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Sunday, January 19, 2014

The Challenges Of Maintaining A Soul Patch

I'll be honest. A much as my beloved wife swoons in uncontrollable lust for me over this sexy soul patch I've had the past few years, it is truly a pain in the ass to try and keep in line.

Some days, it's so far off centre it looks like one of my sideburns is trying to make a run for the Mexican border.

Other days, it has grown into some sort of elliptical pattern, like I was shaving with garden shears on a cart being pulled over gravel by burros.

Today, a handful of hairs are pointed as if trying to give directions horizontally and vertically at the same time. That, or a cat tried to pull part off and got bored.

How is that when you see other people with soul patches, they are always pristine, and Billy Bob Thorntony?? Mine looks like Mr. Bean's hair after pulling a turkey off his head.


I'll just have to live with my imperfections. As long as it inspires her wanton desires, I can live with a soul patch that has no fixed address...



Mrs That Dan Guy said...

Ok. Where do I start? "Swoons in uncontrollable lust over this sexy soul patch"???? What??? It is more like "Oh god, I hear him shaving and now he is cursing. Oh god, please, not that soul patch again!" But one thing is true at least. You could never be a landscaper. People would have trees moulded into shapes one has never seen before. Bah! But alas, I too, must live with your imperfections.
PS I do love your soul patch though, damn it.

ThatDanGuy said...

You can deny it, but how do you explain the longing gaze you spend staring at it when we get home??

Mrs That Dan Guy said...

Well, sometimes I am studying it, noting if I tilt my head slightly to one side, than it looks even.

Thank Q

ThatDanGuy said...


You'd need to be tilted 180 degrees, and drunker than a wino...