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Saturday, October 31, 2009


Chicken Scratch

Halloween Apples!!”

“Trick Or Treat!!”

“Cash Or Gift Certificates – Keep Yer Cluckin’ Sunflower Seeds!!”

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Howdy, humans! Ole Charlie is here today, ta letcha preview his Halloween costume. I’m the pluckin’ Mummy – how bout THEM apples?? Spoooooooky…and quite skritchy, honestly...is this one-ply???

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Yeah, me and the little cluckers are lookin’ forward ta hittin’ the streets when the sun goes down. I for one am hopin’ it ain’t rainin’ or snowin’ – this toilet paper is gonna get mighty clingy if THAT happens…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

I had planned on goin’ as a turkey, but we already got one here in this house!

Ba-Doom-Boom! Here all week folks, try the veal…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

I better not fall asleep before all the trickery and treatery starts. Some big bonehead aroun’ here might mistake me for a roll a sumthin’ – and that could get ugly.

I’d hafta drop, cluck and roll pretty pronto!!

Better skitter – see what the cluckers are up to.

Cluck for now!!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Is it just me, or is it damn-near impossible to get “Use Somebody”, by The Kings of Leon out of your head???

Chow for now…

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Hey, the site visitor counter on my website mysteriously reappeared! I had feared that I would never see those little green digits again (there’s something you might only expect Miss Piggy to say…), but yesterday I noticed them back on my home page. C’est bon, c’est magnifique!!

Watching some “paid programming” at the moment – full-length commercials masquerading as TV programs that many networks used to banish to the wee hours of the morning, but now run even in prime day and weekend slots. This one is promoting the “Bullet Express” – a wonder of the kitchen.

Wow! A new snow shovel, or a “Bullet Express” – which one to get Mrs. That Dan Guy for Christmas???

It's a conundrum...

Help me out people - vote in the comments section.

Chow for now!!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

So, there’s this board/card game, called “Sequence”. Mrs. That Dan Guy and I had never heard of it, before my aunt and uncle came to stay with us a few weeks ago. They had talked about what a great game it was, so we picked it up, and played it several times before they left.

At the time, my general assessment was that this board/card game was like a hybrid version of Tic Tac Toe, Bingo, Strategy, and pointless boredom. If I had gone the entire rest of my life never playing it again, I would consider that no small success.

Yesterday, in a moment of utter boredom, MTDG and I decided to try playing it, just for shift and giggles.

Well, it turns out that I must have had some sort of latent, natural aptitude for the game. I was like the Tiger Woods of “Sequence”, thrashing MTDG mercilessly, game after game. I was a virtual juggernaut, incapable of losing, even though I did try to throw a couple of games, to help her redeem her self esteem. It was futile – I won those games as well.

Now, I must search The Google, to see if there is a future for me in this newfound sport. I’ve always felt like I was close to finding an endorsement deal…

Chow for now!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Cod-walloper…

I awoke this morning, stretched my still-sleeping arm out the front door to pick up the morning newspaper, and then discovered that we (Calgary) have been…BAMBOOZLED!!!

Burned. Screwed. Shafted. Pistol-whipped, covered in mayonnaise and left on an ant hill.

U2 is coming to Alberta, but they have mysteriously chosen to SKIP Calgary – the heartless bastards… What is up with that? I think I may just go back to bed…

Chow for now,

Heartbroken in Canada

Monday, October 26, 2009

My site is finally back up! It was restored sometime Sunday, although I have lost my site visitor stats. Ugh. Oh well, at least the dang thing is back – thank heaven for small miracles, and glazed doughnuts…

The cause of this whole kerfuffle was an equipment failure with my old webhost, causing them to transfer all their clients to a new hosting company. When I Googled my old host last week – well, they appear to have fallen into a deep dark crevasse online. It’s almost like they never even existed. If there’s any such thing as an online mafia, I’d be concerned that the company had been whacked in the middle of the night, and fitted for virtual cement overshoes - or whatever the current disposal fad may be for unsavory characters these days.

I guess now I can start to update/upgrade my website, to reflect upcoming changes – like links to this new podcast thing, and YouTube video snippets I plan on uploading. I’ve always been hesitant in the past, because the one time I did make a minor alteration before, I lost the entire site. Captain Technology I ain’t…

At any rate – www.nonsenseandstuff.com is now back, and this recent near-death experience has just confirmed that I need to start keeping it up.

More to come.

No moose to report – nor any other wildlife for that matter. Unless magpies are considered wildlife? Then we’ve seen some of those squawky birds.

Chow for now!!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

May have to find a new webhost. My website has been down for some time, and there appears to be no acceptable timetable for restoration. My original provider had some sort of equipment failure, but now they’ve transferred my account to a new provider – a provider that appears to be fine with leaving me in the lurch.

Wonderful…

Hey, I thought Charlie was supposed to post a column on Saturdays here – I don’t think he did yesterday. If it was him, there was some serious delusion at play.

**********************************************************

Do moose hibernate? Mrs. That Dan Guy and I are at some disagreement on this point. I figure we’re seeing so many because they’re stocking up on nuts and berries, before they head into their caves to hibernate for the winter. She thinks I’m nuts. The jury is out, I figure…

Chow for now (cheating, posting before we go to bed…)(so that we can sleep in, and not delay loyal readers from getting their fix…)!!

Saturday, October 24, 2009


Chicken Scratch

Free Ta A Good Home

One chicken, possibly some other feather-brained hangers-on. One chicken at least, fer sure.

Respectable, non-alcoholic, non-smokin’, god-fearin’ chicken seeks new home - away from snow and cold. Misplaced Visa and passport, but can easily cut cardboard to make Green Card. Hawaii seems like a perfect match.

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Enjoys readin’, long walks in the sun, and Marilyn Manson. Studying seminary courses, in between volunteerin’ at tha “National Institute For Clammy Hands”. Discrection is my middle name…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!!

Would still consider Canada, except anywheres it snows, rains, or ain’t 90° EVERY CLUCKIN’ DAY!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Shiver me cluckin’ timbers…

Cluck for now!!

(Website still down – this is NOT good…)

Friday, October 23, 2009

Potpourri

Wonderful. My website is still down. Hopefully you’re finding this today directly via Blogger, otherwise you’ll wonder what the heck happened…

I see on TV, radio, newspapers, transit bus shrink-wrapped panelling billboards, dirigibles, sky-writing, arrows with notes attached, carrier pigeons, flyers, town criers, illuminated sign boards, stadium scoreboards, tattoos, Morse code, and embedded into pop songs that Windows has unveiled their new, improved “7” OS.

Isn’t that special? Well, Windows, MY next computer AND the OS on it will feature a catchy Apple logo on it. So fooey on youey…

Last night, Mrs. That Dan Guy and I went for a walk along our forested pathway, as the snow has pretty much completely melted. Just about 15 minutes in, she spotted yet ANOTHER moose (that’s three we’ve seen there) tearing along a lower pathway, either in pursuit or retreat. We opted not to stick around and find out which – big as I am, I’d be no match for a charging moose…

Chow for now.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

PANIC ATTACK!!

My website is currently down, due to problems with the hosting site. Hopefully we're back up before too long. I'll keep you posted.

I imagine that earthworms must have an awfully hard time socializing. Unlike your average fish, which may live underwater but at least enjoys murky visibility, earthworms – live under the freakin’ earth!!

What can it possibly be like, burrowing around in bottom-soil all day and night? Are there earthworm bars where the little beggars somehow hook up, and pitch pickup lines at each other?

“Hey baby, crawl here often?”

“Oh, I’m sorry – I thought I WAS talking to your head…You know, having eyeballs might be helpful…heh heh heh…”

“I’d crawl on my belly just to get a single sniff of your mulch cologne – OK, so technically all I CAN do is crawl on my belly – what’s your point?”

Cell phone coverage must be a problem underground as well. If I were reincarnated as an earthworm, I’d have a hell of a time trying to get through a day without my Blackberry.

Hmm. Crazy topic, but I seem to have wormed my way out of finding a blog topic this morning, at least…

Chow for now!!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

There’s irony for you!

I had jotted down a note the other day to remember to post something here about my latest theory – a growing concern that I emit some sort of powerful magnetic interference. Which somehow kills batteries before their time. Just as I had turned on this little net-book that I use to post these columns, I received a message indicating I needed to plug the computer in – hence the irony reference.

This theory began with an older laptop, which started to show signs of shortened battery life, before it simply “expired” (battery-wise), operating only when plugged in. Then, the replacement computer (The Crapmaster Vista Experience) , which came with a spare battery featuring an alleged 4-hour battery life, slowly became lucky to limp along about 90 minutes if unplugged. Now, this wee processor has joined the fray, giving me less mobile time than it would take to brush your teeth in the morning.

Hence, I now believe that I emit some sort of field that kills batteries, or draws that electrical current into my own system somehow.

One more bullet in Mrs. That Dan Guy’s revolver with respect to donating my body to science, presumably AFTER I’ve expired…

Chow for now!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Over the last few evenings, Mrs. That Dan Guy and I watched an award-winning movie, which we had become aware of due to the Golden Globes & the Academy Awards – “Happy-Go-Lucky”. A hit U.K. film, the scenes they showed during the nominations looked interesting enough to draw us in.

Scenes can be so deceiving…

After starting the first half Sunday night, we both gave each other a look, and discovered we were on the same wavelength: “Where is this senseless piece of drivel going?” As a matter of fact, we both had nearly fallen asleep trying to follow the plot line, and planned on hitting the hay. As a matter of interest, we stopped it at one hour and eleven minutes in…

Then, a funny thing happened. Despite being groggy and bored to the point of almost passing out on the sofa, we caught the beginning of “Weeds”, the popular Showcase series we’ve just started to follow this year. We both came back to immediate life, and stayed up to watch the show – freakin’ hilarious, for the record.

Anyhoo…

Last night, we determined to stay the course, and finish that lousy movie. Even though the star (Sally Hawkins) won Best Actress for her role, the one that really deserved it was the actor who played the beleaguered driving instructor, whose character jumps off the screen as he’s fueled by some inner demon. Say, what is it about British people’s teeth? Just wondering…

At one point, Hawkins is in a rowboat. Rowboat #11. Go figure…

Can’t recommend this flick – unless you’re having trouble getting to sleep.

Chow for now!!

Monday, October 19, 2009

No Problem Coming Up With A Blog Topic This Morning…

Every time I get to feeling like we live in an ongoing live-camera sketch comedy show here in the Such Is Life household, events suddenly unfold that have me looking for the hidden cameras afterwards.

Take last night for example. Mrs. That Dan Guy and I were just getting ready to retire for the evening, when we both decided to peek out of our TV room curtains. As MTDG was walking away, I looked out, and spotted what looked like a coyote, loping down the lane across the street. As coyotes often do, being such serial lopers.

As I proclaimed my theory, MTDG raced back to the window and peeked out, just as said coyote had decided to come back out of the back lane, and lope along the road – right UP OUR DRIVEWAY!

In her excitement, she hollered out “where’s the camera?” Dutifully, I raced to get it, and decided it would be even better to record the little critter from…outside. As I bolted out our front door, camera enabled and hot in hand – MTDG yelped out that he (or she – hard to tell from the haircut these days) was now in the neighbour’s yard. I was not aware that she meant the neighbour over to the left – I just presumed that she meant the one on the right, closest to our front door. I tiptoed out, camera raised and at the ready.

That’s when I heard an animal rustle, and bolt away into our neighbour’s yard – right about the same time I realized I was out on our front lawn in my house coat, with a camera in my hand – the sudden movement essentially causing me to bolt back into the safety of our home myself. With the mental image of a presumably wild animal close by feeling she (or he – even men carry purses these days) might be feeling cornered, therefore combative. Me, with the recent scent of a fine dinner of roast beef and gravy emanating from my pores… I may have just barely escaped a gruesome fate!!

Back into the house, I was soon illuminated on the error in my thinking regarding the coyote’s location. So I realized I had probably startled a rabbit, which had likely been doing his (or her) best impression of a garden gnome while the coyote had been snooping around our yard.

MTDG lost sight of the coyote, and I had to think long and hard about the possible perceived optics of someone out in the street with a camera and a bathrobe, at midnight.

I swear, we live inside a sketch comedy show…

Chow for now!!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

I’m of the humble opinion that table salt enhances just about everything it touches.

You’re probably already familiar with how much more delicious fast-food French fries are, once covered in salt. The same thing can be said about:

· * pretzels,

· * potato chips,

· * peanuts,

· * meat,

· * potatoes,

· * gravy,

· * corn,

· * tomatoes,

· * soda crackers,

· * bread soaked in gravy,

· * eggs,

· * celery,

· * cucumbers,

· * chicken,

· * turkey,

· * anything fried in butter,

· * anything fried in butter, then soaked in gravy,

· * certain cereals,

· * one or two fruits at least,

· * water,

· * salt lick,

· * salt water taffy,

· * meringue,

· * language.

There’s probably more I’m not even thinking of, considering how early it is.

Salt – a taste bud’s bud!

Chow for now!!

Saturday, October 17, 2009


Chicken Scratch

Howdy, humans – Charlie here, getting’ ya prepped for tha enda tha month – even chickens got standards, ya know…

This Halloween, I hope to gitcha ready to provide only the TOP quality a snacks when yer handin’ out yer goodies – NUNNA that HOMEMADE CRAPOLA!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Yeah, I can barely scratch my red pointy thing on my noggin, when I thinka how many morons still insist on givin’ out CRAP at Halloween. Kids and chickens wait all cluckin’ year ta fill bags or pillow cases with TREATS, and some clown families out there ALWAYS insists on givin’ out sumthin’ healthy, or stoopid - like sunflower seeds. Do I LOOK like a pluckin' flowerbed???

If ya don’t wanna getta setta brass knuckles in yer kneecap, leave them “apples”, “popcorn”, or baggies filled with veggie sticks out in yer back yard, where the raccoons will GLADLY rip inta them. How can I say this politely…CANDY!!!!!!!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

I’m posin’ here with some simple exampulls of acceptable fare for my candy bag. Chocolate bars/candy kisses/rockets/Twizzlers/Candy Corn (pellets if ya can find ‘em)/Belgium chocolate – anything with enough sugar ta rot yer molars in under a week, if ya eat the cluckin’ stuff every day.

BUK-AAAAWK!!!

So, this year for Halloween folks – give a chicken (and the heavier kids in yer neighbourhood – heck, even the skinny ones will appreciate it) a break – hand out premium candy, and don’t be so pluckin’ stingy about it when ya do.

Remember, the Great Pumpkin will be watchin’…

Cluck for now!!

Friday, October 16, 2009

I will admit – I was always a big fan of the Monty Python Comedy Troupe (and maybe it is like Mrs. That Dan Guy suggested – “it must be a guy thing…” Huh...). When I noticed that there was a little reunion of sorts set to occur on “Late Nite With Jimmy Fallon” - well, I had to record it.

We watched the episode last night, and what a howl! Fallon lost all control as each member of Python aspired to outdo one another with hijinks – including at one point an impromptu fight with cups of water.

The stories told were fun, and even Fallon managed to rise to the level of his guests – although he should really consider giving up on his show-opening monologues – the man is NOT a stand-up.

I don’t know if you can download that episode from The Google, but you really should keep your eyes peeled for if it should repeat. Freakin’ hilarious.

Chow for now!!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

For Halloween this year, I think I’ll go trick or treating as either an ice cube, or a snowball.

I often wonder if folks get perplexed by a large, balding trick-or-treater at their door – but then I think about my pillow case full of delicious candy, and the bad thoughts go away…

Chow for now!!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it’s off to shovel I go…

Yes folks, once again we have woken to a hearty snowfall having fallen overnight, which just happens to be getting fresher by the minute – Mother Nature has a serious case of dandruff this morning.

So, unlike those adorable little dwarfs from the famous Snow White story, I will be gathering snowfall rather than diamonds, which have far more appeal to the cashier at the Blackjack tables.

Our only solace is that if our squatter gopher is still living beneath our front stairs, he’s stuck there now until spring. Happy hibernatin’, Herbie!!

Chow for now!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I thought some sort of “El Ninny-o” was supposed to bring us a mild winter this year? Despite those forecasts, we are experiencing colder than average weather for this time of year, and after I post this blather, I have to go shovel the driveway. We had a hefty drop of snow overnight. And Mrs. That Dan Guy is COMPLETELY ignoring my hints to head out and get started on the shoveling.

It thus falls on my (recovering from possible H1N1, food poisoning, rickets, exhaustion) shoulders, to make our driveway clear and safe.

Brrr…..

Chow for now!

Monday, October 12, 2009

What kind of Thanksgiving was THAT?

Just as I was digging into my turkey dinner last night, I had some degree of kickback from my digestive system (I should probably have warned you that this post may get a little gross…) – I thought maybe a bit of light indigestion. BEFORE the big meal. Oy!

After taking a break, I was able to soldier on and finish, but not too long thereafter certain uncomfortable bodily functions began to explode, somewhat literally, if you get my drift. That went on for the rest of the evening, overnight, and still so far this morning. Hence my late start, and delicate seating composure this morning.

Why? Why, I ask??

(No more) Chow, for now!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving (in Canada, at least)!!

Mrs. That Dan Guy and I will be feasting in royal style this year, thanks to an ingenious plan I concocted long before this weekend arrived.

About a month ago, I set up a birdfeeder in our backyard. I don’t know about your neck of the woods, but here we get LOADS of nuisance birds in our yards – most especially magpies. These neighbourhood vultures can’t be bothered to hunt like robins or falcons – they just rip apart garbage bags while they sit on the curb waiting to be picked up each week. I had become a tad fatigued with picking up garbage from my front lawn, after these pests had feasted on old coffee grounds.

So, I set up a birdfeeder, with little bags of garbage hanging from the sides, to especially encourage the participation of neighbourhood magpies. However, I laced the birdseed and garbage with Jack Daniels – and before too long, my backyard was literally strewn with an abundance of passed-out magpies.

One of the fatter ones is going to be the guest of honour at our Thanksgiving dinner tonight. His beak is now a bottle opener.

Mmmm Mmmm good….

Chow for now!!

Saturday, October 10, 2009


Chicken Scratch

GOOD MORNING, VIETNAMMMMMMMM!!!!

(Heh Heh Heh…)

I always wanned ta do that…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Yessir, boys and girls, ole Charlie is considerin’ getting’ inta the radio biz – an I think I may be a natural. I’m blessed with a strong set a pipes, and my cousin, Rusty Limbaugh, has done pretty good for hisself down in the ole U.S. a A.

I don’t mean ta “crow” about misself, but havin’ recently completed a online grammar course, I think I could be the suavest chicken on the airwaves – or with a bit a practice, maybe I could be the next Howard Stern! I could learn ta curse, or be ob-seen!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Man, imagine tha groupies a chicken could gather, if he wuz ticklin’ their earlobes over the airwaves!

I could be a mornin’ show host! It’s in our blood as chickens, even if those show-off roosters get all the glory. Who’dya think gets the roosters up on time for all that cock-a-doodle-doodlin’???

Well, it’s LADY chickens, let’s just set the record straight right now…

Pluck me…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

I better high-tail it outta here, and get back ta my vocal exercises. I’m workin’ on my low register this mornin’ – gotta get this pluckin’ phlegm outta my system…

Cluck for now!!

Friday, October 09, 2009

I think my butt is getting hairier…

I’m gonna have Mrs. That Dan Guy give me a detailed report.

Chow for now!!

Thursday, October 08, 2009

I’m thinking of applying to have “Murphy’s Law” renamed to something a bit more appropriate – such as “That Dan Guy’s Irrevocable Odds Of Absolute Worst Case Scenarios”. I don’t know if Murphy was ever as consistent as we seem to be.

Case in point – we decided to get rid of a second car that has been sitting out on our driveway for a year or so. Even not running it has cost us money, as the battery died of a broken heart (neglect), and had to be replaced. This car has been babied since we’ve owned it, we just didn’t have a reason to use it anymore.

However, when we came up with a reasonable price, we brought it in for a seasonal oil change and got a bit of bad news – the repairs that the beast unexpectedly needed exceeded our sale price expectations by a couple of hundred dollars. This from a car that has long been a guidepost for maintenance-free operation, and hasn’t been run regularly for at least two years.

Sometimes I think that if I bought a winning lottery ticket, the government would file for bankruptcy the next morning.

These are the mornings I want to punch Tony Robbins in the nose…

Chow for now!!

Wednesday, October 07, 2009



(This piece appeared in my Canadian newspaper column...):

Late Night, In The Afternoon

I had never been to New York City before, so when my wife and I planned an impromptu trip to The Big Apple recently, she made a request for tickets to attend a taping of the Late Night With David Letterman show. Despite our limited but hopeful expectations – we got a call, and correctly answered a Late Night trivia question – we were in! And as it happened, we were present for history being made, with guest Sir Paul McCartney appearing on the show for the first time in his career.

Even having pre-arranged tickets before leaving Canada, you can’t start to breathe easy until you’ve got the actual tickets in your hot little hands. Anything can happen – a freak infestation of holidaying killer bees, street vendor hot dog stand food poisoning, aging Paul McCartney fans threatening to pummel you with their Beatles memorabilia – it is a gauntlet of gnawing anticipation, as you watch the crowd gathering.

But wait – I’m getting ahead of myself! Before the show, we stopped in at Hello Deli, owned by Letterman recurring character Rupert Jee. His business was the trivia question I answered correctly, to get our tickets. It just felt proper to reward him by taking up space in his deli, to split a roast beef sandwich. I even kept his hand-scribbled note, indicating we ordered the “Brian” sandwich (although he should maybe have been a prescribing physician instead – it looks more he wrote “Pmai”).

After lunch, we finally began the lengthy queue to get those tickets in our hands, waiting to get into the Ed Sullivan Theatre – the very theatre that The Beatles, Elvis, heck - virtually every top performer of that era appeared. Just above us, on top of the Late Night marquee, Sir Paul was doing a sound check for a mini-concert he was doing as part of the show. “Get Back” – Holy Flashback of “Let It Be”, Batman!!! You got goose-pimples…

The process in the ticket line is a bit secret-agent-ish. You wait in one line, then get herded off to the other side of the street, while your heart sinks as you briefly believe that they are escorting you away from the theatre. Keeping your eyes peeled for gentlemen in pin-striped suits with cement buckets, you are relieved to discover that the next stop is the Roseland Theatre, directly across the street from legendary former New York disco Studio 54, where you are sorted by groups into more groups, to (at long last) find tickets to The Late Show in your sweaty palms. Your pulse soon returns to normal.

But, you’re not done waiting. Another line, this one under the marquee, where McCartney is rehearsing “Coming Up”. I hope it’s more like “Staying Up”, as that marquee looks awfully old…

Despite the charade, the show is taped in the afternoon, for broadcast later that night. You have never been so thankful for air conditioning as you are when you finally step foot into the theatre – sweaty goose pimples are considerably unsightly.

In the theatre, we ended up in the second row, just off to the side. We were about 5’ from announcer Alan Kalter – 20’ from Letterman himself while he was sitting at his desk with Sir Paul, after his opening monologues and silly bits. We had a clear view of The CBS Orchestra, and hammy cohort Paul Shaffer. The whole thing just made your head swim. Even more surreal, action star Bruce Willis strolled out to do the Top Ten List, of things he was doing that summer. Fine sense of humour, Mr.Willis. He turned up for the mini-concert afterwards, soliciting more photo ops – cameras not allowed IN the theatre, but free to snap on the street. A street full of happy snappers, there was…

Oh yeah, the concert – McCartney did a half-dozen songs, even though only two were broadcast as part of the show. Great blend of Wings, Fireman and Beatles stuff. The Late Night audience had a special viewing area, as the streets of Manhattan were literally swollen with McCartney fans.

So, not only did I attend a filming of David Letterman’s enduring show, I also had the opportunity to see Paul McCartney make his first-ever return visit to the site of one of the most memorable TV broadcasts of all time.

I have the feeling that getting a High Score on my Wii Bowling just won’t be the same anymore…

©Dan St.Yves 2009

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

OUR PATIO FURNITURE HAS BEEN STOLEN OVERNIGHT!!!

I looked outside this morning, and discovered that some heartless fiend has stolen our entire set of outdoor furniture, including our outdoor garbage can. What’s up with that?? Rat bastard!!

What?

We put it all away last weekend? Oh…that’s right…

Well, never mind then…

We’ll see it next summer…

Chow for now!

Monday, October 05, 2009

SEVEN!!

We made it!

Even though it seemed like all hope was gone, some unexpected strategic planning on our part allowed for our recent houseguests to become the first elder relatives to make it to all seven local casinos.

The winning strategy? The final casino is located right beside the airport, so on their way back home we were able to stop in just long enough to add it to the list, making a clean sweep of the facilities here. Funny, we couldn’t have been the only ones – plenty of other seniors were rolling luggage along the casino floor as well.

Hopefully they had as much fun here as we had hosting them. Arranging a morning snowfall was just one of the little extras we tried to add for authenticity of a prairie getaway. We didn’t expect it to still be falling though – have to talk to the event planners about that one.

Sure, they loaded their suitcases with our bathroom towels, but maybe it was time to replace those old things anyhow. We went through their wallets while they were sleeping, and now have sufficient funds to do that.

Life now returns to normal, or whatever passes for that here in the Such Is Life household…

Chow for now!

Sunday, October 04, 2009

FIFOOT comes to an end today, as our visiting family returns home later this afternoon, leaving one local sight (casino) on the table. In grand Calgary style, we have arranged for a fresh snowfall overnight, to remind them of why this ain’t Kelowna…

Yesterday a tuckered group hung out around Chez Such Is Life. We played more games, primarily “Sequence”, a game that the more you play, the more you wish you were being electrocuted naked in a wading pool. While sharks are gnawing on your legs. While falcons are pecking off your moustache, one hair at a time. I imagine we may have enough time to play a few more rounds before we head off to the airport.

On the sports front, what a start to the NHL season! Our Flames are two for two, as are the Canadiens. Not so much – the Vancouver Canucks. May be time to fire the coach, GM, and trade the goalie.

Oh yeah, finally – the legend of our uncle’s snoring. We’ve waited patiently these past few days, to no avail. Last night though, while watching the Calgary/Edmonton game, he drifted off into a light slumber, and Mrs. That Dan Guy wondered if a storm was blowing in. From downstairs she heard him. OK, maybe he DOES snore a tiny bit…

All in all, a great visit!

Chow for now!!

Saturday, October 03, 2009

(Charlie has been preempted, as we continue with FIFOOT Week coverage…)

It looks like we are poised to fail once again. Our second set of Family In From Out Of Town is running out of gas, just before the finish line. We’ve been to six out of the seven local casinos, but last night my aunt and uncle admitted – “we’re done” – they are “casino’d out” – they have "less interest left than a David Letterman extortionist".

Well, it wasn’t without fine, hardy efforts on all of our parts. Some days we were even forced to double up, hitting TWO casinos at a time. So close…so close…

We did end up putting them to work during their visit. Yesterday, I wanted to take our gazebo down before it rained (as forecast), so my uncle helped out with dismantling that. I figured that as long as I had a helper, I’d put the whole outdoor furniture and d├ęcor set away for the season.

Then, I remembered that my car needed a tune-up, and some light body work, so I showed him where the tools were. While he set himself into that effort, I had my aunt strip our hardwood floors (they’ve been kind of dull lately…).and refinish those while Mrs. That Dan Guy and I caught up on our napping. Hosting visitors is downright exhausting!

Today – we’ll get them to tackle the attic!!

Chow for now…

Friday, October 02, 2009

Day Three of FIFOOT (Did I say FIROOT yesterday? That makes absolutely no sense at all…).

We’ve made it to four of seven casinos so far, and have managed to consume several members of the animal kingdom in the process. Gambling seems to build a hearty appetite. Too bad it hasn’t built a hearty wallet at the same time…

Aside from that, I’m afraid I must admit that recently I was the victim of an extortion scheme, related to affairs with staff members here in the Such Is Life household. No, wait a minute – that was Letterman – we don’t have enough staff, unless you count the chickens. THAT would be seriously wrong…

Well, a bit of a late start to our day, what with game playing until the wee hours of the morning – better run so we can stay on schedule – three more casinos to go!! Maybe a few sights as well – who knows?

Chow for now!!

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Day Two of FIROOT (Family In From Out Of Town) went rather well, expanding on the success of Day One. Although we are now officially falling behind on our Casino Visit Schedule, despite Mrs. That Dan Guy’s House Guest Action Plan. We hope to get back on track later today.

While we were out at a casino located close to the Saddledome, we got caught in the traffic snarl (and man, was it snarlin’…) of the mobs leaving after hearing the Deli Llama speak.

Is that right? Deli? Llama?? I think it might be Dolly Rama??? Dally Lumbar??

Anyhoo – that cost us some valuable visiting time in traffic jams – which we filled with vigorous group sing-a-longs. Man, nothing warms the ear canals like a hearty rendition of “Kumbaya”, even if all four singers can’t find a single one of the proper notes…

After dinner, we learned a new game, apparently a game that has been passed down in the family, instead of the usual gas we’ve grown used to from some members. Not naming any names, “DP”!!!

The game is called “Sequence”, a combination of board and card games. Like Raisin Bran, it’s similar to “a whole lotta awesome”. We played teams, guys against the girls, and soundly thrubbed them. Repeatedly.

Chow for now!