NOTE: In light of this being Canada Day, I am giving my grey matter the day off, and recycling an old column. Which technically may indeed have been born in this space initially, but who’s quibbling?

Really, who is it? I want names…

Here’s a (recycled) toast to our country:

Fun Facts About Canada

1) Canada is comprised of 10 (Maybe 9. Could be 11 - I really should confirm this for you…) “provinces”, which are much like U.S. ‘states”, except that 90 % of a province’s population will live in one large city, with most of the rest of that province remaining wide open. For all I know, dinosaurs still roam outside of major Canadian cities…

2) Canada has TWO official languages – English, and French. Any product sold in Canada must have both official languages on ALL of their printed matter, which assists citizens in reading the official language of their choice. Except for Spanish-speaking citizens, who pretty much have to gamble whenever they buy a product, not knowing if it might be Chicken Noodle Soup, or a quart of eggshell house paint…

3) Canada has a love affair with hockey. Over the years, we’ve cheated on hockey with curling, lacrosse, football, baseball, and basketball. Hey, when you have two official languages, you really believe the rules don’t apply to you… Hockey always takes us back, with open arms…

4) Canada has a very temperate climate, rarely ever dropping below +20 Celsius. (HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! My fingers are soooooooooooo cold right now…)

5) Canada maintains some ties with that overseas country, the one with the big-eared Royal Family. As a matter of fact, the Queen is still pictured on a lot of our currency. Has been for decades. However, we look forward to the new currency coming soon from our Royal Canadian Mint – The “Celine Dion” twenty dollar bills, and the “Alex Trebek” Jeopardy series of commemorative coins…

6) Canada is enormous, but on average, about 97% empty. There’s more bare land than there are people living here. For support of this claim, just drive through Saskatchewan, and try finding evidence of settlement or civilization anywhere…

7) Canada has a very high sky. Even if you live in a big city, one of the things you will generally begin to notice about Canada is that the sky is way the hell up there, in the sky.

8) Canada has the largest population of mosquitoes in North America. And 87% of those live in Winnipeg…

9) Canada is home to The Royal Canadian Mounted Police. How often they get mounted is anybody’s guess…

10) Canada is the country of origin for The Canadian Goose – which will crap on beaches and golf courses anywhere, regardless of geographic location. Canadian geese are pretty lackadaisical that way…

11) Canada is one of the few places in the world where a spelling bee will include words like “toque”, “eh”, and “ou est les fenetres?”

Chow for now, fellow Canucks!