I’m officially falling apart….

It may be time to reexamine my health regimen, as it seems that my “regimen” thus far as a predominant couch potato is coming back to bite me in the ass. Yes, that’s right – I said ass…and it ain’t “petite”…

During routine testing for my diabetic control the other week, an EKG found “abnormal T-waves”. I didn’t know anything waved in an EKG. I was well aware of a bunch of spiky lines on paper, but waving?? What in the name of everything holy is modern science capable of now???

Anyways…

So, I was shipped off to see some sort of fancy internal medicine specialist, who advised me that the medical community approaches diabetics as if they have already had one heart attack!! How unfair is that? It’s like my golf handicap just increased after being told I could only use one arm to swing!! It’s like finding out my chocolate chip cookies have tofu and zucchini in them!!

Anyways…

So, this internal medicine specialist has scheduled me for a “stress test”, where I’ll be forced to listen to an entire Justin Timberlake cd.

Kidding, it’s not that bad. I’m going to get some sort of radioactive fluid injected into me, and then I’ll have the proportionate powers of a spider. Or they’ll be able to track my ticker as it pumps the KFC gravy through my veins, to determine the efficiency of my plumbing. Hey, after three of four beers, my plumbing works JUST fine…

So, a new adventure begins. He recommends I lose 60 pounds, so this week we’re gonna poison Sparky.

KIDDING!!! Sheesh…

Fat Actress – meet Fat Writer…

Chow for now!!