Thursdays are always a challenge for me, when it comes to posting here. I have an early start to my day, so there are only a few free moments before I have to get into gear, and get ready to leave. I barely have time to think of even basic drivel!!

So, I have gone waaaay back into the archives, and dug up an old column. Like, 7 years old!!

Enjoy:

How To Write A Hit Song!

I’m sure that when songwriters sit down to create a song that they hope will be incredibly popular and have a long shelf life, they go through a hit-and-miss process of eliminating lyrics that just didn’t have the impact they were initially hoping for. No matter how gifted a songwriter might be, there are bound to be dud lines that they eventually determine will never work.

Or, you could be Justin Timberlake, and nobody will care.

Back in the old days (from the invention of the Kazoo, up to and including the very first Karaoke evening), recording artists were judged by their combination of songwriting skills, and prowess on an instrument. It may have been piano, guitar, and even once in a while, flute (yeah, flute…go figure) but recording artists became just as famous for writing songs as performing them.

That doesn’t mean to say every attempt went straight from the written page to the recording studio. Many well-intended writing efforts fell victim to some degree of editing, and lyrics considered most excellent while under the influence of a variety of experimental medications became clearly ill conceived in the cold light of day.

Here’s a few examples from an old Paul Simon song:

50 Ways To Leave Your Lover (The failed rhymes, 17-35)

17) Ya gotta find a new home, Jerome

18) Forgot to use proper hygiene, Eugene.

19) Time to move to Miami, Sammy.

20) Got caught with your pal, Hal.

21) It’s not appropriate to sing, King.

22) Better wear a toque, Duke.

23) You should have been hipper, Flipper.

24) One last twist of the dial, Kyle.

25) Make your way with zeal, Neal!

26) Looks like rain, Shane…

27) Drive away in your Primus, Linus.

28) Take some melon, Helen.

29) You should gargle with Scope, Hope.

30) Try winter apparel, Cheryl.

31) Wear a nice dreth, Beth.

32) Run away with the bartenda, Brenda.

33) Give it a whirl, Pearl.

34) I caught you with Greg, Peg.

35) Don’t forget your i-pod ™, Ichabod.

(Chow for now...)