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Thursday, April 08, 2010

The internet is a vast and often surprising space. Twice, in the many years since I first began to enjoy the occasional online surf or two, I’ve entered search criteria that has returned frightening results.

Once was when I was foolish and innocent enough to enter “Snow White”, for a newspaper humour column I was writing a few years back. You’d assume either results that were as wholesome and pure as the famous character herself, or at least a reference to the Walt Disney movie.

El-wrong-o, Breakfast Biscuit Breath!

What I had returned from my search was an ocean of adult film references, which apparently enjoy word play on pop culture themes. Aye Caramba! My eyebrows got a workout THAT morning…

The second time (you’d think I had learned some small dollop of discretion after the first out-of-bounds surfing safari), I was doing a Christmas column, and couldn’t think of a popular “hot” male star – like a George Clooney, or Brad Pitt (at the time). So, and I kid you not, I entered “hot male film stars” into Google. God have mercy on my soul…

The pop-up screens (kind of appropriate now that I think about it in retrospect) that quickly appeared faster than I could close them would have put a late-nite Viagra commercial to shame. I never did find a single result that I could use for that column – but I was able to eventually disarm my search engine. And that experience became a better column than the Christmas one turned out to be.

All this of course is a build-up to mere moments ago, when I willfully entered “butt seam” into a Google search. That’s a carpet-laying term (again, exercise caution…) I presumed would give me a few giggles to share with you this morning.

Ha! It is to laugh…

I entered “butt seam”, and was thwarted. Enter “pure as the driven snow”, and you get some 70’s adult film starlet.

I just can’t win when it comes to modern technology…

Chow for now!!

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