10 10 10…
Whoo….
Hey, yesterday ended up featuring a couple of mini bonus posts here. I noticed that prickly ole Charlie had loaded his monkey bizness bright and early, but when I checked my morning paper, my review for Stage West had finally run in The Herald – so I posted a link to that (in case you missed it).
Later, doing a quick Google search to see where the online version of the review was sitting, I discovered that the feature had also been picked up by The Windsor Star – so I added yet another link to that.
That’s my story, and I’m stickin’ with it…
Chow for now!!
Chicken Scratch
(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken…)
So…www.eHarmony.cluckfinder.webbernet …
Check.
Enter info:
“Single white poultry lookin’ fer fun-lovin’ hen with healthy plumage…”
Nah…gotta be open ta options…
“Single, dashingly handsome clucker lookin’ fer a hen that don’t fit tha desk-ription uvva cackle-brained egg-layer…”
BUK-AAAAWK!!!!
Sheesh – this online datin’ dialogue is difficult! How does a bird delicately exclude prudes and dimwits, without narrowin’ tha pool a options?
Mebbe I should work on my profile…
BUK-AAAAWK!!!!
“Refined bird, fine pedigree – six-pack slabs. Non-smoker, non-drinker, but I could pick up bad habits when I sleepwalk – just so’s ya know…”
OK, that’s better – but I think I need a hook – or at least more of one than I got on my beak…
“Heir of the Bayer Aspirin family fortune – I coulda been a real pill, but I’m humble even in the lap of lug-shurry. I prefer not ta show off, so if ya feel like just watchin’ TV on our date, I am hip ta that jive…”
BUK-AAAAWK!!!!
UGH – wut else do birds dig these days? A sense a humour? Romantical tendencies?
PFFFFFTTT!!!
Whoops! Probably a lacka gaseous emissions, I’ll bet!! Lay offa tha beans, Chuck…
OK, I need ta submit this – “funny, romantic, gassless bird seeks similar hen of the female variety, fer walks and talks. Must own reliable vehicle…”
Here goes nuthin’…
Cluck fer now!!
Ever feel like you’ve accidentally walked through some kind of time machine portal? Snooping around in HMV the other day, I thought it was still sometime in the mid-1970’s.
Featured albums on the display case by Eric Clapton, Robert Plant, and a new set of remastered music from John Lennon indicates that despite fears to the contrary, modern music isn’t a gaping pool of elephant vomit - as long as talented, enduring artists can still force a toe into the market. But I wonder if 30 or 40 years from now, you’ll still be able to find an album by some of the modern music industry heavyweights riding the top of the pop charts. Probably Lady Gaga, but that’s about it…
Once Bieber’s voice breaks, he’ll be e-mailing Donny Osmond for career advice. Ride the wave while you can, “stars”…
Here’s a link to my latest real estate column – although subject-wise it could apply to darn-near any career you might choose:
http://www.remonline.com/home/?p=6614
If you don’t know someone like this, well...maybe you are one. Ask your friends.
Chow for now!!
If Elvis were still alive today, he’d probably be grinning a little bit at the redemptive irony of a current highly-popular TV show emulating the template of his 60’s movies – which despite making bucket-loads of money, often drew ridicule and considerations his career was over by critics.
Watching “Glee” last night, it hit me that the show is a lot like your average Elvis movie, with the characters bursting into song at the drop of a hat – sometimes without a hat even to be seen anywhere on the screen. If The Cat In The Hat were a guest star on the show, he would have to burst into song as well, which I suppose is better than bursting into flames.
Anyway, my point is that the formula sure seems to work for “Glee”, and despite historical revisionists suggesting otherwise, it worked pretty well for Presley as well.
I say we incorporate it into real life – may be you too could be “caught in a tap”!
If I live to be a thousand years old, I will never understand what possesses songwriters when they sit down to write a song.
Take for example the old Elvis Presley 70's classic “Suspicious Minds”. You’d think it would be about a relationship or something like that, but not when you consider the opening lines, clearly written about…water???
“We’re caught in a tap,
I can’t get out…”
Maybe it’s an allegory of some kind…
Turn on the tap, let that water flow!
Chow for now!
1700 Posts!
Consecutive, no less – 1700 posts without a single day missed – is that some sort of record? Who tracks that sort of thing?
Actually, my 1700th post was yesterday, I failed to make a note in my daytimer, so of course, I missed it. Frankly, I expected Blogger might have sent a bouquet of roses, or some other small token of appreciation, for bringing tens of readers to their site over the last few years.
I won’t write that possibility off just yet, ever the optimist that I am. For the record, Google – I’m a big fan of those cookie bouquets…
Chow for now!!
How To Hang A Picture
1) First order of business, buy a picture. The following steps will be severely impeded without that single, essential element. NOTE: In addition to classic picture choices such as “Dogs Playing Poker”, you can now also choose from “Dogs Shooting Pool”, “Dogs Making Pasta”, and “Dogs Discussing Global Warming”.
2) Choose an appropriate blank space on an interior wall of your home. While it is indeed possible to hang a picture over existing pictures and/or picture windows, the best location will often be a new space. Plus nails tend to break glass picture windows, FYI…
3) Make sure that you have proper picture hanging hardware. Sure, you could just use a common nail, but often pictures can be heavy, like lead-coated cast iron. It is best to ensure that the picture you’ve taken the time to hang doesn’t fall down from the wall and get damaged, so consider a combination of screw and anchor, or even the added security of something like a railroad track spike. Landlords are very experienced at repairing or replacing drywall, so don’t fret about what the wall will look like after you and your pictures are gone.
4) Once a picture is securely hung, you must ensure that it is level, and therefore pleasing to the human eye. Agreed, a framed photo of Pamela Anderson will be pleasing to the human eye even if it’s as askew as her brainwaves, but to the average viewer (women), a level picture is rather mandatory. In the absence of owning a proper level tool, here’s a handy household tip, utilizing common items you will likely have right around your own home: Place a broom upside down against the wall where your new picture has been hung. Then, once that appears to be level against the side of the picture you have hung, get a mop, and place that alongside the bottom of the picture. This should achieve the same result you’d enjoy from one of those fancy, store-bought leveling tools.
5) Enjoy your new picture.
(Chow for now…)
Chicken Scratch
Starring bird-around-town, raconteur and all-around cyber-star Charlie Chicken.
(Editor’s Note: WRITTEN by Charlie Chicken…)
Shoppin’ Day! Time ta re-stock the stogie cabinet!!
BUK-AAAAWK!!!!
Whoo-hoo! Payday, time ta hit tha bricks, and pick up a few Cuban treets, or even just a el-cheap-o American stogie. I loves me tha smell a tabakko in tha mornin’.!
BUK-AAAAWK!!!!
Mebbe I should get some pipe tobacco – add a touch a elegance ta this otherwise dull drivel! Kinda relay a Hue Hefner aura – hee hee..aura…sounds like Bora Bora…
BUK-AAAAWK!!!!
From ther cigar store, I gotta pick up some vino, in case my visit ta tha local tavern bears fruit, of the hen variety. Dashin’ as I is, a lil’ lubricant don’t hurt in tha wee hours of tha mornin’.
Plus, it all helps support my country, what with all tha tax grabs on these so-called “vices”. Or as I likes ta call them, the basics a life.
BUK-AAAAWK!!!!
Better skitter – some clown is eye-ballin’ my favourite ninety-nine cent cigarillos!
Cluck fer now…
10 01 10 (technically 111)
Just watching The Price Is Right, with the new and improved, svelte Drew Carey. Reminded me of this old pic, taken with the more familiar version of the popular comic and game show host.
So, as Drew has shrunk before America’s eyes, my own weight has remained more…ummm…static.
Which could be due to:
1) Accidentally opening a package of soda crackers, and absent-mindedly nibbling on them until the entire package was consume d in one sitting.
2) Accidentally opening a package of Lay’s potato chips, and trying to prove Mark Messier wrong – which is absurd – you really can’t eat just one…
3) Failing miserably in my Oreo “Eating Order” research project (eat top first, eat bottom first, scarf down icing first like a giraffe licking dew off a treetop…there’s just no way that really feels the most right…)
4) Make the tragic mistake of getting into a peanut-eating contest with a cleverly disguised elephant, at the neighbourhood pub during Happy Hour…
5) Volunteer at a market research company the one night they are testing reactions to a new line of peanut butter-coated chicken wings.
Without several of those scenarios, just this past week, I’d be looking just as svelte as Mr. Carey… Yessir.
Chow for now!!
