Special Emergency Edition Of

Chicken Scratch

By all things feathered and holy, for the love of The Great Rooster, I am pleadin’ to alla ya today! I believe I may be in imminent danger, if not about to totally lose my cookies…

Do ya see what I’m posin’ with here?? Yeah, the brand-new James Blunt CD. Banjo Boy here raced out to buy it cluckin’ TWO DAYS AGO, the first day of release…like some heart-broke schoolgirl. He musta been first in line when the stores opened!!

Buk-AAAAWK!!!!!!

Oh, he can tell ya he bought it for Mrs. That Dan Guy, but he’s full of batter – he played it TWICE before he even went to pick her up!!!! I’m dyin’ here!!

Please, I begga ya, get me outta here before I peck my own eyeballs out!! Or bite off my ears, once I find ‘em…

Buk-AAAAWK!!!

The worst part is, he sings along!! This guy couldn’t carry a tune in a takeout container!! I’ll let you decide which one I’m talkin’ about here…

Please, take me into yer heart, and yer home. I promise to drink less if I get outta here, and I’ll do what I can about my smokin’.

I can’t make any promises about the chicks…

Ah, I can’t make no promises about nuthin’…who am I kiddin’???

Buk-AAAAWK!!!

But I need to get outta this Blunt Zone toot sweet, there’s no tellin’ what’s next. I gotta get out before TDG gets a tattoo of James Blunt on his Butt-AAAAWKS!!!!

Cluck for now!!