As my wife and I continue to unpack our new home, I am reminded of those miniature homes that people set up around Christmas time...

Coming into one of the craziest housing markets in Canada, we knew in advance that we may have to sacrifice some of the features our last home had. And, we knew that when we made an offer on this particular house, it was in fact slightly smaller than the one we had just left in Kelowna. What difference could a couple of hundred square feet make, one way or the other, we thought?

As it turns out, the differences are subtle, but to tend to impact our lives as we make the adjustment. Our coffee maker is set up on a handy shelf just outside the kitchen window, and with the recent cold temperatures, has made excellent frappucinos for my wife's morning commute to work.

Our previous master bedroom had enough room for all our furniture, plus a regulation-sized horseshoe pitch. This one, well...I can see where they got the idea for stacking appliances. We now feature a two-storey dresser drawer set!!

I'm not complaining, it's just a matter of resolving ourselves to a new life - a life where we have ordered a pygmy sectional sofa, and enjoy what the department store called a mini-stereo system, filling up one complete wall of our family room. Our 8 x 10 wedding picture looks like a mural on the living room wall.

Speaking of Christmas, and those adorable little village pieces that you can set up, I'm wondering if one might not make for a fair-sized addition??

Chow for now!!

I know it's probably too soon, but this empty feeling inside will eventually pass...

Last night was the first Monday evening since mid-summer that Rockstar: Supernova wasn't on. Once they picked a winner, I guess they decided it would be best to end the competition. Well, bully for them... now what do WE have to do, watch network TV???

Feeling a little sluggish this morning. I went to bed fighting an unexpected cold, but it wasn't much of a fight. Colds fight dirty, man! I tried to sleep, but the bug just kept filling up my nose, which caused my head to fall over sideways (when it wasn't swelling up to beach ball proportions). Every time I looked at the bedside clock, I had to wonder if it had stopped. I remember still being awake at 3:30 in the freakin' AM!!

Ugh...

Gotta run. Physio shortly for my pinched nerve.

Chow for now!!!

Oh-de-doo-dah-day....

Didn't some old cartoon character used to say that all the time?? Maybe I'm confusing my paraphrasings. My memory has been questionable at the best of times.

And what do these old cartoon characters do when they eventually retire?? When was the last time you ran into Foghorn Leghorn in a neighborhood grocery store, grimacing at a package of Shake N Bake coating?? Does Little Lulu play cards once a week with Doris Day and Betty White??

People complain all the time about how violent cartoons were, back in the day. Yet you never hear about Yacky or Chopper knocking over a 7-11, like grown-up child stars have been wont to do. And Tweety never once turned up in amateur movie offerings like Paris Hilton has, so why all the concern about classic cartoon characters?? They look like saints compared to cartoon characters now.

That's the problem when you have so-called experts exploring the effects of something like a Saturday-morning cartoon series. Just because Elmer Fudd had a few misfires back into his face, or more than a couple of Acme safes fell from the sky, those beloved characters have been held up as examples of too much violence for young minds to assimilate.

Personally, I never took a coyote using mail order catalogues all that seriously, so why would you take the phony violence out of context, at the end of the day??

Chow for now!!

I found a collection while unpacking the other day, and set it aside. It was a big fat book: "The Complete Works Of William Shatner". I didn't even remember having bought it, so I was pretty anxious to try finding some time to read it.

I mean, he has such a body of work, it just makes sense that he would put together an overview of his career and accomplishments. Most people would call it a biography, but not Bill. "The Complete Works". Much more in keeping with his lofty status as a world-class entertainer. ..

It will probably cover at least some aspect of his classic Star Trek run, both in television and film. I can't say for sure if it will touch on TJ Hooker and his most recent work on Boston Legal, but I can only hope.

He has written books, sort of. His science fiction adventures are co-written, so maybe he has at least come up with the titles.

And, who can forget that he has at least TWO albums out?? What a renaissance man - singer, actor, author, puppeteer. The man is simply inspiring. I'll bet his wife lets him have a banjo!!

I will absolutely crack open his "Complete Works" shortly!!


Post-Script:

What a bummer. In my haste to unpack the books, I misread the title. Turned out to be "The Complete Works Of William Shakespeare", whoever the heck that is...

Bummer...

Chow for now!!

Snow.

In the middle of SEPTEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is going on here????

Last night my wife and I were out shopping, and watching snow fall. The shopping became somewhat secondary to the shock of discovering our swimming days outside are clearly done for this year. And those raspberry bushes I planted last week may not make it either...

Thankfully, it didn't stick. There's no evidence at all today, aside from watching snowy highlights from last night's Calgary/Winnipeg CFL game on the newscast this morning (it can't be the TV anymore, because we're aren't trying to catch wayward signals with a fork and aluminum foil anymore...)

So, in the big picture, this unseasonable anomaly didn't affect us much. This will however suspend my paper-mache rock garden project until next spring.

Back in Kelowna, we'd still be camping in a tent, for Pete's sake!! We wouldn't be tremendously warm I'll admit, but we wouldn't be having morning coffee with Mr. & Mrs. Frosty T. Snowman either.

So much to learn...

Chow for now!!

My wife was on fire the other night!

(Note to self: May want to rethink opening statements like that in the future...)

We had been trying to kill some time before an event we were attending a few nights ago, and happened into a building marked "Casino". Wow! These "casinos" are quite something!!

This particular establishment was like a miniature but glitzy slice of Las Vegas, right here in town. There were card tables, roulette wheels, and something that they called "slot machines". How inventive!!

The idea of these "slot machines" is that you plunk in a few pesos, and lo and behold: money comes back out, hopefully in a higher quantity than what you inserted!!! It's like a reverse ATM!!

Now, as we wandered and plunked coin a bit here and there, it became evident that not every machine worked that way. There must have been a malfunction, because no matter how many coins I plunked, the machine refused to return any at all. The attendant I called over looked at me like I had three ears when I complained about it.

However, my wife had some form of keen acuity in finding ones that didn't malfunction. Every time she sat down, the darn things just kept returning her money, faster than she could cram more in. Hence, my comment on her burning good fortune...

We ended up leaving well ahead in doubloons, of what we had come into the building with, at least thanks to her efforts. We were giddy with glee, and would have been rubbing our hands together in some giddy-like fashion, had it not been for the residue of handling coins, fresh from a "slot machine". Yuck!! Don't they wash those things??

Chow for now!!

Whoa!

Late start today!!

Kind of a frantic morning, as I was off to physio first thing, then I have a doctor's appointment shortly, necessary to get my Alberta driver's license.

Between all this, it is pouring rain since yesterday, which bounces off my bald spots like soggy popcorn kernels. I am not a fan of that, but just maybe consider me a tad grumpy while I re-settle myself in our new surroundings during what appears to be monsoon season.

We are definitely not in Kansas anymore. Not that we spent any actual time in Kansas, but our orientation to the Alberta weather swings brings to mind that old saying.

Just a couple of days ago I had every door and window open in the house, as we struggled to invite in any wayward wisp of a breeze. Yesterday, my tulips started to frost over in the kitchen, so I turned the furnace on. This is a shock, considering we never used to do that in Kelowna until late October. It is either unseasonably cold, or I am a giant baby. Possibly a bit of both... Either way, I am afraid...

Hey, a Canadian won again, in the latest incarnation of Rockstar!! Yee-Haa!!

Chow for now!!

If I were an inventor, I would likely be a pretty laid-back inventor.

I'd probably come up with ideas that would simply save mankind time, rather than revolutionize life as we know it.

For example, I would discover that you could save on daily teaspoon use by adding cream and sugar to your coffee BEFORE you poured it into the cup, thus allowing nature to do the stirring. In addition to being less stressful to your stirring arm, that process might save you at least one dishwasher use a year!!

I might also come up with something like inexpensive tooth-fillers, for unsightly gaps. Who needs the high cost of a dentist? Simply eat something white and pasty, like bread, which will temporarily fill in gaps, until your next meal. If your teeth are yellow, consider a pineapple!

If I put my mind to it, there are probably HUNDREDS of common-sense solutions, like the couple I just outlined above, for many everyday issues. Why put teams of expensive, trained research scientists to work, gobbling up money that could otherwise be spent on a Vegas comeback venue for Florence Henderson?? So many things we tend to worry about are, in light of other events, truly minute.

Like the guy once said, don't sweat the small stuff. After all, what's a little small sweat among friends??

Chow for now!!

Finally...

Finally, one full day in our newest home, without once running across town, or needing to assist in the birth of a new hamster. Why I would be midwifing hamsters is beyond me, but so many things pop up over the course of my day, you need to be prepared for anything.

The downside of a full day with no break is that most of that time was spent treasure hunting. The treasure: our cherished possessions. The hunt: wherever the movers decided to drop these loaded boxes and tubs of possessions, most often with no regard for the room they should have ultimately appeared in.

We've so far found kitchen boxes in the garage, and had to wade through a sea of tubs in the basement to find a vital item for our bedroom. I'll leave that to your imaginations, although I can say you'd be awfully disappointed if you thought of anything that would make a nun blush...

To be honest, we were unpacking to beat the clock. We had to be done in enough time to juggle Rockstar: Supernova, with the Canadian Country Music Awards, broadcast simultaneously for some mad reason.

We also had the treat of experiencing a pack of prairie coyotes on the prowl, as they howled in the dead of the night. We had coyotes back in Kelowna, but these prairie "yotes" really sounded close, and hungry.

Chow for now!!

Wow! Late start again for the blog. I'm really starting to be a total slacker lately...

Well, today is our first full day in our newest home, without having to chase around town, or leave the province. If all goes well, we may even get another room put back together today. So far, we've got a bedroom and a TV room somewhat set up, which for a man is essentially complete and total success.

Of course, we needed the bedroom so as to be able to catch 40 winks, or whatever that old saying suggests. And the TV room, well it HAD to be ready for the big Rockstar: Supernova finale, beginning tonight and taking three full, agonizing days to conclude. Longer even than Banjo Quest 2006!

Gotta run. My wife is anxious to set up her table hockey game, and pool table...

Chow for now!!

Sleeping Above A Nightclub

My wife and I are up pretty early today, for a Sunday morning. We have to catch a flight back to Calgary, after a very quick weekend trip to Kelowna. I had to be in Kelowna this weekend as a presenter for International Literacy Day, at the big downtown library. Are we all up to speed now??

At any rate, the prospect of a return visit to Kelowna made me a little nostalgic, having been away now for almost 7 whole weeks. If we were going to stay, why not stay in a lovely little vintage hotel, known locally as The El. The El Dorado.

The only problem was, when I called to book a room, it was less than vacant. The only room with a balcony facing the lake was right above the bar - "a little bit noisy". How noisy could it be??

Checking in, we noticed the little chair in front of the antique desk was tapping its toes to the music below. Then it really got into the swing of things, and started to hop like your average hippity-hop music star, over to the bedside across the room. Exchanging wide-eyed glances, my wife and I realized just how noisy it could be...

As luck would have it though, once we settled into bed, and became gently massaged by the thumping of the music below, the exhaustion from three straight days of moving anxiety allowed us both to attain a deep state of unconsciousness, despite Gnarls Barkley howling about how "Crazy" he might be, on the floor below us.

Rule # 1 for sleeping above a nightclub: Medication, or exhaustion. Either one will do the trick!

Chow for now!!

I have determined that God must be Swedish. Why else would there be the wonderland for mankind that is IKEA??

At the risk of a product placement of sorts in today’s blog, those IKEA stores are absolutely CRAZY, man!! I defy someone to ever get in and out of one in less than an hour. They are the retail equivalent of a Lay’s potato chip…

And I can’t eat just one of those…

Never mind that you will likely never see every product offered for sale in an IKEA store, no matter how much time you spend in one. Never mind that you WILL find things you would likely never, ever need over the course of your life, in that store. Standing ultimately at the checkout with an industrial-strength buggie, you will be giddy with excitement. You will run to your car, anxious to return home and begin what will likely be 3-4 hours putting together wood. Wood that may one day resemble a book shelf - maybe even a canoe. It’s a crapshoot whenever you use instructions printed in Swedish…

God, while clearly Swedish to my determination, has also likely never moved. I seem to recall his address as being Heaven, ever since I was a kid. Moving, I suspect, is the devil’s work…

Chow for now!!

Another quickie today, although not as fun a quickie as those of you with active imaginations may be thinking. We have just discovered that checkout time here in our suite is 10:00 AM!!! Do they have any idea how many pairs of shoes we have to move out of here by then!!!

Yes, our hotel days are at an end. We've left the forwarding address with housekeeping though, so that they will be able to continue the exemplary work at our new residence.

Chow for now!!

Late today, and it'll be a short one, much like both our tempers today. Moving is the most insane thing people can do...

We are getting our house put together today, after getting just the master bedroom set up last night. Neither one of us cared to sleep on top of moving boxes.

So, back to the grind. More tomorrow!!

Chow for now!

Day One of our three-day moving extravaganza went well, yesterday. Pretty much we just got in, which was exciting enough in and of itself. The wife and I have a loooow bar set for thrills...

Yesterday was also our last opportunity to decide where the furniture for each room will go, when it arrives today. Great exercise in theory, but we’ll see how it works (in true application) when the stuff arrives. The sectional just may not work in the foyer.

This is where you need these household geniuses (genii??) that populate TV shows like Sell This House, or While You Were Out – people that just know deep in their hearts that a macramé penguin doesn’t have a place in a formal dining room…That said, I just may hold my ground there.

Thus also begins our transformation from urbanites to suburbanites. The hustle and bustle of downtown will be replaced by the hustle and flow of rush hour traffic, better known as trickle and idle…

We have actual professional movers involved, which begs several questions:

1) Do I need to wear something other than a bathrobe and slippers while they are hauling hernias into the house??
2) Is it proper motivation for the movers if I stand by the front door and quip: “Let’s put some elbow grease in there, buddy…”
3) Should I take more than 15-16 minutes to decide where sofas and granite tables should be placed, as the movers try not to set them down??
4) Is my blue Hawaiian shirt comfy enough to wear, while watching the movers??
5) Who will survive the cut tonight on Rockstar: Supernova??
6) Why DO banjos only have four strings??

Chow for now??

That there, my friends, is a Dixie Chick. The one that pays a banjo…

Sometime over the next few weeks we’ll be seeing The Dixie Chicks live, in concert. Again.

Well, to be fair, we didn’t really see them all that much the first time around. Back when they first exploded onto the country music scene, they appeared at the big outdoor Merritt Mountain Music Festival, in BC.

However, enroute to their debut tour, my dear and lovely spouse was running a little late. There’s a wealth of well-worn clichés for someone that runs consistently late to virtually everything, but let’s just say that by the time we finally made it down to the concert area, the Chicks were strumming the final chords of their last song.

So, this upcoming show is a chance to see them in their entirety this time, and now with my new-found love of the banjo, I’ll likely enjoy the show so much more. Thanks Hon!!

Today, well, today is also possession day. After months of living in a temporary accommodation, we are finally getting the keys to a house. We’ll get to see our personal belongings again. I am giddy with excitement. I am goofy with anticipation.

I am going to physio…

Chow for now!!

Having a bad hair day, which is ironic, considering how little I have left….

Not the greatest start to a Labor Day that hasn’t already been very good to begin with. First, we have discovered that we don’t get the annual Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy telethon here in our suite, so we miss that star-studded funfest for a good cause.

Then (and we had already heard about this last night, but it’s all over the news this morning) – famed animal expert Steve Irwin was accidentally killed while on vacation. What’s next?? A plague of locusts???

At least the weekend was not without some high points. We had some family stop by while on a little driving vacation of their own, although a week ahead of getting to see or stay in our new home. We had a chance to catch up a couple of times, and let me tell you, good times were had by all. What happens on vacation, stays on vacation…

So, today is officially our last full day here in what has come to stand in for a home the last few months, but with an elevator. We’ll still stay in for the next few nights, so we can keep up on Rockstar: Supernova, until we get our cable connected. As much as we look forward to having a roof of our own over our head, we ain’t missing our Supernova…

Well, back to the holiday programming. Local channels have “best of” breakfast broadcasting, and the major TV networks are featuring faceless weekend wonders, anchoring the stories of the day.

Chow for now!!

The humble toaster is one of the simplest appliances you’ll ever get to use. Pop in a piece of bread, whistle for a few seconds, and voila!! Toast!

We are on our second toaster in this suite of ours, and thank the stars that we are finally getting out of here, into our house soon. For a simple appliance, both of these toasters have offered up a reasonable amount of aggravation.

The last one, which we tried to hobble along with, toasted just one side of a slice of bread. Perfectly, albeit, but one side perfect, the other side still just bread made for an interesting breakfast. The bread side typically didn’t even get warm, often causing general confusion and distress to my highly-attuned taste buds.

We had hoped to get through the last few days of our stay by just ignoring this appliance anomaly, but the morning I buttered the wrong side of the end product, and my peanut butter just kind of lingered without melting in, I had it. I had my wife write a scathing note for housekeeping, demanding a toaster that was capable of browning BOTH sides of a slice of bread. I don’t think she even said “please”…

Within the day, we had a shiny new (new to us, but still old) appliance.

The replacement toaster started off with much promise. For a couple of days, I enjoyed some of the most professionally cooked toast I’ve ever had.

And now, I have masterfully built up the tension to today’s piece, inserted red herrings in my plot, and you are clearly awaiting the payoff – the curveball.

Sorry, the toaster is still working pretty damn well….

Chow for now!


Postscript: I've been informed that the note left for housekeeping was neither scathing, nor even all that serious in nature. It even had a happy face.

Ugh......

LOST:

-One set of marbles.

These marbles are used - well-worn. Not sure of the sizes, but I have to assume that they range from small to average.

The marbles were last seen…boy, that’s a good question…I’ll have to confer with the Mrs. there…

These marbles have great sentimental value, as I have had them since I was a young boy. Not always the most reliable marbles in the world, but my marbles nonetheless.

Should you come across these marbles, I am offering a reward of my deepest gratitude, and eternal thanks. I know it’s not much in the big scheme of things, but until I recover these marbles, it was the best I could think of. And you might not find them all in one place, as they have been rather scattered lately.

Help me recover my marbles. Keep a keen and vigilant eye as you go about your day. That shiny round object you might see sitting on your rumpus room sofa watching reruns of V.I.P. just might be one of my sorely-missed marbles…

Chow for now!!

Now that the entire Star Wars series of movies has wrapped up, I worry for Chewbacca.

You have to admit, any of the other actors should be able to find work without much trouble. Even Yoda. After all, who doesn’t need the occasional consult of a wise…man???

What’s the employment market like for a retired Wookie?? For one thing, how do these hairy dudes age?? Are they like humans or dogs? Or is it Wookie years, however the hell you’d figure that out??

Can he convert the advantage of his size to the football field, or is he too old? How many Wookies could it possibly take to change a light bulb, at his height?? Even so, what kind of market is there for gigantic, hairy light bulb changers??

I imagine Chewbacca could pose as the “before” pictures in electrolysis ads, but you’d have to find just the right model for the “after” picture to be convincing.

Does Chewie have a second wind in his career with this new TV show – “Celebrity Duets”?? I know he wasn’t ever much on coherent word use (“aggrrhhhggrrhhh” was his most common uttering), but how many three-syllable words would you need to know to front Van Halen??

With his substantial physique, Chewbacca could consider a career as a mover. He likely wouldn’t need any other helpers.

He might also make a pretty decent union negotiator. Who’d get lippy at a grizzly bear with decent posture and a set of ammo belts around his shoulders??

Help me out here folks. While other characters from the Star Wars series are making the talk show circuit, and appearing at dinner theatres in Moose Jaw and Minot, I see no Wookie anywhere. While other characters are dealing with snakes on planes, Chewbacca is conspicuously absent from the radar. Does Hollywood need another "Revenge Of The Wolfman" movie?? He'd be a natural!

If you can think of any employment options for a used Wookie, let me know, and we’ll post them here, and forward the best on to his agent.

Chow for now!!