Chicken Scratch

Mornin', boys and girls...

Charlie ain't feelin' so good this morning, so keep it down, OK???? Tequila is liquid hell, kids...

So, here I am at press time, and I can barely get my beak on the keyboard. The thought of pecking keys right now is making my teeth hurt, so pardon me if this is running late.

I gotta answer a few recent e-mails, so here we go:

Dear Charlie,

Do you work out? You always look so buff!!

Brandi

Dear Brandi,

First off, hot name, Toots! And yes. I do Pilates every morning. Except maybe today....

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Dear Charlie,

Have you ever had any plastic surgery? Your beak looks abnormal...

Carson

Dear Carson,

First off - BITE ME!!!!!! Buk-AAAAWK!!!!

Second, what happened to Brandi?? I don't need this kind of crap on a weekend morning.!!#@!!!

Third...I'm a RUBBER CHICKEN!!!!

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Dear Charlie,

You're HOT!!

Candi

Dear Candi,

Bless you. Do you have a sister??

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Dear Charlie,

Where's this month's alimony, you deadbeat piece of plasticized poultry???????

You Know Who...

Buk-AAAAWK(ward)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh boy...gotta run kiddies....

Cluck for now!!