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Saturday, December 31, 2011


Chicken Scratch

(posted by suave weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

Happy New Year, Hoomans!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Se ya next year, suckers!!

Cluck fer now...

Friday, December 30, 2011

Hmmmm.....

Posting this from my Windows Vista (blech) computer today, as I am downloading free i-Tunes content from the "12 Days Of Christmas" feature offered by The Calgary Herald (and their affiliate newspapers across Canada - check it out in your own neighbourhoods!)

A nice treat these free downloads, but today's is likely going to take the entire day, as several are HD video files, well over 1G each! With our internet provider's sneaky downgrading of streaming speeds (what? no, not us!!), it is taking longer than ever - way longer than last year - if you care to deny that this is a ploy to get us to upgrade (NOTE: big surprise for you in the new year, cable goons...).

So, I have reluctantly fired up Vista, and hope I can just make it through one simple post without having to reload the entire system.

On a positive note, I am using Google Chrome - can't say enough about how much better this browser is than Explorer - especially the latest version of it. Almost makes you want to stay with Windows.

Oh, that's right - I use it on my MAC - Sayonara, sucker! Apple me up, Scotty!!

Chow for now..

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Hey? Where did all the Xmas music go, on the radio? What's up wit dat??? Nothing left now but to wait for the return of the Shamrock Shake....

Another late post. Well, after the first week of the new year, things should get back on a more stable track. Perhaps stable isn't the best choice of words regarding these posts. Oh well - they will likely begin to appear earlier again.

Mrs That Dan Guy has officially wrapped up Job #1 - NO MORE LATE NIGHTS!! (unless of course we are out getting into trouble...) Wahoo!!

Although, now I can't watch Showcase, or the French channel, whilst awaiting her return. Not a bad trade-off I suppose.

And. we're both off today. What adventure awaits???

Chow for now....

Tuesday, December 27, 2011



Flawtography By Dan” - Episode #013

Santa Dan

A few years ago, I played Santa for a small company’s Christmas party. They provided the costume (rental), but I had little experience with the dang thing.

As you might tell, considered I spray-painted my own mustache. If you click on the picture, you will see there is an actual mustache, and opening for my mouth.

Costume 1, Santa Dan 0

Please, ask permission if you plan on using it anywhere...

Chow for now!

Monday, December 26, 2011

I am informed that I had forgotten to blog today. This apparently is entirely true.

I was tied up in a little pre-New Year expunging (not THAT sort of expunging, Mrs. That Dan Guy!). As a umm...avid...collector, I tend to accrue. Books, magazines, albums.

Newspapers, clippings, flyers - anything that might one day prove useful and/or profitable. Today, I am expunging what (after a dozen or more years of herding around from province to province) I deem now to not be profitable. Magazines that have shuttered, newspaper articles on computer operating systems long defunct - vital information at the time, but seeing s how it is unlikely I will return to Windows '95...

Although...

It is a tiresome task, let me tell you - hundreds of issues of Book, a supplement to the Globe & Mail. I was sure that one day I would find these invaluable. Now, I find them to be hernia inducers. Begone, Book - to the recycling bin we shall go!

Well, I think this qualifies as a blog post. So there...

Chow for now!

Sunday, December 25, 2011

I HATE COMPUTERS
I HATE COMPUTERS
I HATE COMPUTERS
I HATE COMPUTERS
I HATE COMPUTERS
I HATE COMPUTERS
I HATE COMPUTERS
I HATE COMPUTERS
I HATE COMPUTERS
I HATE COMPUTERS
I HATE COMPUTERS

(MERRY CHRISTMAS)

I HATE COMPUTERS
I HATE COMPUTERS
I HATE COMPUTERS
I HATE COMPUTERS
I HATE COMPUTERS
I HATE COMPUTERS

(And A Happy New Year)

Special Xmas Feature:

http://www.remonline.com/home/?p=4173

Chow for now...

Saturday, December 24, 2011


Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

"O Chrssmas Tree, O Chrssmas Tree..."

HIC!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Say, wattaya think they put in them eggnog toddies??

HIC!!

An why is that tree spinni'??

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Hey, who let tha bats in in??

Beat it, birds - ya bother me!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

"Don We Now Our Grey Apparel..."

"Fa La La La La...HIC!!!!

Pardon me. I think ma throat is bakfirin'...

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

"Rockin' Aroun' Tha Chrssmas Tree, Have Holly Up Yer Butt"...HIC!!!!

Whoa! Someone getta grip on that cluckin' tree!!

Bartebdner!! Another nog, por favor!! Chuckie needs ta keep hydrated!!

HIC!!

Pluck me....

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Merry Chrssmas, one and all! I think I need ta lay down...

Cluck fer now...

Friday, December 23, 2011

Whoops!

Just remembered I hadn't blogged yet today.

BLOG BLOG BLOG BLOG BLOG.

And furthermore....

BLOG BLOG BLOG BLOG BLOG.

In conclusion,

BLOG BLOG BLOG BLOG BLOG.

Thank you.

Chow for now!!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

I've only got a few free minutes, so I apologize if this seems rushed. Playing catch-up today, mustard been otherwise occupied the past few days (yuk yuk yuk...).

I may even try and do another, far more informative post later today after I'm done running around, but don't bet the farm on that.

Wait, if you were interested in betting the farm, I can lay some odds for you. Cash only.

Let's talk...

Chow for now.

PS - My latest audio interview, with Philly musician Pete Donnelly is shortly going to break the record long held by a Canadian musician (Nicholas Fera). Stay tuned!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

HOT OFF THE PRESS!!

My audio interview with Philly recording artist and musician Pete Donnelly.

My first-ever post (and loaded podcast) on Google Chrome - SAYONARA EXPLORER!!!

http://thatdanguy.libsyn.com/webpage/talkin-with-musician-pete-donnelly-part-one-

More to follow - this is a great piece, if I do say so myself...

Chow for now!!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

On a moment buoyed by a gusting swell of euphoria, we decided to treat ourselves to a modest dinner out last night. At a modest little restaurant.

The sort of restaurant where well-intended servers go about their business, making judgement calls in the course of their day based on observations.

Which is likely how we came to get our first-ever senior’s discount on a meal. It is either entirely humiliating, or....SCORE!!!! We saved 10%!!

Chow for now!

Monday, December 19, 2011

Today is a good day. No. today is a great day. Today will go down in the Such Is Life household annals of history. I don’t even know what annals are, of if I’ve even spelled them correctly, but I will ensure that the Keeper Of The Annals is alerted to today’s significance.

Sorry, that’s all you get.

Bwaaa Ha Ha....

Chow for now.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Le snow eez falleen. Cherchez de shov-ell!!
Hey, with only a few days left before Christmas, what’s Santa up to right now? Check out his blog to find out:
More fun than making a snowman out of golf balls!
Chow for now....

Saturday, December 17, 2011


Chicken Scratch

(Posted by weekend guest blogger...what the hell??? Charlie??)

Thas right, hoomans - Hail ta tha cheef!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

I kinda like my mon-u-mental pose! Wut a fit with those other stiffs! All I had ta do wuz take tha oaf uv office....

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Now ya reely can say I got rocks in ma head!!

Cluck fer now!


Friday, December 16, 2011


Flawtography By Dan” - Episode #012

Tom Petty

Man, does veteran rocker Tom Petty ever know how to…well, rock! Mrs. That Dan Guy and I saw him perform when he came through Calgary back in 2008, and it remains a memorable concert experience.
As you can see from the photo, Petty had an expansive stage, which he fully utilized – roaming around like a jungle cat. You can almost spot each hair in his familiar beard here!!

This is a shot from our seats up in the rafters. You can also relive the experience via my blog review:
http://thatdanguy.blogspot.com/2008/08/way-later-than-i-had-hoped-tuesday.html

Please, ask permission if you plan on using the photo anywhere...

Chow for now!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Cleaning off our humidifier with vinegar. Getting the strongest craving for fish and chips...

Looks like I’ve only got another week or so to get my Christmas cards done, if I hope to get them out before Christmas. If they happen to arrive to the recipients anywhere close to the day, that’s only going to be a bonus.

You know, I’m only now putting together the correlation between six cups of morning coffee, and my unplanned jogs to one of the smaller rooms in the house. Sometimes, not so much of a jog, more a motivated sprint.

Whenever I visit the local funeral home, I’m like Bruce Willis. I see dead people...

Interesting. I have one lone palm tree in a sandy, barren area in the middle of my scalp...

Loading stones around our Xmas tree. It sounded like a good idea when I heard that song...rockin‘ around...

Oh - oh. Coffee breaking...

Chow for now!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

I may need to book an appointment with my ophthalmologist...

I was driving back home this morning, after dropping Mrs. That Dan Guy off at Job #1. It was a rather uneventful trip, until I got behind a car that forced me to do a double take.

In between the driver and passenger seats, ears sticking up noticeably, was a baby deer. Now, I know, I know. I really should know the proper term for a baby deer, but I don’t. All I can say is that while you can see many things on the roads here in Calgary, a baby deer is right up there on the high end of the unusual scale, like the three wolves that stopped traffic here a few weeks ago.

Anyhow, this baby deer was just staring out the front windshield, and at one point, turned and licked the driver. I had to move over, to pull up beside this rare sight, just to see what sort of person transports a pet deer.

Once traffic opened, I did mosey up beside the driver’s side of the vehicle, and determined that this furry four-legged passenger was actually a dog, not a deer at all.

To be fair, my eyes had not enjoyed the benefit of my full dosage of morning caffeine to that point. I won’t make that mistake (both of them) again...

Chow for now.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Spooky....

For the last week or so, I’ve become more and more convinced that a ghost has been knocking a box of Kleenex off of the toilet tank. We can be in bed, eating dinner downstairs, or reciting poetry in the library, when all of a sudden a clear “thunk” could be heard. Every time, the box of Kleenex that sits behind me during moments of deep meditation, has fallen onto the seat below.

The past couple of days, it has been ever more frequent. Three or four times a day I hear the familiar “Thunk”, and have to go restore the box to a more familiar, appropriate location.

Finally, yesterday - I had my fill. I Googled “ghost knocking box of Kleenex off of toilet tank”, to see what this phenomenon might mean. Nothing apparently, aside from (I kid you not) several posts about Justin Bieber’s sexual frustrations. Google that phrase yourself if you think I made that up!

Discussing this yesterday with Mrs. That Dan Guy on her drive home from work, she smiled, then burst out with a hearty laugh-fest. Nursing my bruised ego, I asked here just what the hell was so funny?

She politely informed me that roofers are hard at work replacing the wood shakes with regular shingles, and maybe they might be the “ghosts”...

She can really piss me off sometimes, that Mrs. That Dan Guy....

Smarty-pants.....

Chow for now.

Monday, December 12, 2011






There are two schools of thought. One is that as North Americans, we have celebrated Christmas for decades, and we should be able to continue that tradition unhindered, without having to do so in deep, darkened basements, so as not to offend new arrivals to our shores, and/or non-believers.
The second is that we should be politically correct and sensitive, celebrating a generic, non-Christian “holiday” season - so as not to risk offending the aforementioned groups. Said groups of course which arrive on our shores with all their traditions intact, including questionable, often heinous practices that we are sending our troops (not at all ironically) over to THEIR shores, to try and rescue them from enduring barbaric traditions and practices.
It is both a hoot, and a holler.
All this to introduce my latest column, now online - offering new songs for the winter “season”. Heaven forbid it might be Christmas songs...
Enjoy!
Chow for now...

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Hey, today is the 11th! Bonjour, Monsieur Numero Onze...

We’ve got snow coming down like crazy right now. Not such a bad thing, considering we are typically up to our chins in the stuff by this time of the year. It has been a slack winter thus far, by Canadian standards...

That said, I shouldn’t poke the sleeping snake, lest it awakens and I get my ass bit. I’d rather have tropical sand issues rather than snow up the wazoo, so I will cross my fingers that this trend continues a while longer.

As I said while driving home last night, the Christmas lights may look pretty around here right now, but they are just as attractive in San Francisco, Las Vegas, and Hawaii - all places we have enjoyed a warm and cozy holiday season in the past. Unlike lately, where a trip to the fireplace section at Home Depot is as exotic as we get.

Ugh....

Chow for now.

Saturday, December 10, 2011


Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

Hey pal - got a light?

Yuk Yuk Yuk!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Yeah, thas right buddy, scritch right about there...that's it....

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

"Snatch tha cigamarette from ma beak, grass-hoppa..."

Har Har Har!!!

Oh, ma achin' beak - I slay me!!

Hey, is that a vulture there??

Say pal, which way ta Albuquerque???

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

I got a millyun uv 'em....

Cluck fer now!

Friday, December 09, 2011

Big trip planned today! After brunch (odd hours here in the Such Is Life household - I know...), I will be going...drum roll please...DOWNSTAIRS!

Yes, that’s right, today I plan on traveling down to our basement. To be honest, I spend most days down there, but for some reason, I felt like I should make it an adventure today. Not like a “Raiders Of The Lost Harp” adventure, but as best an adventure as we can muster up these days.

Perhaps it will be “Crumbs of My Bran Muffin”, or “Back Scratcher Skin Shavings”. It could end up being “Where My Hemorrhoid Creme At?”

An adventure indeed...

Chow for now!

Thursday, December 08, 2011

Hey everyone!

Check out my amigo Robin's December blog project - letters to Santa from her wide assortment of writing colleagues. Even reprobates like myself!

You can't find this anywhere else (yet) - but it did appear in another form in my weekly newspaper column back in December 2003, as well as in another version in my monthly national column:

http://writingonthewall-vaneck.blogspot.com/2011/12/dear-santa.html  (Not sure why that doesn't go live in Safari, but copy and paste in your browser!!)

And, it gets me off the hook for an actual post today :-)

Chow for now!

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

You know, a bird in the hand may be better than two in the bush, but why the heck would a person have birds in their hand anyway, unless they were a falconer, a ventriloquist, or Snow White??

I can understand two birds in a bush - if they got evicted from their tree, where else are they gonna live? Plus, a bush tends to allow far more “cover” than a tree branch, against their natural predators. From a bush, you are far less likely to hear “I tawt I taw a puddy tat”, when walking by...

Incidentally, you might want to stop walking around with sunflower seeds in your hands, if you do have a problem with birds deciding to reside there. In your hand.

Chow for now...

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

While my sister was here recently, modern technology played a vital role in communications among varied family members.

Here’s just a small example of the sort of dialogue that was transmitted from our house, during her stay (NOTE: some names have been changed to protect certain easily-embarassed family members):

Bernice Prayley: “Wow, Dan’s Sister - you are so lucky to be in the company of your talented and distinguished brother!

Dan’s Sister: “Yes, I am counting my blessings as we speak!”

Bernice Prayley: “Does his skin glisten, like it does in the pictures he posts online?”

Dan’s Sister: “Even more so! Like a far-away star!!

Bernice Prayley: “Mercy...”

Dan’s Sister: “I am spellbound when he speaks - it’s like an episode of Oprah’s Life Class. I even take notes...

Bernice Prayley: “I wish I could spend even just a few minutes listening to him speak - my life is so empty without the wisdom he conveys so easily!!”

Dan’s Sister: “Hallelujah, sister...”

Bernice Prayley: “Dan’s Sister, would you...could you...might you ask him to think kindly of me?”

Dan’s Sister: “ I will try. Be well, dear cousin. Be strong...”



Honestly, it was a little embarrassing to read such gushing exchanges. It almost made me feel quilty about hacking into her internet connection.

Almost...

Chow for now!!

Monday, December 05, 2011

What A Weekend!

Let’s start from the end of it though - the part where a Twitter Tweet of mine was re-tweeted - by Bob freakin’ Newhart!!! The legendary comedian, actor - Emmy & Peabody award winner - responded to a re-tweet request I sent, regarding an old column I wrote after seeing him perform live a couple of years ago. Thanks to the re-tweet, I’ve already received compliments not only about the column, but requests for features from entertainment industry readers. Very cool.

My good luck charm here may have been a visit from my sister - who insists she had a great visit, even though we crammed her into a spare closet, on a leaky beach air mattress, with an empty ice cream pail for sanitary cleansing purposes. She is a trouper. Or a trooper - whichever one indicates resilience and endurance. OK, those are technically pretty much the same - but a really good sport for sure!

It was a super-swift visit, but enough to catch up - hopefully the next stop will be longer, and she will actually spot Mrs. That Dan Guy between her two jobs - rarer here than Bigfoot. Although, I have spotted a hairy creature getting ready in the mornings...

We also enjoyed the worst snowfall so far of this year, which prevented an excursion out to IKEA. Only now starting to return to normal, although the drive into work this morning was absolutely brutal...

Finally, my incessant tooth/sinus issue is finally ceasing. Not quite gone, but much, much better. I’ll have to stop back by the doc’s office, see if anything makes sense from all this misery.

Better run - playing catch-up today!

Chow for now!!!!

Sunday, December 04, 2011

Just a quick post today...

“Quick”.

Thank you, thank you very much.

Chow for now!!

Saturday, December 03, 2011


Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

Sure was some wind storm last week.

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Say, you goin' ma way, Komrade?? 

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Cluck fer now... 

Friday, December 02, 2011

Just a quick post this morning, as I race to get to my final dermatologist appointment this morning. I'm looking forward to the results of my allergy tests, and Mrs. That Dan Guy is looking forward to my being able to shower.

Not saying I plan to, but I will finally be able to again...

Chow for now!

Thursday, December 01, 2011

First of the month. Last month of the year. Which means we have just 31 days left for our alleged “Year Of Harvest” to arrive. Pretty sure we sent in our change of address, so Harvest should be able to find us...

Man, is my back itchy! Even with the duct tape and allergen testers removed, it is just begging for some soap, water, and a rough scraping. I suppose after almost a week, any sort of hygiene efforts would be appreciated by anyone nearby. I feel for the dermatologist, who has to do follow-up tomorrow. May have to consider wearing garlic or something, to give his nostrils a fighting chance.

Hey, I am happy to report that the scars I collected during our recent windstorm are healing nicely. My Harry Potter forehead scar is fading, and I have yet to notice any indication of Lockjaw, or whatever you get from rusty nails. Tetanus? Wish I had Googled that....

Chow for now!

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The tooth and/or sinus pain persists. Now a dull ache, but an infernal, incessant ache nonetheless.

However, it is getting better, even if it may take until spring 2012 to get there.

On the allergy testing front, the dermatologist’s staff took off the shallow ice cube trays they had taped to my back for the past couple of days, and mapped out circles in an ultraviolet pen. Friday, they’ll observe my reaction, and hopefully confirm that I am aggressively allergic to fruit, vegetables, and exercise.

Chow for now!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011


This is my third attempt at loading this post today. I lost the entire effort I composed earlier, and then a subsequent second version.

This is what you get - email me if you're curious, otherwise, I'm not going through the effort again.

Chow for now.

Monday, November 28, 2011

And how was YOUR week?

An entertaining week in the Such Is Life household, at least for That Dan Guy - not that MTDG got off much easier, living it vicariously through me...

I’ve been fighting some sort of sinus, toothache, Universe-created Dan torture device for much of the week, which has delayed my latest audio interview. Hoping to get that done today, tomorrow morning the latest...stay tuned on that front.

On a positive note, the discomfort (ie: blinding pain, throbbing discomfort, general discombobulation) forced me to try and see the doctor that replaced our former, beloved family physician, who has sadly left the country. Her replacement arrives at the clinic by a leisurely 3 PM - and has yet to impress us in just a few visits to date.

So, I tried a walk-in clinic in our new neighbourhood, and discovered that even in their own large, multi-room office, only one doctor was on duty, handling both pre-booked appointments, and wayward souls foolish enough to believe in any such animal as a “walk-in clinic”. Not having packed a lunch or 8-12 hours of Find The Word puzzles, I dragged my pain-wracked body out to much display, which didn’t even hazard a glance from the receptionist.

I ended up at the medical facility adjacent to our local shopping mall, where we go anyway for blood work and x-rays (once found my missing house key - don’t ask...). Not only did they have a full complement of polite and helpful staff at the reception desk, but the doctor that saw me (within the same day - how progressive!!) utilized a blend of natural remedies, in addition to pre-prescribing me the antibiotics that seem to be finally bringing my chipmunk cheek down to a cherubic chub.

Yesterday, you may have heard about the nor-easter that blew through town, literally. It closed most of downtown, blowing out office building windows, and toupees from oil patch executives. Their young wives weren’t even able to chase the hairpieces down fast enough in the gusts, but thankful squirrels are busily insulating their winter nests with the Trump-brand flying follicles.

Here at home, ice pack on my cheek, I heard the sound of a freight train passing by our yard, which caused me to look outside, not living anywhere near train tracks. It was out the window that I noticed our neighbour’s fence. In the pine tree behind our own home.

Don’t ask why, but I felt compelled to go out and rescue the damned thing. Which backfired when the screws protruding scratched my hand open, temporarily distracting me from the throbbing beat of my expanded sinus.

That would have been pleasurable enough, but as I dropped the fence panel to truly gather up enough extension to curse at the top of my lungs, my hat blew off. Turning to chase it, the wind blew a tree branch over my forehead, caressing the area below my epidermis (the underdermis??) - I’m single-handedly keeping the Band-Aid company dividends well above normal levels.

Screw the fence I finally deduced, as I returned to the safety of our home. Only to hear a loud crash - from the patio table overturning and shattering into a million little pieces (apologies to James Frey) - which is how I came to open the bottle of vodka MTDG found in the empties pile later in the evening...

Today, I had test strips and duct tape adhered to my back for the rest of this week - it just gets better....

Chow for now...

Sunday, November 27, 2011



Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

HEY!

I ain't the one with tha clogged sinus holes!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Does x-rays cook yer goose???

HALP!!!!!

Cluck fer now.........

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Chicken, and pending podcast interview postponed until tomorrow, and/or Monday.

Went to Doc yesterday, interesting blend of prescription and naturopathic options to try clearing up this sinus issue. Some relief, but no sleep due to MTDG's schedule are keeping me foggy, unfocused, and...wow - can you see those bats???

Chow for now...

Friday, November 25, 2011

Ugh....

This sinus issue is really taking the steam out of me. No sleep night before last, and had to get up again last night to try and settle it down. I've shot more salt up my nostrils than you'll find on the average small order of fast-food fries.

Have to see the doc today for some relief, but first hopefully a short nap...

Later....

Chow for now.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Battling some kind of sinus issue the last few days. I think there’s a bug in there, or maybe it’s inflamed. What do funky sinuses (sini??) do to give a person grief?

All I know is that it is friggin’ throbbing off and on - even woke me up in the wee hours of  the morning. Watched a bit of TV with an icepack on my cheek - it is a glamorous life I lead.

And considering that’s the piece I chose to go with for today’s post, I really need to consider getting a life...

Chow for now!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011


Flawtography By Dan” - Episode #011

Tom Jones

In 2009, Mrs. That Dan Guy and I were walking through Central Park in New York City, when I had to do a double take. Then, later in the day, we walked right by legendary Welsh superstar Tom Jones!!

This is a shot from right beside him, just a few feet away from a voice and sheer raw sexuality that has launched thousands of panties over the years. It was a little overwhelming, but I managed to keep mine on. Frankly, I'm sure he prefers to actually see them coming, as opposed to being blind-sided...

Please, ask permission if you plan on using it anywhere...

Chow for now!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

I always wonder what’s going on - on my back. Being behind me and all, it evades my general attention, which means literally ANYTHING could be happening back (no pun intended) there.

I know hair grows, even where the sun don’t shine. I know freckles congregate. But what else may happen there over the course of the day is anybody’s guess.

For all I know, Texas Hold ’Em poker tournaments, math quizzes, or heated arguments between my shoulder blades occur without my ever bearing witness. I know there are frequent gaseous emissions back there, so maybe environmental protests occur?

I might try fitting a camera to the inside of my shirt, and see if I can get the skinny where there ain’t any skinny.

I’ll keep you posted...

Chow for now!

Monday, November 21, 2011


Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken....)

“Ah buleeve ah kin fly....

Ah buleeve ah kin touch tha sky...”

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Hoppin' horny toads, I muss be dreamin’!!

Either that, or I should look fer sum pearly gates - I ain’t never hopped this high before!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Wut the cluck - wuz that a jet??

Haveta start watchin’ how many Tylenol I take, usually I’z only floatin’ if I gotta hit tha biffy real bad...

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Funny, I can’t feel ma hands - oh. No, I ain’t got hands - but I think ma wings is gonna come in awfully handy up here!!

If I could only smell somethin’ familiar, to know that I’m still alive. Ma cigarette, a hot cup of coffee....Banjo Boy’s constant gas - ANYTHIN’!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Calm down, Chuck - this hasta be a dream. In ma vershun a heaven, ma sofa is made outta Marlboro’s, and these clouds would tasty like cotton candy. Soaked in beer. 

Sumthin’ ain’t addin’ up....

I’m just gonna close ma eyes, click ma claws together, and hope I wake up sumwhere familear. I’d even settle for seein’ Lozenge Head again....

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Cluck. Fer Now. I hope...

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Made an executive decision this morning - bumping Charlie to Monday morning. Not sure who’s going to be more upset - the bird, or readers that skip the weekend post to avoid him :-)

Last day today, of my three-day writing intensive. Considering I’m teaching humour-writing, it seems incongruous to say “intensive”...

 Better run - still gathering pieces for today’s session.

Chow for now!!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Friday, November 18, 2011

Just a quickie (post) today. I’m frantically putting last-minute tweaks and adjustments into my 3-day “Add Some Funny To YOUR Writing” weekend intensive, which starts tonight. I think it’s going to be an action-packed weekend, and every time I think I have everything in there that I want to convey to the attendees, something else pops into my mind. At some point, I will just have to settle down and presume that I have enough course material to choke a water buffalo...

So, it may be an entire weekend of truncated posts, but there should be posts of some sort.

Fasten your seatbelts!!

Uhh, if you’re not attending, I suppose that’s not really not going to be necessary...

Carry on!

Chow for now!!

PS - My official Calgary Herald review of Stage West Calgary’s current production of “Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat” should be out soon. I’ll post that when it is available online!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

My New Dream (literally, Any Dream Will Do...)


I’ve never really fully explored the world of yodeling. While I may not be able to carry a tune in a suitcase, yodeling seems to allow for a little more...umm...vocal wiggle room when it comes to anyone knowing that you may be entirely untalented.

I don’t know that you necessarily HAVE to be Swiss to be considered an amateur or professional yodeler. I imagine even Japan must harbour the odd yodeler or two.

Lords knows I’ve survived enough karaoke in my day, but I can’t recall hearing many yodelers. I could be on to something - a niche of unmined riches?? With an orchestra, how cool would that be?

Any time that I have seen a yodeler, it’s pretty much been an imitation of a tomcat having his whiskers pulled out. If I were to add a little something - say, perhaps...ABBA!!!

The Yodeling BJORN. Man, I think I’m actually on to something this time...

Chow for now. Oh-De Lay-Dee-WHooooooo.....

Wednesday, November 16, 2011


"Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat"
Stage West Calgary

(photo courtesy Stage West Calgary) 

The Wednesday Morning “Somebody-Asked-Me-To, So-Here-I-Go” Entertainment Review: 

Stage West Calgary’s Production of “Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat”...

(or, The Early Review - official Calgary Herald review to follow!)

I will confess right up front that I wasn’t all that familiar with this enduringly popular piece of musical theatre. I only knew that 70‘s pop star Donny Osmond had a successful revival run with it, and that it may have been based on a Dolly Parton song.

Turns out it’s so much more - a Bible-based morality parable touching on jealousy, overcoming adversity, redemption, and a compelling lesson in how to squeeze the largest cast I’ve ever seen onto a medium-sized stage.

To director and choreographer Liz Gilroy’s credit, the seamless shifts between scenes with so many people onstage is almost another Biblical miracle. The cast by itself is super-sized, but add in the children that form the rapt recipients of the narrator’s telling of the tale (as it literally unfolds on stage), and you have some massive traffic control concerns when Egyptian  maidens are shimmying to a 60’s rock groove...

Of all the productions I’ve seen here at Stage West over the years, this may have been about the tightest group yet. The gang of about a dozen brothers of Joseph were flawless in their vocals, no matter what style they were singing - and there are many musical styles in this early Tim Rice/Andrew Lloyd Webber effort - almost as many styles as Joseph’s coat has...technicolors...

I will further confess to being a sucker for choirs, even if they are pint-sized. The children’s choir for this production enthusiastically jumped in when their roles required it, and sat patiently for those sections as observers.

I also really enjoyed the nicely assigned set pieces. I don’t know why images of Egypt make me think of Las Vegas casinos, but the costumes, set and props here worked well to set the stage.

A few times the band drowned out the actors, but overall there were moments for many to shine. As I mentioned earlier, this cast has an abundance of strength in the vocal department.

I do wonder if morality tales have lost a bit of their edge for a generation that learns their life lessons from reality TV competitions. Even though you knew the finale was unfolding, and forgiveness and redemption were imminent, I personally didn’t feel any emotion over the ending. Do we need to update our parables to have Jeff Probst extinguishing a tiki torch? Time will tell.

You know, as for the creators of this show (Rice/Webber), if they stick with this line of work, they could have a career in musical theatre - some of those songs are downright catchy!.

As for “Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat” - great music, sparkly costumes, and a wealth of talent - all in all, great seasonal fare!

I’ll be submitting my official Calgary Herald review, and will post a link here when that runs. Also check back for my interview with the director and “Joseph”, actor David Cotton.  

Chow for now!!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Woke Up With A Whopper....

...of a headache...

have to shrug it off though - busy, busy busy.

My writing course is indeed a go this weekend, so I only have a few days to smooth out any wrinkles. Technically, I actually have to build the wrinkles, the skin and the bones - but hey, I work best under pressure :-)

Also I’ll be writing a couple of reviews over the next few days on top of that obligation, plus the usual taxi service I provide daily for Mrs. That Dan Guy. Crappy tipper, by the way....

So, heating pad on my neck, Tylenol in my tum tum - and we’re off to the races.

Let the games begin!!

Chow for now...

Monday, November 14, 2011

NO POST TODAY

I would just like to announce that there will be no blog post today. Occasionally, these mornings arise where try as I may, try as I might - there is nothing. Zip. Zero. The cranium is vacant.

Most days that happens, I try and cover up with some silly bit about how I “have nothing”. Today will not be one of those days. I respect my reader(s) too much to try and pass off a sow’s ear as a silk purse. Sure, you could say that pretty much every day here is a sow’s ear to some degree, but hey, you’re the one reading this stuff!

No, I am completely at peace with knowing that I am going to sacrifice consistency for substance. Some stands are just worth taking, like when a guy pees. Especially if he’s been driving for a really long time, and he finally finds a rest room that looks like it might not be harbouring serial killers finding their victims along major highway systems.

I think it’s actually my sacred duty to hold back from an obvious “phoning it in” post, when I don’t really have a valid topic to expand upon, and share. Although, it would be really cool if I could phone it in, as my two-finger typing style has resulted in two really buff index fingers, beside eight other fat, atrophied hand digits. Kind of like how Popeye has really big biceps, but a body that otherwise defies the science of muscular development. It’s like Sylvester Stallone’s arms on Shia Labeouf. Whose last name is technically “The Beef” in French, by the way - which is kinda funny, considering his scrawny physique. Ou est Labeouf? Pas de beouf, Shia....

But, I ramble. Let’s just say here that I am truly sorry. I have nothing, and that’s what you’re getting here today. A blank cheque. A barren page. Tumbleweeds of the word processor.

Suck it up, buttercup.

Chow for now!!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Maybe the worm is turning?

We sure didn’t hit the jackpot on 11 11 11, but that could be due to not actually participating in anything that might have brought that option forward.

Mrs. That Dan Guy DID find that dime on the ground though, which has to count for something. Plus, when I went to pick her up between her two jobs on the 11th, a guy offered me his ticket for the downtown parkade. Which had actually expired two hours before ( he must have been having a good chuckle as he drove away), but didn’t matter to me, as I just sit in the car and wait. However, it did alert me to something which we hadn’t known before. The lot right behind MTDG’s workplace is...LOT #11....

Also a possible sign of turnaround - just a few days ago I was informed that my upcoming class (“Add Some Funny To YOUR Writing”) was likely to be cancelled, due to low registration. However, I got an e-mail that it now looks to be going ahead after all. Not exactly the gainful full-time employment I’m looking for, but a few bucks to help out anyhow.

Onwards and upwards, 11 (and your friends 11 & 11). Let’s see if this Year Of Harvest is more than just smoke blowing up my a##...

Chow for now!!

Saturday, November 12, 2011



Chicken Scratch
(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie “Fallon” Chicken...)
Won’t You Pop Ma Balloon?
BUK-AAAAWK!!!!
Won’t You Pop Ma Balloon??
BUK-AAAAWK!!!!
Pop ma balloon, ya featherless cluckhead...
Cluck fer now...

Friday, November 11, 2011

Whoo-Hoo!

Woot Woot!!

11 11 11

I await The Universe, lay it on me baby!!

Until my 11 11 ship comes in, I am passing time trying t guess how many peas are in this can of Friendly Giant Sweet Peas. It’s a fairly good size for a can, so it would likely be more than a hundred, but less than a thousand.

I’m taking a bit of a scientific approach to this effort - presuming that for every inch of can, there is likely about 87 peas. The can is approximately 5 1/2 inches high...multiply by 87....which would lead me to believe that there are...less than 1000, definitely.

Once I find my calculator, I will confirm that. After I’ve submitted my guess to the prize committee, I will empty the can of peas, and begin the laborious task of confirming my guess. Hey, I only have to be closest to the actual amount - with only one entry, I have a pretty good chance of winning.

I fervently hope that if I do win, it isn’t my entire 11 11 11 windfall....

Chow for now!!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Taking It Back

I am officially cooling to the prospect of leaving our future to the mercy of fresh-faced mopes in HR offices, fending off “mature” applicants (like we are Lord Voldemort), in hopes of discovering “talent” in 14-year olds.

Recent changes and opportunities have reminded me that I have better things to do than worry about sculpting an application to appeal to someone that can’t even spell “application”, let alone stay out past their school night curfew.

My writing regularly appears across Canada. My digital efforts are attracting followers on four to five continents on a regular basis. One recent MC gig was more gratifying than a week’s worth of trying to scale the fences of recruiting software, only to presume that my efforts will get sorted out by myriads of filters that only pick up on “awesome”, “like, wow”, or “Kardashian”.

Screw it, I say - focus on what works, and quit banging your head against impregnable walls.

Ironically, on that note, after turning to more practical and modern alternate efforts to keep our spirits up here in the Such Is Life household, my turned back to conventional “faith” will be turned back around for my upcoming Stage West review.

Joseph & The Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat” . Go figure...you can run....

Chow for now!

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Off to see the doc today, for the followup on Mrs. That Dan Guy’s last round of surgery. We’re hoping that we get a clean bill of health this time around, and that she can get on with what passes for our life these days.

As for me, I think I have become partially dyslexic while typing. Every frigging time I try and type “the”, it comes up “teh”. Also, when I type “Chow for now”, I occasionally find “Chow fro now” - which is also somewhat annoying.

!woN roF wohC

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Interesting...

No matter how many letters I “type” onto this space, the white space continues to grow underneath, entirely unaffected. I’m talking entirely. Unaffected.

I wonder if I can scroll down, and start typing backwards?

Nope. That just erases what I’ve posted before. How confounding...

It’s like a bottomless pit of whiteness!

You know, even in reference to a virtual page, that just sounds wrong...

Chow for now!

Monday, November 07, 2011

Hey, my national column is online super-early this month:


OK, technically it’s at my wife’s expense, but she can’t be the only one out there doing this!

Chow for now!

Sunday, November 06, 2011

Reminders...

I attended the 8th Annual Canadian Diabetes Fall Forum yesterday. Technically, I did more than attend. As a long-time volunteer I was tapped to be this year’s MC, which was a new experience, having simply manned the CDA display table in the past.

Here’s the funny thing - despite being still at least neck-deep in what seems like the longest possible stretch of bad luck conceivable, the simple act of being visible in a high profile event led to my being approached repeatedly throughout the day. Between questions that I had to steer to actual experts, and stories of personal struggles with diabetes (and more), I felt a bit like Dr. Phil, or maybe Dr. Pepper - all I did was listen and steer people in the right direction. But the feeling was a nice reminder of better times, and what we are both working to get back towards.

Interesting...

I actually felt so swell, I didn’t even swipe the boxes of Kleenex from the public washrooms in the hotel, which I had been scoping out earlier in the day.

Chow for now!!

Saturday, November 05, 2011



Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger...Charlie Chicken....)

ANGRY BIRD!! ANGRY BIRD!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Me and Pig here is demonstratin’ tha amminosity between pigs and birds, which appeers so popular in tha Smartphone games. Pig has taken over ma home, so I gotta fly thru a slingshot ta evict him. Why don’t hoomans do this fer deadbeat renters???

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Ackshualy, since ma car insurance expired, mebbe I could convince Pig ta ride me around - groceries, haircut - that kinda thing?? 

That, or introduce him ta sum eggs an toast....

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Now, why couldn’t I have invented this stoopid game? The hoomans have just gotten addicted to tha silly thing, and eventually, it will get into tha antique tellyphones that the hoomans here use. Can ya play games on tin cans attached ta strings?

Hey! 

Pig!! Less burritos fer breakfast, ya heer me??? Groddy!! Pee-yew....

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Alright, I better take Pig fer a walk. Things is getting misty in heer....


Cluck fer now!!

Friday, November 04, 2011

If We Didn’t Have Bad Luck....

You know you’re courting the dark forces of the universe when every single thing you do seems to go sideways. Into oncoming traffic. Under falling satellite debris. Into a giant pile of beetle-infested elephant dung...

One little recent splurge was an inexpensive electric toothbrush I picked up for Mrs. That Dan Guy, who was beginning to have some minor swelling of her gums. OK, technically ballooning. I picked her up a Colgate Motion at Wal-Mart.

Yesterday, while watching the morning news before driving her to work, there was a feature on the Colgate Motion - and the recall due to “explosions”.

Hee Hee Hee...”explosions”...

Talk about making your mouth pop with freshness!!

Needless to say, once I’ve removed the Colgate Motion from a place where the sun don’t shine, I will be taking advantage of their generous recall offer.

Please, Colgate Motion - don’t explode yet!!

Chow for now!

Thursday, November 03, 2011

"Kelp! I need some bunny.
Kelp! Not just any bunny.
Kelp!
You know I need some Juan,
Ke-e-e-lp!!"

At least, that’s how I remember the lyrics to that song...

Chow for now....

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

(Oh my - my 2111th post...)


11 02 11

I think I’m going to like November. For one thing, every day of the month is sandwiched by 11’s (see above) - which can’t be bad.

For another - if this is really supposed to be our “Year Of Harvest”, what better month than the 11th?

Finally, finally...well, that was all I had - but if either one is an indication that our woes will finally conclude, how great would that be?

Actually, with my knowing that I don’t have a second go-round of skin cancer, and Mrs. That Dan Guy just a few days away from seeing how successful her own second round of surgery went - maybe the boat is finally steering away from the iceberg?? We’ll see. We need substantial proof that we are exiting the Lord Voldemort Era of our lives, but sound health is a pretty encouraging start.

Time will tell, if November is friend or foe. Time will tell...

Chow for now!

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Hmm. 11 01 11 - A plethora of my recurring 11’s!!

Now, where my windfall at??? Bueller???

Oh well, onward and backwards...

So, I could go for the easy targets today - like certain “celebrities” in the news, but really, aside from most of the world, who really cares?

I choose to talk today about something far more important, intricate, and with far more depth than the latest faux celebrity-du-jour: my left index fingernail.

I’ve got this odd nail development going on, which could be because I have to wear so many bandages to cover the cracks I seem to keep getting from “the heartbreak of psoriasis”. I’m not sure if it’s a cuticle, or a fingernail tip - it’s the part at the very end, which is clearer than the rest. Or maybe the rest doesn’t seem to be very clear because there’s finger underneath it.

Still with me? My humble apologies...really, this is as earth-shattering as all the talk shows and news channels that are wasting energy and inflated opinions on a 72-day marriage...

Anyhow, I believe I will trim this unseemly nail, so that it matches the others. I wouldn’t want to offend a cashier somewhere.

Chow for now!

Monday, October 31, 2011

Hippy Halloween!

(Or happy, if ya ain’t old enough to remember hippies...)

Kind of an interesting morning so far. I have the TV on in the background, so that I can remember to set the PVR before I head out. Elvira, Mistress Of The Dark is a guest on a Canadian..talk, for lack of a better choice...show...for lack of a better choice. Which is interesting, because I remember hearing about her passing away a few years ago. At least I recall hearing that Cassandra Peterson, the actress who played Elvira for decades, had left this mortal coil for actual darkness.

Not so. A quick Google indicates she is still alive and well, despite prior media reports. Much like Adam West (TV’s classic “Batman”), Abe Vigoda (from TV’s “Barney Miller”), and Trans-Fats (also known as “flavour”).

Many announcements regarding celebrity passings are apparently never actually confirmed. Comedian Sinbad had to offset an internet rumour that he had died, while it turned out it was only his career that had suffered a fatality. There are more that I have forgotten, but the moral of the story is, don’t believe everything you read or see. Or hear.

Or think...

Hey, this kind-of turned out to be a rather appropriate Halloween column. To some degree at least...

Chow for now!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Happily, I am much pleased (Very pleased? Quite pleased? Is pleased even necessary, after I started with “happily”??) to say that it appears I have NOT had a recurrence of my skin cancer. More happily to my dermatologist regarding the irritation where the sun don’t shine, he took my word for it, and didn’t directly inspect the area.

However, he has a plan - I am going to participate in Patching. That is a one-week test where small strips (or patches - that might have something to do with the name of the procedure) are installed on my hairy back, hairy back, hairy back. For that entire week I will be unable to shower, which is a walk in the park - sometimes I can go two full weeks! Am I right, MTDG??

After the week, they will see what I may be reacting to - it could even be that the very creams and concoctions that I am prescribed for the heartbreak of psoriasis are what may be aggravating it even more.

If only beer ingested orally was the answer!!

Onward, and upward...

Cow for now.

Saturday, October 29, 2011


Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger...bloggers...uh...oh boy...)

“MINE!!”

“Back off, Turd-Beak - MINE!!!”

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

“Sez You, Poultry Breath - It’s my cluckin’ smoke!!”

“Eat doody, ya moldy feather head!!”

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

???

(Cluck - fer now...)

Friday, October 28, 2011

I’m off to see my dermatologist this afternoon, among a few other chores and errands. Hoping that my skin cancer hasn’t popped back out, and that the splotches on my cheek are just normal formations- for a giraffe.

I also hope to get a little “closure”, for the relentless cracking of my fingers. Thanks to the heartbreak of psoriasis, I frequently find myself having to bandage up just about every finger on both hands because of cracking and bleeding, which leaves me few creative options to access my touch screen smartphone. If the phone is so blasted smart, why can’t it react to a finger with a Band-Aid on it? I need a Phone Butler, a quiet little chap that hovers around, willing and able to read my emails out loud when they arrive. If Charlie wasn’t made out of rubber...

At least I get to have a little fun at the doctor’s office. There are a few places where the sun don’t shine (too much information, MTDG? Reader(s)??) that are affected by the heartbreak of psoriasis as well as my fingers - the dermatologist might prefer looking at freckles on ample female bosoms, but he’ll be getting a full moon today, if you get my drift...

If you think werewolves are hairy...aaa-wooooo!!!!!!!!

Chow for now!!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Hey, I was on TV today!

http://blogs.btcalgary.ca/leah/diabetes-month#more-6366

Sure, I was just a prop to Dr. Lau's expert advice, but seeing my puffy, lozenge-shaped head on TV never gets old!

I'm not sure if there will be actual video footage of the piece to link to, but if there is (likely over the next few days), I will post it here for your viewing pleasure. And education - that Dr. Lau really knows his stuff.

Chow for now!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

NB: BT, on CITY-TV, btw

Hey, there, Calgary area homie(s)! Don’t forget to catch Breakfast Television tomorrow morning, for my (likely brief) segment for Diabetes Month - a fact-filled, informative few moments! And I share some stuff as well...

Late post today - so sorry, but out getting a primary vehicle back on the road.

If other drivers can’t get around it, I’ll pull it back into our driveway....

Chow for now!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Alpo
Brando
Chuckie
Danish

Eponine
Farfenugen
Gristle
Hogwarts

Irritablebowel
Jujube
Knish
Laa-dee-dah

Manamanah
Nucleosis
Oregano
Psoriasis

Quincy
Rump
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
T-

Un-Cola
Va-Va-Voom
Wuzzuuuuuup???

Xspecially
Yo!
Zorro

(Chow for now)

Monday, October 24, 2011

Me On TV, And A Quick Thought On The Recent "Mark Twain Award" Announcement...

Wow - super-late start to my posting today, but I had good reason. I was taping a segment for Breakfast Television that will air here in Calgary on Thursday morning. If there is a link to the clip online afterwards, I will post it for your perusal. Nothing spectacular, just appearing as Diabetic #1 in a piece for National Diabetes Month. On a positive note, I do get a speaking part....

Hey, did you hear that former SNL star Will Ferrell is the latest recipient of the Mark Twain Award For American Humor? Does anyone else out there remember when they used to give those out to people that had an actual body of work, and not just a hairy body part that generally gets flashed in most of their movies?

People like Bob Newhart, Bill Cosby, Steve Martin, George Carlin, etc... A proven and sustained career in comedy. I thought they were lowering the bar with Tina Fey last year (don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of both Fey and Ferrell - hey, that sounds like a clothing line: “Try the new Fey & Ferrell hoodies, just in time for school, from $19.99!”).

If the organizers feel a compelling need to plumb the SNL cast, how about Dan Akroyd? He really has sustained a comedy career, and like so many of the aforementioned winners, has affected popular culture along the way (Ghostbusters, Blues Brothers just for examples).

Oh well, who am I kidding? I’ll have a bowl of popcorn, and be watching as they try and fill out 90 minutes with about 46 minutes worth of career highlights, just like I did last year...

Chow for now!!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Sometimes, heroism goes unnoticed. The important thing is that at the time, the hero springs into action, even if there is no reward or recognition. Being a hero at the right time is what’s really important...

Say, for example, you are home with your convalescing wife - recovering from surgery, weak, groggy and generally disoriented.

Suddenly, your heightened senses detect some sort of noise above the racket of the television. Something seems off, but you stand down - no real threat appears imminent.

Then, as your muscles have slowly begun to uncoil and return to normal, a louder “crack” is heard, along with a flash of light, and your finely-tuned nostrils pick up on an ever-so-faint acrid smell - there’s a fire in the hole!!

Calmly surveying the situation, the hero calmly advises his spouse to calmly call 911, downplaying the concern that an electrical fire is already likely coursing through the interior walls of the home. When she appears too distraught to comprehend the three simple numbers for emergency response, he takes it upon himself to place the call - ignoring the concerning scent of destruction by an unseen blaze.

The ambulance is the first responder - trained EMS members calmly walking towards the home. Perhaps a little too calm, but the hero forgives their seeming indifference - they are clearly trained to remain calm in difficult situations.

By the time the two fire trucks roll up, the EMS crew is already walking back towards their vehicle, still in complete control of their emotions. You can barely see evidence of the worry they must be feeling, but now their comrades are on the scene, and they must stand down, trade off their own heroic services with their fellow rescuers.

A well-protected fireman produces a tool, whereby he is able to search right through walls (Holy Superman, Batman!!), and I prepare for the worst - this building is minutes from being reduced to a pile of ash...

It’s a burn-out light - call off the back-up units...”

Well, yeah, it may have just been a burnt out light, but it sure had the smell of disaster lingering on it!!

After a further inspection of our fuse box, and confirmation that the heat of the now-extinguished light bulb was dropping by the second, we were all able to breath a sigh of relief. Mrs. That Dan Guy, clearly swooning over a valiant rescue effort, even if it had all been in vain...pretended not to know me as the fire department left.

It’s not so much that there may have been a slight over-reaction. It’s more just the knowing that one is ready to spring into action, when heroism is being called on...

Chow for now!!

Saturday, October 22, 2011


Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger, Charlie Chicken...)

One a ma shadows iz sad :-(

How cume I gots too shadows anyhow??

Cluck fer now...

Friday, October 21, 2011

Mrs. That Dan Guy is home convalescing after follow-up surgery, which we sure hope clears up this lingering issue.

It’s been kind-of fun pretending never to have seen daytime TV shows like “The Price Is Right”, “Family Feud”, and “Y & R”, although I probably shouldn’t have come across as knowledgeable as I did when Malcolm’s baby turned out to be Neil’s. Just sayin’...

Having a very short window for recuperation, she will be back to work this weekend, and life will go back to normal. I will miss being served breakfast every morning, and having my coffee topped up whenever it became a little tepid.

Hey, it’s all steps on the road to recovery - you can’t coddle an invalid...

Chow for now!!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

"Halloween For Adults"

Just for shiggles, my latest REM humour column, now live online!!

http://www.remonline.com/home/?p=10181

Chow for now....

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Wow! Today in history was REALLY boring!

I did a search (today in history) on Google, and the results were rather uninspiring. The only real item of note was that classic novelist Jonathan Swift (Gulliver’s Travels) passed away. There was something about that elephant rider Hannibal, but by then I was way too bored to read what happened to him. Probably pulled a muscle cleaning up elephant dung...

Here’s what I think may have happened on this day in history:

Oct 19, 1988 - Boy George is shunned by his band-mates in Culture Club, for mixing lavender eye-liner with a teal scarf. Their popularity never recovered.

Oct 19, 2006 - I misplaced a Sticky Note, with a brilliant idea about investing in Apple with the income from selling one of my collectible chocolate bar wrappers. Couldn’t bear parting with the wrapper, and eventually forgot the whole plan, when the Sticky Note vanished.

Oct 19, 515 AD - People wearing animal pelts gathered around a campfire, bemoaning the fact that Wal-Mart had yet to be invented. Falling prices were sadly still many centuries away...

Oct 19, 2011 - I woke up, and Googled “this day in history”. Unimpressed with search results. Ate donut to soften my anguish.

Well, it ain’t much -  but still way better than what I actually found.

Chow for now!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Two vehicles, both immobilized. How delightful! One with possibly a blown radiator, and the other (which has sat for months to preserve it) appears to have sudden onset brake issues.

Did we win a lottery for bad luck??????

If you read of a husky gentleman knocking over banks in our area, or robbing 7-11’s - it is just coincidence.

"It could always be worse" Yeah, well, it could always be better....

Chow for now.

Monday, October 17, 2011

May need to sacrifice a goat at some point - any advice??

"Higher Power" - Ha! It is to laugh....

Chow for now...

Sunday, October 16, 2011

We seem to get a lot of free Tim Horton’s gift cards for one reason or another, so I will often stop in at a neighbourhood gas station that has a little Timmie’s inside, after dropping Mrs. That Dan Guy off at work on the (brutally early) weekend mornings.

There is a clerk inside though that always glares at each new arrival with utter and complete contempt, as they veer away from his cash register, and steer towards the coffee and doughnuts. You can almost hear his thoughts:

Stupid North Americans, paying so much for coffee and muffins they could buy much cheaper in a grocery store”.

Well, my friend, that may be the case - but I’m also not willing to pay $7 for a tin of Red Bull at your over-priced gas station, nor shell out $27.95 for a small jug of windshield washer fluid.

We all have our own perceptions, I suppose.

Chow for now.

Oh yeah, almost forgot - PS: F you, Universe. F you, and the horse you rode in on.

Saturday, October 15, 2011


Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

“Singin’ in tha rain, jus....”

HEY!

Avert yer eyes, preverts!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Ole Charlie needs ta scrub his giblets, if ya knows wut I means...

Hey, is this one a them reality shows, where cameras follow ya around doin’ a documentary?? Like “Tha Office”, or “Modem Family”???

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

That would go a loooong way ta explanin’ why there’s always cameras aroun this here household. 

Even IN THA CLUCKIN’ SHOWER!!!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Anyhew, as ya kin planely see, I wuz just about ta pellet ma pinfeathers with a pulsatin’ shower head - at least wut pinfeathers I seem ta have left. I seem to renumber havin’  a full condiment a feathers wen I wuz younger...

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

So - beat it, ya sleep-deprived Peepin’ Tom Turkey - I need ta drop ma drawers and suds up!

Cluck fer now...

Friday, October 14, 2011

And so another fresh new day begins. Well, truthfully it did begin a few hours ago, just so you don’t get to thinking that I roll out of bed at the crack of noon....

However, like every other day, nothing changes. Despite our best efforts. Despite the best intentions. Despite my chiseled good looks, and Mrs. That Dan Guy’s billowy locks of hair.

Every day, like Bill Murray in “Groundhog Day” is the same. Only in our case, we don’t have a skookum soundtrack, or the groundhog. Although, now that I think about it, my hair might be starting to resemble Murray’s....

Groundhog Day does eventually end in that movie, right??

Chow for now...