Oh, the humiliation...

In one ill-fated fell swoop, both my (original) hometown Blue Bombers, and my (new) hometown Stampeders will be curling, cross-country skiing or knitting instead of competing for the Grey Cup.

Life is cruel, and/or worse...

Anyhow, moving on:

"The Monday Morning Nobody-Asked-Me-To-But-Here-I-Go-Anyway Concert Review" - The Dixie Chicks!

(Or, Why I Will Never Be A Professional Concert Reviewer)

OK people, first off - Banjo Quest 2006 is back, with a vengeance!!

I spent most of last night in Banjo Heaven, as The Dixie Chicks appeared here for the first of TWO shows in The Saddledome. And what a show!!

These chicks aren't so much Dixie as they are p'd off these days, but does that ever make for a great live performance. Whatever they were sellin', the crowd was buyin'. Before they even hit the stage the crowd roared over a promotional video for their upcoming documentary "Shut Up & Sing".

When they did arrive, the crowd on the floor got up on their collective feet, and stayed that way on through the encores (one of which was an exceptional acoustic Chicks-only version of Travelling Soldier).

And, as fate would have it, we ended up on the side of the stage where Emily Robison (and her banjo) was stationed.

All I can say is that when they did "I'm Not Ready To make Nice" live, with all the genuine emotion and anger that that song addresses, the arena went a little loopy. That performance makes songs like "Cowboy Take Me Away" a little inconsequential...

The irony here is that when The Dixie Chicks first broke out, we didn't much care for them. We even missed their mainstage appearance when we attended The Merritt Mountain Music Festival on their first big North American tour.

However, by the time they released Top Of The World, we had started to listen to them, and really enjoyed what they were doing.

We certainly enjoyed what they were doing last night...

Viva la Banjo!!!!!!!!

Oh, and by the way, I was a little confused about who their warm-up act was. I had heard it was going to be Rob Schneider, which sounded to me just a little odd. I mean, I know he used to do Elvis impressions on SNL, but he's primarily known for making juvenile and entirely tasteless movies.

Turned out to be Texas alt-country singer/songwriter BOB Schneider, who did a mighty fine job as well...and as a bit of trivia, he's touring with the bass player from Los Lobos.

Chow for now!!

Spent the better part of an hour yesterday waiting in line at Coles TD Square Bookstore in downtown Calgary, for a chance to meet Stuart McLean, author and host of the popular CBC Radio program The Vinyl Cafe
http://www.cbc.ca/vinylcafe/index.html .

For anyone out there that may be beginning to wonder if I just make this stuff up every day, see the lovely photo over to the right, as "Exhibit A".

And thanks to my lovely wife, who also doubles as an amateur photographer among her many other talents!

Now if only she could figure out a few camera tricks, to make me look a little bit less like a pregnant water buffalo...is that a fan beside Stuart, or is Barney wearing pants now??

At any rate, the reason I was thrilled to stand in line for over an hour is that this guy is far and away my favorite Canadian writer, and I have a lot of those.

He was scheduled to sign copies of his new book Secrets From The Vinyl Cafe until 2 pm, but when we walked back by at about that time, the crowd was still lined up almost into the Sears store,which is pretty much in the next mall.

And he still had his warm signature smile on his face...

Coming up tonight - The Dixie Chicks, and yes Virginia, there will be banjos!!

Chow for now!!

Um, some people may want to just skip past today’s entry. Especially certain collectibles proprietors in Winnipeg…

Just sayin’…

The Saturday Morning “Nobody-Asked-Me-To-But-Here-I-Go-Anyway” Concert Review” – James Blunt

OK, I’m not going to lie here. We first caught wind of this guy on Saturday Night Live, and became instant fans. Big fans. But I’m also the same guy that has seen Chris de Burgh live in concert almost a half dozen times AND Leo Sayer at least once, so clearly I have no inner strength for resisting high-pitched male voices.

At any rate, we were not alone at this event, as Mr. Blunt packed out the Saddledome for his show.

The crowd was somewhat demographically similar to the one that also attended The Who recently, however unlike those fans, these people will likely remember where they were last night. Not a whiff of narcotic substances in the air that I could detect, although I could swear at one point I could smell lavender vanilla cranberry candles…

Actually, the crowd was skewed just a shade to the female side, but there were lots of guys there as well.

Opening act Starsailor was a bit Matchbox 20ish, with their lead singer and guitarist even looking a bit like Rob Thomas. I wouldn’t have known them if I tripped over them on the subway, but they got the crowd going, and the younger ones clearly knew their hit.

They did do a terrific unplugged medley of two Neil Young tunes though, before kicking into Silence is Easy, so I’d have to say we enjoyed them as well…

But we weren’t there to see starry sailors, we were there to see James Blunt, dammit!

Which we did.

I never got to experience Beatlemania, but this guy came dangerously close to maybe being a distant relative of that hysteria. The crowd went freakin’ nuts, and the younger members of that female-skewed audience squealed incessantly. And sang along with every song. Even the new ones!! Which by the way, if you enjoyed his first album, the next one sounds just as good.

If you hated it, prepare for another year of Bluntmania…

But I digress. Mr. Blunt was an excellent showman, and the comparison to classic Chris de Burgh is not at all unfair, as he uses some similar melodramatic devices in his songwriting. And he can cover Supertramp pretty well as well, apparently. Both he and his warm-up act used a fair bit of wah-wah pedal, which you just don't hear much anymore...

Two big thumbs, way, way up!!

Chow for now!!

Requiem For A Rodent...

It's been a tough go for rodents these past few days.

First off, there was Roseanne Barr whacking squirrels with a slingshot on last night's episode of My Name Is Earl.

Before that, Calgary made national news this week after banning the Saskatchewan Roughriders mascot Gainer The Gopher from the semi-final playoff game here tomorrow. Something about Prairie Dog Norwalk Virus, or uncontrollable diarrhea. I'm not sure what the true official word is, but the gopher is grounded.

As far as Gainer goes, we've been to a CFL game here when Saskatchewan is in town. Those fans are profuse, and crazy. Adding a gopher mascot with highly contagious strains of malaria and grasshopper breath just doesn't sound like a good idea to me...

And, still somewhat in the rodent family, it would appear that we have an obsessive compulsive rabbit in our neighborhood.

With fresh snow everywhere, we are seeing rabbit tracks throughout our back yard. Actually, we've seen Bugs himself a few times.

His habit appears to be running madly around the yard, but now we are seeing patterns. He (or she) runs in exactly the same line several times, before repeating the process in a different line.

Except for the other night, when a larger set of footprints adjacent to his (or hers) indicated a chase may have been afoot!!

A-whoooooo!!

Chow for now!!

It dawns on me this morning (hey, a bad pun!!) that I haven't talked about our TV viewing habits lately, so let's discuss that this morning...

So, to set the tone, let me just admit that my wife and I DO NOT watch any super-popular shows, like Desperate Housewives, House, or any of the Idol series. No particular reason, but admittedly it does make for some awkward moments around the water cooler most mornings.

The fact that I work at home and feel compelled to linger around our water cooler may be a bigger concern in the long run, anyhow...

So, how do we fill in time if we don't watch the highest-rated TV shows??

To start, we have adopted a couple of shows that feature the former Grand Poobah of the rock band KISS, Mr. Gene Simmons. We have been thoroughly enjoying the tongue-in-cheek peek inside their family lives on Family Jewels. And, we have just gotten on the Gene Simmons: Rock School band wagon, which I fear may still have plenty of available seats even now.

What are we watching from this new season's offerings? Well, we started to watch Heroes, but after falling asleep during every episode to date, I think we'll bail on that one.

LOVE 30 Rock, the new comedy with Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin, who has yet to be as embarrassing onscreen as he can be in real life. Also, the show that follows that one, Twenty Good Years is good for a laugh or two.

There's probably more, but I have to run. Physio beckons!!

Chow for now!

"Is it hot in here, or is it just my feathers?"

This is just another example of why I can't expect a normal day in our household. Ever...

Mrs. That Dan Guy had to dress up for Halloween yesterday, and the character she had to appear as was Mrs. Peacock, from the Clue board game. Her entire collective of colleagues at work was a virtual gameboard of Clue characters.

However, as Mrs. Peacock, her costume included a large blue boa, with what I have to assume are entirely natural blue feathers. They make for excellent insulation (hence the concern over temperature), and even feature a molting feature, as I have found remnants of the boa throughout the house.

She spent most of yesterday spitting out wayward pieces that floated up around her face...kind-of like watching Sylvester after dining on a very cold Tweety (sorry, PETA, but it's nature's way!!)...

Today is a normal workday, so I am hoping to get through breakfast without a peep (heh heh heh).

Chow for now!!

Portrait Of A Bus Boob...

Further confirmation of my theory here in Calgary that when car doors close, so do drivers' brains...

Yesterday we were driving into town during a particularly long rush hour. The weekend snowfall likely added 45 minutes to our trip.

As we approached the bridge that gets you into downtown, some bozo was on my tail, chomping at the bit to get past, despite poor driving conditions. I chose the right hand lane, and sure enough he hit the gas, and came roaring up beside me.

However, he either failed to notice, or chose to ignore that the light had changed, and traffic coming from his left was now proceeding. I'm assuming that somewhere in that neck pod with hair he thought he could proceed anyway.

Until he saw the city bus careening towards him, and the poor bus driver having to stand on the brakes to avoid turning him into Cream Of Idiot soup...

We had front row seats as this guy almost became a Flyer Industries hood ornament. However, the joke would have lost a little of the giggle for us, once the impact of the bus pushed him sideways into our vehicle. Thankfully, the bus driver was able to avoid all of that.

Like the light in a closed refrigerator, all is dim when some people get behind the wheel out here...

Hey, do kids still play xylophones these days??

Man, I remember we all used to get xylophones, back when I was a still a youngster. You could whack away at those melodic strips all day long, and not once have two notes fall into a sequence resembling a song.

Did they fade away because of that perceived violent feature - thumping away at the instrument with two long sticks that featured solid ping-pong balls at the end of them??

If so, how cruel a world it has become...

Chow for now!!

This time it looks like it's gonna stay....

We awoke this morning to a healthy blanket of fresh snow outside. I can't verify the actual health of the snow, but for all intents and purposes, let's just assume all is well for the collective flakes...

Inside the house, the flakes aren't doing so bad either.

We had plans to run out and do some shopping, but I think we'll observe this phenomenom from inside today. When it snowed here earlier this month, there was an 80-car pileup on one of the major thoroughfares. It may be prudent to let a few other cars mingle before we try driving.

So, we'll just continue to stand in front of our front window, Hot Rum Toddies in hand.

Hey, getting off topic, I think my newspaper delivery person has a pretty good union. Whoever it is doing the dropoffs, the individual seems to be able to choose their own hours. Some days I get a morning paper, others are more afternoonish. Some days the little scamp even has me calling the newspaper office directly, trying to determine if I even still have a subscription.

With today's snowfall, I think I'll be whistling for awhile for today's...

Finally, something was nagging away at me, after yesterday's posting. I told my wife that the keyboard player looked familiar, playing along with blues guitarist Amos Garrett the other night. After doing some Googling (I was going to say Doodling, but I don't think that's right), I discovered that he is the former lead singer for pioneer Canadian rock band Crowbar.

Hmmm. Maybe "pioneer" and "rock band" are two exclusive terms... Anyhow, it was to my mind a cool bit of trivia for anybody out there that remembers the '70's.

Chow for now!!

I have been guilty of a touch of artistic licence occasionally here, where I stretch the truth a bit.

Ok, that's another good example. Quite often, I incorporate complete bald-faced lies if I think it might make a piece funny.

Today, I am going to swear on a stack of Archie comics that what I am about to tell you is completely true. Well, parts anyway...

So, dropping my wife off at work yesterday morning, we happened to notice a rather large, and very cavalier coyote toodling down the alley, around her office building. Remember, she works in DOWNTOWN Calgary! Which didn't seem to bother Wile E. at all.

We watched him walk by another commuter before he disappeared around the other side of the building.

Mrs. That Dan Guy caught up to her other colleague to ask if he had seen the coyote as well, and it turns out this critter is often downtown, in that very same area she used to take to walk to work every day when we were living downtown!!! Yikes!!

Anyway, so apparently we have a regular commuting coyote here in town, and to be honest, I was feeling a little sorry for him, as he appeared to just be walking on three of his legs.

Then I found out that he used the other one to hold his Starbucks, which just makes perfect sense...

**************************************************************************

So, this is also how wacky our life can be. We decided to go out after a long week of work last night, and hit a local casino for kicks.

After making a quick and permanent deposit to the Alberta Gaming Commission's coffers, we decided to hit the lounge for a moment.

And who should be playing there but Canadian blues legend Amos Garrett http://www.melmusic.com/Amos_Garrett/index.html , which is unique in that he has recorded with some of the biggest names in the music business, but also Bonnie Raitt, who we literally just saw live in concert the other night.

He was excellent, by the way.

Chow for now!

Why do some authors feel a need to use "pen names"?

Since hearing about this practice, I've had to go around my own office, and come up with some monikers for any and all of MY various pens.

I've now got a Bic ballpoint named Arthur. I've also got a Sanford Sharpie that's not all that sharp, so I'm going to call him Bob. No reason really...

I've got a really nice engraved Cross pen and pencil set I got as a going-away gift from my former colleagues in real estate. I'm calling the pen Itchy, and the pencil Scratchy. Again, no particular reason...

I have a blue Paper-Mate pen that makes me think of Ed, so that there's his name. I even have a Staples brand writing instrument, which I'm calling Hoo-Hah, just for fun.

Man, a lot of people make pens. I've got a Parker that I'm naming Peter, as a tribute to Spiderman. I've got a stack of personalized pens from hotels and resorts (affordable souvenirs), which I'm just going to call Whistler, Rhombus, Gaylord, and Super Eight.

I'm pretty sure we've got more pens in the kitchen drawer downstairs. I'll go find them, and continue this process throughout the day...

Chow for now!!

The Thursday Morning “Nobody-Asked-Me-To-But-Here-I Go-Anyway” Concert Review – Bonnie Raitt
(or Why I Will Never Be A Professional Reviewer)

Last night my wife and I enjoyed yet another excellent live event here in town - the legendary Bonnie Raitt. She appeared as a fundraiser for The Pembina Institute (www.pembina.org), an organization dedicated to alternative energy solutions.

In the heart of oil country, that might be a little bit like inviting PETA to a pig roast, but the audience didn’t seem to mind, they even applauded a brief presentation just before Bonnie’s set.

And what a set!! Over the course of more than 90 minutes we heard hits, new material, and songs going back as far as the 70’s. Absolutely flawless, Raitt and her band were able to generate enthusiasm for the new songs, typically a rough go for most other artists.

This was our first concert inside the Jubilee Auditorium, and even though we were so far back we were sharing popcorn with a family of bats, the sound and sightlines were terrific. We had brought along a little pair of binoculars, and even from that distance, Ms. Raitt looked sensational. Hey, for 57-odd years old, Ashlee Simpson should hope she looks half as good by the time she turns thirty…

But I digress. In a nutshell, we loved the blend of blues, funk, New Orleans and roots she served up. Four encores (including a fabulous Thunderbirds cover, along with a John Prine song) didn’t hurt either.

Opening act Maia Sharp started with acoustic guitar, before switching to funky piano, and sax. She did a fine job as well, and joined Bonnie for several songs later on.

Two big thumbs up!! Go Bonnie go!!

Chow for now!

You might think that having three toilets in a home would be a virtual smorgasbord of choices for places to do your business. That is, as long as they all work…

We have one that re-flushes itself repeatedly once you’ve pulled the handle. We have one that requires you to hold down the handle and guess how long it will take to engage. And, we have another that works most of the time, but has been known to run continuously as soon as you get downstairs.

As toilets are probably one of the simplest household appliances (and in our joint – one of the most important aside from the refrigerator), my inability to resolve any of these ongoing malfunctions will likely hold me back from ever hosting a home improvement show. Unless I get to achieve the “before” scenarios for Holmes On Homes…

Chow for now!!

I think my left thumb is too light...

Whenever I have to type capital letters, I do what I'm supposed to do - I press down on the "shift" key with my left thumb. But there are rarely capital letters upon conclusion of that effort when I look up at the screen. So, my assessment is that my left thumb is either hollow, or is in need of some focused exercising.

I should get an x-ray to see if the bones in the thumb are all there, or determine if there just might simply be a jelly-like substance that at least keeps it from hanging limp.

If the bones are all there, then I need to make it sweat with some oldies, or perhaps do either "Tae" or "Bo". I don't particularly care to have to register the thumb with law enforcement agencies, I just need it to press more consistently...

Now, I'm just assuming here that I'm left-thumbed, much like I'm left-handed. Perhaps I could learn to use both thumbs, become amphibious as they say. There does appear to be a "shift" key on the right-hand side of the keyboard.

This is my dilemma of the day....

Chow for now!!

Week Four of National Squirrel Month!!

(Nothing official, just something I'm trying to get off the ground - tell your friends...)

Well, today marks my last posting on this exciting new proposed national holiday....support has been, in a word - overwhelming.

Ah, who am I kidding... National Squirrel Month is turning out to be as popular as National Bubonic Plague Day. I'd have an easier time selling pogo sticks to legless caterpillars...

It's probably my fault. I feel I really may have peaked back in Week Two with my tribute to celebrity squirrels. People love celebrities, and I should have held that blockbuster week back, in retrospect. Well, it's all a learning curve here at the National Squirrel Month Foundation. We'll test the waters again next year...

For anyone out there looking to close off the month in support of our cause, why not gather up a few acorns, and leave them at the bottom of a tree in your local park? Maybe drop off a couple of videos of Disney's beloved Chip 'N Dale, who although technically might be chipmunks, as far as stars go, they are the Vince Vaughn and Steve Carell of the squirrel world.

Chow for now!!

So, we've been in our new home for almost two months now. You'd think we might be pretty much set up by now.

NOT!!

There has yet to be a single room in this joint where we can hang a shingle that says "done". Some are close, but most are no cigar. Not even a cheap Cuban cigarette...

After our initial haste to unpack enough boxes to find my remote controls and a tube of toothpaste (hey, we needed to be presentable to the public and each other...and remotes are what separate us from apes) things have slowed down substantially. We still have no idea where half of our dishes are. There are literally dozens of stacks of unopened moving boxes in the basement, or as I like to refer to them: "surprise!!"

One problem is that most of the trinkets and furniture we owned for our past homes don't work in this one. This has activated a dormant shopping gene in my wife, and brought some of the brightest smiles I've ever seen to commissioned salespersons at the local malls. Until we return everything we bought the night before, because we have all the decorating skills of a color-blind crow...

At some point this place will feel like home. For now, it does a great job of keeping the winter outside, and at least I can change my channels from the comfort of my sectional recliner...

Chow for now!!

Well, my wife and I have officially lost what was left of our limited (and shared) marble supply...

Driving down the road yesterday to go do some shopping, we were blasting the brand-new Sarah McLachlan CD in the vehicle. The problem is...the disc is a new Christmas collection!! Not even Halloween, and we're spinning O Little Town Of Bethlehem!! Thankfully for us, the men with the white suits and butterfly nets must have been home watching a hockey game on TV.

It's all Jay Leno's fault, though. He had Sarah as a guest on his Tonight Show the other night, and I knew I needed to have this album as soon as she started to perform Joni Mitchell's River. I'm weak that way...

The disc is exceptional, if not a little too early in the season. It made us desperately want to go back home and start decorating, but we settled for grabbing a big bowl of popcorn, and watching Deal Or No Deal instead. We can be really flexible on these pressing urges...

So, there's my complimentary Saturday morning tip - buy the new Xmas cd from Sarah McLachlan. It's a keeper!!

Chow for now!

Hey….

I’ve got little bumps behind my ears!! Is this normal?? Does anybody else out there have a ridge of minute bumps towards the bottom of their ears?? Behind the things, I mean - not underneath them…

Now, as usual, I begin to panic. Have these bumps always been there, and I’ve just never noticed them?? Did they recently appear as a warning that I have inadvertently contracted malaria from touching a grape in the supermarket? Or am I growing scales after foolishly stopping to touch that iguana in Petland the other day?? Why me??????????

Of course, I am getting older. It could be that the flesh behind my ears needs more sun, and it is dappling due to a lack of exposure. Or maybe I’m developing that Elephant Man condition!! I can’t go out in public with a trunk!!!

Calm down, man… There has to be a logical reason for these bumps. If I’m lucky, I’ve just gotten an allergic reaction to vegetables, and I’ll have to forgo those deadly buggers at mealtime…

I’d better run, see if I can get a better look at these things with some mirrors.

Hopefully, back tomorrow…

Chow for now!!

Sidebar: Much as I’d love to post these blitherings first thing in the morning, the site itself often handcuffs me. Today it has been particularly useless trying to get on and post.

My humble apologies. Wattaya gonna do…

My reintroduction to winter continued yesterday, when I spotted a block heater extension cord in Canadian Tire. And why I'm having to get reintroduced to winter in the middle of freakin' October is just plain cruel...

Anyhow, for those of you fortunate enough to not know what the heck a block heater is, it is an internal device in your automobile's motor that when plugged in, allows the car to start easier in cold temperatures. I'm looking into a portable garage with a small furnace, to avoid any possible problems when the temperatures here plunge...

Thank God the mercury is rising. Yesterday and today are around +9, which is a far friendlier space on the Celsuis scale. Not as friendly as +20, but I'll settle for anything with a plus...

Chow for now!!

Monday and yesterday it was snowing here as if Mother Nature was getting paid by the snowflake. Not quite a blizzard, but for someone that for over a dozen years was used to one week of winter in January, it was more than just a little bit disconcerting.

And in celebration of said snowfall, motorists celebrated the early arrival of winter here with a 50-car pileup. Yessir, a 50-car pileup. If you're gonna do something, do it big...

The funny thing is, most of the white stuff was gone by late afternoon yesterday, which is fine by me. The only shovel I still own comes with a little plastic flourescent green pail, that I usually take to the beach every summer.

I'm told that this is a frequent occurence here, even later into winter. Chinooks will drift in, and warm up cold fronts. I'm not sure I like the idea of schools of salmon in charge of temperatures, and I am more than a little concerned about which end of their bodies do the huffing and puffing to affect the weather. Fish all by themselves don't exactly smell like Oscar de La Renta - how bad do they smell passing gas??

Chow for now!!

A few years back I wrote a column on the difficulty of opening a new DVD. They seal those things like they contain the guarded codes to a treasure trove of wealth beyond imagining. When you finally get them open and watch the stupid things, you wonder why you bought a movie version of The Dukes Of Hazzard in the first place...

Well, now the powers that be have started to utilize these packaging techniques for new compact discs. I bought one the other day, and trying to open it just about sent me over the edge, although in my case, that edge is never too far away.

What made it so bad was that is was a discount cd. A cd that no longer enjoys time at the prime locations by the cash register, but kind of vies for your attention as you walk by some dusty bins way in the back of the store.

After I bought it and headed back to my vehicle, I hoped to play it in the car. I used a key to assist with removing the shrink wrap.

But after the shrink wrap was gone, there was a seal of white tape along the top, with little lettering saying "PULL" along one side.

When you pull something marked "PULL", you expect that maybe, just maybe, it pulls. That is never the case. These cd/dvd protective tapes are designed to just have the word "PULL" come off by itself, leaving an adhesive that would be hard-pressed to release even underground in North Korea. And as a lifelong nail chewer, I am usually left to try prying off that blasted tape with a key that looks relatively thin, but is in fact quite chubby placed alongside a sealed cd.

Whoops!!

Gotta run. More later...

Chow for now!!

Week Three of my unrelenting attempt to establish National Squirrel Month!! Tell your friends!

(I fear though that I may have peaked in Week Two, with the celebrity squirrel feature....wattaya gonna do??? We must continue to move forward...)

After doing a Google search for squirrels today, I stumbled upon a cool squirrel wildlife rehab site. I felt a bond instantly, as I am undergoing rehab for this persistent blasted impinged nerve in my neck (literally, a pain in the neck...). Although I suspect these folks don't have little cots set up in triages for squirrels with similar complaints, I do imagine that they perform some sort of rehabilitative work, so as to allow the little critters to get back out there and forage freely for nuts. And maybe berries. I honestly don't know what squirrels really eat out there...

You have to check out the site just for the graphic logo, a squirrel dressed up as a nurse:

http://www.squirrel-rehab.org/

Seeing is believing...

Seeing as how that logo is probably copyright protected, I didn't feel comfortable with cutting and pasting it in to today's blog. You'll just have to hit the link...

So, my questions today (with this bizarre squirrel topic) would be:

1) Do squirrels have the same injury rate as humans do - such as the high percentage of accidents that happen in the home?? How dangerous can a hole in a tree really be??
2) Does this rehab center simply address orphaned squirrels, or do they occasionally deal with things like arthritis and diabetes? What is the sugar content of an acorn??
3) Are there little ambulances that the center dispatches for the squirrels, or do they just use a broom and a dustpan??
4) Are my friends at PETA going to go through the roof with that last query??
5) Does squirrel taste like chicken?
6) If PETA wasn't ticked off before, might they be now?
7) Do they allow squirrels to intern at the center?

There's probably more things I'd like to know, but for now, there's your third week of National Squirrel Month. Still nothing official, just something I'm trying to get off the ground.

Chow for now!!

I must have a deathwish...

Or at the very least, my spidey senses must be dulled by time and too much junk food.

I came home the other day to a message on our telephone's answering machine, which turned out to be from my wife. I continued on with a few things while the message was running in the background - putting away groceries, hanging up my coat, getting a drink of water...

...reading the paper, making lunch, painting a few chips on the hallway wall, mowing the lawn, building a scale model of the Paris Hotel & Casino (Las Vegas) with ucooked pastas that we had in the cupboard...

...hanging a picture, doing the weekly bookkeeping for a local home-based accountant business, having a mid-afternoon snack, painting my scale model of the Paris Hotel & Casino (Las Vegas) with various bits of makeup my wife keeps in the master ensuite...

I hit "stop" after all that, with the message still going on. And at that point, I pretty much forgot about the whole thing until later that night, while my wife and I were having dinner.

"Did you get my message?" she asked.

"Umm...yes" I replied. But my awkward and guilty look gave me away...

"I, uh, stopped it midway..."

".............." (there may be youngsters reading this)

In my defense, I must assume that I am simply a victim of Adult Male ADD.

And I also have absolutely NO poker face...

Chow for now!!

“The-Saturday-Morning-Nobody-Asked-Me-To-But-Here-It-Is-Anyway-Concert-Review – Hal Ketchum”
(or, "Why I Will Never Be A Professional Reviewer…")

Many, many years ago my wife and I were surfing the late-nite TV channels, and happened upon Austin City Limits, a terrific live music showcase program. There was a guy playing some songs there that caused us to pause and continue watching. By the time he performed “I Miss My Mary”, we were fans. The next day I went out and bought a copy of Hal Ketchum’s Past The Point Of Rescue, and got better acquainted with this country singer/songwriter/storyteller.

Last night we had the pleasure of taking in a live performance by Mr. Ketchum, and I’m realizing that already owning 3 of his albums just isn’t enough – I’m going to have to go shopping again...

Over the course of a mighty long set, and even longer encore, he displayed the charm and talent that has helped him sell loads of albums, and left you wanting even more. Mixing his big hits with what sounded like sure-fire future hits in his new material, the man and his band gave the crowd some value-added renditions of country, blues, and faith-based songs.

He brought the house down though with what he described as “the sickest song I’ve ever written”, about the abrupt termination of a one-night stand. You had to be there… This guy is the Harry Chapin of country music.

And by the way, the venue (Frank Sisson’s Silver Dollar) is a great place to see an artist up close and personal. There really isn’t a bad seat in the house. It reminds me of one of the places my wife and I used to go see live music, back when we were still courtin’.

(Courtin’?? Dear Lord, have I just let it slip out how old I really am???)

Anyway…fantastic show, catch him if he’s ever in your area!!

Chow for now!!

I don't know what it's like where you live, but around my town, I am beginning to discover an interesting similarity between big trucks (half-ton and higher) and dinosaurs. In recent years, light passenger trucks have bloated up to almost the same size as semi-trailer tractors, and that's not even touching on the biggest of them all - the Hummers. Let me explain how I came to my conclusion of that claim:

Dinosaurs were big and intimidating behemoths, once upon a time. Big trucks these days are bigger than your average soup can factory, and if approaching you from behind, can be very intimidating...

Dinosaurs came in many different colours, and so do big trucks.

Nobody ever told dinosaurs what they could or couldn't do while in motion, and apparently owners of big trucks feel the same way...

Despite their large size, dinosaurs had very small (often peanut-sized) brains in charge of their operation. Ditto, big trucks.

Dinosaurs (at least in film and TV portrayals) had bad temperaments. Big truck operators seem to become a blend of Yosemite Sam and Thelma & Louise after starting their vehicles...

But maybe that's just my perception...

Chow for now!!

Another afternoon start...ugh!!

Well, the site appeared to be down this morning when I tried to log on, so it's not entirely my fault this time...

Anyhow, we're up and running now, so on with the show:

Rod Stewart - "Still The Same" (Great Rock Classics Of Our Time)

I picked up this new cd a day or two ago, and I'm wondering if I need to file a complaint on the grounds of false advertising...

Oh. there's the odd "rock classic" or two on here, but there's also cover versions of pop hits by Bonnie Tyler (?) John Waite (??) and OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN (?????). In what alternate universe do these guys fit in as classic rockers?? What, he couldn't get the rights to cover any Donnie & Marie classics??

Granted, the Newton-John tune was written by Bob Dylan, but his is not the voice you hear whenever "If Not For You" is playing in your head. Not that it often plays in my head, mind you...

Overall, most of these songs are note-for-note reproductions of the originals, with Rod's vocals dropped in. Man, his back catalogue on its own has most of the "great rock classics of our time". Why not leave "Love Hurts" for the next American Idol soundtrack, and remix "Maggie May"?

Or at least bring something different to the table when you're covering "great rock classics of our time"...

Still, this is unlikely to offend the droves of fans that bought more of his American Songbook releases than Bayer pushes Aspirins in a year, so he should do OK. Maybe on the "Still The Same II" we'll get his classic rock versions of "Feelings" and "Mmm-Bop"...

Chow for now!!

As an adult male for some time now, I can only assume that I must have been distracted by something bright and shiny, the day that they handed out male attributes...

Take sports for example. Other guys will pencil their lives around sporting events, but unless playoffs are on, I could care less. Oh, I enjoy attending live events occasionally, like football and hockey, but unlike the rest of the male world, spending an entire weekend watching big-screen TV "matches" puts me to sleep faster than a Clay Aiken cd.

Now it turns out that I'm not even loyal to my "home team".

Born and raised in Winnipeg, I have always been a fan of the CFL's Blue Bombers, and the NHL's Winnipeg Jets. Once the Jets were sold off to Phoenix, I tried rooting for the Coyotes, but I suppose the wounds were just too fresh. Plus, they stunk.

After moving to British Columbia, I tried (really, I tried) rooting for the BC Lions, but I always stayed true deep in my heart to Winnipeg's Bombers. One of the hardest days of my life was attending a Bomber game in Winnipeg, where BC was mopping up the field with the home team.

Also while in BC I tried to embrace the Vancouver Canucks hockey team, but I was distracted briefly by a fling with The Anaheim Mighty Ducks, due to a lifelong infatuation with ducks. Don't ask...

However, they stunk. And, I still missed Winnipeg.

As a youngster, I was a huge fan of The Montreal Canadiens, but oh boy, have they been bad in recent years. No self-respecting hockey fan would be...wait a minute...I'm not a self-respecting hockey fan!!

Now, we live in Calgary. I'm liking those Stampeders on the football field, but I think I'll also keep an eye on those Blue Bombers. The Calgary Flames have a great track record, despite being a little sluggish out of the gate this season. That said, compared to Vancouver - they have a Stanley Cup.

And compared to Winnipeg, they have a team...

Chow for now!!

Yikes!!

Afternoon blog....

Well, spit happens, I suppose.

I had a full morning today, not the least of which was my physio. Happy to report that my arm is starting to act less and less like a drawbridge these days. I only have to raise it one or two times a day now, to relieve the pain. I'm a human toll booth!!

Also had to find some other places in downtown Calgary this morning, to take care of a few outstanding chores. I needed to find the main office of the parking authority, to pick up what they call a "Smart card" here, for the parking meters. At $3.00 per hour to park downtown, I don't think it's just the cards that are pretty smart...

And, I also had to find a place where I could view my traffic infranction photo. Yes, I regret to say that we somehow managed to get a traffic ticket - failing to stop at a red light. We won't do that again, even accidentally as we did this time. We could park downtown for a loooong time with the fine that comes along with that bad boy...

Finally, we are officially Albertans, as of this weekend. My wife and I finally managed to fulfill all the requirements for switching over our vehicle insurance (which includes being able to name fruits by their Latin origins, and also requires just a pinch of the eye of a newt. I think I can also transport three head of cattle at any given time), so we now have Alberta plates on both vehicles. Pretty overwhelming.

We'll pick up our cowboy hats this weekend...

Chow for now!!

Vindication at last, for my diet!!

If you happened to catch the news or read a newspaper these last few days, you'll no doubt be aware that vegetables have become the latest arsenic of the food chain. Tainted spinach, carrot juice, and now lettuce are all freshly-discovered health hazards, which gives me no cause for concern at all.

Oh, I've tried to add these sorts of things into my diet over the years, but they all take soooo long to eat. A Twinkie is gone in two bites, and a bag of potato chips melts in my mouth, not in my hands. Lettuce?? I don't even leave that in my Big Macs.....

So now I feel entirely justified, as I may be saving my own life by avoiding these previously allegedly healthy foods. I've yet to see a chocolate bar hit the news as a carrier of E. Coli, so tonight I will reach for an M & M, NOT a leaf. I'll leave the lettuce for the rabbits, while I get my calcium via a Milky Way bar...

Carrot juice?? Even if Pepsi made a version with caffeine-free cherry flavoring, I'd pass.

All along, health experts, doctors, and my mother have been trying to convince me of the benefits of vegetables, and now we find out that they're LETHAL!!! Pass me another pretzel, pal. Keep that celery stalk away from this guy!

Now if I could just figure out how to make a salad with peanuts, popcorn, and toffee...

Chow for now!!

Week Two of Squirrel Month!!

(Nothing official yet, just something I'm trying to get off the ground...tell your friends...)

This week I'll touch on some celebrity squirrels, mostly from the past. There doesn't seem to be too much demand for celebrity squirrels these days...go figure.

Over to the right hand side, I've lifted and pasted a picture of Rocky, famous pal of Bullwinkle The Moose. As far as squirrels go, Rocky has done pretty well for himself.

Growing up, I lived on a steady diet of these two cartoon characters. While Bullwinkle had star billing, and probably the most imitated voice ever by stand-up comics, Rocky was the brains of the operation. And, as a forerunner of political correctness, his headgear always reminded kids that when they flew, they shouldn't be shy about using safety gear. He was also a role model for buck teeth.

I'm not sure what Rocky is up to these days, but I'm sure the ongoing royalties from the show have kept him in a pretty good lifestyle. I'd guess he spends a lot of time golfing, which would keep him in wooded areas, and allow him to pick up the odd acorn or two along the way.

Another celebrity squirrel that comes to mind became famous on jars of peanut butter.

I would have bet money that a squirrel appeared on Jif Peanut Butter, but apparently it was Skippy. I have eaten virtually every conceivable brand of peanut butter over the years, so who made what never really mattered. But for Squirrel Month, let's credit Skippy with being our celebrity squirrel from the land of peanut butter...

Skippy still appears to this day on millions of jars of peanut butter, so he certainly didn't have as good an agent as Rocky. However, he looks pretty young, so maybe he can move up to other products when his current contract expires.

There you have it folks, two of the most famous squirrels you will likely run across. Next week, I'll hope to find something just as exciting for Week Three of Squirrel Month!!

Chow for now!!

Well, no matter how long I look at the blank screen, I can't seem to fill it up without doing at least a little bit of typing.

I tried pasting a newspaper article onto my monitor, but it didn't transfer onto my blog. The only thing that is making today's blog appear is the pecking of my two fingers on the keyboard.

It also doesn't help that my brain is a little barren this morning. A man can only go on so much about his new ladder, or what was on TV last night. If he expects people to read this stuff, he has to offer up new and exciting offerings, each and every day. He's gotta sell the sizzle!

Or something like that...

If this was Sunday, I'd be just fine. Tomorrow will be the start of Week Two, in National Squirrel Month, or whatever it was I called this new celebration of all things squirrelly. So, if this column today is so bad you are about to give up all hope, please wait until tomorrow.

By the way...that ladder?? Still packed.

Chow for now!!

Top up your coffee folks, this one is pretty long-winded today…

First off, my humble apologies for the late posting, but I had to go pick up my vehicle first thing this morning, after bringing it in THREE DAYS AGO, for an out-of-province safety inspection. Suffice it to say that the beast is now virtually rebuilt from stem to stern, and my dreams of eating anything other than hot dogs and beans for the next 8 months are slim…

I also had a timely bit of physio yesterday, necessary to get me through my first big concert event in Calgary’s Saddledome. My wife and I went to see The Who last night, which leads me up to:

“The-Friday-Morning-Nobody-Asked-Me-To-But-Here-It-Is-Anyway-Concert-Review – The Who”

(or, "Why I Will Never Be A Professional Reviewer…")

For somebody that has seen most big-name artists long before they became “classic” or “nostalgia”, last night was my first ever live Who concert. As a long-time fan, it makes me wonder why I had so eagerly picked up Air Supply tickets a few months ago, but had not yet seen The Who. Call me quirky…

At any rate, the joint was buzzing, erupting into cheers even during the big-screen commercials for The Who station on Sirius satellite radio. This was likely going to be an easy gig for the boys…

Not so easy a task, warming up a crowd before living legends take the stage, but opening act Inward Eye did a terrific job, nonetheless. This power-rock group of young brothers from my hometown of Winnipeg sold me by song one. I had been tipped off by my buddy Argy to make it in time to see them, and I can see why. Their own website (www.inwardeye.com) suggests they are reminiscent of The Jam and The Kinks, but I heard Green Day and early U2 influences as well. They rocked. Highly recommended from my experience!!

That said, The Who was who we came to see, and The Who we saw.

Starting off with some early career hits, the crowd went nuts. Standing ovations right off the bat, and the folks down on the floor seats had to stand for the entire show. The only sluggish part was when the band played songs from their upcoming new album, but even those sounded pretty darn good.

All it took to bring the crowd back to life though were the opening strains of monster hits, like Baba O’Reilly, or Who Are You (with that strange lyric – “who the huck are you”). If I closed my eyes I could see David Caruso standing over a crime scene…

One thing that was not much fun was having Jim Carrey Jr. sitting directly in front of us. This gangly teen made Napoleon Dynamite look like Brad Pitt. Whenever he recognized a song (which was often), his stick-man, over-long arms would start swaying in the air. Kind of looked like a pair of anorexic bamboo shoots obscuring our view of the stage, but hey, when the spirit moves you…


Anyway, two thumbs up for the show, even if this isn’t a movie review. My pinched neck nerve came in handy for flicking my Bic during the slow songs, as holding my arm up relieves the pinching pain. And I will confess, nobody would ever mistake my husky arm for an anorexic bamboo shoot…

(For related blatherings, check out my archives: Sunday August 13th for The Sunday Morning “Nobody Asked Me To, But I’m Going To Give It Anyway” Concert Review.)

*********************************************************************

Alright, if you’ve lasted this long, you are to be commended. Or committed, only time will tell.

For those of you following the ongoing drama of my new ladder, it remains untouched. Maybe this weekend I’ll unwrap it, just to make sure it is in fact a ladder…

There's some kind of holiday this weekend, in Canada anyway. Thanksgiving?? Easter? I must do some investigating. Have a happy one anyway...

Chow for now!!

Sadly, this will be another short installment. Although some might view that comment as good news....

After waiting a week and a half for a ladder, it sits in our basement, untouched by human hands. Still having loads of trouble with this pinched nerve in my neck, so even if I did get to climb up on it, I couldn't lift my arm to do anything productive on it. Although, I could certainly spot dust bunnies from that height...

For everyone that is kind enough to post comments, PLEASE check back in the comments section, as I reply to each and every one. Whenever I have tried to respond by e-mail, it just gets kicked back, undeliverable. I'm pretty sure I've made all my monthly payments for this service, so why I am being denied mailing by the virtual post office is beyond me...

Finally, we are off tonight to see The Who, famous for writing all those theme songs for the various CSI programs. Can't wait!!

Chow for now!!

Well, my sentence has been commuted. The ladder arrived yesterday, so to speak.

After waiting a week and a half, I called anybody and everybody related to the purchase, and obtained a tracking number for Purolator.

A quick phone call revealed that the ladder had been delivered, earlier that day. Imagine my surprise, not being the one it was delivered to!!

Anyhow, after a discussion with the courier, I was able to determine they had missed me, thanks to an error in the address. They were only off by 500 house numbers..

So, I went to pick it up, and now we are together - the ladder and I.

More to come!!

Chow for now!!

Despite my house arrest, I will have to leave today. I have physio this morning, plus we are bringing our vehicles in for out-of-province inspections. This is necessary to obtain insurance for them here in Alberta, and it's also a handy way to say goodbye to a couple of hundred dollars...

Still no ladder. Looking out my front window yesterday, I even SAW a Purolator truck, but it didn't even slow down!! How cruel life can be...

The "free delivery" won't mean much if I miss the truck, and have to go pick it up somewhere. Assuming, of course that a truck is ever going to come... I'm starting to think I bought a brochure with 55 different positions.

Better run. Short and sweet today. Next Monday, Part Two of Squirrel Month!! Tell your friends!

Chow for now!

Two things today:

First off, I still keep Kelowna's website up as my homepage (www.castanet.net), just to keep a finger on things back there. Funny how it is that no matter what else is on the string of headlines, I jump right on the pop culture reference of George Michael getting arrested. Again.

Seems the former Wham singer has a rather bad habit of passing out in his vehicles, and not hiding his stash before he does that. Is this guy trying to make Keith Richards look like a choir boy?? Not only does this guy have a careless whisper, he needs to sharpen his nap time skills...

Second, I am a total fruit nitwit. My wife packed herself a lunch today, and mentioned that she took a nectarine. I commented that I wasn't even aware we had any. Then she informed me that I had packed one for her, last week!!

Standing in front of an open refrigerator, she pointed out what appeared to be a plum on steroids. This, I am told, is a nectarine. Who knew??

There better not be a quiz...

Chow for now!!

October is "Squirrel Month".

Nothing official mind you, just something I'm trying to get off the ground... Tell your friends.

Once a week throughout October, I will try to educate you about this bushy-tailed rodent. In the process, I will learn myself if this critter is indeed a rodent, or maybe rather related to squids, looking at the first few letters of its name...

Squirrels (without Googling the word - how impressive is that??) live in trees, but also have been seen on the ground. They climb and run, but some have been known to fly. Those breeds generally make excellent companions for talking moose.

In addition to taking up residence in park or forest trees, some squirrels may decide that a well-insulated attic can also be a great place to park their cabooses. These expansive spaces allow them to train for things like Cirque de Soleil, or WWE, and this rowdy behaviour may put them in some conflict with the human owners of said attic space.

Not to worry. Squirrels are gentle creatures, and will willingly depart an attic, once asked. Squirrels are much like Tibetan monks in their temperament, and seeing as how they collect their own nuts, are far less expensive to maintain than gerbils.

That last sentence didn't come out right. They collect nuts, but not their own...

More to come!!

Chow for now!!

We've got a weekend pass, as I don't expect Purolator to be delivering my long-lost freakin' ladder on a weekend...

It'll be nice to feel the sun on my face again, and the gentle caress of a light wind. I've been terrified to leave the house since mid-week, but there has been no reward for my loyalty and patient anticipation. I remain ladderless.

Actually, I will confess to throwing in the towel late yesterday afternoon, as I had to head over to the walk-in clinic, to get some prescriptions renewed. From there I drove into downtown, to meet up with the Mrs, and take in some Red Lobster fare after work. Lobsters of the world, I salute you, for your sacrifices are much appreciated, and delicious.

But when we returned home, there was no indication of a courier's visit. My plans to inventory the roof vents will have to wait until next week some time. My hope of vacuuming the hanging light in our 2-storey foyer must be postponed...again...

Alas...

Chow for now!!

Friday morning, and I'm starting to feel a little like The Prisoner Of Zenda, or maybe Rapunzel at the very least...

Still no ladder, no sign of Purolator. I'm convinced that Murphy's Irrefutable Law Of Ladder Delivery will kick in, should I leave the house even momentarily, just to check our mailbox. Even if I've only just left the house for a few seconds, THAT is when the delivery guy will show up, and depart just as fast should he find nobody home. I'm totally handcuffed, unable to get on with my life until that blasted package arrives!!

I suppose I could be doing some of those chores that my wife has left me notes about, throughout the house. Plus, we still are nowhere close to being organized, since our recent move, so I could try doing a bit of that.

However, I prefer to sit and anguish over my predicament, rather than be pro-active, and get my mind off what may have happened to my ladder. Has the delivery guy decided to use it himself, to hang his Christmas lights?? Has his teenaged son stolen it, to elope with that hussy down the street?? Has someone baked it into a cake, and sent it to their brother, to help him escape his own incarceration?? How ironic would that be??

As I sit here conjecturing, a far more important thought comes to mind: I wonder if Starbucks delivers?

Chow for now!!

I’m currently under self-imposed house arrest. Have been all week.

This is the end result of an impulse purchase at the recent home improvement show we attended. My wife and I avoided the dazzle of the Wonder Mop, and sidestepped the allure of The Magic Chamois. We dodged a pitch on a broom that desired to be a vacuum one day, but lost the battle when it came to a guy demonstrating ladders…

Yes, we were easy marks for this salesman, as we stood before him, obviously ladderless. He knew what we needed to make our lives complete, and curse him for selling exactly that!!

The only catch (aside from full payment in advance) was that the free delivery involved Purolator, who would be showing up “sometime” this week, with our enchanting new miracle ladder. But Purolator doesn’t call first, so that you can plan ahead. At least the telephone and cable companies provide you with an 8-hour window, on a day in the distant future.

Not a courier company. Our stealth ladder could appear any day this week, any time. Should I happen to go in the back yard for 3 minutes to prune our dandelions, and not hear the doorbell, Purolator will leave me a sticky note on my front door, and I will be forced to drive into the outskirts of civilization, with high hopes of ever finding their pick-up depot.

Damn you, ladder, and damn you ladder guy!! I need to be free, yet you have locked me up in my own home!!



Hey...look at that! The Price Is Right is on soon….

Chow for now!!

The latest threat to our personal health now appears to be common household apples.

Dentists are suggesting recently that while eating an apple a day may be allegedly sound thinking for overall body health, the acid content of these products will take an ultimate toll on your teeth.

So, I surrender....

No more apples, oranges, or mangoes. Farewell, bananas. Adios, avocados, although honestly I know not if you even are a fruit!!

Although I have literally survived on fruit and vegetables these last few years, I will now force myself to ingest chocolate, toffee, and pretzels, so as to enjoy a full set of gleaming teeth on my 92nd birthday. Well, there is that one molar on my lower right side that checked out several years back, but maybe he was the first casualty of this recently-discovered tooth murderer??

No more!! I will lose no additional teeth (toothies?) to killer grapes, or axe-wielding pomegranates, although once again, I'm not even sure that a pomegranate is a fruit...it just sounds like one.

I am confident that my pearly chompers will appreciate softer fare, like Twinkies and warm, poppin' fresh dough. Look at the healthy set of incisors on that Pillsbury Dough Boy!! No wonder he's not selling tubes of carrots, he was already hip to the fruit jive!!

More on this another time, I'm sure. Right now, I have to go pick the two scoops of raisins out of my breakfast cereal, and replace those time bombs with some chocolate chips...

Chow for now!!

Just a quick one today, as I'm running late for my physio.

So as not to make your visit entirely disappointing, I will leave you with one of my favorite childhood jokes:

What was Snow White's brother's name??




Egg White!! Get the yolk????


Oh boy..........

Chow for now!!

A genuine treat yesterday, as my wife and I attended "Word On The Street", part of National Book & Magazine festivities held in various cities throughout Canada. The event here in Calgary featured a diverse blend of authors reading short pieces, plus booth upon booth of displays on the local literary/arts groups.

This was my procrastinator's introduction to almost every place I should have already long ago made my way over to, all in one convenient village. Local newspapers, magazines, bookstores, and writer's groups, just to name a few. Quite an inspiring collection of folks, had a lot of fun getting a quick chance to see and chat with several members of these groups.

Also enjoyed the surreal side of the event, as there will always be something that unexpectedly steals the spotlight, no matter who may be on stage.

In yesterday's case, mainstage reader Ian Brown of The Globe & Mail and the CBC was well into his presentation on the "inner thoughts of men", when a much older gentleman on a walker started to make a looooong, slow journey right behind the back part of the low stage. Try as you might, you just couldn't take your eyes off this older fellow, as he inched his way along, intent on making it from Point A to Point B before sunfall...

Stealing the spotlight in the process...

Chow for now!!

Just when you think you've seen it all...

Last night we went to see "Urinetown, The Musical". I kid you not...

It was playing in a recently restored theatre in downtown Calgary, and we had heard all kinds of great buzz about it. The play, I mean. Sure, people were probably buzzing about the renos too, but for today, let's try and focus on the musical!!

Our first surprise was that the last-minute tickets I had picked up happened to be front row, center. My immediate worry-wart concern was that if this play lived up to its name, would we be needing plastic protective gear, like when you go see watermelon massacre man/standup comic Gallagher?? Thankfully, we did not...

Our second surprise was how much we enjoyed the show. Not to spoil "Urinetown, The Musical" too much, should it turn up in YOUR fair town, the premise of the show is a Broadway musical that somewhat lampoons Broadway musicals, while being set in a future where water is such a scarce resource, the population is forced to pay to pee. I will admit, I was unprepared for toe-tapping show tunes under that sketchy premise, but tap I did, and often... The whole show is a tongue -in-cheek send-off of the genre, but done so well I can see why it was a success back when it originally ran. With all the mugging directly to the audience, it plays a bit like one of those "Smokey & The Bandit" movies, but heck, I liked those too.

One thing was interesting to note throughout the evening. Not one member of the audience ever got up to go to the bathroom during the show. How that for taking things maybe a little too literally??

Chow for now!!

We went to one of those touring home shows yesterday - the sort that brings all kinds of experts and TV hosts in, and also usually has about a billion household gadgets for sale as well.

Driving up to the event, we got a glimpse of a big celebrity, outside the building. Mike Holmes, from Holmes on Homes. He was taking a smoke break before his presentation.

I suppose discovering that a home renovator smokes is kind-of akin to discovering that a light comes on whenever you open your fridge door. Most construction guys I've known (and worked with) have smoked, drank, cussed, and (more often than not) farted. For all we know, the smoking may just be part of a "tough-guy construction dude" front that Mr. Holmes has to put on in public. He may not ever do it at home, over high tea...

Once we got over the smoking shock, we got into the Roundup Centre (not kidding), and waded into the sea of exhibitors. There was representation from heating companies, ladder companies, hardwood flooring companies, and gazebo companies.

There were booths and booths of hot tub manufacturers, kitchen designers, and fencing people. Not the kind with swords...fencing for your yard, for Pete's sake...

And peppered throughout, there were the quirky "As Seen On TV" items, that are guaranteed to revolutionize your life, for just 3 easy payments of $19.99. A rechargeable carpet sweeper, that literally sweeps carpets. A "magic chamois", that while we watched never once pulled a rabbit out of a hat.

We also watched a demonstration of what could have been a broom, which I think was trumped handily by the rechargeable carpet sweeper.

I caught a brief glimpse of TV chef Christine Cushing. Man, does that lady have dimples...

All of these delights were on display in a vast showroom that had been set to sustain a tropical rain forest. Actually, the heat in there would have created a tropical rain forest. The presenter pitching his "magic chamois" must have thought I was swooning at his miracle product, when in fact I was suffering a mild heat stroke.

All kidding aside, we ended up leaving with a ladder that boasted over 50 positions, which was just too much for my guy logic to resist!!

I also picked up a brochure on that rechargeable carpet sweeper. It may be just the thing for high traffic areas in the home, without having to lug out a full-sized vacuum.

Chow for now!!

With the recent return this week of most popular prime time TV series, there have been some sudden cuts to the experimental summer fare that has filled our living room airspace, these last few weeks.

No more will we be tuning in to Celebrity Duets, to determine if Xena will smite Cheech, over the best duet rendition of "Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree". I know there are several weeks left in the competition, but my wife and I will have to go to our eventual graves, never knowing if Whatsisname (Carlton) from Fresh Prince will warble his way to the top of the heap, and win....uh...what was the prize again?? Please, don't let it be a record deal...haven't we got enough already, what with Paris Hilton on CD?????

We never did succumb to Dancing With The Stars, although once we did Sweat With The Oldies. That alone was an experience we cared not to repeat, even as viewers.

I'm sure there were way more shows running that I haven't touched on, but thankfully we were too busy to get caught up in them - what with getting our affairs in order, moving, learning how to use an abacus, sharpening #2 pencils, figuring out the physics behind upside-down ketchup bottles, counting the fabric hairs in our office carpeting, doing pocket lint inventories, learning to play one of those big Alpine "Riccola" horns, and creating some whimsical animal sculptures with common household copper scouring pads.

Chow for now!!

Whenever I get a bad cold, I become the Johnny Appleseed of misery. My partner suffers maybe even more than I do...

The problem, I think, is that I am just not like John Wayne when it comes to grappling with discomfort. The Duke could take a bullet between the eyes, and still have ample time to nonchalantly finish his cigarette, feed his horse, and then give a long-winded philosophical soliloquy before expiring.

One bout of sniffles, and I'm moaning and groaning like one of those young Russian tennis stars, every time I blow my nose.

I don't ever just "have a cold" so much as I "bear the weight of the entire universe, including former planet Pluto". I don't do sick well at all.

My wife hates it as much as I do whenever I start to get a tickle in my throat, and my own eyes start to swell up like Don Knotts eyeballs, upon getting his foot run over by a FedEx van. Oh, she's gracious enough, and always there to offer sympathy and support, but I suspect she has a self-serving bottom line - getting me back to health as quickly as possible, so as to shorten the length of my whining intervals.

Whoa!! Post nasal drip on the keyboard!! Better run...

Chow for now!!

As my wife and I continue to unpack our new home, I am reminded of those miniature homes that people set up around Christmas time...

Coming into one of the craziest housing markets in Canada, we knew in advance that we may have to sacrifice some of the features our last home had. And, we knew that when we made an offer on this particular house, it was in fact slightly smaller than the one we had just left in Kelowna. What difference could a couple of hundred square feet make, one way or the other, we thought?

As it turns out, the differences are subtle, but to tend to impact our lives as we make the adjustment. Our coffee maker is set up on a handy shelf just outside the kitchen window, and with the recent cold temperatures, has made excellent frappucinos for my wife's morning commute to work.

Our previous master bedroom had enough room for all our furniture, plus a regulation-sized horseshoe pitch. This one, well...I can see where they got the idea for stacking appliances. We now feature a two-storey dresser drawer set!!

I'm not complaining, it's just a matter of resolving ourselves to a new life - a life where we have ordered a pygmy sectional sofa, and enjoy what the department store called a mini-stereo system, filling up one complete wall of our family room. Our 8 x 10 wedding picture looks like a mural on the living room wall.

Speaking of Christmas, and those adorable little village pieces that you can set up, I'm wondering if one might not make for a fair-sized addition??

Chow for now!!

I know it's probably too soon, but this empty feeling inside will eventually pass...

Last night was the first Monday evening since mid-summer that Rockstar: Supernova wasn't on. Once they picked a winner, I guess they decided it would be best to end the competition. Well, bully for them... now what do WE have to do, watch network TV???

Feeling a little sluggish this morning. I went to bed fighting an unexpected cold, but it wasn't much of a fight. Colds fight dirty, man! I tried to sleep, but the bug just kept filling up my nose, which caused my head to fall over sideways (when it wasn't swelling up to beach ball proportions). Every time I looked at the bedside clock, I had to wonder if it had stopped. I remember still being awake at 3:30 in the freakin' AM!!

Ugh...

Gotta run. Physio shortly for my pinched nerve.

Chow for now!!!

Oh-de-doo-dah-day....

Didn't some old cartoon character used to say that all the time?? Maybe I'm confusing my paraphrasings. My memory has been questionable at the best of times.

And what do these old cartoon characters do when they eventually retire?? When was the last time you ran into Foghorn Leghorn in a neighborhood grocery store, grimacing at a package of Shake N Bake coating?? Does Little Lulu play cards once a week with Doris Day and Betty White??

People complain all the time about how violent cartoons were, back in the day. Yet you never hear about Yacky or Chopper knocking over a 7-11, like grown-up child stars have been wont to do. And Tweety never once turned up in amateur movie offerings like Paris Hilton has, so why all the concern about classic cartoon characters?? They look like saints compared to cartoon characters now.

That's the problem when you have so-called experts exploring the effects of something like a Saturday-morning cartoon series. Just because Elmer Fudd had a few misfires back into his face, or more than a couple of Acme safes fell from the sky, those beloved characters have been held up as examples of too much violence for young minds to assimilate.

Personally, I never took a coyote using mail order catalogues all that seriously, so why would you take the phony violence out of context, at the end of the day??

Chow for now!!

I found a collection while unpacking the other day, and set it aside. It was a big fat book: "The Complete Works Of William Shatner". I didn't even remember having bought it, so I was pretty anxious to try finding some time to read it.

I mean, he has such a body of work, it just makes sense that he would put together an overview of his career and accomplishments. Most people would call it a biography, but not Bill. "The Complete Works". Much more in keeping with his lofty status as a world-class entertainer. ..

It will probably cover at least some aspect of his classic Star Trek run, both in television and film. I can't say for sure if it will touch on TJ Hooker and his most recent work on Boston Legal, but I can only hope.

He has written books, sort of. His science fiction adventures are co-written, so maybe he has at least come up with the titles.

And, who can forget that he has at least TWO albums out?? What a renaissance man - singer, actor, author, puppeteer. The man is simply inspiring. I'll bet his wife lets him have a banjo!!

I will absolutely crack open his "Complete Works" shortly!!


Post-Script:

What a bummer. In my haste to unpack the books, I misread the title. Turned out to be "The Complete Works Of William Shakespeare", whoever the heck that is...

Bummer...

Chow for now!!

Snow.

In the middle of SEPTEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is going on here????

Last night my wife and I were out shopping, and watching snow fall. The shopping became somewhat secondary to the shock of discovering our swimming days outside are clearly done for this year. And those raspberry bushes I planted last week may not make it either...

Thankfully, it didn't stick. There's no evidence at all today, aside from watching snowy highlights from last night's Calgary/Winnipeg CFL game on the newscast this morning (it can't be the TV anymore, because we're aren't trying to catch wayward signals with a fork and aluminum foil anymore...)

So, in the big picture, this unseasonable anomaly didn't affect us much. This will however suspend my paper-mache rock garden project until next spring.

Back in Kelowna, we'd still be camping in a tent, for Pete's sake!! We wouldn't be tremendously warm I'll admit, but we wouldn't be having morning coffee with Mr. & Mrs. Frosty T. Snowman either.

So much to learn...

Chow for now!!

My wife was on fire the other night!

(Note to self: May want to rethink opening statements like that in the future...)

We had been trying to kill some time before an event we were attending a few nights ago, and happened into a building marked "Casino". Wow! These "casinos" are quite something!!

This particular establishment was like a miniature but glitzy slice of Las Vegas, right here in town. There were card tables, roulette wheels, and something that they called "slot machines". How inventive!!

The idea of these "slot machines" is that you plunk in a few pesos, and lo and behold: money comes back out, hopefully in a higher quantity than what you inserted!!! It's like a reverse ATM!!

Now, as we wandered and plunked coin a bit here and there, it became evident that not every machine worked that way. There must have been a malfunction, because no matter how many coins I plunked, the machine refused to return any at all. The attendant I called over looked at me like I had three ears when I complained about it.

However, my wife had some form of keen acuity in finding ones that didn't malfunction. Every time she sat down, the darn things just kept returning her money, faster than she could cram more in. Hence, my comment on her burning good fortune...

We ended up leaving well ahead in doubloons, of what we had come into the building with, at least thanks to her efforts. We were giddy with glee, and would have been rubbing our hands together in some giddy-like fashion, had it not been for the residue of handling coins, fresh from a "slot machine". Yuck!! Don't they wash those things??

Chow for now!!

Whoa!

Late start today!!

Kind of a frantic morning, as I was off to physio first thing, then I have a doctor's appointment shortly, necessary to get my Alberta driver's license.

Between all this, it is pouring rain since yesterday, which bounces off my bald spots like soggy popcorn kernels. I am not a fan of that, but just maybe consider me a tad grumpy while I re-settle myself in our new surroundings during what appears to be monsoon season.

We are definitely not in Kansas anymore. Not that we spent any actual time in Kansas, but our orientation to the Alberta weather swings brings to mind that old saying.

Just a couple of days ago I had every door and window open in the house, as we struggled to invite in any wayward wisp of a breeze. Yesterday, my tulips started to frost over in the kitchen, so I turned the furnace on. This is a shock, considering we never used to do that in Kelowna until late October. It is either unseasonably cold, or I am a giant baby. Possibly a bit of both... Either way, I am afraid...

Hey, a Canadian won again, in the latest incarnation of Rockstar!! Yee-Haa!!

Chow for now!!

If I were an inventor, I would likely be a pretty laid-back inventor.

I'd probably come up with ideas that would simply save mankind time, rather than revolutionize life as we know it.

For example, I would discover that you could save on daily teaspoon use by adding cream and sugar to your coffee BEFORE you poured it into the cup, thus allowing nature to do the stirring. In addition to being less stressful to your stirring arm, that process might save you at least one dishwasher use a year!!

I might also come up with something like inexpensive tooth-fillers, for unsightly gaps. Who needs the high cost of a dentist? Simply eat something white and pasty, like bread, which will temporarily fill in gaps, until your next meal. If your teeth are yellow, consider a pineapple!

If I put my mind to it, there are probably HUNDREDS of common-sense solutions, like the couple I just outlined above, for many everyday issues. Why put teams of expensive, trained research scientists to work, gobbling up money that could otherwise be spent on a Vegas comeback venue for Florence Henderson?? So many things we tend to worry about are, in light of other events, truly minute.

Like the guy once said, don't sweat the small stuff. After all, what's a little small sweat among friends??

Chow for now!!

Finally...

Finally, one full day in our newest home, without once running across town, or needing to assist in the birth of a new hamster. Why I would be midwifing hamsters is beyond me, but so many things pop up over the course of my day, you need to be prepared for anything.

The downside of a full day with no break is that most of that time was spent treasure hunting. The treasure: our cherished possessions. The hunt: wherever the movers decided to drop these loaded boxes and tubs of possessions, most often with no regard for the room they should have ultimately appeared in.

We've so far found kitchen boxes in the garage, and had to wade through a sea of tubs in the basement to find a vital item for our bedroom. I'll leave that to your imaginations, although I can say you'd be awfully disappointed if you thought of anything that would make a nun blush...

To be honest, we were unpacking to beat the clock. We had to be done in enough time to juggle Rockstar: Supernova, with the Canadian Country Music Awards, broadcast simultaneously for some mad reason.

We also had the treat of experiencing a pack of prairie coyotes on the prowl, as they howled in the dead of the night. We had coyotes back in Kelowna, but these prairie "yotes" really sounded close, and hungry.

Chow for now!!

Wow! Late start again for the blog. I'm really starting to be a total slacker lately...

Well, today is our first full day in our newest home, without having to chase around town, or leave the province. If all goes well, we may even get another room put back together today. So far, we've got a bedroom and a TV room somewhat set up, which for a man is essentially complete and total success.

Of course, we needed the bedroom so as to be able to catch 40 winks, or whatever that old saying suggests. And the TV room, well it HAD to be ready for the big Rockstar: Supernova finale, beginning tonight and taking three full, agonizing days to conclude. Longer even than Banjo Quest 2006!

Gotta run. My wife is anxious to set up her table hockey game, and pool table...

Chow for now!!

Sleeping Above A Nightclub

My wife and I are up pretty early today, for a Sunday morning. We have to catch a flight back to Calgary, after a very quick weekend trip to Kelowna. I had to be in Kelowna this weekend as a presenter for International Literacy Day, at the big downtown library. Are we all up to speed now??

At any rate, the prospect of a return visit to Kelowna made me a little nostalgic, having been away now for almost 7 whole weeks. If we were going to stay, why not stay in a lovely little vintage hotel, known locally as The El. The El Dorado.

The only problem was, when I called to book a room, it was less than vacant. The only room with a balcony facing the lake was right above the bar - "a little bit noisy". How noisy could it be??

Checking in, we noticed the little chair in front of the antique desk was tapping its toes to the music below. Then it really got into the swing of things, and started to hop like your average hippity-hop music star, over to the bedside across the room. Exchanging wide-eyed glances, my wife and I realized just how noisy it could be...

As luck would have it though, once we settled into bed, and became gently massaged by the thumping of the music below, the exhaustion from three straight days of moving anxiety allowed us both to attain a deep state of unconsciousness, despite Gnarls Barkley howling about how "Crazy" he might be, on the floor below us.

Rule # 1 for sleeping above a nightclub: Medication, or exhaustion. Either one will do the trick!

Chow for now!!

I have determined that God must be Swedish. Why else would there be the wonderland for mankind that is IKEA??

At the risk of a product placement of sorts in today’s blog, those IKEA stores are absolutely CRAZY, man!! I defy someone to ever get in and out of one in less than an hour. They are the retail equivalent of a Lay’s potato chip…

And I can’t eat just one of those…

Never mind that you will likely never see every product offered for sale in an IKEA store, no matter how much time you spend in one. Never mind that you WILL find things you would likely never, ever need over the course of your life, in that store. Standing ultimately at the checkout with an industrial-strength buggie, you will be giddy with excitement. You will run to your car, anxious to return home and begin what will likely be 3-4 hours putting together wood. Wood that may one day resemble a book shelf - maybe even a canoe. It’s a crapshoot whenever you use instructions printed in Swedish…

God, while clearly Swedish to my determination, has also likely never moved. I seem to recall his address as being Heaven, ever since I was a kid. Moving, I suspect, is the devil’s work…

Chow for now!!

Another quickie today, although not as fun a quickie as those of you with active imaginations may be thinking. We have just discovered that checkout time here in our suite is 10:00 AM!!! Do they have any idea how many pairs of shoes we have to move out of here by then!!!

Yes, our hotel days are at an end. We've left the forwarding address with housekeeping though, so that they will be able to continue the exemplary work at our new residence.

Chow for now!!

Late today, and it'll be a short one, much like both our tempers today. Moving is the most insane thing people can do...

We are getting our house put together today, after getting just the master bedroom set up last night. Neither one of us cared to sleep on top of moving boxes.

So, back to the grind. More tomorrow!!

Chow for now!

Day One of our three-day moving extravaganza went well, yesterday. Pretty much we just got in, which was exciting enough in and of itself. The wife and I have a loooow bar set for thrills...

Yesterday was also our last opportunity to decide where the furniture for each room will go, when it arrives today. Great exercise in theory, but we’ll see how it works (in true application) when the stuff arrives. The sectional just may not work in the foyer.

This is where you need these household geniuses (genii??) that populate TV shows like Sell This House, or While You Were Out – people that just know deep in their hearts that a macramé penguin doesn’t have a place in a formal dining room…That said, I just may hold my ground there.

Thus also begins our transformation from urbanites to suburbanites. The hustle and bustle of downtown will be replaced by the hustle and flow of rush hour traffic, better known as trickle and idle…

We have actual professional movers involved, which begs several questions:

1) Do I need to wear something other than a bathrobe and slippers while they are hauling hernias into the house??
2) Is it proper motivation for the movers if I stand by the front door and quip: “Let’s put some elbow grease in there, buddy…”
3) Should I take more than 15-16 minutes to decide where sofas and granite tables should be placed, as the movers try not to set them down??
4) Is my blue Hawaiian shirt comfy enough to wear, while watching the movers??
5) Who will survive the cut tonight on Rockstar: Supernova??
6) Why DO banjos only have four strings??

Chow for now??

That there, my friends, is a Dixie Chick. The one that pays a banjo…

Sometime over the next few weeks we’ll be seeing The Dixie Chicks live, in concert. Again.

Well, to be fair, we didn’t really see them all that much the first time around. Back when they first exploded onto the country music scene, they appeared at the big outdoor Merritt Mountain Music Festival, in BC.

However, enroute to their debut tour, my dear and lovely spouse was running a little late. There’s a wealth of well-worn clichés for someone that runs consistently late to virtually everything, but let’s just say that by the time we finally made it down to the concert area, the Chicks were strumming the final chords of their last song.

So, this upcoming show is a chance to see them in their entirety this time, and now with my new-found love of the banjo, I’ll likely enjoy the show so much more. Thanks Hon!!

Today, well, today is also possession day. After months of living in a temporary accommodation, we are finally getting the keys to a house. We’ll get to see our personal belongings again. I am giddy with excitement. I am goofy with anticipation.

I am going to physio…

Chow for now!!

Having a bad hair day, which is ironic, considering how little I have left….

Not the greatest start to a Labor Day that hasn’t already been very good to begin with. First, we have discovered that we don’t get the annual Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy telethon here in our suite, so we miss that star-studded funfest for a good cause.

Then (and we had already heard about this last night, but it’s all over the news this morning) – famed animal expert Steve Irwin was accidentally killed while on vacation. What’s next?? A plague of locusts???

At least the weekend was not without some high points. We had some family stop by while on a little driving vacation of their own, although a week ahead of getting to see or stay in our new home. We had a chance to catch up a couple of times, and let me tell you, good times were had by all. What happens on vacation, stays on vacation…

So, today is officially our last full day here in what has come to stand in for a home the last few months, but with an elevator. We’ll still stay in for the next few nights, so we can keep up on Rockstar: Supernova, until we get our cable connected. As much as we look forward to having a roof of our own over our head, we ain’t missing our Supernova…

Well, back to the holiday programming. Local channels have “best of” breakfast broadcasting, and the major TV networks are featuring faceless weekend wonders, anchoring the stories of the day.

Chow for now!!

The humble toaster is one of the simplest appliances you’ll ever get to use. Pop in a piece of bread, whistle for a few seconds, and voila!! Toast!

We are on our second toaster in this suite of ours, and thank the stars that we are finally getting out of here, into our house soon. For a simple appliance, both of these toasters have offered up a reasonable amount of aggravation.

The last one, which we tried to hobble along with, toasted just one side of a slice of bread. Perfectly, albeit, but one side perfect, the other side still just bread made for an interesting breakfast. The bread side typically didn’t even get warm, often causing general confusion and distress to my highly-attuned taste buds.

We had hoped to get through the last few days of our stay by just ignoring this appliance anomaly, but the morning I buttered the wrong side of the end product, and my peanut butter just kind of lingered without melting in, I had it. I had my wife write a scathing note for housekeeping, demanding a toaster that was capable of browning BOTH sides of a slice of bread. I don’t think she even said “please”…

Within the day, we had a shiny new (new to us, but still old) appliance.

The replacement toaster started off with much promise. For a couple of days, I enjoyed some of the most professionally cooked toast I’ve ever had.

And now, I have masterfully built up the tension to today’s piece, inserted red herrings in my plot, and you are clearly awaiting the payoff – the curveball.

Sorry, the toaster is still working pretty damn well….

Chow for now!


Postscript: I've been informed that the note left for housekeeping was neither scathing, nor even all that serious in nature. It even had a happy face.

Ugh......

LOST:

-One set of marbles.

These marbles are used - well-worn. Not sure of the sizes, but I have to assume that they range from small to average.

The marbles were last seen…boy, that’s a good question…I’ll have to confer with the Mrs. there…

These marbles have great sentimental value, as I have had them since I was a young boy. Not always the most reliable marbles in the world, but my marbles nonetheless.

Should you come across these marbles, I am offering a reward of my deepest gratitude, and eternal thanks. I know it’s not much in the big scheme of things, but until I recover these marbles, it was the best I could think of. And you might not find them all in one place, as they have been rather scattered lately.

Help me recover my marbles. Keep a keen and vigilant eye as you go about your day. That shiny round object you might see sitting on your rumpus room sofa watching reruns of V.I.P. just might be one of my sorely-missed marbles…

Chow for now!!

Now that the entire Star Wars series of movies has wrapped up, I worry for Chewbacca.

You have to admit, any of the other actors should be able to find work without much trouble. Even Yoda. After all, who doesn’t need the occasional consult of a wise…man???

What’s the employment market like for a retired Wookie?? For one thing, how do these hairy dudes age?? Are they like humans or dogs? Or is it Wookie years, however the hell you’d figure that out??

Can he convert the advantage of his size to the football field, or is he too old? How many Wookies could it possibly take to change a light bulb, at his height?? Even so, what kind of market is there for gigantic, hairy light bulb changers??

I imagine Chewbacca could pose as the “before” pictures in electrolysis ads, but you’d have to find just the right model for the “after” picture to be convincing.

Does Chewie have a second wind in his career with this new TV show – “Celebrity Duets”?? I know he wasn’t ever much on coherent word use (“aggrrhhhggrrhhh” was his most common uttering), but how many three-syllable words would you need to know to front Van Halen??

With his substantial physique, Chewbacca could consider a career as a mover. He likely wouldn’t need any other helpers.

He might also make a pretty decent union negotiator. Who’d get lippy at a grizzly bear with decent posture and a set of ammo belts around his shoulders??

Help me out here folks. While other characters from the Star Wars series are making the talk show circuit, and appearing at dinner theatres in Moose Jaw and Minot, I see no Wookie anywhere. While other characters are dealing with snakes on planes, Chewbacca is conspicuously absent from the radar. Does Hollywood need another "Revenge Of The Wolfman" movie?? He'd be a natural!

If you can think of any employment options for a used Wookie, let me know, and we’ll post them here, and forward the best on to his agent.

Chow for now!!