Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken…)

Zero pounds!!

I’m cluckin’ weightless!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

By the hammer of Thor, I ain’t even as heavy as a pluckin’ dust bunny! A puffa smoke has more density than these ole chicken nuggets a mine!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Wutz tha opposite a Jenny Craig?? Mebbe I can get fat actress Crispy Alley ta help me pack onna few pounds, before I blow away in a light breeze! For Pete’s sake, who weighs nuthin’????

My beer belly issa hollow shell! It could be filled with cloud, fer all I know!

If it weren’t fer gravity, I’d be playin’ a harp in tha heavens sumwhere!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

OK, Charlie – breathe…it’s gonna be OK…

Donuts, potato chips, beer – ya just gotta start consumin’ , and consumin’ fast! I’ll pork out on pork. I’ll fatten up on situated fats.

I’LL TRY AN’ EAT MY WAY OUTTA CAPTAIN HIGHLINER’S FISH FACTORY!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

How embarrassin’….

I’m a cluckin’ wafer uva bird….

See ya at the buffet table, peeps…

Cluck fer now…