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Friday, April 30, 2010



Last Snowfall Ever, For Our Gazebo

To quote some old poet (Amadeus?? Nipsy Russell?), “what fools we mortals be…”

Believing that even by Canadian standards, mid-April meant an end to winter, we foolishly chose to erect our backyard gazebo. There was an entire week of +20°C here in Calgary – we even managed to squeeze in a little barbecue one sunny afternoon.

Sure, there were still light snowfalls, as you can see from the pictures I posted a few days ago. Mrs. That Dan Guy and I got a big kick out of the snow gathered on the top of our Tiki torches.

Then, the weather turned. Back to what might be considered normal for a Canadian prairie town, even when the calendar indicates that it’s almost May. We got a blizzard.

A blizzard of record-setting proportions. And frankly, I don’t care if that’s not a nice way to describe a blizzard – not after what it did to our poor gazebo.

This blizzard raged overnight, but managed to wreak the most damage early yesterday morning. That’s when it dumped over a litre of snow on the canvas roof of our humble cabana.

Wait – that doesn’t sound right. Aren’t pop bottles about a litre?? Curse my lack of general metric knowledge…

At any rate, this aggressive blizzard dumped heavy, slushy snow, with a texture similar to wet cement, just before it hardens for all of eternity. The flimsy roof structure was no match, folding like a shrewd poker player holding a two and a seven off-suit. We were now the proud owners of a gazebo with a retractable roof. Although Humpty Dumpty’s horsemen gave it one look, laughed profusely, and galloped away without even quoting on putting it back together again.

As you can tell by the pictures, we’ll spend this weekend dismantling the deceased mosquito shelter.

If we ever decide to replace it, it’ll be a frosty Friday in August before we ever erect it before…well, August.

And a frosty Friday in Canada is always a distinct possibility…

Chow for now!!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Comic musical produces big laughs

Stage West Calgary review

Mel Brooks' "The Producers"

Hey, my review of Stage West Calgary's "The Producers" is now online, thanks to The Calgary Herald.

Check it out at:

Comic musical produces big laughs

And in the next day or so I should also have the interviews available for downloading from here, with director Lee MacDougall, and choreographer Timothy French.

Chow for now!!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

How many laps can a lap dog swim, before he begins to pant like an Irish wolfhound?

Do pants ever pant?

A person could get into some trouble with the law is there was a misunderstanding between throwing a wall up with your partner, or a wallop…

Not a bad name for a tribute band: “Ruse Springsteen”….

Can you train a train, or do they just now to stay on the tracks?

These are just a few of the things that make me go “hmmm”…

Chow for now!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

A so-so Eighted Press:

NEW!!

Amazing discovery – ordinary, everyday mundane task tightens butt, and builds rock-hard abs!

Scientists today have released the results of a study that should bring a smile to the face of couch potatoes everywhere. Simply by stretching occasionally during commercial breaks of your favorite TV shows is now deemed to help offset the effects of “seeming sedentary paralysis”, a condition most often associated with coma patients and Egyptian mummies.

And if you’re a sports fan, you’re going to get even more of a workout, cheering on your team, and shaking your fist at the officials’ ridiculous and clearly prejudiced decisions against said team. This will be limited in benefit if you live in a city WITHOUT a professional hockey team (for example), like Winnipeg, or Regina (just sayin’…).

Why spend money on expensive equipment advertised on late-nite TV, or risk your life by adopting some outrageous diet endorsed by a Hollywood semi-celebrity? Simply watch MORE TV, and stretch during every commercial break. You’ll be circulating vital blood to your organs, and chiseling your abs at the same time!

Can’t afford a “Magic Bullet”, or “Jazzy Juicer”? Who needs them? Shake a leg, or stretch your arms and watch how quickly you’ll be mistaken for Popeye the Sailor Man at the beach!

Even though this sounds too good to be true, and a regimen that even YOU could easily adopt, consult your doctor before adopting ANY lifestyle change or exercise program. Or before listening to The Jonas Brothers

Chow for now.

Monday, April 26, 2010



Yesterday’s dark and gloomy video didn’t do our poor, snow-covered gazebo justice. It didn’t help that I was too lazy to even open the screen door to the patio, making the video even less crisp and clear.

So, I present a daytime shot of snow in the springtime, of a gazebo insulated more for winter than open for the business of barbecues and afternoon siestas (writer breaks).

Hard to believe that beach weather is just around the corner. Unless you’re around the corner from Mazatlan…

Chow for now!!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

video

The image of a flickering Tiki torch conjures up a lazy beach, maybe a hammock and a cold beer, even swaying palm trees.

Except in Canada, most especially in our back yard at the moment.

A picture is worth a thousand words indeed. Press "Play".

Chow for now!!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger, Charlie Chicken…)

QUIET – CHICKEN AT WORK!

Yessir, boyz an gurlz – ole Charlie’s givin’ ya a peek at how these collectible gems is composed each week – on my approtriatley-sized computer. An the floatin’ back-up one.

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Yessir, every Saturday mornin’ I crawl outta my coop, brush what passes for my teeth, and grabba cuppa coffee. Then I boot up the ole hard drive, and go to my focus zone, where I come up with tha topics I write about every week.

Or, I steal ideas from Entertainment Tonight

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Who knows what will come out, on any given weekend mornin’? Will I confess to bein’ the mystery, as-yet unnamed fourteenth affair for Tiger? Will I be caught on tape without any underwear on? Was I the tattoo artist that decorated Bombshell McGee??

I’m a bird of many mysteries…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Like, where the pluck is my other sock?????????

Oh well, barefoot today, I supposes….

As ya might be able ta de-deuces, I ain’t really got a topic taday. Chalk that up ta a few fingers a tequila lass nite. Truth beak told, I almost feel like I got curly hair this mornin’. I ain’t feelin’ my prettiest.

More coffee…

Thas tha ticket…more coffee…

Cluck fer now!!

Friday, April 23, 2010

If you like to plan ahead, perhaps this will interest you. Here are a few suggestions for items you could surprise me with, for Christmas:

1) A chimichanga. I have no idea what it is, but I often hear the word on Taco Bell TV commercials. If it’s the sort of thing that doesn’t keep, or ship well, please just send along a gift certificate.

2) An archery set. I’ve always wanted an archery set, ever since I watched that Canadian cartoon, “Rocket Robin Hood”. Robin Hood in space, I kid you not – with a bow and arrow. Made perfect sense to me as a kid.

3) Anything with an Apple logo on it. Except an apple.

4) A partridge in a pear tree. That sounds like it would make a delightful combination, after an hour or so at 425°

5) World peas. You know, you always hear aspiring beauty contestants wanting those – I’ve had plenty from the local grocery store, and even the Farmer’s Market, but never from around the world.

6) A straight and narrow. I’ve heard of people being on it, but I’ve never seen one.

7) An ostrich. Man, does anything bring a smile to your face more than a scruffy-headed ostrich?

I’m sure I’ll think of more, but for now, at least you have an idea of my taste. Which clearly screams “no neckties, no socks”!

Chow for now!!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

I woke up this morning with the strangest craving for fried clams.

Which is not a good thing. Fried clams make me a bit of a travelling methane distributor. I get gassy, when I eat fried clams.

God Of Thunder I am, after a plate of fried clams…

So, why would I even consider adding fried clams into my metabolic process? Is there even such a thing as a metabolic process? Probably not, but that sounded a heck of a lot nicer than anything related to intestinal fortitude, or blasting caps.

Where can I get fried clams at this time of day?? It’s not like we have a package of Captain Highliner’s Fried Clams in the freezer. And what with this being the wind-swept, ocean-deprived Canadian prairies, I can’t just pull on my clam-diggers, and go dig up a handful of the little beggars.

Looks like toast again, this morning…

Sigh…

Chow for now!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


Well campers, here’s another link – this one is to a brief (5 minutes or so) excerpt from the presentation I made at the recent Canadian Diabetes Association’s 2010 Volunteer Awards. While I do start out by sharing a short piece about my volunteering there, it leads into a column from a few years back, “Diet Journal”. It’s worth a view/listen, if for no other reason than to gain the visual of myself in a Speedo.

Rats, did I just blow ANY chance you’ll view it??

Have a boo (no pun intended…):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfTJSNTSo4k

Chow for now!!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I put this up on Facebook a couple of days ago – it’s a link to one of two readings I did this past weekend.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ceaWYcCZlQ

This one is from the “Shining Stars” event, at the Alexandra Writers’ Centre here in Calgary.

Once I edit a bit from the Saturday reading, I’ll post that as well.

There you have it – if you want the funny this morning, you have to click on the link…

Chow for now!!

Monday, April 19, 2010


Stage West Calgary

Mel Brooks’ “The Producers

Lee MacDougall/Timothy French

The Monday Morning “Somebody-Asked-Me-To, So-Here-I-Go” Review: Stage West Calgary’s production of Mel Brooks “The Producers”.

Sold out performances. Appreciative audiences. None of these are elements that Broadway producer Max Bialystock is enjoying, at the point of his career that opens this hit Broadway musical – winner of a record 12 Tony Awards when it ran in New York City. However, it sure was something that Stage West was enjoying Sunday evening, when we took in their latest production. The place was packed, and the laughter was incessant.

A zany lampoon of show business, desperation, and outright lunacy, The Producers features sing-a-long ditties such as “I Wanna Be A Producer”, “Keep It Gay”, and of course, the hallmark showstopper nugget “Springtime For Hitler”. It doesn’t take much detective work to presume that this outrageous piece from the unique comedic mind of Mel Brooks has more in common with Monthy Python’s “Spamalot”, than it does with “Guys & Dolls”…

Directed here in Calgary (after a run in Mississauga) by acclaimed director, playwright and screenwriter Lee MacDougall (High Life), and his partner Timothy French (who choreographed the original Toronto run, and actually met Mr. Brooks on opening night), this is a fast-paced run through schemes and wild dreams – I mean, how often does Hitler sing and dance in musicals??

Loaded with highlight performances, there’s always one scene-stealer – in this case, Sheldon Bergstrom as the (semi) closeted Nazi admirer, whose play aimed at “clearing the Fuehrer’s good name” is chosen by Max and his newfound partner Leo Bloom, to be a sure-fire flop. This gentleman absolutely embraces the wackiness of his role, and with rich robust vocals stands out – not an easy task when there are a number of capable actors handling roles that are manufactured to stay with you, after the curtain falls.

I had a chance to sit down with the director, and hopefully over the next week I'll have that interview available for my "Talking Theatre With" series - I'll post a link when that's ready.

“The Producers” runs until Sunday, June 13th.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Hey, I was going to post this tomorrow morning, but I'll have my (unofficial, pre-Calgary Herald version) review of Stage West Calgary's "The Producers" - the Broadway hit by Mel Brooks.

So, I'll add it in to today's post - here's a link to a reading I did Friday night:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ceaWYcCZlQ

Looks like it may need to be pasted into your browser....

Chow for now (again...)

It’s been a busy weekend here, in the Such Is Life household.

Well, outside the household, actually.

Friday night, I was part of a group of accomplished writers reading from their work at “Shining Stars”, a special event arranged by the folks over at Alexandra Writers’ Centre Society. That was a terrific evening, and kudos to everyone involved in arranging that soiree…

Yesterday afternoon, I was the guest speaker at the annual Canadian Diabetes Association Volunteer Appreciation event – another grand time. I did a half hour presentation that I may post if either the audio or video works out.

We followed that up by racing over to be part of a surprise 40th birthday party for a friend.

Tonight, we are off to Stage West, to view the latest production there – Mel Brooks “The Producers”. I’ll have a review both here and in the Calgary Herald over the next few days.

In addition to all that, I’ve started interviews with the director and choreographer of the show, which will end up in my “Talkin’ Theatre With” audio series, which you can link to from those notes further down over to the left, in my profile.

I may do another interview with the director, who happens to be acclaimed playwright/screen writer Lee MacDougall, who has gained loads of positive press for the film release earlier this year of one of his own plays. Which is “High Life”, co-starring one of my old amigos from Winnipeg, the talented Stephen Eric McIntyre.

It is a small world, after all….

Chow for now!

Saturday, April 17, 2010


Chicken Scratch

(pecked out with one bony claw by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken…)

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Howdy, humans!

Ole Charlie is heer taday ta share his thoughts on the mose inmportint meal ov tha day – breaksfast.

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

My docter sed I needed more fibre in my diet, which makes me think he’s a bigger quack than I gave him credit for. All I eat is pellets and chicken feed!!

OK, and beer.

Maybe a glass or two a whiskey, here an there…

An potato chips…

Well, mebbe I DO need to eat better, a bit.

Whatever – as you can see by this box a Kellhogs “Bran Shavings” I’m, standing beside, I’s completely committed ta healthy eatin’.

Committed is mebbe a word I should refrain frum usin’…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Cluck fer now!

Friday, April 16, 2010

Cool…

Check this out – there’s a flashing vertical bar on the page here, that’s moving along the page every time I touch a key on this here computer keyboard!

It’s like a chicken on the farm, that hustles off whenever you try and invite it in for “dinner”.

Can anyone else see this? Does anyone else experience this when they type on a computer??

It’s like a nubile young office assistant, scrambling to avoid her lecherous boss at an office Christmas party.

It’s actually a bit like me, scrambling to avoid Mrs. That Dan Guy when she’s gotten it in her head to do something else around the house…

Hey, if you’re in the Calgary area, I’m part of a group of readers tonight, at the Alexandra Writers’ Centre – this is going to be a great night of accomplished writers reading from their work – and I'll be there too! Check it out:

http://www.alexandrawriters.org/shiningStars_Poster.pdf

Be there, or be spare.

Chow for now!!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Thursdays are always a challenge for me, when it comes to posting here. I have an early start to my day, so there are only a few free moments before I have to get into gear, and get ready to leave. I barely have time to think of even basic drivel!!

So, I have gone waaaay back into the archives, and dug up an old column. Like, 7 years old!!

Enjoy:

How To Write A Hit Song!

I’m sure that when songwriters sit down to create a song that they hope will be incredibly popular and have a long shelf life, they go through a hit-and-miss process of eliminating lyrics that just didn’t have the impact they were initially hoping for. No matter how gifted a songwriter might be, there are bound to be dud lines that they eventually determine will never work.

Or, you could be Justin Timberlake, and nobody will care.

Back in the old days (from the invention of the Kazoo, up to and including the very first Karaoke evening), recording artists were judged by their combination of songwriting skills, and prowess on an instrument. It may have been piano, guitar, and even once in a while, flute (yeah, flute…go figure) but recording artists became just as famous for writing songs as performing them.

That doesn’t mean to say every attempt went straight from the written page to the recording studio. Many well-intended writing efforts fell victim to some degree of editing, and lyrics considered most excellent while under the influence of a variety of experimental medications became clearly ill conceived in the cold light of day.

Here’s a few examples from an old Paul Simon song:

50 Ways To Leave Your Lover (The failed rhymes, 17-35)

17) Ya gotta find a new home, Jerome

18) Forgot to use proper hygiene, Eugene.

19) Time to move to Miami, Sammy.

20) Got caught with your pal, Hal.

21) It’s not appropriate to sing, King.

22) Better wear a toque, Duke.

23) You should have been hipper, Flipper.

24) One last twist of the dial, Kyle.

25) Make your way with zeal, Neal!

26) Looks like rain, Shane…

27) Drive away in your Primus, Linus.

28) Take some melon, Helen.

29) You should gargle with Scope, Hope.

30) Try winter apparel, Cheryl.

31) Wear a nice dreth, Beth.

32) Run away with the bartenda, Brenda.

33) Give it a whirl, Pearl.

34) I caught you with Greg, Peg.

35) Don’t forget your i-pod ™, Ichabod.


(Chow for now...)

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

HBO’s “Treme” – New Orleans

I’m not sure why I like “Treme”, the new HBO series set in New Orleans so much. Could be the music, which plays a role in the show, much as it does in the city itself. Could be the cast, which boasts stars from the big and little screen – including John Goodman, Steve Zahn, and CSI’s Khandi Alexander.

It could be the storyline, which has done a pretty good job in the first episode of relaying the mood in the city, post-Katrina. Having been toured through some of the hardest hit areas of the city a couple of years ago with a group of fellow newspaper columnists, the storyline does a nice job of conveying the mood of residents as they sort through the wreckage, and try to restore any sort of order to what used to be their lives.

I don’t appear to be alone in my interest – HBO renewed the show after the first episode, based on ratings and positive feedback. As the characters flesh out, it will be interesting to see what direction this new series takes. I’m already a fan of Zahn’s heartfelt disc jockey/musician character, and John Goodman looks to be chewing up the screen convincing anyone willing to listen that the disaster was as much a conspiracy as it was a tragedy – part of what makes the real-life recovery efforts so frustrating.

If you missed it, you can catch reruns, or jump in when the second episode runs. The show is as addicting as the city it’s based on.

For now, this is one new series we’ll be looking forward to each week, here in the Such Is Life household.

Chow for now!!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Bingo

Bongo

Bunko

Plinko

Plunko

Me Oh My Oh…

Chow for now-o…

Monday, April 12, 2010

Sigh…

I should think twice, before I whine here online.

I make one lousy comment about the snowfall the other day, and awake THIS morning to yet another snowfall – not only that, we may continue to get snow until later in the week.

I made a note to pick up some of the lawn furniture yesterday, then made an executive decision to just leave it out. Like other aspiring executives (fictional, of course), Donald Trump would look at the merits of that decision, and bluntly tell me that I was fired.

So, now I just have to cross my fingers, and hope that wet rot doesn’t set in on the fabric of our chairs, or that an elk doesn’t thrash through the outdoor set whilst migrating through the snow.

Some day, spring will really arrive, and leave this weather behind (or at least leave it in Winnipeg and Regina, where it belongs…).

Till then, I’ll just have to offer Mrs. That Dan Guy my sincerest moral support, as she shovels the driveway yet again…

Chow for now!!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Hey – it’s the 11th!

I’d better throw some salt over my shoulder…

The 11th…someone appears to have attached a jet-pack to April’s back – before we blink, it’ll be May. Of course, if we blink fast enough, the snow will melt and spring may actually arrive.

So far, even though we’ve set up our outdoor yard space, we’ve only been able to look longingly at it (covered in snow) from our patio door. It might have been smarter to just set up our lawn chairs in the kitchen, facing the backyard. Create an illusion, so to speak.

With a really, really long stick, we could roast wieners on the BBQ, and on the plus side, the mosquitoes would be trapped outside, trying to draw blood from Frosty.

Perhaps we were getting ahead of ourselves. One nice day early in the year in Canada certainly doesn’t necessarily signal Speedo weather.

But I was thinking it might be safe to pack our earmuffs and toques away…

Chow for now!!

Saturday, April 10, 2010


Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken…)

Oy…oy vey…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Greetin’s, my mammally amigos – ole Charlie’s got hisself inna bit uva pickle this mornin’…

This poorly shot camera phone pitcher doesn’t really do justice ta my pree-dickymint.

I got pinched by da coppers lass night, tryin’ ta sneak inta a barenaked ladies show.

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

An ta make matters worse, my cell-mate “Tiny” overnight tole me that “barenaked ladies” is a muzik groop, NOT at ALL what I had expected…

Cluckin’ heck…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

So, now I find myself in the aaawk-ward sitch-ee-ashun where I need ta ask a small favour uv ya. It ain’t that big really – just a small amount a bail money.

An fast – por flavor!

Long as I stay on the side that Tiny’s missin' eye, I think he forgits that I’m here.

But when he does spot me with his good eye…..

Pleez..I begga ya!

Help a chicken out here.

Outta here…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Cluck fer now…

Friday, April 09, 2010


Oh, what fools we mortals be…

Having an extended stretch of nice weather the past few days, and noting on something called a “calendar” that it was almost mid-April, Mrs. That Dan Guy and I recently decided to put up our backyard gazebo, and outdoor lawn furniture.

Yesterday, we actually reached a high of somewhere between 12 - 14° Celsius. That’s nice even by Canada’s typically frosty standard.

Well, just before dinner time (supper in many areas of the country), it started to cool rapidly, and it turned downright ugly outside. That was the forerunner to a snowstorm of biblical proportions – like when Moses rained down a plate of locusts on Sodom and Tomorrow.

Our windows facing the wind were caked in a sheet of ice, and power failed briefly…just enough to miss a critical moment in the slow-moving action series “FlashForward”. Our gazebo and lawn furniture (pictured) became encased in ice and snow, and even though I covered the nicer furniture inside the gazebo, the winds blew that covering off – forcing me to don my rain slicker and boots, corn-cob pipe, and brace myself against the gale to re-cover the set of furniture.

This morning, I will have to go shovel my driveway. In the spring. In Canada…

Chow for now…

Thursday, April 08, 2010

The internet is a vast and often surprising space. Twice, in the many years since I first began to enjoy the occasional online surf or two, I’ve entered search criteria that has returned frightening results.

Once was when I was foolish and innocent enough to enter “Snow White”, for a newspaper humour column I was writing a few years back. You’d assume either results that were as wholesome and pure as the famous character herself, or at least a reference to the Walt Disney movie.

El-wrong-o, Breakfast Biscuit Breath!

What I had returned from my search was an ocean of adult film references, which apparently enjoy word play on pop culture themes. Aye Caramba! My eyebrows got a workout THAT morning…

The second time (you’d think I had learned some small dollop of discretion after the first out-of-bounds surfing safari), I was doing a Christmas column, and couldn’t think of a popular “hot” male star – like a George Clooney, or Brad Pitt (at the time). So, and I kid you not, I entered “hot male film stars” into Google. God have mercy on my soul…

The pop-up screens (kind of appropriate now that I think about it in retrospect) that quickly appeared faster than I could close them would have put a late-nite Viagra commercial to shame. I never did find a single result that I could use for that column – but I was able to eventually disarm my search engine. And that experience became a better column than the Christmas one turned out to be.

All this of course is a build-up to mere moments ago, when I willfully entered “butt seam” into a Google search. That’s a carpet-laying term (again, exercise caution…) I presumed would give me a few giggles to share with you this morning.

Ha! It is to laugh…

http://www.google.ca/search?sourceid=ie7&q=butt+seam&rls=com.microsoft:en-ca:IE-SearchBox&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&rlz=1I7ACAW_en&redir_esc=&ei=ybq9S5iMO4f-sgPehsnGBA

I entered “butt seam”, and was thwarted. Enter “pure as the driven snow”, and you get some 70’s adult film starlet.

I just can’t win when it comes to modern technology…

Chow for now!!

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Spring has pretty much sprung, around here at the Such Is Life household.

Sprung. Now there’s an interesting word. Makes you think of either a wound-up watch, or a jungle panther. Or a springy sponge. Or a breakfast cereal – why hasn’t some advertising Brainiac ever thought to link up “Sprung” with a peppy fibre treat??

Spring certainly pales in comparison to sprung, even from the practical application of the word. Spring sort-of lies there, like an expended Slinky, while sprung practically simmers with latent potential. Or at least more than spreng might. I don’t think spreng would ever catch on as a replacement option for sprung.

Nor would sprong, which frankly sounds an awful lot like those things on the wheel of a bicycle, or the stabby parts of a fork.

I feel like I’ve gotten off topic – so far off topic that I don’t even remember what the freakin’ topic may have been…

Oh well, that’s spring for you…

Chow for now!

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Once upon a time, there was a gem, named Tuesday.

She moved away from home.

Her parents said: “Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday”.

The End.

(I think I’ve run out of gas with these fractured fables…)

Chow for now!!

Monday, April 05, 2010


Happy Holiday Monday, K-Mart Shoppers!!

Well, I know that this product isn’t even available in Canada yet, but is it too late to launch “i-Pad Quest, 2010”, yet??

Check out the latest (fantastic, spectacular, brilliant, dazzling, useful, sizzling, arousing, desirable) product to roll off of the Apple assembly line:

http://www.apple.com/ipad/guided-tours/

It’s a book reader, it’s a smart-phone on steroids – it’s a mini-laptop – it’s a goddam Ringling Brothers of technological wonder, in your hands. And I haven’t even held one yet!! THAT’S the power of Apple!!

So, if you’re wondering how you might be able to help celebrate Such Is Life landmarks like “loading a blog before Noon”, or “not mentioning Barry Manilow or Celine Dion” for over a week – THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT!!!

i-Pad Quest, 2010” – The greatest, noblest quest of them all….

Chow for now!!

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Once upon a time there was a rabbit. A rabbit conceived in Ontario (Canada), prompting his parents to call him “Easter”. What, you’ve never named a child for the city or location where you made the whoopee that conceived the little beggar??

Easter grew up with a reputation for being speedy (now, even though this is a rabbit we’re talking about, we may not necessarily be talking about what you’re thinking about - get your mind out of the gutter…). So speedy in fact, that he often challenged all his little forest buddies to foot races. He made a tidy sum from betting on his own wins. Lean and spry, Easter often won the foot races, which on occasion had the added element of survival, when it was a coyote hot on his bunny tail. Or bunny trail…

Frustrated by the winning streak of their pal Easter, and frankly more than a bit concerned that steroids may have been involved in the continued pattern of race wins, his forest pals conspired to set up ole Easter for a surprise. They advertised on Craig’s List for a ringer – an animal athlete that would completely take Easter by surprise. Their plan came to fruition when the ad was answered by Turbo Turtle – a speedy tortoise with an unassuming manner, and one lazy eye. But fast feet.

Feeling completely confident, Easter agreed to a race, and bet heavy. To make things interesting, a side bet was placed, seeing as how he would be racing a slow old turtle. Easter would have to carry a basket of decorated eggs, and distribute them to spectators along the way. Not only did Easter agree to this unique aspect, he was so overconfident, he boasted that he could even beat the turtle while hopping along IN the basket!!

Well, Turbo started to crawl along when the starter pistol fired (killing an owl directly in the line of fire – prompting race officials to adopt blank shells for the next race), and Easter bolted along the path – tossing out eggs to young bystanders.

After about halfway along the course, with no turtle in sight, Easter dumped the eggs, and as promised, hopped right into the basket. That was when a blazing blur of turbo-charged turtle blasted by, scorching Easter’s fur with sheer velocity. Turbo won, and Easter lost his life savings.

Which just goes to show, if you want to be a winner in life, don’t keep all your legs in one basket.

Chow for now…

Saturday, April 03, 2010


Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken…)

Happy Weekend, mammals! Ole Charlie would like ta talk taday about estate plannin’ – gettin’ yer fairs in order. Or, “How Ta Size Yer Pine Box”…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

First off, when plannin’ yer final nap space, ya needs ta be shure that the compartmint is of sufficient sizeage, so as ta accommodate yer entire…ah…girth. Oh sure, yer options is ta fold yer legs – ya certainly won’t be gettin’ a cramp after ye’ve expired. He He He…long as ya don’ unexpectedly wake up!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Second, ya needs ta ensure tha afford-a-bility of tha container. This is where ya can save a few bucks by recyclin’ things around tha house – like lumber from around a flower bed, or cardboard that ya save from like…a big screen TV, or several cases a Campbell’s Soup.

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

This of course prezooms that ya ain’t gonna just end up inna urn – after getting’ yer goose good and cooked. Then, ya can end up in a toothpaste container, or a larger, “Hungry Man” can a Campbell’s Soup (hmm…I oughta get a few bucks fer all this promo here…)

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Finally, ya need ta consider what yer gonna wear fer alla eternity. Me, I intend on goin’ in just like that ole adult film star of the Eighties – Buck Nekked. I will bee-queeth my wordly goods as parta my estate – mebbe Cornelius will wanna cherish my bow tie collection.

Well, those are summa tha key elements a my estate plannin’ tips – hope that helps if the cold hand a death is grippin’ yer shoulder, or ya just wanna be prudent, and planna head.

Oh yeah…Happy Easter!!

Cluck fer now!!

Friday, April 02, 2010

I don’t know why, but it feels like a good day today. I think this could be a good Friday…

Speaking of good, is gooda cheese really all that gooder than any other choice? I think not, personally…

I may be out of my gourd occasionally, but as of this moment, I think I’m not out of my good…

After breakfast, I’ll be good to go.

It’s good to be king. It’s also good to be kong.

Will good fish ever catch on, as much as goldfish have??

I’m reading a new motivational cook book about cheese preparation: “Good To Grate”.

Thank Good It’s Friday…

I think I’m starting to run out of these silly bits…

I know…that’s good…

Chow for now!!

Thursday, April 01, 2010




Late Late Show Craig Ferguson Peabody Award

Hey, congrats to one of our favourite late-nite TV hosts, here in the Such Is Life household – Craig Ferguson, host of The Late Late Show on CBS recently won a Peabody Award for one of his shows in 2009:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100331/media_nm/us_peabody

How did he celebrate the announcement? By appearing as “Mr.Wavey”, his popular crocodilian hand puppet character to open the show last night.

Good fun!!

Hey, on a less impressive note, my national real estate column is online for April, with a peek at my original business card. It may be intended for the real estate community, but I think there’s enough broad strokes to the average person to enjoy:

http://www.remonline.com/home/?p=5159

I don’t think I have a future in marketing…

Chow for now!!