Yikes!!
Afternoon blog....
Well, spit happens, I suppose.
I had a full morning today, not the least of which was my physio. Happy to report that my arm is starting to act less and less like a drawbridge these days. I only have to raise it one or two times a day now, to relieve the pain. I'm a human toll booth!!
Also had to find some other places in downtown Calgary this morning, to take care of a few outstanding chores. I needed to find the main office of the parking authority, to pick up what they call a "Smart card" here, for the parking meters. At $3.00 per hour to park downtown, I don't think it's just the cards that are pretty smart...
And, I also had to find a place where I could view my traffic infranction photo. Yes, I regret to say that we somehow managed to get a traffic ticket - failing to stop at a red light. We won't do that again, even accidentally as we did this time. We could park downtown for a loooong time with the fine that comes along with that bad boy...
Finally, we are officially Albertans, as of this weekend. My wife and I finally managed to fulfill all the requirements for switching over our vehicle insurance (which includes being able to name fruits by their Latin origins, and also requires just a pinch of the eye of a newt. I think I can also transport three head of cattle at any given time), so we now have Alberta plates on both vehicles. Pretty overwhelming.
We'll pick up our cowboy hats this weekend...
Chow for now!!
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Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Monday, October 09, 2006
Vindication at last, for my diet!!
If you happened to catch the news or read a newspaper these last few days, you'll no doubt be aware that vegetables have become the latest arsenic of the food chain. Tainted spinach, carrot juice, and now lettuce are all freshly-discovered health hazards, which gives me no cause for concern at all.
Oh, I've tried to add these sorts of things into my diet over the years, but they all take soooo long to eat. A Twinkie is gone in two bites, and a bag of potato chips melts in my mouth, not in my hands. Lettuce?? I don't even leave that in my Big Macs.....
So now I feel entirely justified, as I may be saving my own life by avoiding these previously allegedly healthy foods. I've yet to see a chocolate bar hit the news as a carrier of E. Coli, so tonight I will reach for an M & M, NOT a leaf. I'll leave the lettuce for the rabbits, while I get my calcium via a Milky Way bar...
Carrot juice?? Even if Pepsi made a version with caffeine-free cherry flavoring, I'd pass.
All along, health experts, doctors, and my mother have been trying to convince me of the benefits of vegetables, and now we find out that they're LETHAL!!! Pass me another pretzel, pal. Keep that celery stalk away from this guy!
Now if I could just figure out how to make a salad with peanuts, popcorn, and toffee...
Chow for now!!
If you happened to catch the news or read a newspaper these last few days, you'll no doubt be aware that vegetables have become the latest arsenic of the food chain. Tainted spinach, carrot juice, and now lettuce are all freshly-discovered health hazards, which gives me no cause for concern at all.
Oh, I've tried to add these sorts of things into my diet over the years, but they all take soooo long to eat. A Twinkie is gone in two bites, and a bag of potato chips melts in my mouth, not in my hands. Lettuce?? I don't even leave that in my Big Macs.....
So now I feel entirely justified, as I may be saving my own life by avoiding these previously allegedly healthy foods. I've yet to see a chocolate bar hit the news as a carrier of E. Coli, so tonight I will reach for an M & M, NOT a leaf. I'll leave the lettuce for the rabbits, while I get my calcium via a Milky Way bar...
Carrot juice?? Even if Pepsi made a version with caffeine-free cherry flavoring, I'd pass.
All along, health experts, doctors, and my mother have been trying to convince me of the benefits of vegetables, and now we find out that they're LETHAL!!! Pass me another pretzel, pal. Keep that celery stalk away from this guy!
Now if I could just figure out how to make a salad with peanuts, popcorn, and toffee...
Chow for now!!
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Week Two of Squirrel Month!! 
(Nothing official yet, just something I'm trying to get off the ground...tell your friends...)
This week I'll touch on some celebrity squirrels, mostly from the past. There doesn't seem to be too much demand for celebrity squirrels these days...go figure.
Over to the right hand side, I've lifted and pasted a picture of Rocky, famous pal of Bullwinkle The Moose. As far as squirrels go, Rocky has done pretty well for himself.
Growing up, I lived on a steady diet of these two cartoon characters. While Bullwinkle had star billing, and probably the most imitated voice ever by stand-up comics, Rocky was the brains of the operation. And, as a forerunner of political correctness, his headgear always reminded kids that when they flew, they shouldn't be shy about using safety gear. He was also a role model for buck teeth.
I'm not sure what Rocky is up to these days, but I'm sure the ongoing royalties from the show have kept him in a pretty good lifestyle. I'd guess he spends a lot of time golfing, which would keep him in wooded areas, and allow him to pick up the odd acorn or two along the way.
Another celebrity squirrel that comes to mind became famous on jars of peanut butter.
I would have bet money that a squirrel appeared on Jif Peanut Butter, but apparently it was Skippy. I have eaten virtually every conceivable brand of peanut butter over the years, so who made what never really mattered. But for Squirrel Month, let's credit Skippy with being our celebrity squirrel from the land of peanut butter...
Skippy still appears to this day on millions of jars of peanut butter, so he certainly didn't have as good an agent as Rocky. However, he looks pretty young, so maybe he can move up to other products when his current contract expires.
There you have it folks, two of the most famous squirrels you will likely run across. Next week, I'll hope to find something just as exciting for Week Three of Squirrel Month!!
Chow for now!!
(Nothing official yet, just something I'm trying to get off the ground...tell your friends...)
This week I'll touch on some celebrity squirrels, mostly from the past. There doesn't seem to be too much demand for celebrity squirrels these days...go figure.
Over to the right hand side, I've lifted and pasted a picture of Rocky, famous pal of Bullwinkle The Moose. As far as squirrels go, Rocky has done pretty well for himself.
Growing up, I lived on a steady diet of these two cartoon characters. While Bullwinkle had star billing, and probably the most imitated voice ever by stand-up comics, Rocky was the brains of the operation. And, as a forerunner of political correctness, his headgear always reminded kids that when they flew, they shouldn't be shy about using safety gear. He was also a role model for buck teeth.
I'm not sure what Rocky is up to these days, but I'm sure the ongoing royalties from the show have kept him in a pretty good lifestyle. I'd guess he spends a lot of time golfing, which would keep him in wooded areas, and allow him to pick up the odd acorn or two along the way.
Another celebrity squirrel that comes to mind became famous on jars of peanut butter.
I would have bet money that a squirrel appeared on Jif Peanut Butter, but apparently it was Skippy. I have eaten virtually every conceivable brand of peanut butter over the years, so who made what never really mattered. But for Squirrel Month, let's credit Skippy with being our celebrity squirrel from the land of peanut butter...
Skippy still appears to this day on millions of jars of peanut butter, so he certainly didn't have as good an agent as Rocky. However, he looks pretty young, so maybe he can move up to other products when his current contract expires.
There you have it folks, two of the most famous squirrels you will likely run across. Next week, I'll hope to find something just as exciting for Week Three of Squirrel Month!!
Chow for now!!
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Well, no matter how long I look at the blank screen, I can't seem to fill it up without doing at least a little bit of typing.
I tried pasting a newspaper article onto my monitor, but it didn't transfer onto my blog. The only thing that is making today's blog appear is the pecking of my two fingers on the keyboard.
It also doesn't help that my brain is a little barren this morning. A man can only go on so much about his new ladder, or what was on TV last night. If he expects people to read this stuff, he has to offer up new and exciting offerings, each and every day. He's gotta sell the sizzle!
Or something like that...
If this was Sunday, I'd be just fine. Tomorrow will be the start of Week Two, in National Squirrel Month, or whatever it was I called this new celebration of all things squirrelly. So, if this column today is so bad you are about to give up all hope, please wait until tomorrow.
By the way...that ladder?? Still packed.
Chow for now!!
I tried pasting a newspaper article onto my monitor, but it didn't transfer onto my blog. The only thing that is making today's blog appear is the pecking of my two fingers on the keyboard.
It also doesn't help that my brain is a little barren this morning. A man can only go on so much about his new ladder, or what was on TV last night. If he expects people to read this stuff, he has to offer up new and exciting offerings, each and every day. He's gotta sell the sizzle!
Or something like that...
If this was Sunday, I'd be just fine. Tomorrow will be the start of Week Two, in National Squirrel Month, or whatever it was I called this new celebration of all things squirrelly. So, if this column today is so bad you are about to give up all hope, please wait until tomorrow.
By the way...that ladder?? Still packed.
Chow for now!!
Friday, October 06, 2006
Top up your coffee folks, this one is pretty long-winded today…
First off, my humble apologies for the late posting, but I had to go pick up my vehicle first thing this morning, after bringing it in THREE DAYS AGO, for an out-of-province safety inspection. Suffice it to say that the beast is now virtually rebuilt from stem to stern, and my dreams of eating anything other than hot dogs and beans for the next 8 months are slim…
I also had a timely bit of physio yesterday, necessary to get me through my first big concert event in Calgary’s Saddledome. My wife and I went to see The Who last night, which leads me up to:
“The-Friday-Morning-Nobody-Asked-Me-To-But-Here-It-Is-Anyway-Concert-Review – The Who”
First off, my humble apologies for the late posting, but I had to go pick up my vehicle first thing this morning, after bringing it in THREE DAYS AGO, for an out-of-province safety inspection. Suffice it to say that the beast is now virtually rebuilt from stem to stern, and my dreams of eating anything other than hot dogs and beans for the next 8 months are slim…
I also had a timely bit of physio yesterday, necessary to get me through my first big concert event in Calgary’s Saddledome. My wife and I went to see The Who last night, which leads me up to:
“The-Friday-Morning-Nobody-Asked-Me-To-But-Here-It-Is-Anyway-Concert-Review – The Who”
(or, "Why I Will Never Be A Professional Reviewer…")
For somebody that has seen most big-name artists long before they became “classic” or “nostalgia”, last night was my first ever live Who concert. As a long-time fan, it makes me wonder why I had so eagerly picked up Air Supply tickets a few months ago, but had not yet seen The Who. Call me quirky…
At any rate, the joint was buzzing, erupting into cheers even during the big-screen commercials for The Who station on Sirius satellite radio. This was likely going to be an easy gig for the boys…
Not so easy a task, warming up a crowd before living legends take the stage, but opening act Inward Eye did a terrific job, nonetheless. This power-rock group of young brothers from my hometown of Winnipeg sold me by song one. I had been tipped off by my buddy Argy to make it in time to see them, and I can see why. Their own website (www.inwardeye.com) suggests they are reminiscent of The Jam and The Kinks, but I heard Green Day and early U2 influences as well. They rocked. Highly recommended from my experience!!
That said, The Who was who we came to see, and The Who we saw.
For somebody that has seen most big-name artists long before they became “classic” or “nostalgia”, last night was my first ever live Who concert. As a long-time fan, it makes me wonder why I had so eagerly picked up Air Supply tickets a few months ago, but had not yet seen The Who. Call me quirky…
At any rate, the joint was buzzing, erupting into cheers even during the big-screen commercials for The Who station on Sirius satellite radio. This was likely going to be an easy gig for the boys…
Not so easy a task, warming up a crowd before living legends take the stage, but opening act Inward Eye did a terrific job, nonetheless. This power-rock group of young brothers from my hometown of Winnipeg sold me by song one. I had been tipped off by my buddy Argy to make it in time to see them, and I can see why. Their own website (www.inwardeye.com) suggests they are reminiscent of The Jam and The Kinks, but I heard Green Day and early U2 influences as well. They rocked. Highly recommended from my experience!!
That said, The Who was who we came to see, and The Who we saw.
Starting off with some early career hits, the crowd went nuts. Standing ovations right off the bat, and the folks down on the floor seats had to stand for the entire show. The only sluggish part was when the band played songs from their upcoming new album, but even those sounded pretty darn good.
All it took to bring the crowd back to life though were the opening strains of monster hits, like Baba O’Reilly, or Who Are You (with that strange lyric – “who the huck are you”). If I closed my eyes I could see David Caruso standing over a crime scene…
One thing that was not much fun was having Jim Carrey Jr. sitting directly in front of us. This gangly teen made Napoleon Dynamite look like Brad Pitt. Whenever he recognized a song (which was often), his stick-man, over-long arms would start swaying in the air. Kind of looked like a pair of anorexic bamboo shoots obscuring our view of the stage, but hey, when the spirit moves you…
Anyway, two thumbs up for the show, even if this isn’t a movie review. My pinched neck nerve came in handy for flicking my Bic during the slow songs, as holding my arm up relieves the pinching pain. And I will confess, nobody would ever mistake my husky arm for an anorexic bamboo shoot…
(For related blatherings, check out my archives: Sunday August 13th for The Sunday Morning “Nobody Asked Me To, But I’m Going To Give It Anyway” Concert Review.)
*********************************************************************
Alright, if you’ve lasted this long, you are to be commended. Or committed, only time will tell.
For those of you following the ongoing drama of my new ladder, it remains untouched. Maybe this weekend I’ll unwrap it, just to make sure it is in fact a ladder…
All it took to bring the crowd back to life though were the opening strains of monster hits, like Baba O’Reilly, or Who Are You (with that strange lyric – “who the huck are you”). If I closed my eyes I could see David Caruso standing over a crime scene…
One thing that was not much fun was having Jim Carrey Jr. sitting directly in front of us. This gangly teen made Napoleon Dynamite look like Brad Pitt. Whenever he recognized a song (which was often), his stick-man, over-long arms would start swaying in the air. Kind of looked like a pair of anorexic bamboo shoots obscuring our view of the stage, but hey, when the spirit moves you…
Anyway, two thumbs up for the show, even if this isn’t a movie review. My pinched neck nerve came in handy for flicking my Bic during the slow songs, as holding my arm up relieves the pinching pain. And I will confess, nobody would ever mistake my husky arm for an anorexic bamboo shoot…
(For related blatherings, check out my archives: Sunday August 13th for The Sunday Morning “Nobody Asked Me To, But I’m Going To Give It Anyway” Concert Review.)
*********************************************************************
Alright, if you’ve lasted this long, you are to be commended. Or committed, only time will tell.
For those of you following the ongoing drama of my new ladder, it remains untouched. Maybe this weekend I’ll unwrap it, just to make sure it is in fact a ladder…
There's some kind of holiday this weekend, in Canada anyway. Thanksgiving?? Easter? I must do some investigating. Have a happy one anyway...
Chow for now!!
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Sadly, this will be another short installment. Although some might view that comment as good news....
After waiting a week and a half for a ladder, it sits in our basement, untouched by human hands. Still having loads of trouble with this pinched nerve in my neck, so even if I did get to climb up on it, I couldn't lift my arm to do anything productive on it. Although, I could certainly spot dust bunnies from that height...
For everyone that is kind enough to post comments, PLEASE check back in the comments section, as I reply to each and every one. Whenever I have tried to respond by e-mail, it just gets kicked back, undeliverable. I'm pretty sure I've made all my monthly payments for this service, so why I am being denied mailing by the virtual post office is beyond me...
Finally, we are off tonight to see The Who, famous for writing all those theme songs for the various CSI programs. Can't wait!!
Chow for now!!
After waiting a week and a half for a ladder, it sits in our basement, untouched by human hands. Still having loads of trouble with this pinched nerve in my neck, so even if I did get to climb up on it, I couldn't lift my arm to do anything productive on it. Although, I could certainly spot dust bunnies from that height...
For everyone that is kind enough to post comments, PLEASE check back in the comments section, as I reply to each and every one. Whenever I have tried to respond by e-mail, it just gets kicked back, undeliverable. I'm pretty sure I've made all my monthly payments for this service, so why I am being denied mailing by the virtual post office is beyond me...
Finally, we are off tonight to see The Who, famous for writing all those theme songs for the various CSI programs. Can't wait!!
Chow for now!!
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Well, my sentence has been commuted. The ladder arrived yesterday, so to speak.
After waiting a week and a half, I called anybody and everybody related to the purchase, and obtained a tracking number for Purolator.
A quick phone call revealed that the ladder had been delivered, earlier that day. Imagine my surprise, not being the one it was delivered to!!
Anyhow, after a discussion with the courier, I was able to determine they had missed me, thanks to an error in the address. They were only off by 500 house numbers..
So, I went to pick it up, and now we are together - the ladder and I.
More to come!!
Chow for now!!
After waiting a week and a half, I called anybody and everybody related to the purchase, and obtained a tracking number for Purolator.
A quick phone call revealed that the ladder had been delivered, earlier that day. Imagine my surprise, not being the one it was delivered to!!
Anyhow, after a discussion with the courier, I was able to determine they had missed me, thanks to an error in the address. They were only off by 500 house numbers..
So, I went to pick it up, and now we are together - the ladder and I.
More to come!!
Chow for now!!
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Despite my house arrest, I will have to leave today. I have physio this morning, plus we are bringing our vehicles in for out-of-province inspections. This is necessary to obtain insurance for them here in Alberta, and it's also a handy way to say goodbye to a couple of hundred dollars...
Still no ladder. Looking out my front window yesterday, I even SAW a Purolator truck, but it didn't even slow down!! How cruel life can be...
The "free delivery" won't mean much if I miss the truck, and have to go pick it up somewhere. Assuming, of course that a truck is ever going to come... I'm starting to think I bought a brochure with 55 different positions.
Better run. Short and sweet today. Next Monday, Part Two of Squirrel Month!! Tell your friends!
Chow for now!
Still no ladder. Looking out my front window yesterday, I even SAW a Purolator truck, but it didn't even slow down!! How cruel life can be...
The "free delivery" won't mean much if I miss the truck, and have to go pick it up somewhere. Assuming, of course that a truck is ever going to come... I'm starting to think I bought a brochure with 55 different positions.
Better run. Short and sweet today. Next Monday, Part Two of Squirrel Month!! Tell your friends!
Chow for now!
Monday, October 02, 2006
Two things today:
First off, I still keep Kelowna's website up as my homepage (www.castanet.net), just to keep a finger on things back there. Funny how it is that no matter what else is on the string of headlines, I jump right on the pop culture reference of George Michael getting arrested. Again.
Seems the former Wham singer has a rather bad habit of passing out in his vehicles, and not hiding his stash before he does that. Is this guy trying to make Keith Richards look like a choir boy?? Not only does this guy have a careless whisper, he needs to sharpen his nap time skills...
Second, I am a total fruit nitwit. My wife packed herself a lunch today, and mentioned that she took a nectarine. I commented that I wasn't even aware we had any. Then she informed me that I had packed one for her, last week!!
Standing in front of an open refrigerator, she pointed out what appeared to be a plum on steroids. This, I am told, is a nectarine. Who knew??
There better not be a quiz...
Chow for now!!
First off, I still keep Kelowna's website up as my homepage (www.castanet.net), just to keep a finger on things back there. Funny how it is that no matter what else is on the string of headlines, I jump right on the pop culture reference of George Michael getting arrested. Again.
Seems the former Wham singer has a rather bad habit of passing out in his vehicles, and not hiding his stash before he does that. Is this guy trying to make Keith Richards look like a choir boy?? Not only does this guy have a careless whisper, he needs to sharpen his nap time skills...
Second, I am a total fruit nitwit. My wife packed herself a lunch today, and mentioned that she took a nectarine. I commented that I wasn't even aware we had any. Then she informed me that I had packed one for her, last week!!
Standing in front of an open refrigerator, she pointed out what appeared to be a plum on steroids. This, I am told, is a nectarine. Who knew??
There better not be a quiz...
Chow for now!!
Sunday, October 01, 2006
October is "Squirrel Month".
Nothing official mind you, just something I'm trying to get off the ground... Tell your friends.
Once a week throughout October, I will try to educate you about this bushy-tailed rodent. In the process, I will learn myself if this critter is indeed a rodent, or maybe rather related to squids, looking at the first few letters of its name...
Squirrels (without Googling the word - how impressive is that??) live in trees, but also have been seen on the ground. They climb and run, but some have been known to fly. Those breeds generally make excellent companions for talking moose.
In addition to taking up residence in park or forest trees, some squirrels may decide that a well-insulated attic can also be a great place to park their cabooses. These expansive spaces allow them to train for things like Cirque de Soleil, or WWE, and this rowdy behaviour may put them in some conflict with the human owners of said attic space.
Not to worry. Squirrels are gentle creatures, and will willingly depart an attic, once asked. Squirrels are much like Tibetan monks in their temperament, and seeing as how they collect their own nuts, are far less expensive to maintain than gerbils.
That last sentence didn't come out right. They collect nuts, but not their own...
More to come!!
Chow for now!!
Saturday, September 30, 2006
We've got a weekend pass, as I don't expect Purolator to be delivering my long-lost freakin' ladder on a weekend...
It'll be nice to feel the sun on my face again, and the gentle caress of a light wind. I've been terrified to leave the house since mid-week, but there has been no reward for my loyalty and patient anticipation. I remain ladderless.
Actually, I will confess to throwing in the towel late yesterday afternoon, as I had to head over to the walk-in clinic, to get some prescriptions renewed. From there I drove into downtown, to meet up with the Mrs, and take in some Red Lobster fare after work. Lobsters of the world, I salute you, for your sacrifices are much appreciated, and delicious.
But when we returned home, there was no indication of a courier's visit. My plans to inventory the roof vents will have to wait until next week some time. My hope of vacuuming the hanging light in our 2-storey foyer must be postponed...again...
Alas...
Chow for now!!
It'll be nice to feel the sun on my face again, and the gentle caress of a light wind. I've been terrified to leave the house since mid-week, but there has been no reward for my loyalty and patient anticipation. I remain ladderless.
Actually, I will confess to throwing in the towel late yesterday afternoon, as I had to head over to the walk-in clinic, to get some prescriptions renewed. From there I drove into downtown, to meet up with the Mrs, and take in some Red Lobster fare after work. Lobsters of the world, I salute you, for your sacrifices are much appreciated, and delicious.
But when we returned home, there was no indication of a courier's visit. My plans to inventory the roof vents will have to wait until next week some time. My hope of vacuuming the hanging light in our 2-storey foyer must be postponed...again...
Alas...
Chow for now!!
Friday, September 29, 2006
Friday morning, and I'm starting to feel a little like The Prisoner Of Zenda, or maybe Rapunzel at the very least...
Still no ladder, no sign of Purolator. I'm convinced that Murphy's Irrefutable Law Of Ladder Delivery will kick in, should I leave the house even momentarily, just to check our mailbox. Even if I've only just left the house for a few seconds, THAT is when the delivery guy will show up, and depart just as fast should he find nobody home. I'm totally handcuffed, unable to get on with my life until that blasted package arrives!!
I suppose I could be doing some of those chores that my wife has left me notes about, throughout the house. Plus, we still are nowhere close to being organized, since our recent move, so I could try doing a bit of that.
However, I prefer to sit and anguish over my predicament, rather than be pro-active, and get my mind off what may have happened to my ladder. Has the delivery guy decided to use it himself, to hang his Christmas lights?? Has his teenaged son stolen it, to elope with that hussy down the street?? Has someone baked it into a cake, and sent it to their brother, to help him escape his own incarceration?? How ironic would that be??
As I sit here conjecturing, a far more important thought comes to mind: I wonder if Starbucks delivers?
Chow for now!!
Still no ladder, no sign of Purolator. I'm convinced that Murphy's Irrefutable Law Of Ladder Delivery will kick in, should I leave the house even momentarily, just to check our mailbox. Even if I've only just left the house for a few seconds, THAT is when the delivery guy will show up, and depart just as fast should he find nobody home. I'm totally handcuffed, unable to get on with my life until that blasted package arrives!!
I suppose I could be doing some of those chores that my wife has left me notes about, throughout the house. Plus, we still are nowhere close to being organized, since our recent move, so I could try doing a bit of that.
However, I prefer to sit and anguish over my predicament, rather than be pro-active, and get my mind off what may have happened to my ladder. Has the delivery guy decided to use it himself, to hang his Christmas lights?? Has his teenaged son stolen it, to elope with that hussy down the street?? Has someone baked it into a cake, and sent it to their brother, to help him escape his own incarceration?? How ironic would that be??
As I sit here conjecturing, a far more important thought comes to mind: I wonder if Starbucks delivers?
Chow for now!!
Thursday, September 28, 2006
I’m currently under self-imposed house arrest. Have been all week.
This is the end result of an impulse purchase at the recent home improvement show we attended. My wife and I avoided the dazzle of the Wonder Mop, and sidestepped the allure of The Magic Chamois. We dodged a pitch on a broom that desired to be a vacuum one day, but lost the battle when it came to a guy demonstrating ladders…
Yes, we were easy marks for this salesman, as we stood before him, obviously ladderless. He knew what we needed to make our lives complete, and curse him for selling exactly that!!
The only catch (aside from full payment in advance) was that the free delivery involved Purolator, who would be showing up “sometime” this week, with our enchanting new miracle ladder. But Purolator doesn’t call first, so that you can plan ahead. At least the telephone and cable companies provide you with an 8-hour window, on a day in the distant future.
Not a courier company. Our stealth ladder could appear any day this week, any time. Should I happen to go in the back yard for 3 minutes to prune our dandelions, and not hear the doorbell, Purolator will leave me a sticky note on my front door, and I will be forced to drive into the outskirts of civilization, with high hopes of ever finding their pick-up depot.
Damn you, ladder, and damn you ladder guy!! I need to be free, yet you have locked me up in my own home!!
Hey...look at that! The Price Is Right is on soon….
Chow for now!!
This is the end result of an impulse purchase at the recent home improvement show we attended. My wife and I avoided the dazzle of the Wonder Mop, and sidestepped the allure of The Magic Chamois. We dodged a pitch on a broom that desired to be a vacuum one day, but lost the battle when it came to a guy demonstrating ladders…
Yes, we were easy marks for this salesman, as we stood before him, obviously ladderless. He knew what we needed to make our lives complete, and curse him for selling exactly that!!
The only catch (aside from full payment in advance) was that the free delivery involved Purolator, who would be showing up “sometime” this week, with our enchanting new miracle ladder. But Purolator doesn’t call first, so that you can plan ahead. At least the telephone and cable companies provide you with an 8-hour window, on a day in the distant future.
Not a courier company. Our stealth ladder could appear any day this week, any time. Should I happen to go in the back yard for 3 minutes to prune our dandelions, and not hear the doorbell, Purolator will leave me a sticky note on my front door, and I will be forced to drive into the outskirts of civilization, with high hopes of ever finding their pick-up depot.
Damn you, ladder, and damn you ladder guy!! I need to be free, yet you have locked me up in my own home!!
Hey...look at that! The Price Is Right is on soon….
Chow for now!!
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
The latest threat to our personal health now appears to be common household apples.
Dentists are suggesting recently that while eating an apple a day may be allegedly sound thinking for overall body health, the acid content of these products will take an ultimate toll on your teeth.
So, I surrender....
No more apples, oranges, or mangoes. Farewell, bananas. Adios, avocados, although honestly I know not if you even are a fruit!!
Although I have literally survived on fruit and vegetables these last few years, I will now force myself to ingest chocolate, toffee, and pretzels, so as to enjoy a full set of gleaming teeth on my 92nd birthday. Well, there is that one molar on my lower right side that checked out several years back, but maybe he was the first casualty of this recently-discovered tooth murderer??
No more!! I will lose no additional teeth (toothies?) to killer grapes, or axe-wielding pomegranates, although once again, I'm not even sure that a pomegranate is a fruit...it just sounds like one.
I am confident that my pearly chompers will appreciate softer fare, like Twinkies and warm, poppin' fresh dough. Look at the healthy set of incisors on that Pillsbury Dough Boy!! No wonder he's not selling tubes of carrots, he was already hip to the fruit jive!!
More on this another time, I'm sure. Right now, I have to go pick the two scoops of raisins out of my breakfast cereal, and replace those time bombs with some chocolate chips...
Chow for now!!
Dentists are suggesting recently that while eating an apple a day may be allegedly sound thinking for overall body health, the acid content of these products will take an ultimate toll on your teeth.
So, I surrender....
No more apples, oranges, or mangoes. Farewell, bananas. Adios, avocados, although honestly I know not if you even are a fruit!!
Although I have literally survived on fruit and vegetables these last few years, I will now force myself to ingest chocolate, toffee, and pretzels, so as to enjoy a full set of gleaming teeth on my 92nd birthday. Well, there is that one molar on my lower right side that checked out several years back, but maybe he was the first casualty of this recently-discovered tooth murderer??
No more!! I will lose no additional teeth (toothies?) to killer grapes, or axe-wielding pomegranates, although once again, I'm not even sure that a pomegranate is a fruit...it just sounds like one.
I am confident that my pearly chompers will appreciate softer fare, like Twinkies and warm, poppin' fresh dough. Look at the healthy set of incisors on that Pillsbury Dough Boy!! No wonder he's not selling tubes of carrots, he was already hip to the fruit jive!!
More on this another time, I'm sure. Right now, I have to go pick the two scoops of raisins out of my breakfast cereal, and replace those time bombs with some chocolate chips...
Chow for now!!
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
A genuine treat yesterday, as my wife and I attended "Word On The Street", part of National Book & Magazine festivities held in various cities throughout Canada. The event here in Calgary featured a diverse blend of authors reading short pieces, plus booth upon booth of displays on the local literary/arts groups.
This was my procrastinator's introduction to almost every place I should have already long ago made my way over to, all in one convenient village. Local newspapers, magazines, bookstores, and writer's groups, just to name a few. Quite an inspiring collection of folks, had a lot of fun getting a quick chance to see and chat with several members of these groups.
Also enjoyed the surreal side of the event, as there will always be something that unexpectedly steals the spotlight, no matter who may be on stage.
In yesterday's case, mainstage reader Ian Brown of The Globe & Mail and the CBC was well into his presentation on the "inner thoughts of men", when a much older gentleman on a walker started to make a looooong, slow journey right behind the back part of the low stage. Try as you might, you just couldn't take your eyes off this older fellow, as he inched his way along, intent on making it from Point A to Point B before sunfall...
Stealing the spotlight in the process...
Chow for now!!
This was my procrastinator's introduction to almost every place I should have already long ago made my way over to, all in one convenient village. Local newspapers, magazines, bookstores, and writer's groups, just to name a few. Quite an inspiring collection of folks, had a lot of fun getting a quick chance to see and chat with several members of these groups.
Also enjoyed the surreal side of the event, as there will always be something that unexpectedly steals the spotlight, no matter who may be on stage.
In yesterday's case, mainstage reader Ian Brown of The Globe & Mail and the CBC was well into his presentation on the "inner thoughts of men", when a much older gentleman on a walker started to make a looooong, slow journey right behind the back part of the low stage. Try as you might, you just couldn't take your eyes off this older fellow, as he inched his way along, intent on making it from Point A to Point B before sunfall...
Stealing the spotlight in the process...
Chow for now!!
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Just when you think you've seen it all...
Last night we went to see "Urinetown, The Musical". I kid you not...
It was playing in a recently restored theatre in downtown Calgary, and we had heard all kinds of great buzz about it. The play, I mean. Sure, people were probably buzzing about the renos too, but for today, let's try and focus on the musical!!
Our first surprise was that the last-minute tickets I had picked up happened to be front row, center. My immediate worry-wart concern was that if this play lived up to its name, would we be needing plastic protective gear, like when you go see watermelon massacre man/standup comic Gallagher?? Thankfully, we did not...
Our second surprise was how much we enjoyed the show. Not to spoil "Urinetown, The Musical" too much, should it turn up in YOUR fair town, the premise of the show is a Broadway musical that somewhat lampoons Broadway musicals, while being set in a future where water is such a scarce resource, the population is forced to pay to pee. I will admit, I was unprepared for toe-tapping show tunes under that sketchy premise, but tap I did, and often... The whole show is a tongue -in-cheek send-off of the genre, but done so well I can see why it was a success back when it originally ran. With all the mugging directly to the audience, it plays a bit like one of those "Smokey & The Bandit" movies, but heck, I liked those too.
One thing was interesting to note throughout the evening. Not one member of the audience ever got up to go to the bathroom during the show. How that for taking things maybe a little too literally??
Chow for now!!
Last night we went to see "Urinetown, The Musical". I kid you not...
It was playing in a recently restored theatre in downtown Calgary, and we had heard all kinds of great buzz about it. The play, I mean. Sure, people were probably buzzing about the renos too, but for today, let's try and focus on the musical!!
Our first surprise was that the last-minute tickets I had picked up happened to be front row, center. My immediate worry-wart concern was that if this play lived up to its name, would we be needing plastic protective gear, like when you go see watermelon massacre man/standup comic Gallagher?? Thankfully, we did not...
Our second surprise was how much we enjoyed the show. Not to spoil "Urinetown, The Musical" too much, should it turn up in YOUR fair town, the premise of the show is a Broadway musical that somewhat lampoons Broadway musicals, while being set in a future where water is such a scarce resource, the population is forced to pay to pee. I will admit, I was unprepared for toe-tapping show tunes under that sketchy premise, but tap I did, and often... The whole show is a tongue -in-cheek send-off of the genre, but done so well I can see why it was a success back when it originally ran. With all the mugging directly to the audience, it plays a bit like one of those "Smokey & The Bandit" movies, but heck, I liked those too.
One thing was interesting to note throughout the evening. Not one member of the audience ever got up to go to the bathroom during the show. How that for taking things maybe a little too literally??
Chow for now!!
Saturday, September 23, 2006
We went to one of those touring home shows yesterday - the sort that brings all kinds of experts and TV hosts in, and also usually has about a billion household gadgets for sale as well.
Driving up to the event, we got a glimpse of a big celebrity, outside the building. Mike Holmes, from Holmes on Homes. He was taking a smoke break before his presentation.
I suppose discovering that a home renovator smokes is kind-of akin to discovering that a light comes on whenever you open your fridge door. Most construction guys I've known (and worked with) have smoked, drank, cussed, and (more often than not) farted. For all we know, the smoking may just be part of a "tough-guy construction dude" front that Mr. Holmes has to put on in public. He may not ever do it at home, over high tea...
Once we got over the smoking shock, we got into the Roundup Centre (not kidding), and waded into the sea of exhibitors. There was representation from heating companies, ladder companies, hardwood flooring companies, and gazebo companies.
There were booths and booths of hot tub manufacturers, kitchen designers, and fencing people. Not the kind with swords...fencing for your yard, for Pete's sake...
And peppered throughout, there were the quirky "As Seen On TV" items, that are guaranteed to revolutionize your life, for just 3 easy payments of $19.99. A rechargeable carpet sweeper, that literally sweeps carpets. A "magic chamois", that while we watched never once pulled a rabbit out of a hat.
We also watched a demonstration of what could have been a broom, which I think was trumped handily by the rechargeable carpet sweeper.
I caught a brief glimpse of TV chef Christine Cushing. Man, does that lady have dimples...
All of these delights were on display in a vast showroom that had been set to sustain a tropical rain forest. Actually, the heat in there would have created a tropical rain forest. The presenter pitching his "magic chamois" must have thought I was swooning at his miracle product, when in fact I was suffering a mild heat stroke.
All kidding aside, we ended up leaving with a ladder that boasted over 50 positions, which was just too much for my guy logic to resist!!
I also picked up a brochure on that rechargeable carpet sweeper. It may be just the thing for high traffic areas in the home, without having to lug out a full-sized vacuum.
Chow for now!!
Driving up to the event, we got a glimpse of a big celebrity, outside the building. Mike Holmes, from Holmes on Homes. He was taking a smoke break before his presentation.
I suppose discovering that a home renovator smokes is kind-of akin to discovering that a light comes on whenever you open your fridge door. Most construction guys I've known (and worked with) have smoked, drank, cussed, and (more often than not) farted. For all we know, the smoking may just be part of a "tough-guy construction dude" front that Mr. Holmes has to put on in public. He may not ever do it at home, over high tea...
Once we got over the smoking shock, we got into the Roundup Centre (not kidding), and waded into the sea of exhibitors. There was representation from heating companies, ladder companies, hardwood flooring companies, and gazebo companies.
There were booths and booths of hot tub manufacturers, kitchen designers, and fencing people. Not the kind with swords...fencing for your yard, for Pete's sake...
And peppered throughout, there were the quirky "As Seen On TV" items, that are guaranteed to revolutionize your life, for just 3 easy payments of $19.99. A rechargeable carpet sweeper, that literally sweeps carpets. A "magic chamois", that while we watched never once pulled a rabbit out of a hat.
We also watched a demonstration of what could have been a broom, which I think was trumped handily by the rechargeable carpet sweeper.
I caught a brief glimpse of TV chef Christine Cushing. Man, does that lady have dimples...
All of these delights were on display in a vast showroom that had been set to sustain a tropical rain forest. Actually, the heat in there would have created a tropical rain forest. The presenter pitching his "magic chamois" must have thought I was swooning at his miracle product, when in fact I was suffering a mild heat stroke.
All kidding aside, we ended up leaving with a ladder that boasted over 50 positions, which was just too much for my guy logic to resist!!
I also picked up a brochure on that rechargeable carpet sweeper. It may be just the thing for high traffic areas in the home, without having to lug out a full-sized vacuum.
Chow for now!!
Friday, September 22, 2006
With the recent return this week of most popular prime time TV series, there have been some sudden cuts to the experimental summer fare that has filled our living room airspace, these last few weeks.
No more will we be tuning in to Celebrity Duets, to determine if Xena will smite Cheech, over the best duet rendition of "Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree". I know there are several weeks left in the competition, but my wife and I will have to go to our eventual graves, never knowing if Whatsisname (Carlton) from Fresh Prince will warble his way to the top of the heap, and win....uh...what was the prize again?? Please, don't let it be a record deal...haven't we got enough already, what with Paris Hilton on CD?????
We never did succumb to Dancing With The Stars, although once we did Sweat With The Oldies. That alone was an experience we cared not to repeat, even as viewers.
I'm sure there were way more shows running that I haven't touched on, but thankfully we were too busy to get caught up in them - what with getting our affairs in order, moving, learning how to use an abacus, sharpening #2 pencils, figuring out the physics behind upside-down ketchup bottles, counting the fabric hairs in our office carpeting, doing pocket lint inventories, learning to play one of those big Alpine "Riccola" horns, and creating some whimsical animal sculptures with common household copper scouring pads.
Chow for now!!
No more will we be tuning in to Celebrity Duets, to determine if Xena will smite Cheech, over the best duet rendition of "Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree". I know there are several weeks left in the competition, but my wife and I will have to go to our eventual graves, never knowing if Whatsisname (Carlton) from Fresh Prince will warble his way to the top of the heap, and win....uh...what was the prize again?? Please, don't let it be a record deal...haven't we got enough already, what with Paris Hilton on CD?????
We never did succumb to Dancing With The Stars, although once we did Sweat With The Oldies. That alone was an experience we cared not to repeat, even as viewers.
I'm sure there were way more shows running that I haven't touched on, but thankfully we were too busy to get caught up in them - what with getting our affairs in order, moving, learning how to use an abacus, sharpening #2 pencils, figuring out the physics behind upside-down ketchup bottles, counting the fabric hairs in our office carpeting, doing pocket lint inventories, learning to play one of those big Alpine "Riccola" horns, and creating some whimsical animal sculptures with common household copper scouring pads.
Chow for now!!
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Whenever I get a bad cold, I become the Johnny Appleseed of misery. My partner suffers maybe even more than I do...
The problem, I think, is that I am just not like John Wayne when it comes to grappling with discomfort. The Duke could take a bullet between the eyes, and still have ample time to nonchalantly finish his cigarette, feed his horse, and then give a long-winded philosophical soliloquy before expiring.
One bout of sniffles, and I'm moaning and groaning like one of those young Russian tennis stars, every time I blow my nose.
I don't ever just "have a cold" so much as I "bear the weight of the entire universe, including former planet Pluto". I don't do sick well at all.
My wife hates it as much as I do whenever I start to get a tickle in my throat, and my own eyes start to swell up like Don Knotts eyeballs, upon getting his foot run over by a FedEx van. Oh, she's gracious enough, and always there to offer sympathy and support, but I suspect she has a self-serving bottom line - getting me back to health as quickly as possible, so as to shorten the length of my whining intervals.
Whoa!! Post nasal drip on the keyboard!! Better run...
Chow for now!!
The problem, I think, is that I am just not like John Wayne when it comes to grappling with discomfort. The Duke could take a bullet between the eyes, and still have ample time to nonchalantly finish his cigarette, feed his horse, and then give a long-winded philosophical soliloquy before expiring.
One bout of sniffles, and I'm moaning and groaning like one of those young Russian tennis stars, every time I blow my nose.
I don't ever just "have a cold" so much as I "bear the weight of the entire universe, including former planet Pluto". I don't do sick well at all.
My wife hates it as much as I do whenever I start to get a tickle in my throat, and my own eyes start to swell up like Don Knotts eyeballs, upon getting his foot run over by a FedEx van. Oh, she's gracious enough, and always there to offer sympathy and support, but I suspect she has a self-serving bottom line - getting me back to health as quickly as possible, so as to shorten the length of my whining intervals.
Whoa!! Post nasal drip on the keyboard!! Better run...
Chow for now!!
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