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Friday, June 07, 2013

Penguins vs Bruins: An Extra Puck Will Turn The Tide!

So here's my plan, and I offer it up freely to the struggling Pittsburgh Penguins. I have a vested interest in their making it through to the next round, as our former Calgary Flames captain Jarome Iginla is with the Pens now, and it would surely be a great thing to see him win a cup ring with them this year....

First off, both Pittsburgh and Boston are fairly close to New Jersey. You can read between the lines to see where this is going, and after a few weeks of recovery, whichever Bruin "takes one for the team" can be well past recovery and out golfing in no time. New Jersey, let me make this perfectly clear - nobody needs to "swim with the fishes", just a little encouragement to let up a bit so that the Pens can score a few goals...

In lieu of drastic measures, I am recommending my primary concept of how the Pens can turn things around, borrowing a few tricks from magicians.

First off, one Penguin (maybe five or six, we need to ensure victory after all) must agree to slip an extra NHL-approved hockey puck into their pocket. That Penguin will then linger around the side or back of the Bruins' net.

When the play is in the Bruins' end, another Penguin must fall onto the puck. Here's where the magic act is going to need absolute precision: With one Pen fallen on the puck, he will need to discreetly slip that into HIS pocket, while a team mate pretends to take a slapshot at the net. At that time, and in an appropriate moment that is neither too soon nor too late, the lingering Penguin by the net must toss the SECOND puck in behind the Bruins goalie, so that it looks like a legitimate score.

Hey, you don't have to worry about the officials. They've been as vigilant as a squinty Cyclops with a 10-Gallon hat pulled down to his nose. It will be the goal judge and whichever fans in sight lines that are sober enough to catch on.

This can work Pittsburgh - at least consider it before YOU are all golfing this weekend....



Mrs That Dan Guy said...

Sign, sadly your mad plan is too late. Penguin down, PENGUIN DOWN!
Man, it was exciting hockey to watch though! Them Boston Brutes! Boston Bumblebees!

Will Iginla ever see the cup?

ThatDanGuy said...

Yup, too late.

I should have passed this directly on to their coach...