Chicken Scratch

Mmmmmmmm…….

Well, howdie-do, my mammalian amigos! Charlie’s just enjoyin’ a nice bubble bath, after a rewardin’ an’ fruitful Valentine’s Day…

Buk-AAAAWK!!!!

Yeah, the ole pinfeathers needed a bit o’ TLC, after I entertained a little Cornish Game Hen on the 14th, and boy – was she game – if ya get my drift!

Buk-AAAAWK!!!!

Now, I can tell ya wanna ask, but yer too shy – so I’ll just go ahead an’ tell ya: “Charlie, how do ya pull off a successful Valentine’s Day, guaranteed to be magical and…rewardin’?”

Well, this is how it is:

First, ya need some good mood music. Not some crap by one a them froo-froo boy band goobers! Sumthin’ classic – like Barry White, or REO Speedwagon…

Second, ya need to set tha mood. Spread crap like rose pedals around – chicks dig that! And for the love a Pete, hold off on bringin’ out toys, until ya know ya got things in the bag!!

Buk-AAAAWK!!!!

Next, ya need booze. Loads a booze, or at least wine that has a alcohol content higher than a Dr. Pepper. I prefer Claws N Beaks Cellar Chardonnay myself, and I ain’t had no complaints from my lady friends…

A nice touch (that ALWAYS works for me, but remember kiddies – I’m a professional!) is a warm bottle of Professor Feathers’ Pinfeather Massage Oil – to soothe the savage beak, as I always say.

Remember though, this comes later in the evenin’ – it can put a crimp in thing s if ya start with offerin’ a massage… an yer droolin’….

Buk-AAAAWK!!!!!

Well, that’s summa my tips. I ain’t givin’ away the farm, so be a man! Improvise! Summon your inner clucker!

Cluck for now!!