TGIF!!

Hey, wait a minute..EVERY day is Friday for me...

+++ So, what is the deal with dry erase markers?? What sort of sorcery allows for markings to be wiped off with a simple swipe of a paper towel?? Is it really gone, or is it like invisible ink - just hiding from mortal view??

+++ I need to buy a DVD recorder, so that I can preserve valuable news coverage on things like this current Anna Nicole Smith hubbub. You can't get stuff like THAT in DVD box sets...

+++ How can I have a Planter's Wart on my foot, if I don't ever plant anything??

+++ If Mrs. That Dan Guy was a wart, she'd be a worry wart...

+++ I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky.

+++ Upon careful study, I can say without a doubt that Pop Tarts contain NO pop...

+++ I can also denounce that ridiculous old saying about how "a watched pot never boils". I watched one just the other day, and it most certainly did boil. Now, if you were to say "a watched pot never GETS boils"...

+++ I am trying out one of those astronaut diapers while I compose this posting today, and it seems to be pretty efficient...

+++ Hmmm. Interesting. A second pot that I am watching is NOT boiling. Perhaps I was hasty in my prior conclusion...

+++ Say a little prayer for The Calgary Flames. We need a healthy stretch of wins here, as the regular NHL season winds down...

And, that's what happens when I sit down here in the morning, with no pre-determined subject matter...

Chow for now!!

Yesterday's snow?? All gone! It warmed up here by mid-afternoon, and the whole mucky mess disappeared. But you get the unsettling feeling that it is always hiding somewhere, just out of sight, ready to return at any given time. You can never let your guard down...

Today, I'd like to take a few moments to talk about the letter "S". No, you haven't accidentally surfed the Google over to a Sesame Street site, I've just got nothing else in my brain this morning (how's THAT for a free setup, Mrs. That Dan Guy??)...

The letter "S" is one of the more helpful letters in the alphabet. It makes words plural, like cantaloupes, or mooses. It makes a word like "sassy" sound...well...sassy...

It is also used in some bad words, like the one adults use in the place of the much more refined and socially acceptable "poop". And, of course, it would be "poops" with an "S"...

Not to be mistaken with "Proops", the guy with the glasses from "Whose Line Is It Anyway"...

"S", like every other letter, is available in both capital and lower case. It often starts a word, but can also finish it. Sometimes both, as in: "stinks".

Like today's posting...

Chow for now!!

PS - Farewell to David Letterman's pal, recurring character Larry "Bud" Melman (not a single "S" in sight), real name Calvert DeForest. Died Monday at age 85...

It's the first official day of spring, and I'll be celebrating it later this morning by shoveling snow. I couldn't be happier...

Yes, looking out my window this morning, we got a healthy dumping of the white stuff overnight, and it continues to fall, even now. It looks downright springy...for Siberia!!

I suppose it could be worse. What with global warming, it could be sunny, warm, and one might see unsightly palm trees swaying back and forth, in a gentle tropical trade wind. My neighbor could be out mowing his lawn in a Speed-o, and I'd be snagging a few fresh oranges from our backyard orchard.

Ok, so what the hell is so bad about that scenario?????

I guess I'll just have to make the best of the snowfall. This will provide us with complimentary entertainment for our ride into downtown this morning. Nothing showcases the driving skills of average Albertans like bad roads!!

And, I can continue to chisel up my pecs with the assistance of my snow shovel, clearing the sidewalk and driveway. It's like a free gym membership!!

If this weather keeps up, I'll shortly make Brad Pitt look like Jim Belushi, from a physical fitness standpoint, at least. Yessir, I am becoming as fit as a Russian lumberjack!!

Well, one more cup of coffee, then I'd better start getting ready. Need to feed the dogsled team...

Chow for now!!

Today I'd like to take you on an imaginary Powerpoint journey, through a selection of my favorite imaginary photos:

SLIDE #1

This is a picture of frost on the trees yesterday. When we were driving home last night, all the trees were covered in a coating of some really shiny hoarfrost. And I have to ask, is any frost that bad, you have to call it a hoar??

SLIDE # 2

This picture just kills me. I don't know how I was even able to take such a clear photo, as I was frantically swerving to avoid the jackass that was cutting me off. A local daily occurence here is "I HAVE TO BE FIRST IN LINE", and the participants in this game will go to any length to be the car ahead of you. I ran out of film as we settled into the ditch beside the road...

SLIDE # 3

Look at the size of these white rabbits we get in our back yard!! They could be mob enforcers!! This one was particularly brave - as you can see by his nonchalant use of our BBQ...

SLIDE # 4

I really shouldn't include this one, but I thought the sight of Mrs. That Dan Guy in her flannel robe and hair curlers made for an interesting early-morning science statement, on how we occasionally pick up U.S. radio station broadcasting signals...

SLIDE # 5

Finally, here's a shot of a bowl of cereal. I call it "Still Life Study # 4". I could probably use that same title every night (self portrait) after dinner, once my carcass gets settled onto the sofa....

Chow for now!!

(PS - my word verification letters to allow for this posting today were "argni". Almost argy. Spooky, huh??)

We are SOOOO goofy here in the Such Is Life household...

(How goofy are you??)

We are so goofy, we continue to watch "Grease - You're The One That I Want", even though we don't want anyone involved in the show...

Yes, we are such sheep that we continue to tune into one of the worst shows in television history. Most hosts indicate frequently throughout these "talent" competitions how many millions of people are glued to their TVs for the show. This past Sunday, one of the living drips that hosts this show commented on a difference of 1% in the votes between the two male competitors. I think that 1% may have been the entire viewership, and I would go so far as to say that it's 1% of the viewers in Tuktyuktuk...

I'm not saying this show blows (it does), but even the judges on the "celebrity panel" go out for coffee during the performances...

I'm not saying this show lacks dazzle (it doesn't even reach glimmer), but a canine high school musical production of Dead Man Walking would feature more star-power...

Yet, week after week, as uninterested as we are, we continue to watch young hopefuls have their dreams crushed on national TV. I'm starting to feel like I should enroll in some 12-step Donald Trump withdrawal program.

Thankfully, next week wraps up the competition's run, and two youngsters will get the chance to appear on Broadway in this famous musical. Undoubtedly to receive glowing acting reviews, compared to performers such as singer/dancer Sylvester Stallone and that dead guy in My Weekend At Bernie's.

Get tickets to opening night though. I wouldn't plan too far ahead for that run...

Chow for now!

Mmmmmph!!!

Rrrgggghhhhxxx!!!

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

##**!!@@@##!!^^!!!!

Happy St. Paddy’s Day!!

Hope you party your beak off!!

I got my party hat, a CD of classic Irish beer-drinkin’ songs, and a stack of potatoes. How more Irish can you get, without being Bono??

Oh yeah, there may also be a small bottle of “happy happy” here as well, another Irish tradition. I’m as Celtic as a friggin’ Irish Rover!! Stick around, I’m doing The Lord Of The Dance after a few more beers…

Whoa! Is that potato starting to rot, or is cousin Clucky firing from close range?? Feets of flame my puckered beak!!

OK, so here’s my checklist of all things Irish:

Bad teeth – check. Heck, I’m not even sure I have ANY teeth…

A funny accent – check. Fer shurr, Fah-ther O’Gilligan…

A shillelagh – check. Carved it myself, out of old-growth, rainforest mahogany…smooth as a baby chick’s bottom…

A funny green hat – check. Thank you very much, vitamin bottle…

A pot of gold, at the end of the rainbow – Ha! Who am I cluckin’ kiddin’???

Alright, I’m all set. Let the pluckin’ festivities begin!! I’m gonna be as sober as a Pogue by noon!!

Hey, I think I'm getting a rash on my Shamrocks from these friggin' potatoes...

Cluck for now!

Once again, I have struck out....

For over 3 1/2 years I've written a weekly newspaper column, and year after year I consider cranking out a column on St. Patrick's Day. Yet year after year, I end up throwing in the towel, and writing a piece about something else - like why my exercise regimen is only producing results in the muscular bulge of my belly...

This year I even started a column, but abandoned it. My compromise was a piece on the 70's Scottish supergroup, The Bay City Rollers. Hey, Scotland's pretty close geographically to Ireland, after all...

Do I have a problem with potatoes and green beer? Am I not a big enough fan of U2 and The Pogues?? Did I get the crap beat out of me in elementary school by a leprechaun?? What is my block with this annual event??

Of course, maybe I shouldn't be trying to sit down and write a column after a hefty infusion of potatoes and green beer. Makes me want to nap, truth be told. And other things, involving the production of natural gas...

So, this weekend, have yourself a very happy St. Paddy's Day. Don' t let the fact that I am mentally paralyzed from writing about it deter you from enjoying your own celebrations. Don't let the thought of my weeping into my keyboard soften the jubilation of your own opportunity to wear a green plastic hat, and kiss Blarney stones (you shameless hussies!!).

I'll be OK...

Chow for now!!!

Last night, completely out of the blues, we ended up at the Calgary International Auto & Truck Show. Held in the Roundup Centre & Corral, you get an immediate mental image of a group of dusty old cowpokes, herding these new vehicles into the venue.

Well, at least I did...

It would seem that this is an annual event here, and a chance for consumers to view every possible new vehicle made and offered for sale by modern man. It also allows non-consumers (lookey-loo's) to sit in vehicles that they would NEVER be able to purchase, without first cashing in on some incredibly astronomical lawsuit settlement money, from something like...well, it would have to be big - like proving a cereal company had products that maliciously decomposed your brain fluids...

Every major and minor auto dealer was represented there. Many had sales reps on site, pouncing like catapulted flaming jungle cats as soon as you showed the slightest interest in a vehicle. One young fellow tried to pre-approve us while using mental telepathy skills to determine how many $5 bills were in my wallet. The show-offy bugger was off by one!!

Most other sales reps used the more time honored tradition of a casual once-over for obvious tire-kickers like us, then went back to reading their newspaper, or Blackberrying their boyfriends for a fresh latte - stat!!

Mrs. That Dan Guy had a chance to sit in a particularly luxurious Infinity, appointed up the wazoo with every conceivable luxury. To her credit, it took three burly gentlemen to remove her hands from the steering wheel...

I tried to sit in a brand-new Range Rover (price tag - an affordable $100,000+), but the sales rep saw me coming, and triggered the remote locks well in advance. Something about how poutine leaves a really stubborn stain on the leather seats...

All in all, it was a good time had by all. When we do get serious about a new vehicle purchase, we'll go where we usually do - Paulie's Rent-A-Wreck Discount Sales Showroom...you get a free jerry can of gas with every used vehicle!!!

Chow for now!!

Well, it would appear that my Move The Pittsburgh Penguins To Winnipeg Campaign 2007 was a miserable failure. I read something in the newspaper the other day that suggested there may have been a deal struck, to keep the team there in The Pitts city.

Man, Winnipeg would have been PERFECT for a team called The Penguins. For one thing, there's over 11 1/2 months of winter there, damn near optimum conditions for those sorts of birds.

For another, they've got a brand-new arena, which would have been home to an NHL team, rather than hosting the "Canadian National Broomball Sweepstakes". And canoe expositions... I think they even still have a CFL team there, but I could be mistaken on that. It's not like they were in the Grey Cup or anything...

How about affordable housing? It's not like penguins have bottomless pocketbooks. Winnipeg still has some of the most reasonable house pricing in Canada, if you exclude everything east of Quebec. And where else can you get the world-famous Junior's hot dogs, or a Salisbury House nip?? Forget pickled herrings, the penguins could feast on some of the best fast food anywhere (they don't get that shape by eating their vegetables, for Pete's sake)!!

Sadly, The Penguins may never know just how ideal they could have had it, in Winnipeg. Where were the visionaries, the dreamers, the movers and shakers?? Where were the captains of industry? Where was I going with this????

Chow for now!!

Heard it through the grapevine (go ahead, try not to hum it!!) recently that one of our nieces had her wisdom teeth removed the other day. That got me to thinking of when I had mine done, quite awhile back...

I had heard from everyone about how unpleasant a procedure it was, but to be honest, it was a walk in the park for me! Flossing was a bigger inconvenience.

It's probably due to my high threshhold for pain. Where other people might find it painful (or at the very least like a whopping hammer of thunder striking their face), I didn't even need sedation. Nor pain-killers after the fact. I do remember dozing off in the chair, entirely oblivious to the team of oral surgeons hard at work. I seem to remember giving them a nice tip afterwards, good help being hard to find even back then...

After the procedure, I walked home from the clinic, which if I recall was just short of 8 miles. It was a sunny day, and I did get held up briefing, shooting some hoops with a group of kids about half-way along the trip.

The post-operative experience was as painless as the work itself. I remember hearing from some others that had had their wisdom teeth removed before (wusses), and all they could go on about was the swelling, and more non-stop drooling than a senior citizen's centre during Golden Girls. I appeared almost under-nourished - no evidence at all of major dental work.

So, take heart, young niece! You may not be as tough as this old guy, but I guarantee, you'll live to see another day. Everyone is different when it comes to recuperation.

Schluter!!

Chow for now!

Oh-oh...

Seems we missed out on some sort of deadline. Something to do with income tax. THAT can't be good.

I think it was an optional one though, so we may be OK. It was regarding RRSP's. From what I can determine, this is some sort of tax deferral program - you delay paying taxes by shoving money into some sort of protected account.

This would assume that we save money. We much prefer to spend it, often as fast as it comes in. Saving it would just seem to be...well...assuming for one thing that we will never win a big lottery jackpot before retiring. Why would we crush our ambitions in that way??

Plus, as far as retiring goes, we will either have left-over money, or we won't. That's what family and friends are for, once we are penniless and in immediate need of housing, plus three regular meals a day. We wouldn't dream of actually socking money aside for that eventuality...

Besides, with all the time we spend in casinos, scratching Lotto tickets, and urging on fleabag nags at the horse races, our ship HAS to come in, at some point - right?? It is a game of odds...

So, while we may have missed out on the deadline for RRSP contributions, we are far from worried. We have a fallback plan (hey there beloved siblings!!), and we are actively pursuing our future retirement wealth (Move your butt, Tiny Dancer!!).

What more could we be doing??

Chow for now!!

NOTE: "Such Is Life" is unavailable today, due to the moronic new early Daylight Savings Time start...

That Dan Guy is currently very busy, changing times on the many clocks, watches, timers, and electrical appliances in his home and car.

We hope to return by tomorrow, but this is an overwhelming, unwelcome task, at a much earlier time of the year. Who was the bozo that decided this kind of selfish crap?? That Dan Guy should still be lounging around in his underwear, or enjoying a second cup of coffee. But no, he's out changing clocks. Clocks and watches he never asked to be changing at this time of day, or year.

But no one cares.

In place of today's posting,please enjoy the picture of The Cat Choir, found somewhere online while surfing The Google.

That Dan Guy is very aware that Saskatchewan doesn't even bother with this blasted Daylight Savings Time Thing. He's just sayin'...

Chow for now!!

Word up, featherless friends!!

My cousin Ken Francis is in town. And how ironic is that?? His initials are K.F.C.!!!

Ken is from the West Coast. Lots of chicken farms out there. He's not as lucky as me, gettin' to stay indoors all the time. Oh well, better than being battered and fried at least...

So, I've been teaching the ole Kenster a few things about city living - how late you have to stay up to see the really good stuff on cable TV, the magic of breakfast Pop-Tarts, and flush toilets. He REALLY needs to get used to that last one....

So far, he's been a pretty easy mark. I mean, come on, look at that sweet innocent face. He can't play Texas Hold 'Em for crap, so I'm really stuffing some chicken scratch into the old feather pillow this weekend!!

He also can't handle his booze all that well. More for me!!!!!

We plan on hitting the town tonight. I'm gonna show him a few things that might impress his colleagues back home. A tattoo of the Van Halen logo on your badonkadonk can get some attention, if ya know what I mean...

There's this great little roost here, just filled with chicks on a Saturday night. Cluckin' Hey!!!!

And that's enough for you guys today...the rest is on a need to know...

Cluck for now!!

"The Friday Morning Nobody-Asked-Me-To-But-Here-I-Go-Anyway Concert Review" - Meat Loaf!

(or, Why I Will Never Be A Professional Concert Reviewer)


Last night, Mrs. That Dan Guy and I finally had the chance to see Meat Loaf live. So, we did...

Mr. Loaf is still one heck of a powerhouse , although we differed this time on that thought. Mrs. That Dan Guy felt he may not have been as vocally capable as he once was. I thought he just used a few vocal shortcuts, to prevent his head from exploding...

What can we say?? We heard everything we hoped to, and many more. He even kicked into "Paradise By The Dashboard Light" for his second song. That's a lotta confidence in your songbook, to flip off one of your biggest hits so early in the program!

That there's what you might call a rock classic - I know that back in my mobile DJ days, there was never a wedding or other such function that I didn't spin that particular tune. Still got the crowd going crazy last night.

I'd have to say Mr. Loaf did a pretty good job of blending the music from his three Bat Out Of Hell albums, even though some grumblers out there might discount II & III. I found some of those songs went over just as well as his most successful, first album tunes.

But speaking of that first album - Holy Toledo!! Finally getting to see him stretch those pipes of his on Bat Out Of Hell, which closed the pre-encore part of the show, was insane. My ears are still ringing (and yet no one is answering...go figure), but it was a spectacle. Terrific!!

Opening act Marion Raven was none too shabby, with a soaring, powerful voice herself. However, after seeing as many live shows as we do these days, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting 10 or 12 talented young female vocalists. She sure didn't stand out in a crowded field.

But, that's just me...

I also can't help but notice that concert-goers now are less concerned with the actual concert, than running up and down the stairs of the arena. Sometimes they'll return with a beer or a Coke. Most times I think they just use the facility for a cardio workout.

Awfully expensive aerobics class, if you ask me.

Chow for now!!

(Cue Kansas - "Happy Anniversary Baby")

That old 70's classic rock reference is my subtle way of starting today's column with a little bragging. Yesterday, Mrs. That Dan Guy and I celebrated 20 years together (not all of them married. Those statistics also include a lengthy dating run).

Yessir, 20 years ago I succumbed to her feminine wiles. It may have been a pair of high heels, who can remember - it was 20 freakin' years ago!!

Back then, I had a mullet that would have made Billy Ray Cyrus proud. Oh yeah, I was a catch...

So, how did we choose to celebrate such a milestone?? We went for the first time, to dine in the Calgary Tower revolving restaurant...(it's like a giant concrete merry-go-round, in the sky!!)

For our first visit, we were on a learning curve. Take parking for example. We were thrilled to be able to have the opportunity to pay a company $5.00 for the privilege of attending an evening at their facility. That was tempered somewhat afterwards, when we discovered upon our return to the car that being 15 minutes ahead of the evening parking rates boosted our fee to an even more delightful $7.50...

But, we were out on the town, 20 years strong!! Is an outrageous parking fee too much to ask??

Not as much, apparently, as being kicked in the Elmos with another admission fee - to the tower itself, just to get into the restaurant!! Over $13.00 just to get access to the elevator (discounted thankfully because we planned on eating there - Hallelujah for small miracles!!).

Once in, and my wallet only throbbing softly by that time, we took the elevator for the ascent to the revolving restaurant. Which made it all worthwhile once we walked in, to the panoramic view of our new city. Pretty freakin' awe-inspiring...

We had a fantastic meal (mmm...buffalo tasty...), all the while enjoying a stellar, bird's-eye view of Calgary drivers exceeding speed limits, and causing needless accidents (kidding...)

We did get a spectacular view of the gridlock traffic trying to access the Saddledome for Rod Stewart. That alone was worth the price of admission. Of course, that will be us tonight for The Loaf, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

After all was said and done, we had a ball. We had previously reserved a private, window-facing alcove, which is like being in your own private world (aside from all the other diners, which we could clearly hear talking out in the cheap seats, but why quibble??)

Here's to the next twenty, Mrs. That Dan Guy!!

PS - keep me out of direct sunlight....

Chow for now!

Today may not be the funniest posting I’ve ever put up here, but every once in a while the odd serious item can crop up in your life, and I had that happen just the other day….

During a routine trip to see a dermatologist here in Calgary last week, he carefully examined a spot on my chest that he deemed to be of concern. He even lopped it off!!

And you all thought I was a wacko collector of oddities…

Well, after a trip to my family doctor Friday, that former lop of my flesh and blood turned out to be basal cell carcinoma, one of the most common forms of skin cancer. Thank you very much, Mr. Sun!!!

Thankfully, the piece removed was small, and I go back in 8 weeks to ensure all is okey-dokey. It turns out that basal cell carcinoma is a slow, easily treatable cancer if caught early, and mine was removed hastily.

The fact that it is a slow cancer to spread is somewhat a testimony to my own DNA, which is sluggish to get going at the best of times.

So, for the foreseeable future, I’ll have to require Mrs. That Dan Guy to do frequent random body searches for funny-looking things on my body (bee-have!!), even into the odd cavity or two I suppose…

At any rate, be careful out in that sun, kiddies!! Put on sunscreen, wear lots of clothing, buy yourself a big-ass sombrero. Having a doctor carve you like a Christmas turkey is not something I want to be doing frequently!!

Chow for now!!

Great...

In my eagerness to post yesterday, and corresponding lack of attention to the day of the week, I conjured up the wrath of that cantankerous weekend chicken, after my faux pas with the date of said event. Which begs the question - what does that featherless stand-in for Don Rickles do during the week anyways??

Oh well, maybe it's better that I don't know....it's bad enough that my keyboard usually smells like an inappropriate birthday party in Amsterdam after he gets his one-day-a-week here, online.

So, Happy Big-Day today (not yesterday...ugh). The mail room of Such Is Life is a bit behind this week, so make sure you watch your postal box in the upcoming...uh..next few days or so.

What else??

Well, I see that there are now some tickets available for a second show, to see Keith Urban, but I think we'll pass, and see him another time. We've already got at least two shows a month booked, and more coming, so something has to give.

However, that is admittedly subject to change, as we are totally looney in our entertainment affliction here. We see another huge star this week, and when I say huge...well, it's an appropriate description.

Chow for now!!

Charlie here, bustin' in on a week day to correct Banjo Boy. Who needs to learn how to read a calendar, or listen closer when his wife is talkin' to him.

The birthday reported in an earlier post

today happens TOMORROW, you freakin' wacko!! Try running a Q-tip through your ears once in a while....

And Keith Urban?? For the love of all things feathered, you didn't go see The Emeralds, the group who did that huge hit "The Chicken Dance". Why cry in your milk over an Australian cowboy???

Who needs this?? I'm outta here.

Later....

Cluck for now!!

To a certain reader out there formerly “In The Ghetto” by nickname, Happy Birthday, Olde Pharte!!! And it's a big one!!

I don’t want to betray how old this person is now, but let’s just say that she used to skip rope with Moses' sister!!!

I am reluctant to suggest that she's really, really old now, but The Museum Of Natural History's oldest exhibit doesn't even go that far back in time...

This person is soooo old... (HOW OLD IS SHE???)

She's so old that Granny from The Beverly Hillbillies looks like a teenager beside her!!

(Got a million of 'em. Here all week folks. Ba doom boom!!)

*********************************************************************************

Anyhow, on to other burning issues of the day.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1) We were depressed the other day to miss out on Keith Urban tickets. He sold out faster here than Van Morrison and Il Divo combined. FOUR MINUTES!!! By the time I got into Ticketmaster online, the only option available was to do valet parking. Would have been a great show, with The Wreckers opening up.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2) We are about ready to throw in the towel with Grease - You're The One That I Want. I'd say the show "underwhelms" but that is being as conservative as I've been earlier about The Blogger Formerly Known As Ghetto Girl's age. The show stinks...

For one thing, the Broadway show is about music and life back in the 50's. Yet, the contestants continuously compete with songs from people like Bryan Adams, and Queen. Kind of blows of the image of seeing an actor in a black leather jacket, doing a pop ballad from the late 80's.

Aside from that, and to be a little more technical in my grievances, the show just plain sucks.

Can we tear ourselves away though?? That is the burning question...

Chow for now!!

We got lucky last night!!

Okay, maybe that's not the best choice for an opening sentence, but we really did get lucky...

We had tickets to go see John Berry, a favorite singer/songwriter on March 24th. Well, Mrs. That Dan Guy happened to be listening to the radio the other day, and she heard that the date HAD BEEN CHANGED!! To last night, for Pete's sake.

If she hadn't heard that, we would have missed one fine live show, as this guy knows how to work a crowd, like he did last night.

You may not have even heard of Mr. Berry. He had a big hit back in the mid-90's with Your Love Amazes Me, and a bunch of other songs on a self-titled cd. You can go check out www.johnberry.net to find out more about him. Hey, I never said I was a professional concert reviewer here...or information provider, for that matter!!

Currently, he's touring in support of an album that he likens to Willie Nelson's "Stardust", basically loads of classics. Note: No Rod Stewart anywhere on the album...

At any rate, Holy Toledo, are we ever happy we made it, and didn't miss it. The show was fantastic, and we got to chance to chat with him afterwards. Neither The Mrs nor I was bright enough to bring the camera though...

Wattaya gonna do?

Anyhow, have a great rest-of-your-weekend, and watch out for chain smoking, anorexic chickens that pretend to be your new best friend!!

Chow for now!!

Weekend greetings, featherless freaks…

I’d like you to meet my buddy Spuddy. I’m trying to soften up my image here in this blog, and being out partying in public without my underwear, along with someone that looked a lot like Britney Spears, just hasn’t cut the mustard for some readers.

So, say hello to my little friend. He’s so goldarn cute, he makes me want to squeeze the starch right out of his cheeks. Or whatever potatoes have on the side of their face…he does seem to have an awful lot of freaky-lookin’ eyes everywhere…

This picture was taken after we watched a movie on DVD together: "The Notebook”, with those cute little Canadian stars, and old James Garner. That’s right, a chick flick! What’s it to ya!! (No sir, we didn’t watched “Chicks Gone Wild – Moose Jaw”…not us!!)

Spuddy also seems to be smiling a lot. Either he’s mashed some of his own potato, or he got whacked in the head by a spatula. Either way, I don’t think he’s got too much between the ears, if ya know what I mean…

(Crap. I gotta pull this off, so I need to suck it up, get a stiff upper beak here. Make nice for the people, Chuckie...)

Yeah, I aim to clean up MY image, turn over a new feather so to speak. So a good pal like Spuddy will make me look good here on the weekend, while the rest of the time I hit the horse races, and brew bathtub whiskey from Banjo Boy’s Quaker Rolled Oats…

Better run. This bowl is starting to get a little rank, and I know it ain’t me!!

Cluck for now!!

In the remote chance that I may offend parcel carriers everywhere today, let me just say in advance that twice bitten, third time not friggin' likely...

So, two different parcel delivery services have failed recently in the single purpose of their existence. They could not (for the life of them) correctly identify numbers on a house. Two different companies!! Do the owners of these organizations not practice with flash cards???

Maybe I'm being too hard here. I mean, both companies did get the CITY right. They just failed miserably at matching all three of our house numbers to the address on the delivery invoice.

The first time (let's call the company "Percolator" to prevent a defamation lawsuit), the parcel delivery driver roared past our home, and I thought to myself: "Wow, what are the odds that Percolator would have two deliveries on the same day, on the same street?"

As day turned to night, and my lonely vigil on the stoop eventually succumbed to the heart-breaking reality that my delivery was not going to happen, I went online, and discovered that my ladder had been successfully delivered. Just not to me!!!

One angry e-mail later, and Percolator eventually arranged to have me go directly to their depot, and pick the damn thing up. Which reminds me, what did we ever do with that ladder anyway??

No matter. We were able to conveniently pick it up, after a short drive across town, in rainy weather conditions.

Then, just the other day, another parcel was supposed to be delivered. Once again I looked outside, and noticed a (name changed to protect my ass) VPS van, speeding eagerly by the house. I thought: "Wow. What are the odds that VPS would have two deliveries on the same day, on the same street?"

Are you following me here??

Sure enough, delivery was to some fortunate soul somewhere in our neighborhood, but not us.

Again, online tracking determined the package to be successfully delivered. Thank God I wasn't waiting for a pizza, for an emergency gall bladder transplant...

One more e-mail, and the problem was sorted out. Our package arrived, and my life goes back to normal.

Well, as normal as it ever gets in this joint...

Chow for now!!

A few months ago, a buddy tipped me off about another buddy, one that I had long lost track off. Well, technically I moved away, so maybe it was the other way around...but now we're just quibbling.

Anyhow, turns out this guy I knew way back when has had a recent run of good fortune in his acting endeavors. Mrs. That Dan Guy and I were watching a movie called "The Big White", starring Robin Williams, and at one point there appeared to be a familiar face. Sure enough, the credits confirmed my suspicions - Stephen Eric McIntyre.

Now, I knew him when he was only Steve McIntyre, so this is all new to me. However, ending up in a feature film with Robin Williams can't be all that shabby. Add Eric, heck I'd add Captain Plymouth Toboggan for that matter...

Back when I knew him, McIntyre was part of a long-running troupe called Theatre X.

No, not that kind of troupe, you sick puppy!! Theatre X was one of the best improv troupes in Winnipeg, decades before Whose Line Is It Anyway. And I was their groupie... For years.

I couldn't afford cable...

At any rate, another buddy mentioned that Mr. Stephen Eric McIntyre was now a member of the cast of Falcon Beach, a hip show for even hipper young folk. That last sentence exposes me as well out of that age bracket...

The point is, I taped a couple of episodes to my Hi-Fi Betamax, and lo and behold - there he was - Steve McIntyre!! Playing a dastardly villian named Mook. Or Moop. Maybe Moot, the sound isn't so good on that old Beta machine...

However, just as I was (virtually) reunited with my old pal, he was whacked!! Extinguished! Moy-da'd!!

(If you watch the show, you already know this, as it happened several weeks back. Sorry, things just get jammed up in the hopper, here at Such Is Life...)

So, there you have it. If you happen to be at some future cocktail party, and hear some balding old fool in the corner dropping a name like Stephen Eric McIntyre, you could very well be in the presence of That Dan Guy...

Hey, I also heard that The Flames won a shootout last night. Quiver, mortal Canucks!!! The end is nigh!!!!

Chow for now!!

"The Wednesday Morning Nobody-Asked-Me-To-But-Here-I-Go-Anyway Concert Review" - Van Morrison!
(or, Why I Will Never Be A Professional Concert Reviewer)

Reading our local music critic's review of this show in today's paper, I am so glad that I don't need to be that reverent here in this space.

As a matter of fact, here's the best part of last night's show: While killing time before the concert, we stopped in at the Stampede Casino, and won over $200 between the two of us!! How's them bananas??

Anyways...

So, yes, last night we got to see Van Morrison, and what a treat that was! Over the course of 90 minutes (to the second), Van blended a set of blues, soul, Celtic, Country, and classic rock that was just too short by the end of it all. The sound started off pretty crappy, but by about the third song in, it was exceptional.

I know that a regular reader is going to see him tonight in Winnipeg, so I don't want to spoil all the fun. Let's just say that Jackie Wilson Said, Bright Side Of The Road, and Days Like This were part of our show, and one heck of an extended, fantabulous version of Moondance. That cat can blow a mean saxophone!! Among all the other instruments he decided to dabble with.

The backup band was unreal. In particular, the fiddle player and the dynamic steel guitar gal drew regular applause, and if you like the sound of a Hammond B3 organ, well, let me tell you, there's PLENTY of that...

A few other observations:

-Mr. Morrison is a graduate of the same school as Bob Dylan - The Mumble Academy Of Vocal Stylings. I think I picked out three clear words in the whole show - "Jack", ""You", and "Chimmi-chunga", although I could be wrong about at least two of those...

-The age demographic clearly had bladder control issues, as I've never seen so many people needing to come and go during a show. Thank God for the big screen onstage!!

-We had the good fortune to sit in front of some people whose friend/doctor/mailman/third cousin twice removed/friends of their children knew somebody that knew someone else who happens to be the next-door neighbor to Van in Belfast, and apparently Van is not a nice person offstage... How sad...

-The crowd went nuts for the last two songs - Brown-Eyed Girl, and Gloria. When you hear Gloria, RUN to your car. There is no encore. I repeat - NO ENCORE!!!

-I think I may have just spoiled the surprise...

NOTE: for anyone from NHL Bloggers asking what the Hell this has to do with hockey, well, the show was in The Saddledome???

Chow for now!!

Two wins in a row...The Flames are back!!!!!!! Watch your backs, Canuckleheads....

The last few days have been very busy, here in the Such Is Life household.

I've had ongoing computer problems, where the simplest of tasks (such as typing this text) appears to be in slow motion. Almost like I'm working underwater, but without the smell of fish droppings... I may have to consider deleting a few files, to see if more memory will remedy that.

We've also tried to find some help for Charlie Chicken, who in addition to having a less-than-cheerful disposition, appears in some recent photos as a bit anorexic. I know Charlie doesn't talk much here about how his obsession with the young celebrities that are always in the news, but I fear he may be trying to get closer to Lindsay Lohan by eating poorly, drinking way too much, and recording really bad records...

Also, we had to go do some shopping the last couple of days, as the current wardrobe fell short of the longer winters here in Calgary. Makes me wish that we had a daily-wear fast-food uniform for casual gatherings, or that I hadn't been prevented by a court order from wearing my doctor's white lab coat and beige corduroys anymore...

On the plus side (much like myself), this week is the finale of the latest season of Nashville Star, and the guy we're rooting for seems destined to win. We'll finally be able to sleep again.

Chow for now!!

Hey, how about them 2007 Oscars??

I thought they did a pretty bang-up job with the show last night. Reading the newspaper this morning, and watching some of the morning shows though, I get the impression that others felt words like "boring", "awkward" and "overly long" fit the bill better. (Bill Better...not a bad name for a chronic gambler...)

Well, to be honest, Mrs. That Dan Guy and I didn't go into this year's event overly-well prepared. For the first time in years, we had only seen TWO of the nominated films - Dreamgirls & Superman Returns. We've heard lots of good things about the others though, like that Peter Pan's Lab Sink (???), and Miss Sunshine. Hope to see them soon.

More importantly, we couldn't get our minds off the fact that our Calgary Flames have fallen to EIGHTH place in their division!! 8th place!! This is disastrous...

However, Ellen Degeneres did a fine job of hosting the awards show - and we loved the comedy skit with Will Ferrell, and Jack Black. Even better - the rapid application of the band to cut off the acceptance speeches. I'd like to see them start even sooner, maybe as the winners are walking up to the microphone, but that could just be me...

Better run, going to get an early morning haircut...

Chow for now!!

Here's the problem with being a "virtual packrat" - eventually your web folders get so clogged with files, the blasted things refuse to open...

Trying to check my "Sent" e-mails today, I essentially had a coronary when a message said something to the effect of "Unable to open file". Aside from having a lot of quotation marks in this posting already, that sort of message "sends my blood pressure through the roof"...

Anyhow, I just spend the better part of an hour trying to divert files to other folders, and now appear able to get back in. What I really need to be able to do is "let go", and delete some of these e-mails from 1999.

Ugh...

How many e-mails are too much?? Well, one folder has almost 3000 e-mails, and Dick Clark was probably still hosting American Bandstand when I got some of them in my in-box.

Ugh...

I can't help it. I like to save things. I still have movie stubs from flicks we saw back in the 80's. Is this some indication of a problem, or am I sitting on a collectibles goldmine?? Well, maybe not with all these freakin' e-mails, I suppose...

Chow for now!!

Greetings, Humanoids...

Well, last week while I was getting a new tattoo, I let my cousin fill in here. Apparently some readers felt that Tiffany "Mother Goose" Henfeathers was a bad choice.

Normally I'd say "Screw 'Em". But, as this is the only day Banjo Boy takes off, I may have other readers anxious to hear about something other than how many grams of lint he can find in his belly button.

So, I decided to take some self-improvement courses last week.

Ha Ha!!

As if.......

Seriously, I stumbled across this book by some gigantic guy, with even more gigantic teeth. Even though I have to say it's an incredible pain in the pinfeathers to try flipping pages with a beak, this book was impossible to put down! Tony Robbins is a freakin' genius!!

Now, I don't know how much of this crap will work for a chicken, but it sure can't hurt to try adopting a few of his motivational tips. I WANT to awaken the giant within!!

So, here's hoping that the next time you read one of these postings, I will have brought a new level of intelligence, sincerity, and commitment to the table.

Right now though, I have to go visit one of the smaller rooms here. Too much coffee already, and my tumbly is freakin' rumbly. Where's that bloody morning newspaper??

Cluck for now!!

"I'll take Potpourri for $200, Alex"

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If you happened to watch 30 Rock last night on NBC, you just may have been as surprised as we were, when Charlie Chicken made a small, uncredited cameo appearance.

Appearing in a scene at the start of the show, Charlie pretty much appeared inanimate and..well...a little rubbery in his network TV debut... Still, the scene was pretty funny.

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The Vancouver Canucks are on a winnning streak - The Calgary Flames are sputtering in the wind. Where is the justice?? Where is the love?? Where did I put that leftover potato salad last Saturday? I can't seem to find it anywhere...

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Watched Deal Or No Deal Canada last night. Wonder how that's doing in the ratings??

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That last line of asterisks was shorter than the last one...

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Now they're back to normal...

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Speaking of Charlie Chicken, I get the distinct impression that that's one chicken you probably wouldn't rush to bring home, to meet your mother...

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Chow for now!!

Finally finished watching the 2007 Brit Awards the other day, after 3-4 days of interrupted viewing. Not too bad a production, as award shows go...

The beauty of taping something like that is that you can come and go as you please, and skip over the dullest bits, like CBC TV host George Strombolopisaurus, or whatever his name is. Booooring....but that could just be me....

Of course, the host in the U.K. was no prize either, on that end of the production. Some comic I've never heard of before, but I can be relatively bold in suggesting he's never heard of me, either, so we're even.

What was enjoyable were some of the innovative performances, especially The Scissor Sisters, and the Killers. Smokin'!!! Plus we discovered a few Brit acts whose name was familiar, but not their material. Some very pleasant surprises there.

And who knew Corrine Bailey Rae was British?? Go figure...

The only Canuck winner was Nelly Furtado, so maybe we should scraping that old sculpture of the Queen off of all our coins...

If you missed the show, the last 15 minutes or so featured a concert by Oasis, who I had frankly forgotten how much I enjoyed them, back in their heyday.

And it only took 3-4 days, to get through the 2-hour show!!

Chow for now!!

Oh-oh....

Today's gonna be one of those mornings again.

One of those mornings where I sit here and stare vacantly at the computer screen, with not a twig between my ears for an idea.

There's more mornings like that than you know. Or maybe you've known all along, you sly dogs. When a man without direction starts tapping on a keyboard, I suppose it could be pretty obvious on the other end of...well, wherever the heck you may be right now.

And, still...nothing. Not one bright idea for a topic this morning.


Hey, I noticed our Calgary Flames lost again, last night. That can't be good...

Dum de dum..do dee doo... bah dum bah dum doo da doo dee...

Pretty mild out these days, eh??

(Come on man, for the love of Pete, THINK of something to say here!!!)

We're probably going to have hot dogs for supper tonight.

(OK, that's it. Pack it in. You're friggin' useless this morning!!!)

Well, better run. Forgot to go grab my paper from the stoop.

Chow for now!!

For months now, I've pondered some of life's greatest questions in this space, such as why some of my toes are longer than the others, and how Justin Timberlake inexplicably continues to attract an audience.

Today, the stakes are higher - much higher. I need guidance for something that is totally befuddling me, and I can't even seem to find a consistent answer when I surf the Google.

I really hope that there's a genius scientist out there reading this, one that wants to use his or her powers for good, and not evil.

I hope that there's someone with great wisdom online today, like Yoda or Dr. Phil, ever vigilant for cases just like mine...

So, here goes:

How does someone get coffee stains off the inside of a thermos carafe??

Ours is currently (for lack of a better description) freakin' grody. Or groddy. That's not a real word anyway, so back off Spell-Checker!!

This dumb-ass carafe has an opening the size of a grape seed, and any efforts to clean it thus far have failed miserably.

Well, that's not completely true. In spots where a bottle brush makes contact, I can see gleaming promise. So now it's a swirly grody (groddy) mess...

There's my dilemma. Any help would be wonderful. But please provide references as to your cleaning capabilities, so I don't try using snake urine or some other sort of practical jokery!!!

You know who you are....

Chow for now!!

It's been a warm spell, the last few days here. Not tanning warm, but certainly leave the long johns in the drawer warm. Very nice...

Watched a bit of the boob tube last night, more specifically, the latest installment of "Grease-You're The One That I Want". Continues to underwhelm, but now we have to see where that train wreck comes to a sputtering end.

I still say that the producers are obsessed with finding the youngest leads in Broadway history, in an attempt to lure younger viewers to the show on opening night. I'm not sure that theory has a hope in Hell, but then again, I'm not the turkey bankrolling this experiment.

On a related topic, the touring "Broadway Across Canada" presentation of The Producers has hit Calgary, but I think we're going to opt to miss this one. I surfed the Google the other day, and found that if we see it in Las Vegas, we have a double whammy of excitement (well, three if you include the city itself).

First off, we can see the actor that replaced Nathan Lane on Broadway, and has played the role more than anyone else. Then, if we play our cards right, and the stars align, we can also see mega-star David Hasselhoff in the role usually occupied by Matthew Broderick. That's right, faint of heart readers, German recording superstar, AND the top dog from Baywatch (assuming you weren't watching for the rest of the cast - the ones in those red bathing suits)!!!

I may not be able to stand it !!

Anyhow,

Chow for now!!

Today, I'd like to take a few minutes, and answer some of the most common hypothetical questions I'd probably get, regarding this blog...

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1) Dear That Dan Guy,
How do you come up with all these wacky ideas for postings??

A: Well, Anonymous, it's rather simple. I just surf the Google, with random oddball words. You'd be surprised what can come up in a search for "Apache Hot Pants", or "carnivorous two-headed aardvarks"...

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2) Dear That Dan Guy,
You and your wife appear to go to an awful lot of shows and concerts. Are you guys independently wealthy??

A: Good question, Anonymous 2! And the answer is no. It's just that there's so many concerts available to see here. We actually pass on more than we go to.

For example, just due to time and financial constraints, we had to pass on Guns 'N' Roses, Aerosmith with Motley Crue, and Billy Talent. We also plan on passing on The Von Trapp Grandchildren (I'm not kidding), and Christina Aguilera, with The Pussycat Dolls.

Hey, wait just a minute...

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3) Dear That Dan Guy,
How did you become part of NHL Bloggers, considering you don't seem to know which end of a hockey stick sits on the ice??

A: Um, well, that's a good question, Anonymous3! I'll be honest. I had written a piece here about playing "hookey", but added a "c" by mistake, so the webmaster there made an honest mistake in inviting me to join that group...

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4) Dear That Dan Guy,
Charlie Chicken kills me. However, aren't chickens female?? Shouldn't Charlie be a rooster??

A: Well, Anonymous 4, thanks for writing in about that foul fowl from the weekend postings. I'd have to say that either Charlie is completely delusional, or my knowledge of farm animals is admittedly lacking. All I can say for sure is that he's a real pain in the a......

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5) Dear Bozo Boy,
You should quit posting so much crap here yourself, and let Charlie take over. He's the best!!

A: OK, so uh, is there a question there??

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6) Is Charlie available now??

A: NO! Can we get back to MY blog for a minute??

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Well, that seems to be a good spot to stop for today. Enjoy what's left of your weekend, everybody!!

Chow for now!!

Yo, featherless wonders...

Mother Goose here (yeah, yeah...that's the ticket - Mother Goose!!), with a few words to get you through the weekend, and maybe even a story or two that you can share with your creepy carpet crawlers at bedtime...

Once upon a time, there was a greasy, ratty looking wolf, that lived in the forest. With a hunchback.

Sorry, bad grammar. he didn't live WITH a hunchback, he HAD a hunchback...

Anyways, the wolf liked his meals very raw, so when he saw some whistling little dwarves on their way to work one morning, he...hey...wait just a cotton-pickin' minute!!!!

Where's my cigarette??? What the heck happened to my smoke???

Aw, crap and oysters....

Oh well, let's just get through this, and I'll go find my firestick...

So, this mangy wolf jumps these dwarves, and eats 'em. While he's sitting on a clump of forest grass, he spots a young girl in a red cape. Or hood. It's probably a friggin' gaucho, what do I know?? Do I look like Calvin friggin' Klein??

Anyways, he eats her too. Then he's so full, he explodes. Parts of his guts get all over this Rapunzel woman, who's up in a one-room tower, letting down her hair - for some Prince (who's broke as a circus rat after heavy gambling losses) that keeps yelling up at her, to let the damn hair down.

Did I mention he's bald as an apple?? He wants her hair, to cover his dome!!

The prince gets grossed out by the spraying wolf guts, and turns into a frog. He is immediately run over by a horse drawn carriage, and a couple of kids named Hansel and Gretsel (work with me here, it could be a name) turn him into a purse.

Gretsel tells Hansel that "a penny saved is a penny earned" . And they have earned exactly one penny.

The moral of the story today - If you're gonna walk in the forest, watch your wolves. Or the penny thing - you choose.

Now, I gotta get to the corner store. I need a smoke...

Cluck for now!!

We're Number One!!

We're Number One!!

That there was a headline I was hoping to run the other day, but chose to do some blathering on Valentine's Day instead. Now, it's:

We're Not Number One!!

We're Not Number One!!

The Calgary Flames have slipped down the rankings again after a few losses the past couple of days, even despite some recent trades. Which gives false hope to those Vancouver Canucks, but hey, they've been there before, so I say - let them enjoy it while they can.

I know this can always come back to haunt me, but I still feel strongly that Calgary will be doing their usual early-summer run to the Stanley Cup, while the Canucks will be eyeing a different cup - the ones on the putting greens around their summer homes.

Which reminds me: What's the biggest difference between The Calgary Flames and The Vancouver Canucks??

A STANLEY CUP!!

Buh-doom-boom!!

Here all week folks...

There. That should get the goat of any old pals from Kelowna...and I didn't even have to mention that our goalie has a much longer last name than theirs!! Or should I say a much Luongo one???

Chow for now!

So, how did YOU spend Valentine's Day??

Here at the Such Is Life household, we just stayed in, as the last of three bad winter storm days tapered off. We could have gone out, but rather chose to invite a delivery driver over instead. Not for supper, just with supper...

While we were eating, we watched The Lake House, with Sandra Bullock, and Keanu Reeves. Depending on your age as you read this, those folks are either relevant contemporary actors, or old geezers with one foot each in the retirement home. I choose to believe they're still young enough to pull off a movie like that, although either one could easily be a parent figure to say, Hilary Duff...

The point is (and I'll get there eventually), is that when I spotted the DVD in the store, I knew right away that Mrs. That Dan Guy and I would enjoy it. I'd heard the storyline in advance, and it got just ravaged enough by critics that it had all the earmarks of a romantic classic. And, it didn't star Hilary Duff...

Which gives one pause, because now Hilary Duff wouldn't be considered all that young any more. My reference points for "the youth" of today may now be getting long in the teeths themselves!!

However, I think I was working my way to some kind of point here earlier, which is now entirely lost to me...

Oh yeah. The Lake House!! Starring Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. If you see just one romantic movie this year, see The Lake House...

Hmm. That sounds more like a tag line than an endorsement. And I do endorse this movie, it's really good. But now I'm so worried that I don't know who to use as a reference for the younger set, I can barely think straight!! Dakota Fanning??? She doesn't sing though...

I must withdraw for today, and go surf the Google. Who are today's brightest talents?? Does Keanu Reeves use Grecian formula hair color now?? Would Sandra Bullock be considered an old goat nowadays?? My world is completely awry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chow for now!!

As a diabetic, I must occasionally participate in some routine annual check-ups.

Yesterday, I went for the first time in Calgary to a foot clinic. It was called The Foot Clinic.

Over the course of an hour, the staff there did tests for sensitivity (my feet are totally sensitive - yet still intensely masculine), circulation (as feet, they do tend to get around), and overall condition (several staff were brought in to look at what they thought to be a Planter's Wart).

Personally, I couldn't spend my entire work day within smelling range of people's feet. I mean, I did move up my shower day this week to try and lessen what has been described before as "the pungent aroma of wet socks in a gym laundry pile", but you never know how good a job you've done. It's not like I have the flexibility to give them a sniff myself...

However, at the other end of the spectrum, there are worse body parts you could spend your entire workday examining, I suppose...

Chow for now!!

After attending a live concert the other night, we had to catch up on Sunday's TV schedule offerings via the modern-day miracle of a video recorder. Which I believe is a tiny silver box containing a very small person with a video camera. I could be wrong there...

At any rate, after an evening of fantastic live music, we fast-forwarded our way through Grease - You're The One That I Want, and most of The Grammies.

Grease had a few good performances, but I still wonder if they'll succeed in drawing in the youth viewers, who are likely completely unattached to the music of that play's era. Having seen a touring production of the play long before the big movie with John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John was released, I can't understand why these current producer guys are so insistent on trying to find new lead actors that are too young to even have library cards. Could just be me...

As for The Grammies, well, watching what we have so far of that broadcast makes you wonder why Justine Tiggercake gets to perform THREE songs, but they don't have time to present awards in some of the biggest categories anymore. However, aside from the fare that Mr. Tumblelate offered, there were some good performances, and appropriate winners, so there may yet be hope for the show.

Although, no award for James Blunt?? Come on!!!!

Chow for now!!

"The Monday Morning Nobody-Asked-Me-To-But-Here-I-Go-Anyway Concert Review" - Emmylou Harris!

(or, Why I Will Never Be A Professional Concert Reviewer)

Egads!

Caramba!!

Oy!!!

Yowza!!!!!

Well, you get the point...

Last night Mrs. That Dan Guy and I had the immense pleasure of seeing an artist I've been a fan of since I was a young whippersnapper, and have never had a chance to see perform live before.

Well, that's not entirely true. This review (such as it is) needs just a little bit of preamble first.

Way back in the mid to late 70's, I was walking around downtown Fargo or Moorhood, I really can't remember which one it was. But frankly they're twin cities, so how could I even know which was which - they don't dress differently??

Unless that's Minneapolis/St. Paul, which also may be twin cities. But I'm pretty sure it was Fargo/Moorhead.

Anyways, as a young teenager wandering around, I happened upon the back entrance to a concert hall, and parked just outside that entrance was a tour bus, with big bold letters: Emmylou Harris.

I had already come to know of Ms. Harris through a couple of her stellar 70's albums, and having seen the cover pictures, felt it might not be such a bad idea to linger, in hopes of catching a glimpse of her.

After about a half hour, and no visible signs of life from the tour bus (what a turkey - they were probably already inside rehearsing!!), I moved along, a crushed and broken young man.

Happily, I rebounded, and have led a terrific, normal life. Which was capped last night when that Blue Kentucky Girl strolled out onto the stage last night, in her famous silver cowboy boots!!

Egads!!

Caramba!!

Oy!!

Yowza!!

That incredible voice remains pitch perfect. And for a woman turning 60 next month, she still looks better than that witless wonder that can't remember to put her underwear on in the morning.

But I digress...

Ms. Harris brought along the wonderful 5-piece bluegrass band Carolina Star, some of whom she played with back when she was first starting out. Which ended up being very much of the feel of the evening - nostalgic, and acoustic. No drums, no keyboards - just guitar, fiddle, upright bass, mandolins, and dobro. Oh yeah, and a banjo on two or three songs!!

You couldn't complain about her set list - old classics, like Wayfaring Stranger, Born To Run, and a sublime cover of Pancho & Lefty. We've seen Willie Nelson do his version, and I think both are tied for the best.

She also added some of her newer recordings, plus a mini-run of a few bluegrass spirituals, capped off with an amazing acapella song.

Just as she seemed to be getting started, they wrapped things up, and we discovered by the light of my Indiglo watch that she had already been on for almost 90 minutes!!

We left after the second encore, but plenty satisfied...

Chow for now!!

I got to relive my toddlerhood last night, as we had a chance to catch 60's British Invasion pop group Gerry & The Pacemakers. They had big hits in North America with songs like "Ferry Cross The Mersey", and "Don't Let The Sun Catch You Crying". I would have been about 6 years old, back in their heyday.

To be honest, I heard more of their stuff when I was considerably older. So I pretty much missed their heyday, in between potty training and feeding boiled turnips to our family dog. But it was still cool to see another living piece of classic rock 'n' roll history.

It really was just a piece though. Unless Gerry has an actual pacemaker these days, any other members of his band appear to be far too young to be original members. And the songs we heard weren't any of their big hits, mostly two cover songs.

To be even more honest,we weren't even there as paying customers. We had stopped in to pick up our tickets for an upcoming show, and Gerry & The (replacement) Pacemakers were doing their sound check, in preparation for last night's show. So we sort of lingered a bit.

To be even way more honest, I bought us a couple of drinks from the bar, and we sat there totally mooching the freebie presentation. Two thumbs up - they sounded great!!

Chow for now!!

Happy weekend, upright hairless monkeys!! Charlie's back!

Last night, I took a sweet little chick to see a movie. Ironically, it turned out to be a CHICK flick!!!

Anyhoo, they had some dumb rule about no shirt, no service, so they had to scramble to find something to cover my nekked pinfeathers. Hence the Kleenex box. A little tight in the shoulders, but otherwise not a bad fit...

So, we went to see Dreamgirls, the big musical flick everybody's cluckin' about. I have to say, the movie was pretty good. Not many chickens in the cast, but the humans that were in it did a fair to middlin' job of acting.

For me, the movie kind of dragged a bit, until the big breakup/ditch Effie scene. Jamie Foxx (not a real fox - I've been chased by one, so I know) demotes Effie (Jennifer Hudson - not a real Hudson - I almost got run over by one) in the Dreamettes band, which forces her to sing the most powerful song in the whole freakin' movie. And from then on, the show is cluckin' terrific.

By the way, if that Hudson woman doesn't get the Oscar Meyer for her role, you humans deserve to be dunked in 7 secret herbs and spices...

If you haven't seen it yet, I won't spoil any of the fun. Get your long-john covered bee-hinds out to the theatre, and see it for yourself.

Better run, all this typing is putting a dent in my beak...

Cluck for now!!

I don't know how many of you out there reading these notes blog yourselves, but every time I get ready to add another installment, I click a link that indicates "add post".

Which sort of makes me feel I'm building a fence. A fence that is rambling on and on and on and on...............

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Thursdays are a really bad day, in That Dan Guy's household. Virtually every show we watch is on Thursday night, so we really hate having to do anything during that particular day of the week.

We've got regular favorites My Name Is Earl, The Office , 30 Rock, I clip my toenails or nap during Scrubs, then return for ER.

While all that is going on, we record Shark, Nashville Star, and now Deal Or No Deal Canada. It's not even worth getting out of bed in the morning - I just set bon-bons and Cola bedside Wednesday night, then I don't need to miss a minute of the shows. We do have that 30-minute bathroom break while Scrubs runs, so with proper planning, we're good to go for the whole night.

Thursday night - Must See TV!!!

Chow for now!!

When I was a kid, I never really considered growing up to be an astronaut. That's probably more an American thing.

As a young Canadian kid, the only rockets I knew were Maurice and Henri Richard. My aspirations for eventual adulthood employment were more realistic and earth-bound - professions such as Professional Chocolate Taster, CEO of Skippy Peanut Butter Ltd or Bikini Catalogue Model Photographer.

Nowadays, being an astronaut seems downright exciting, given the one down south that recently leaped enthusiastically off of the deep end of the behaviour charts.

You've probably already heard about NASA astronaut Lisa Nowak, and the wacky story of her love triangle gone seriously awry. It's been in all the media, and the late-night TV hosts have been having a heyday. But with the way reality TV works now, and how everyday nobodies can be instant stars now, this has got to be a goldmine for astronaut recruitment.

"Trouble at home? Leave your problems behind, and float weightlessly at the same time!!"

"Making The Mob look tame, join the Space Program!!"

"We're looking for a few good wing nuts!!"

Chow for now!!

For the ultimate in lazy cuisine fare, there is now a product on the market for those that enjoy the occasional canned salmon sandwich, but don't enjoy separating all the skin, bones, and whiskers that typically arrive in every can.

Yes, Boneless Skinless Whiskerless Canned Salmon is now available, and I for one am thrilled to be able to fabricate a tasty sandwich, with far less effort than ever before. I can honestly say that there were some lunch hours where I became literally EXHAUSTED, using a knife and fork to carefully dissect what is such a skimpy canned serving in the first place.

Don't tell Mrs. That Dan Guy, but I'd often add in a little bit of bread crumbs and peanut butter to fill out her sandwiches, what with at least half of the can's contents being shucked down the garburator...

Now though, thanks to Boneless Skinless Whiskerless Canned Salmon, a lunchtime chef can easily whip up two healthy sandwiches, without any creative fillers. And, your partner will quit asking if the salmon tastes a little funny...

On another note, I don't hear much anymore about the Pittsburgh Penguins needing to move, to stay alive as an NHL franchise, but I still think Winnipeg would be a great new home.

If not the Penguins, how about bringing those Coyotes back from Phoenix?? Gretzky grew up in the snow, he'd adapt to -75 again.

If not the Coyotes, why not Toronto? It's not like The Leafs are doing anything productive towards another Stanley Cup in Ontario these days...

Chow for now!!

I am convinced that we have a commuting rabbit, in our neighborhood...

We used to think that he (or she) had ADD, or some other such compulsion, that forced him (or her) to hop in exactly the same steps, every fresh snowfall. Probably while clucking, or hooting.

But lately, we've detected a relatively obvious pattern. As in a straight diagonal line through the back of our yard, along the side of the house, and down the road in front of our humble abode... Never a variation, just the same well-worn path in the snow.

So, from the past few months of carefree carousing, our neighborhood rabbit now is on a mission, or on a time clock. Hoppy leaves tracks in a singular straight(ish) line, day after day, well before sunrise. What sort of employer would require a graveyard shift hare, I wonder??? But then, I do tend to worry about the damnedest things anyway...

However (and this just came to me out of the blue), maybe our rabbit is a jogger??? It would make sense, and also explain those empty bottles of Gatorade beside the garage.

I'll just have to set up a video camera, to see if he (or she) is wearing work or leisure apparel. I must solve this mystery!!

Or hope that I get a life...

Chow for now!!

Curse you, Super Bowl!!!

(Imagine an angry fist, shaking at the name or spirit of that annual TV institution)

Thanks to you, Super Bowl, all my regular TV programs were sent into "repeat' mode yesterday. No new "Grease - You're The One That I Want". No new "whatever else is on on a Sunday night". Just football, on every freakin' channel imaginable.

Well, it sure seemed that way...

OK, so we did end up watching about an hour of your broadcast, even hoped for a bit that "da Bears" would stage a 4th quarter comeback, but alas, it was not meant to be. However, thanks to the modern-day technological miracle of time-shift channels, we were able to enjoy the American broadcast, with all the terrific American commercials. I'll atone this week by watching CTV or something, and find out what Tim Horton's is offering Canadian viewers...

Chow for now!!

We got hooped! Duped!!!

Yesterday, I was successful in convincing (wearing down) Mrs. That Dan Guy into attending the Calgary Boating Exposition 2007, on the premise that we would learn about where we could go camping and fishing, in our new home province.

I assured her that I wasn't going there just to look at the uber-expensive cigarette boats, or any other such flashy, expensive speed boats. I wanted to get an education on where we might be able to wile away some leisure hours, communing gently with nature (with at least an outboard motor, and flushing nautical toilet)...

Well, unless I included the booths devoted to fractional time shares for some fishing lodge in Pebble Sands, Saskatchewan or a private lake in Saudi Arabia, all we could see for row upon row was uber-expensive cigarette boats, and other such flashy, expensive speed boats.

And some inflatable dinghy's, which for the record is something of minimal interest to either one of us...

Then today, trying to recall the name of the exhibit, I Googled "Calgary Boat Show", and came upon (lo & behold) The Calgary Boat & Sportsmen's Show, which runs Feb 15-18, and promises to feature everything I dreamt of in the other show. Plus a "birds of prey" exhibit, which is my ticket in with Mrs. That Dan Guy!!!

Why do I need to know where the recreational sites are in Calgary and area, what with that bee-oo-tiful Bow River rolling right through the heart of town?? Well, I've heard that it's only three of four inches deep in places, and if we buy the yacht that I hope to, I don't want to make the local newspapers as "Blogger runs aground on sandy loam!!"

Chow for now!!

Howdy, humanoids!!

Charlie's back, for his usual weekend appearance (generally before Banjo Boy wakes up).

I see that somehow he got on as part of the NHL Bloggers network, which is freakin' hilarious, seein' as how he doesn't even know how many innings they play!!

At any rate, if that turkey (no relation) can write about hockey, they why not me??

To give you guys some credentials, I play goal in a beer league here on the weekend. After the industrial accident that took my arms and feathers, I find it hard to hold a goal stick or glove, so I pretty much rely on the size of my cluckin' head to make saves. But, as I mentioned before, this is a beer league, so accuracy in shooting hasn't been a real big issue...

Am I cold when I lie on the ice, nekked?? I am hot-blooded for a fowl, so I tend to shake off the shivers. And, as I may have mentioned before, this is a beer league, so often I'm too pickled to give a rat's ass...

Do I wear protective equipment for these games? Padding is for little hens in dresses!!

Plus, I got no endorsement deal yet...

Is it a good idea to smoke while participating in sports? Why don't you go lay an egg......

Cluck for now!!

Yet another light dusting of snow, overnight. Winter has decided to return...

The other day, the forerunner of the bigger overnight dumping of snow brought a little flurry in the afternoon, as Mrs. That Dan Guy had to go to another part of the city, for her work. She can handle the weather well enough, but still gets a little rattled driving in it.

How rattled?? Well, when she arrived at the other location for a meeting with staff there, she had been running behind. So, she rushed into the building, at about 2:30, and attended meetings, etc.

I met her at 4:30, to do some shopping, grab some dinner, and a bit of general running around.
We returned to pick up her car at about 7:30, after it had long been dark outside.

Pulling up to the office building, I remarked on how it looked like she had left her lights on. She agreed, but also noticed that the tail lights appeared to be on.

And, even though it had been snowing for the past few hours, the car was oddly devoid of any buildup of the white stuff...

Reaching into her purse for her keys, she discovered that they had been misplaced. Well, not misplaced so much, as LEFT IN THE FREAKIN' IGNITION!!!! Her car had been sitting in the parking lot, right across from a relatively high-traffic area, running the whole time. How nobody noticed, and didn't steal the thing is beyond me.

Egads!!

On the plus side, she didn't need to warm it up before we left to head back home...

Today, I'm searching the Google for something that will put the motor into hibernation, after 15 unattended minutes...

Chow for now!!

Whoo-hoo!! Snowstorm!!

Yikes, man - we're getting a pretty respectable snow storm here this morning. I'll be donning the long johns to do some shovelling shortly...

So, I read in yesterday's paper that the star-studded "reality" program "Armed & Famous" has been sliced, diced, and pureed into oblivion. I never even got to see a single episode, as the commercials alone triggered my gag reflex (and I'm not talking about my humour writing options here).

If you were fortunate enough to have missed it as well, which is likely something that was happening in record viewership numbers, "Armed & Famous" had some of today's hottest mega-stars (Erik Estrada, LaToya Jackson) working in the field as pseudo law enforcement officers. It must have been a nice break from their other most current work projects - like tending bar somewhere off Rodeo Drive, and delivering newspapers...

Hmm. A harsher tone than usual today. I sound as bad as that foul fowl that turns up here on the weekends.

On a kinder and gentler note, it appeared (in the commercials at least) that Mr. Estrada still had a good set of teeth.

Chow for now!!