxing ironing, or a nice hanging in the closet. Have the day off, Pants - I'll wear shorts!!

I should really look at the calendar to see exactly WHAT the holiday is for today - but after a cup of coffee or two - I am ON holiday, after all...

Later!

Sunday, August 03, 2014

Laundry Day

Despite waiting for hours now, no one has come by the house to do our laundry so far today.

I'm only going to wait a few more hours....

Later!

Saturday, August 02, 2014

Chicken Scratch


(posted by....uhh..Charlie???)

Apparently...

thass too close....

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Cluck fer now...

Friday, August 01, 2014

Thunder Only Happens When It's Raining

Also:

Water only boils when it's heating.

I only wheeze when I'm climbing.

Robins only rockin' when they're in pop songs.

(Funny, I thought this would be MUCH easier...)

Later! - Have a great weekend!!!

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Harp Traders

If the collective philosophy is correct, we're all going to be standing around all day up in Heaven, plucking harps for all of eternity. Are we sure this is Heaven??

I'm betting there's a pawn shop or two up there, where after a few millenia the folks that get tired of the endless drone of millions of harps can sneak off in the middle of the night to unload the damned things. From there, I guess they have to go under the radar, which would have to be a bit of a problem what with it being Heaven and all - maybe this is part of the recruitment program for Hades?? I know that even with my easy-going nature, I'd probably want to clobber someone with a harp if that's all I heard all day and all night!!

Just sayin'...

Later...

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

11 (Possible) Secret Herbs & Spices

When I have free time on my hands, I like to speculate (ie: - take scientific wild-ass guesses that hopefully will not be taken seriously enough so as to lead to litigation) on a variety of subjects. I may speculate on just about anything under the sun, given enough free time.

Anything - like what might be some of the long-guarded 11 secret herbs and spices used in coating KFC chicken parts...

1) Myrrh - why not? What else is myrrh used for? Does anyone even have the slightest clue what myrrh is?? Hopefully, it is delicious if it is indeed used in coating KFC chicken parts...

2) Love - isn't everything tastier when it's coated in love?? And crispy...

3) Edible oil by-product extractions - YUM!!!

4) Eye of newt  - a time-honoured tradition, possibly ALSO a delicious secret ingredient making magic on KFC chicken parts coating...

5) Kentucky Bluegrass - hey - the best is the best, be it for a shimmering, lush lawn or coated chicken parts...

6) Riboflavin - Riboflavin? Ribo-flavour!!

7) Gravy Dilute - Not entirely sure if this is even a thing, but back when KFC chicken part coating was created, there couldn't have been that many ingredients to choose from in an industrial kitchen...

Well, just a few guesses - who really knows what composes the ACTUAL 11 secret herbs and spices? Probably a scientist, or anyone that knows how to cook.

For now, these are some of my conclusions. Not to be taken seriously. Or litigated...

Later!!

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Working In A Cold Mine...

You'd think that with modern technology, mine companies could afford to run some sort of heating into their mine workplaces. But that old pop hit about working in cold ones indicates that might not be happening.

Is it time to start a campaign for warm mines? Don't workers deserve a comfortable workplace?

Where were the unions when these companies started building cold mines? Seems to me a no-brainer - just find a way to keep things warm in there!!

I must find out a bit more about this phenomenon....

I'll get back to you, after my research is done!

Later...

Monday, July 28, 2014

Back. To The Future!

Going through cupboards and dresser drawers yesterday, I came across some archaeological curiosities - one of which was my VHS copy of the first instalment of Michael J. Fox's "Back To The Future" franchise. I've long since purchased the trilogy of DVD, which is almost as extinct now as that old VHS tape.

I do tend to collect these things. I know that in a box somewhere in the house (OK, several boxes), I have unseen episodes of "Dallas", "Growing Pains", and "Wheel Of Fortune" I will have to one day unearth and watch, before I can let them go.

Don't even get me started on my 8-tracks - why doesn't anyone still sell the players??

AAARGH!!

Later...

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Bad Year in Famous People Losses So Far...

Darn.

I can't find the link I stumbled across last week, but that one suggested there have been over 90 celebrity deaths so far this year - and they are some pretty big names from film, stage, music, sports and more.

Click here for a similar list...

I had forgotten just how many big names are no longer with us...

Later!

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Chicken Scratch


(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

Huh...

I wunner why that there helli-chopper keeps circling' above tha house?

Ackshually, it keeps hoverin' - juss above tha house???

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Ah cud swear it feels like it's shootin' some kinda beam into tha house - THIS HOUSE@!?!

Wut tha cluck????

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Oh boy - ah better go hide tha medicinal vegetation ah been storin' fer...a friend!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Is that a dog I heer barkin' outside??

Oh, sweet lard!!

THA JIG IZ UP!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Ah'm too pretty ta go ta jail!!

Time ta use tha chicken door ta skee-daddle!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Cluck fer now!! 





Thursday, July 24, 2014

Pulling Up My Socks!

Wait - I'm not wearing socks????

Ankle fat????

Oh boy......

That can't be good.....

Later!

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Merrily We Roll Along?

I'm betting that song WASN'T sung by rowers on viking ships....

Just sayin'...

Later!

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Monday, July 21, 2014

I Can't Whistle

We are a unique combo, Mrs. That Dan Guy and I. She can't snap her fingers, and I can't whistle. By contrast, I can snap the fingers on BOTH my hands, while she can whistling like a steaming kettle on a hot stovetop.

So, the biggest problem I can see with this information is that there are some jobs I probably wouldn't qualify to work in, as a result of my inability to whistle:

1) Lookout for bank robbers - without a whistle to alert my colleagues of approaching law enforcement, I would be finding new accomplices every other week. Scratch this one off my list.

2) Mom on a working ranch - I suppose I could use a bell or something, but don't most whistle for the workers to come to lunch?

3) Mine worker - don't all of them whistle as they work??

4) Lothario at beach, or construction site - this has to be the oldest whistling situation to find oneself in, whistling at pretty girls walking by. My efforts just sound like an asthmatic donkey...

5) Dog caller - again, perhaps other oral commands might replace a sharp whistle to prompt Rover's return - but amongst all his dog pals, they would probably have a laugh riot over my human whistling shortcomings...

Yessir, I can't whistle. Oh snap!

Later....


Sunday, July 20, 2014

Once Again, I Am Bereft...

Well, here we go again - I've got nuthin'...

My brain is blank, my skewed sense of sensibilities is snafu.

I'm sure if I really put some thought to it, I could come up with something. But at this very moment, watching my fingers lumber along the keyboard, I can see my cup of coffee over there on the table, and I believe that is where my focus truly lies.

So, to recap - I got nuthin'. Humble apologies. We'll try again (as usual) tomorrow.

Hey - get outside and enjoy the day, why doncha??

Hello coffee my old friend, I've come to snarf you up again...

Later!!

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Chicken Scratch


(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

Ugh.

Saturday - tha worss day uv tha week!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Chores, insted a snores, as I hafta git mah clothes eyerunned up fer tha club tonite.

Cleerly, ah needs tah git mahself a helper aroun here!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Whoever invented duds that need ta be eyerunned in tha firss place???

Ah also needs tah take care not ta burn tha feathers on them clothes...

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Well, ole Charlie haz werk ta dew, so why don yew all git back ta werk yerselves??

BEAT IT!!

Cluck fer now...


Friday, July 18, 2014

If I Had It To Do All Over Again...

I'd spend time in a Mariachi band - maybe as the guy that plays that really big guitar...

I'd have taken up hunting. And pecking...

I might have played more croquet - although as an adult, you don't get that many chances to have a quick pick-up game....

I would have become a weatherman - what a great job, never having to ensure that whatever I say will actually happen when I say it will. Hey, is it too late to become a politician??

I would have had two or three times more freckles added to my face, as a conversation starter.

I would avoid smokin'. Ah, who am I kidding - I've always been smokin'....

I would have joined Hair Club For Men far, far earlier...

You know, it strikes me that I can still do all of this and more - where the heck did this train of thought come from??

Come on Friday - let's do this!!!

Later....


Thursday, July 17, 2014

Johnny Winter - Glad I Got To See Him Live

I've been running through some of my old newspaper columns for the past little while, trying to find a column I wrote a few years back. When I heard that legendary bluesman Johnny Winter had passed, I hoped to re-post that piece.

However, can't find it. I had probably made a mention in a piece and I'll have to comb through them all one at a time - at any rate, I saw him back when he was still filling arenas. He came to Winnipeg, and put on a hell of a show that I remember to this day. I'll also never forget his warm-up act - Little Richard! There was a showman, let me tell you.

Digging out some music to listen to while I work today....one of the greats...

Later!

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Today In History - Newsworthy Tidbits Stolen From The Web!

So, apparently today in history - 463 to be exact- was the start of the Lunar Cycle of Hilarius - you just can't make stuff like that up.

Although, I did just copy and paste that nugget from a website I know nothing about, so maybe that is completely fabricated, just for shiggles by the site administrators. I could have egg on my face, and NOT from my breakfast dish!!

At any rate, I know absolutely nothing about the Lunar Cycle Of Hilarius, but I will presume on the record here that this cycle is the reason we still continue to find mooning people so funny, centuries later. That's my educated guess.

I could just be a little lune-y though...

Later!

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

My Blog For Today's Calgary Herald - Las Vegas Elvis Festival Notes

I just Tweeted my link to today's Calgary Herald blog post, and already my Twitter feed is blowing up as I type this - that's the power of the enduring popularity of Elvis Presley.

Read about my walk down Memory Lane, and in the actual places he walked himself during his Vegas run by clicking here.

What a crazy experience!

Later...


Monday, July 14, 2014

Back Home!

Like John Denver famously sang - hey, it's good to be back home again. Despite preferring to be still away, it was time to get back to everything I have on the go here.

And back to my crappy home internet, after even worse wifi experiences on the road. My word, what a terrible experience - I need to look into something that won't kill me financially, yet can still offer at least some degree of consistent online accessibility while travelling.

To top things off, I may have been hacked while on an unsecured wifi connection, so I apologize in advance if anyone has been spammed from "me". I'll get on that this morning - and have something new and exciting for my Calgary Herald blog space tomorrow.

Until then, I work no towards finally switching home internet providers, as my day has already been stalled by glacial speeds - speeds is so far tongue in cheek I can't swallow...

Later!

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

Classic Chicken Scratch

Due to internet connectivity issues, we look back in the vaults today - an episode from July 19, 2008.

Enjoy.

Cluck fer now:

Friday, July 11, 2014

Read It Now - My REM Column is live today!

Thank heaven for small miracles. My worst travelling internet connectivity EVER continues - so happily I can just link you to my latest column this morning (afternoon??), while I have a brief moment of apparent online connection.

Read it here - Real Estate Aptitude Test - and bear in mind, it is a humour column, in case you were hoping to really find out how to be successful :-)

Enjoy!

Later...

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Just a Quickie Today...

Wait - not that kind of quickie!!

(Although, the day is young, after all.......)

Trying to post on slow, and perhaps not even all that secure hotel internet, so let me just say that I hope to have something more tomorrow.

For now, this fulfills my mandate to post something every day - WHOOOPS!

I see an error message - better hope this does post after all, and I'll try again tomorrow.

Be safe out there,

Later!!

Wednesday, July 09, 2014

I Have To Ask...

...is it REALLY wrong to have an ice cream sandwich for breakfast? I'm out of toast.

Asking for a friend.

Later!!

Monday, July 07, 2014

Flawtography, Episode #021 - George Strait


In 2009, Mrs. That Dan Guy and I settled into the Saddledome to see the legendary George Strait live in concert - good thing we did, he's now recently retired from touring!

What a show, and as you can see from the photo, he looks terrific! He was literally shimmering with energy and enthusiasm!

I did review the show for this blog space, so if you'd like to see how that show went, just click here.

Happy Stampedin'!

Later....

Sunday, July 06, 2014

Chicken Scratch


(posted by weekend cowboy and guest blogger, Charlie Chicken...)

Ya-Hoo!

Itz tha Calgiry Stampeed, folks - giddy-up!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Bein' born inna farm, Ah'm about tha only awwthentik cowboy yew might see here this week!

Ah gots mah spurs sharpened an polished, an mah cowboy hat is at the ready, fer when a cute cowgirl winks at me!

Ah LOOOOOOVES Stampede!!

Ya-Hoo!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Ah also kinda enjoys tha authentic foods of tha ole west, like these here minnie-donuts! Yowza, makes a beak slobber like a fountain at a outdoor pool - Mama Mia!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

After a strennu-us couple hours a bull ridin'  a bird gets a hankering' fer donuts. Pardner...

Yessir, fella, yew kin dip 'em in sugar, ah ain't gots tha diabetes mahself!!

Ya-Hoo!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Now, excuse me folks, ah gotta sashay over ta tha shade, this here sunny wether is gonna burn tha pinfeathers right offa me!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Cluck fer now - Ya-Hoooooooo!!!!!

Saturday, July 05, 2014

"Avenue Q" at Stage West Calgary Is Puppet Perfection!

"Avenue Q"
Stage West Calgary


My "Before-Noon" Theatre Review: 

"Avenue Q

at Stage West Calgary

Directed & Choreographed by Mark Bellamy

(5 out of 5 Stars)


What a way to end the latest season over at Stage West Calgary - the award-winning (albeit frequently naughty) "Avenue Q" won over the audience last night with real-life struggles portrayed by shadier versions of The Muppets. 

While not at all a production of the legendary Sesame Street or Muppets creator Jim Henson, you can't ignore the comparison - it's "felt" throughout by the main characters, a variety of puppets and monsters that move the storyline along, while visible puppeteers actually move them through their scenes.

It all works unbelievably well - there are moments when you don't even realize that the puppeteer maneuvering the character that they are holding isn't the actor actually voicing them. Without any effort to hide the humans, they do end up blending in visually, in deference to the puppet leads.

Here though is where I have to say that from a vocal standpoint, this may just be the strongest cast of singers to date at Stage West Calgary - and there have been some amazing vocalists on that stage over the years I have attended. In the roles here, with multiple voices to alternate between, each and every actor delivers wonderfully vocally, and emotionally. Director Mark Bellamy noted that the songs were terrific in an interview prior to the media night presentation, and he wasn't kidding. Who needs "Bring Him Home", when there are so many witty melodies, like plays on racism "Everyone's A Little Bit Racist", or online surfing "The Internet Is For Porn"?? 

Like Les Miz, there are refrains of some songs throughout, like "B.A. In English" and "It Sucks To Be Me" laments that are reprised, nicely anchoring the theme of disappointment that runs throughout the production, while maintaining the heavy sense of humour that dominates the story. 

photos courtesy of Stage West Calgary


Make no mistake. This is an adult show, with graphic scenes and language. Stage West did a great job letting potential audience members know that in advance, in case anyone wasn't already familiar with the show. In the spirit of the story, the naughtiness all worked to big laughs. Despite the lack of a tidy, happy ending, I'd wager that most of the audience left more than satisfied with the experience.

As usual, I have to retain some material for use in my official Calgary Herald review (linked here when that's live in the paper and online), but quickly - Jeremy Crittenden (
Princeton/Rod) and Madeleine Suddaby (Kate/Lucy) were outstanding as were their colleagues Christian Goutsis (Nicky Trekkie) and Selina Wong (vocal powerhouse Christmas Eve), as well as Katrina Reynolds (Gary Coleman), Katherine Fadum, and Daniel Williston (Brian).  

You can find out more by visiting Stage West Calgary, and you can access the piece I wrote earlier for my Calgary Herald Blog, when I sat down with director Mark Bellamy.

You can view that interview on my YouTube Channel, or download it from my podcast site.

Again, I'll post a link once my actual Calgary Herald review runs, but for now, make plans to go get your puppet on at Stage West Calgary - this show is as good as it gets, human or otherwise!

Later...




  

Friday, July 04, 2014

My First 4th Of July (Have A Safe & Happy One, Friends!)




This piece is pretty old, I wrote it after attending one of my annual NSNC conferences (National Society Of Newspaper Columnists) in 2006, and a version of it appeared in my old weekly newspaper column. I may have even posted it here in the past, so if you've read it already, I do apologize.

Still fun though, so enjoy, and to all my American compadres, have a safe and happy 4th of July!


My First Fourth of July

After decades of celebrating Canada Day here at home, my wife and I had a chance to experience our first-ever Fourth of July celebrations on U.S. soil, around this time last year. We happened to be in Boston, a city literally brimming with history.
However, this story has two parts, beginning on the 3rd of July. 

That morning, we were getting an early start to our day, having breakfast in our hotel - The Omni Parker House. The restaurant in this hotel has seen a fair share of history itself. It happens to be where John F. Kennedy proposed to Jackie. It also boasts Malcolm X as a former busboy. I understand a couple of recent American Idol contestants are going to be future waiters there...

After breakfast, we had time to fill, so we rushed off to Prudential Center, where we caught a  "duck" ride, a city and river tour on a World War II amphibious vehicle. Over hill and over dale, that was a total hoot - even though technically ducks don’t hoot. 

Zipping back to our hotel afterwards, we caught our breath before we had dinner, and took in a pre-4th of July Fife & Drum concert, in the courtyard of Old City Hall. Very cool! Made me wish I had taken my high school fife lessons more seriously... Boston is one history-filled place to attend the Independence Day holiday!!

All of this time-filling led to our eventual destination - we closed our evening with the free dress rehearsal of The Boston Pops, on The Esplanade. You literally enjoy the exact same 4th Of July show that will be broadcast live on national TV the next evening. We saw the entire dry run, with hosts Dr. Phil and Robin McGraw, plus guests like Steve Tyler & Joe Perry doing a couple of huge Aerosmith hits. And of course, The Boston Pops masterfully running through the famous “1812 Overture”. Absolutely surreal... 

After experiencing the dress rehearsal for The Boston Pops Fireworks Spectacular however, we thought we might not want to be in a cozy little crowd of 500,000, for the real deal. So, we booked ourselves onto a “fireworks cruise”.

Which is how we eventually spent our first-ever Fourth of July, in the United States…

When we arrived at the harbor the next afternoon, there were a couple of ships lined up, so we settled onto a bench, chatting with a nice couple from Chicago.

There was one cruise boarding before ours, and we were surprised to notice that a modern, sleek twin-hulled catamaran was being loaded for that one. An older, somewhat rusty tub appeared to be the only one left for the next group - our group. You could hear the ripples of concern begin to circulate throughout the crowd on the dock...

So as not to allow those of us who had arrived early to get cold feet, they began to board The Rusty Tub. In the surprising crush of people anxious to embark on what looked like a retired tugboat, my wife and I ended up in the lower level, where we were about to enjoy a cozy three-hour sauna.

Once finally underway, I imagine it was with our safety in mind that The Rusty T made its way out to the “general area” of the fireworks, but kept to a very safe distance of what seemed like several miles away, in case I suppose any of the fireworks embers might ignite the original wood hull. We became concerned that we may ironically end up watching "The Spectacular" on a cell phone screen. Several Lions attending an international conference were quietly planning a mutiny, gathering up a supply of the onboard hot dogs - stiffer than billy clubs...

Suddenly though, the Floating Rust Barge hauled anchor over to another vantage point, where we could see the illumination of fireworks, from behind a row of tall buildings. The crew simulcast the audio of The Boston Pops over speakers throughout the ship. I’ve never, ever seen anything like it before. It was unforgettable...

We all had a few laughs on the cruise back to port, and nobody seemed to mind the accommodations that much anymore. 


Rust is relative after all, as long as it floats you back home… 



Later!



Thursday, July 03, 2014

I'll Huff, and I'll Puff...

...then the wolf put his oxygen mask back on, and decided just to stay in his chair and rest.

What? That fable is a couple of centuries old - even big bad wolves age...

Later!

Wednesday, July 02, 2014

Feathers, Fur or Hair?

Like most people, you've probably had a bad hair day of two over the years. Wouldn't it be far more desirable to have something that DIDN'T create such havoc when you've slept in, and need to get ready quickly before you rush out the door, late to get to work??

So, hair as we humans know it seems to be the problem. What if instead we had either fur or feathers?

1) Fur seems to stay composed even after hours of sleeping in a sunny spot, on a couch back or on top of a dresser. And as a side benefit, you don't see too many bald cats or dogs, so how did we humans end up with a depleting resource on our scalps?

I vote for fur grafts, to see if that would be easier to manage after a morning of tossing and turning on a lumpy old mattress...

2) To be honest, I've never seen a bird of any sort laying down on his or her feathers (certainly not on a feather pillow!), so I can't say that those would be a viable option. It is too politically incorrect nowadays to wear one of those headdresses you could buy in the store as a child for games outside, which you could then test drive whilst snoozing.

I will try and find a bird of some sort to experiment with, but at this time, I believe that feathers, while quite ornate and fanciful, may be as much a nuisance as human hair when it comes to getting ready in the morning.

I suppose I should have thought of a few more options, but those two seemed like the most natural choices. Corduroy? Gravel? Choice to explore another day, I suppose...

Later!

Tuesday, July 01, 2014

David Sedaris Continues To Elude Me...

No picture today - we were informed at David Sedaris' Calgary reading and book signing last night that photos were NOT allowed. I'll take that to presume that a downloaded cover of one of his books wouldn't be appreciated either...

So, here's the thing, which will probably sound like heresy to most anyone reading this. I just don't get David Sedaris. Maybe I'm reading the wrong books from his canon, but I have yet to see anything that measures up to his wild popularity.

I know he's funny - I've seen him on Letterman, and listened to downloads of his reading excerpts from his books. But I've started two books now, and walked away from both. Both "Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk" and his newest release "Let's Explore Diabetes With Owls" - neither one gripped me in any way that compelled me to read further than a few chapters in.

Attending his live reading last night was more of a last-ditch effort to see if I am missing something that other readers (hundreds of thousands, I might add - maybe even more) see in his books. Granted, I haven't read his earlier best-sellers, so maybe I should make one last effort to see if I can find anything that endears his work to my attention. Not that he needs MY attention. His reading last night was peppered with stories of touring the world reading his work live, and the venue was packed to overflowing, standing room only.

I will admit, there were funny moments last night, even a few laugh-out-loud moments. But from a fellow that tops best-sellers lists with each new release, I just don't personally see that in the books I've started.

I've had the pleasure of hearing or even meeting some of the funniest authors in Canada and the U.S., and I have a really broad sense of humour, so it's not that I don't give his writing a chance. For all the hoopla, I just expect much more in the way of laughing from someone who is clearly such an accomplished writer and humorist.

Could be just me - and as I say, there were funny moments last night, just not what you would expect from such a huge name.

On the plus side, we got to hear brand-new pieces, that will likely end up in another book I'll probably start, then abandon...

What do I know??

Later!!


Monday, June 30, 2014

My Chocolate Rant

Why is chocolate so darn good? How is it even legal for chocolate makers to create so many tasty concoctions that I am powerless to resist?

Why do chocolate bunnies give me those come-hither looks, looks that practically BEG me to bite their ears off???

How is it that M & M's have legs and appear to be free-thinking in their commercials, but are inactive and passive when you open up a package? They're not gonna get away from consumption Hershey - with THAT sort of self-defence mechanism!!

Chocolate fountains - who thought THAT was a good idea? Sure, you can cover strawberries or pineapple, but why not MORE chocolate?? COVERED IN CHOCOLATE!!!!!

Hershey - I'm looking at you! Knock it off with the delicious candies already.

Good grief... Why am I ranting about chocolate at breakfast time???? Could be my CHOCOLATE ECLAIR!!!

ECLAIR!!!!!

Sugar high..gotta calm down....

Sweet mother of cocoa...

Focus, man....

Later!

Sunday, June 29, 2014

A Little Birdie Told Me...

"Tweet Tweet Tweet" "Chirp"

I frankly have no idea what the hell that means...

Later!

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Chicken Scratch


(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

OMG!!

OMG!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

A PETRIFIED CHICKEN!!

OMG!!

Wut evil devil haz afflickted this poor, proud poultry??

Turned ta wood, an placed upon a shelf!!

EVIL INCARNATE!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Ah needs ta find a magician, or a sorcerer ta reduce this tragic sitchuayshun....

But first, mebbe a beer ta steddy mah nerves...

Cluck fer now!!! 

Friday, June 27, 2014

BAM!

Speaking of which, has anyone heard from Emeril lately??

Later....

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Barbecuing A Chicken

1) Distract chicken by pointing off to the opposite direction of his field of vision.

2) Bonk chicken over head, hard enough to ensure he is unconscious.

3) Eviscerate, whilst wondering why you didn't just buy chicken parts at the supermarket instead...

4) Coat in BBQ sauce.

5) Grill.

6) Enjoy.

7) Reconcile with process by concluding that the chicken was headed in this direction regardless, so not really as cruel as it all sounds...

8) Suck it up man, it was a chicken! Dry your eyes and move on!!

9) The service for the bones and beak was lovely - I'm sure you have  more than atoned for what you did to the poor little fella...

10) Have you considered barbecuing a zucchini as you transition into becoming a vegetarian?

Later!

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Lucky Charms Leprechaun Reveals Stretch of Bad Luck

The Daily Peeper has run a piece recently on how the Lucky Charms leprechaun has had to hide from the general public several bad investments, a hip replacement, and a short-lived  awkward decision to pawn his pot of gold.

Things have turned back around, and the little fella is now whistling a happy tune once again, swinging his shillelagh as he chuckles merrily along down the sidewalk.

This has been a Useless News Update.

Later!

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

(It Was, Briefly) The End Of The World As We Know It!!!

Man, just a few hours without internet, and you wonder how our caveman ancestors ever managed to make it through evolution without wi-fi...

We returned from a brief trip to visit family late last night, and this morning tried to communicate with the outside world. First, no new emails overnight. Then, no internet to determine if we had been invaded by aliens and had missed the alerts.

Finally, no phone service! Dear Internet - how about you work like you're supposed to! I'm too frail for this sort of disruption...

Driving Mrs. That Dan Guy to work, I was able to connect with wi-fi and/or wireless outside of our neighbourhood, and like Pavlov salivating over a bell, we had our beloved internet once again!

Maybe it was his dog, but really, the point is that after hearing emails and Facebook posts dinging on my smartphone, I was finally able to breath again.

No, I actually did salivate, truth be told...

At any rate, now back online here, but I have to go do some running around. I will have to depend on my phone to tether me to reality.

Or at least the cyber version...

Breathe...

It's gonna be OK....

Later!! (I hope...)

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Keurig Coffe Makers

...kinda look like that last hole at the mini-putt course, where you have to make the golf ball hop up into the hole and see if it rolls down into one of the big score zones.

Where's my putter??

Later...

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Chicken Scratch


(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

Whoa!

Serious humidity here this mornin'!

Wut tha cluck!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

I gotta iron out this problem, pronto!

Cluck fer now.....

Friday, June 20, 2014

Friday, The Noblest Of All Days.

There is really no other day like Friday, which brings with it two of the best days of the week - Saturday & Sunday.

Certainly not cursed Monday, which brings one back to work and has endless DAYS before the return of another weekend.

Not Tuesday, for sure. Tuesday just means you have survived Monday, but you are still DAYS away from the weekend.

Wednesday is getting better, but it's still no Friday. Even if Hump Day was reflective of something other than feeling like a camel trying to tap dance in a chorus line...

Thursday? The worst! Almost Friday, but not. And there's still another FULL day of work before the weekend.

So,  there is really no other day like Friday, which brings with it two of the best days of the week - Saturday & Sunday.

Happy Friday!

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Ant Farms Failing To Make Dent In Economy

Ant farms have been popular for decades, but recent reports indicate that they do absolutely nothing to contribute to the overall growth of the economy.

That is due mainly to the obvious consideration that ants aren't really raising crops on their farms.

Also complicating matters is that many people pay exterminators to REMOVE ants, when they get too close to their homes, dismantling farms not contained in clear plexiglass displays.

Next, we'll examine the lack of impact flea circuses have on their competitors.

Later!!

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Dr Oz Ain't The Only One Giving Questionable Weight Loss Advice!

As devastated as I am that following Dr. Oz's advice these past few months may have led to me NOT losing hundreds of pounds (sheesh - blueberries and pineapples, thanks for stuffing my gullet with fresh fruit, Oz!!), I also have recently suggested methods that may not stand up to scrutiny. Or common sense.

This ran earlier in my REM column (for non-savvy internetties, please click on where it says "This" back at the start of this paragraph.

Enjoy!

Just don't employ...

Later!!

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

But it would be far better if they could be raised to tell the truth when they're awake. Nobody likes a lying dog, idiom or not...

Later!

Monday, June 16, 2014

Talkin' With: Director Mark Bellamy for "Avenue Q"

Had a great sit-down recently with Calgary director Mark Bellamy, whose handiwork I caught in the recent Storybook Theatre production of "Shrek The Musical".

He's next on tap for "Avenue Q" at Stage West Calgary, and here's some links for what we had to discuss.

1) Calgary Herald Blog - the video links, as well as a newspaper style recap.

2) YouTube - the quickest, easiest site for viewing the interview, I suppose one could argue...

3) My podcast site - download, or just watch from the comfort of anywhere you may be :-)

Enjoy!

Later...

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Weekend's Almost Over :-(

Although on the plus side, that means the rain will clear, and the gale force winds will calm down.

Sure saving a fortune on barbecue propane this year!

Later....

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Chicken Scratch


(Posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

Sentimental Saturdays

Around this time back in June of 2009 Charlie was doing some preparation work for the upcoming Calgary Stampede.

Here's what he was up to back then...


Cluck fer now!

Friday, June 13, 2014

And So It Begins...

Sorry.

Meant to say "sew" it begins - I'm hemming a pair of pants...

Hey, my first official Calgary Herald blog today may look familiar, but there's new stuff coming soon!

Read it here!

Later...

Thursday, June 12, 2014

My REM column today - Being Part of a 25 Year Journey...

Today's column in Real Estate magazine (REM) that's just gone live online isn't my typical monthly (real estate) humour piece.

I do reflect therein on having my national column running for the past 14 years, in this wonderful resource for Canadian Realtors. And anyone else that can view it anywhere in the world online the past few years...

Click here to give it a read.

In other news, I am just about to start my very own Calgary Herald blog, which will allow me more opportunities to review and reflect on items closer to home here in Calgary. It will be the new home for my theatre and concert reviews, as well as interviews and other features as I develop my audience in that space.

Along with the new blog, I'm setting up a Facebook author/writer page (simply added to my own personal one), so that people can "Like" and connect there rather than having to friend me. That's also how The Calgary Herald allows for feedback, so figured I had better create all this at the same time.

The only downside is that it is hosted on Wordpress, which I despise, but I am now going to have to learn it all over again, after pulling the pin a few years back when I tried it the first time.

It's a brave new world, friends - however silliness and other such stuff will continue on in this space, so don't go anywhere!!

Thanks, and enjoy that anniversary column...

Later!!

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

It's Time, Burger Prince!

The times they are a-changing, it has been said before - possibly by Homer Simpson? I don't know that for sure, but he has been spouting off for decades now, it could have been him...

Regardless, whoever did say it knew what they were talking about. I understand even enduring dynasties such as royal families are having to revisit how long kings & queens can stay on their thrones, before abdicating in favour of their children.

So, good news with that thought process for Burger Prince, who has waited decades himself to rise to the role of King. Granted, all he really inherits is how much ketchup and onions to put on Whoppers, but still - it's all in the title...better to be king than one in waiting.

How will this affect Dairy Queen? Is there a Dairy Princess patiently biding her time in the wings, dreaming of the day she can advise on the looping curly-cues that grace ice cream cones?

In the music world, Prince has changed his name several times, but never to King - maybe now?

The times, they are a-changing - who will YOU be hailing at a coming coronation??

Later....

Monday, June 09, 2014

Storybook Theatre: "Shrek The Musical"


Storybook Theatre
"Shrek The Musical"



The Monday Morning "Before-Noon" Theatre Review:

Storybook Theatre's production of 

"Shrek The Musical"

The photo above is just a slightly selfish walk down Memory Lane for me - I was in New York while the 12-month Broadway run of "Shrek" was still going strong. I ended up turning right and heading into the Ed Sullivan Theatre instead that day - so what good fortune to finally catch up with this charming crowd-pleaser last night here at home!

Storybook Theatre's presentation just confirms for me the depth of the talent we have on Calgary stages at any given time. Child or adult, the audience last night was robust in their approval of the great job all the actors and creatives did with this theatrical homage to the Mike Myers films that became instant classics from the first one on.

First off, kudos to costume and stage design, which helped maintain the illusion of animation with live actors - aided by some background animation of sorts with stars and the moon. As well as a brief nod to a variety of minor characters including a cow jumping over the moon, a dish running away with a spoon, a tease of Disney's "Lion King" - and even Puss In Boots...

Director Mark Bellamy has not only a vast story to tell in this play, but also a large cast of active actors to maneuver onstage, which he make appear as smooth as a princess's complexion - no surprise given his extensive credentials. He has some able assistance in that cast traffic challenge from choreography Angela Woodard, another one here with a wealth of experience to bring to her role. 

Vocally, the large cast works extremely well in the ensemble pieces, and in their solo efforts. As for the stars, well - this production as I mentioned at the start benefits from some deeply talented singers.

Jeremy Walker as Shrek raises the roof several times, on his own and with Fiona (Jamie Robinson) in one particular number that is unlike any other musical duet that I'm aware of - a love song with belching and flatulence? A huge hit with the kids, and those of us that have yet to actually grow up...

Donkey (Tenaj Williams) gets to rip up the stage as well, and again has a unique duet - with a dragon. 
What can you say? This is like the films, a blend of a large number of fairy tale characters, and in the case of the play there are also fun references/pokes at other famous Broadway musicals.  

Short-changed only by the nature of his character, but hardly in his performance, Christopher Willott has the challenge of singing and dancing while on his knees as Lord Farquaad (I'm not revealing any secret telling you this), and evokes a load of laughs in that effort. 

And then there are the puppeteers, bringing life to the aforementioned dragon, and the foul-mouthed Gingy. There's the younger Shreks and Fionas, as well as Pinocchio and the rest of the Fairytale Creatures - if you've seen the movies, you'll recognize the characters in this musical for sure. 

But time is running out - Shrek The Musical ends June 14th, so check out Storybook Theatre for ticket info - their site indicates many of the performances are already sold out, so I'd advise you to make haste...

Incidentally, the playbill indicates that director Mark Bellamy's next project is "Avenue Q" for Stage West Calgary, which is where I caught up with him at the time for "The 39 Steps". I've also chatted before with Storybook Theatre's Artistic Director JP Thibodeau there (he is currently serving additionally as Assistant Director/Set & Light Designer for this production of "Shrek"), so you can catch up with those interviews below.



Another walk down Memory Lane...

Later!!

   






Sunday, June 08, 2014

Chicken Scratch


(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

C'mon Clarence - hurry up an take tha pikcher!

Ah don want tha hoomans here ta see me in mah tootoo!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

An, ah'm ONLY doin' this ta help yer hairbrained pals with their fund-raisin ballet production - ah gits ya needed sum star power tah pull this off...

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Hey, ah kinda look like Marilyn Monroe, in that wind grate photo - oh my!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Dang it - ah heer tha floor creakin' upstairs!!!
TAKE THA CLUCKIN' PICTURE!!

CLUCK FER NOW!!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Charlie out - a heer!!!


Saturday, June 07, 2014

Cappuccino Musical Theatre - "Into The Woods"

Cappuccino Musical Theatre
“Into The Woods”

by Stephen Sondheim James Lapine

The Studio at Vertigo Theatre

The Saturday Morning 
Before-Noon” Theatre Review: 

Cappuccino Musical Theatre’s production of Stephen Sondheim & James Lapine’s 

Into The Woods

Funny. About two weeks ago, I was expecting to be sitting in excellent seats, hearing Broadway legend Bernadette Peters bring certain career highlights to life. That show was suddenly cancelled, due to poor tickets sales.

Then I received a request to attend Cappuccino Musical Theatre’s current production of “Into The Woods”, and I was indeed able to hear music from that Tony-winning play. After the curtain came up last night, I believe the feeling was unanimous in the almost sold-out theatre - what a wonderful job!

As a piece of musical theatre, “Into The Woods” brings an un-Disney take on fairy tale characters you will recognize right away, and haunting songs like the beautiful “No One Is Alone”, and “Children Will Listen”. There’s plenty of comedy in this play about choices and heartfelt wishes, but the dark side that director Tory Doctor has chosen to focus on also notes the consequences - be careful what you wish for, it may very well come true…

On a simple yet perfect set for this particular production, a large cast of extremely talented singers and actors make the two acts fly by, bringing you completely into their fairy tale world, and the dangerous woods around them. The three actors alone that became trees, spirits and occasionally a cow gracefully blended into that set to nice effect.

On Broadway, Bernadette Peters played the role of the Witch, and Joanna Gleason (daughter of TV’s original “Let’s Make A Deal” host Monty Hall”) won a Tony for her portrayal of the baker’s wife. Cappuccino Musical Theatre has these roles well in hand and then some with a pair of powerhouses, Heather Spearman and Shandra McQueen. Spearman brings an appropriate amount of Peters to the Witch, along with a healthy dose of the late madcap Madeline Kahn - and her vocal performances are (like the rest of the cast) perfect. 

McQueen is another perfect casting choice here - she can sing and zing her way through every scene, but here stage presence is what makes the baker’s wife come to life and believable. A little dorky, a little feisty, a whole lot determined. 

Frankly, you’d be hard-pressed to find fault or flaw here. Cinderella (Naomi Derksen), Little Red Riding Hood (Shelby Leiding) and Jack of the beanstalk (Andrew Fraser) each shine, as well as all the other characters that surround them. As the baker, Ryan Wagner has many opportunities to carry robust melodies, and tender moments as well.

With a cast as large as you find in this play, I’m unfortunately not going to be able to comment on every member, but I do have to squeeze in a comment about the vocals of Allie Higgins-Pompu as Rapunzel - not a large part, but what a powerhouse! 

Well, and her prince along with Cinderella’s (Andreas Zimmerman, and Doug Keeling, also a charismatic if not ill-fated wolf - both a hoot in their duet “Agony”). "Woods" has loads of fun with the characters, and the stereotypes of not only the fairy tale time, but the modern times this shifts somewhat into.     

Hey, I’m running out of space here. If you are looking for a great night of musical theatre, you owe it to yourself to try finding tickets for this charming, thought-provoking play.

You can see pictures and get all the details from Cappuccino Musical Theatre’s website. Click on “Now Playing” to see what an amazing job they did with the costumes!

Also…….

I sat down with director Tory Doctor before this run began. You can find my podcast interview here, or download it for free in iTunes (thatdanguy’s Podcast). 

It’s also available from my YouTube channel.

“Into The Woods” runs at The Studio in Vertigo Theatre until June 14, 2014.

Later!

Friday, June 06, 2014

Thursday, June 05, 2014

Flawtography #020 - Craig Ferguson


Flawtography, #020

TV's "Craig Ferguson"



A few years back, Mrs. That Dan Guy and I took in a Canadian appearance of Craig Ferguson, doing his stand-up act live here in Calgary.

For better pictures, check out my review.

Otherwise, you can certainly get a flavour for how he looked by my picture posted above - energetic, effusive, and apparently elusive to my focus skills...

It was a real highlight for us to see him live, and even to be able to capture what is likely to become a classic photo as time goes by.

As long as forensic developers can do something to make it recognizable...

Later!



Wednesday, June 04, 2014

Summer Greenery

Ahh, summer (or some reasonable facsimile) is seemingly upon us.

You have to love how everything turns green, and plants spring to life.

Well, everywhere except our house...

Green Thumb of Doom

Later!

Tuesday, June 03, 2014

My Brush With Going Slightly Viral!


Twitter sends these weekly email summary updates on how you've done over the course of the week - I got the one posted above a day or two ago.

Imagine my surprise at discovering that a silly Tweet I sent out during a concert went crazy, grabbing 26, 400 views!

I had some idea, based on how many Favourites and re-Tweets I was getting afterwards, but I had no clue it was getting so much traffic.

Unlike my review of the concert, which is sitting around 40 views so far. Go figure!

And, as you can see, Cee Lo Green retweeted it as well. Which is why I got so much attention -  NOT because of my brilliant comment :-)

Hey, that's 26, 360 more people than ever that are looking at what I post, even if it is briefly.

I'll take that as a win!!

Later....

Monday, June 02, 2014

Vancouver In N Out

What a fantastic (albeit super-short) trip to Vancouver this past weekend!

We went out to see Lionel Richie, and hoped to spend a couple of hours with family. We ended up having two full days of GREAT visits, and got out and about with said family to see a few sights - including the charming waterfront town where ABC's "Once Upon A Time" does some filming - the Storybrooke signs were a dead giveaway.

So, a bit exhausted this morning as Mrs. That Dan Guy gets ready to go back to work, and I will have to wait about an hour to hit the hammock as I drive her in and make the return trip home. Then, some serious suntanning and personal relaxing time for this guy!

Oh wait - she reads this....

Uhh, right back to the coal mine myself, Honey!

Funny story - anybody remember that old Bobby Goldsboro song "Honey". It was not about a dog, as some people were led to believe...

Hee Heee Heee!!

Later!

Sunday, June 01, 2014

Back To Reality

After a whirlwind, barely-over-48-hours trip to Vancouver, we are packing up this morning to fly back to Calgary. So, so sad.

Perhaps if we lock ourselves in our room....

Also, hoping airport security won't notice these salmon in my pocket....

Later!