A so-so Eighted Press:

NEW!!

Amazing discovery – ordinary, everyday mundane task tightens butt, and builds rock-hard abs!

Scientists today have released the results of a study that should bring a smile to the face of couch potatoes everywhere. Simply by stretching occasionally during commercial breaks of your favorite TV shows is now deemed to help offset the effects of “seeming sedentary paralysis”, a condition most often associated with coma patients and Egyptian mummies.

And if you’re a sports fan, you’re going to get even more of a workout, cheering on your team, and shaking your fist at the officials’ ridiculous and clearly prejudiced decisions against said team. This will be limited in benefit if you live in a city WITHOUT a professional hockey team (for example), like Winnipeg, or Regina (just sayin’…).

Why spend money on expensive equipment advertised on late-nite TV, or risk your life by adopting some outrageous diet endorsed by a Hollywood semi-celebrity? Simply watch MORE TV, and stretch during every commercial break. You’ll be circulating vital blood to your organs, and chiseling your abs at the same time!

Can’t afford a “Magic Bullet”, or “Jazzy Juicer”? Who needs them? Shake a leg, or stretch your arms and watch how quickly you’ll be mistaken for Popeye the Sailor Man at the beach!

Even though this sounds too good to be true, and a regimen that even YOU could easily adopt, consult your doctor before adopting ANY lifestyle change or exercise program. Or before listening to The Jonas Brothers…

Chow for now.