How To Hang A Picture

1) First order of business, buy a picture. The following steps will be severely impeded without that single, essential element. NOTE: In addition to classic picture choices such as “Dogs Playing Poker”, you can now also choose from “Dogs Shooting Pool”, “Dogs Making Pasta”, and “Dogs Discussing Global Warming”.

2) Choose an appropriate blank space on an interior wall of your home. While it is indeed possible to hang a picture over existing pictures and/or picture windows, the best location will often be a new space. Plus nails tend to break glass picture windows, FYI…

3) Make sure that you have proper picture hanging hardware. Sure, you could just use a common nail, but often pictures can be heavy, like lead-coated cast iron. It is best to ensure that the picture you’ve taken the time to hang doesn’t fall down from the wall and get damaged, so consider a combination of screw and anchor, or even the added security of something like a railroad track spike. Landlords are very experienced at repairing or replacing drywall, so don’t fret about what the wall will look like after you and your pictures are gone.

4) Once a picture is securely hung, you must ensure that it is level, and therefore pleasing to the human eye. Agreed, a framed photo of Pamela Anderson will be pleasing to the human eye even if it’s as askew as her brainwaves, but to the average viewer (women), a level picture is rather mandatory. In the absence of owning a proper level tool, here’s a handy household tip, utilizing common items you will likely have right around your own home: Place a broom upside down against the wall where your new picture has been hung. Then, once that appears to be level against the side of the picture you have hung, get a mop, and place that alongside the bottom of the picture. This should achieve the same result you’d enjoy from one of those fancy, store-bought leveling tools.

5) Enjoy your new picture.

(Chow for now…)