If Only I Knew My Fables…

Once upon a time, there was a wee lass named Petit Rouge Riding Hood. Petit Rouge would often have to walk through the forest, to get to her Grandmother’s house. She had to go visit her Grandmother every day, because Granny had a pretty bad bingo habit, and had let her house fall into general disrepair. The cigarette butts alone were piled like haystacks all over the house…

Petit Rouge’s mother made her stop by every day after school, to try and make Granny’s house feel less like a college frat house, and more like the needle-point knitting parlour it should have been. Petit Rouge used a lot of Lysol, to help in her task. And rubber gloves...

What Petit Rouge didn’t know, was that a mean old wolf had been watching her do this every day, and felt pity for her. Wolfie thought that at her age, Grandma should know better, and even if she did play bingo into the evening, she should be able to at least rinse out her empty beer cans, and bring them in for recycling. Always recycle, kids.

So Wolfie pretended to be a gas meter reader one morning, and jumped Granny – with the help of three little pigs, he swept her off to rehab. She cursed like a sailor the whole way, and at one point offered warm muffins to any of the pigs willing to release her. It was a close call, but the pigs remained firm, and checked Granny in.

Not wanting to freak Petit Rouge out when she came over later that day, Wolfie spent considerable time dressing up like Granny, right down to the three shades of green eye shadow she favoured. Wolfie was a bit surprised to discover that he felt awfully comfortable in his new wardrobe. Really comfortable…

When Petit Rouge came over, Wolfie had intended on acting like Granny - a Granny who
had seen the light, and mended her sloppy, gambling ways. Unfortunately for Rouge, it was dinnertime, Wolfie was hungry, and…I'm afraid to say, he ate her.

The upside was that Wolfie now had a very fashionable red hood to add to his new wardrobe.

And aside from Petit Rouge, they all lived happily ever after…

Chow for now!!