So, who was the Braniac that developed envelopes that don't seal??

I'm talking about envelopes that bear the name of a national retail giant (unnamed....could affect my lucrative future endorsement deal), yet don't seem to do much more than cover paper, as opposed to sealing it inside.

People, if you're gonna slap your name on something, it should at least perform the same fundamental functions as the Acme product you are competing with. If their envelopes open, allow something to enter, and then successfully seal with a good slobbery lick, then that should be the minimum bar set for your own version. Two out of three is bad in this instance...

When I lick these (identity withheld to protect the meatheads) envelopes, I certainly taste something that reminds me of glue, but when I press the flap down on the part that I have no name for other than the "body", it just kind-of lifts back up, with a wet flap now curling in the wind.

Which reminds me, after this posting, I had better close that kitchen window...

So now I have to spend twice as much to seal these blasted dysfunctional envelopes, by adding no-name (well, not exactly no-name...same name as the turkeys that make the non-seal envelopes) invisible tape. Where is the justice, I ask???

I realize, as you're probably thinking right now as well, that there are certainly far more important things to worry about in this cold, cruel world. And I agree, but just because the wrong people keep getting fired on The Apprentice, should that silence my frustrations on other matters?? I feel I must speak from my heart - be the voice for unhappy envelope owners everywhere. We must stand united, and let these national retail giants know that just because they can produce a product similar to ones that actually work, we shouldn't be willing to accept their version if it doesn't do the job 100%.

Unless of course said retail giant was offering say...a lucrative endorsement deal....

Chow for now!!