Berry, Black
Dec 25 2006-June 15, 2007

Black passed away suddenly, of unnatural causes. He leaves behind a mourning owner, who didn't realize just how attached he had become to Mr. Berry, and his amazing instant delivery of real-time e-mails.

Although heroic measures were taken to revive Mr. Berry, the damage was just too severe. His owner deeply regrets never taking him for some swimming lessons...who knows how that might have changed the ultimate outcome?

In the short time Mr. Berry was with us, he was the subject of a weekly column, which has also been picked up nationally, twice. Date of second publication as yet unknown. Never one for the spotlight, he would have shrugged off the notoriety, had he had shoulders.

During Black's short run as a wireless device for his owner, he was eager to present e-mails that had been received overnight, often along with a morning coffee, two cookies, and the freshly-delivered Calgary Herald. His owner is not entirely sure of this, but he swears that Black followed the comics page as eagerly as he did...

Black was well-known for his sense of humour:

*distinctive ring tones ("clown car horn", "A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Action", "space pulse"), which would often go off at inopportune and embarrassing moments;
*vibrating at awkward moments, in public places;
*resisting every programming attempt for months, until his owner had to call customer service, like the clueless baboon that he is...

HEY!!! Just a cotton pickin' minute here....

Black didn't live long enough to fulfill his dreams of starting his own little family of wireless devices. He did enjoy the sensation of being plugged into a wall socket though.

There will be no service held, as the owner will likely tuck Mr. Berry into his sock drawer, and continue to cling to the mistaken hope that he will someday be revived. Frankly, Mr. Berry is stiffer than an East Coast mackerel after a couple of days in the freezer. His incoming message days are done.

In lieu of cards or flowers, Mr. That Dan Guy would appreciate a contribution of substantial cash, as the latest model is much more expensive, and he has to pay for this one out of his own pocket. It is the price of being a klutz, or a putz. He is unable to remember which one of those names Mrs. That Dan Guy called him.

In all fairness, it was probably both...

Chow for now!!