Once upon a time there were three little pigs. They lived in a forest that surrounded the suburbs of a major North American city. Sure, it was woody, and filled with silverfish, but there was a Wal-Mart and a Starbucks, so life wasn’t that bad after all.

One day, a wolf from the nearby mountains came to visit. He had read an online article about pork stir-fry, and just couldn’t find an abundance of piggies up in the rugged terrain he called home. Plus, he had a coupon for a dollar off a Grande mocha latte.

Well, the first thing the old wolf sees when he arrives were these three little pigs, napping under a tree by a babbling brook (the brook had a bit of “running dementia”, and could sure carry on with the babbling…).

Fortunately, the old wolf had brought along his non-stick wok, with which he had planned on using to wallop any pigs he came across. However, his arthritic knees popped all the way along his approach, awakening the pigs, and each ran off, squealing all the way home. One had roast beef. One became a nun.

To protect themselves from this vicious predator, each pig decided to build a home. One used straw, which failed preliminary building inspections. The by-law officer burned it down with a flame-thrower, essentially preparing that hapless little piggy for the old wolf. With just a dash of sweet and sour sauce, Piggy #1 was a delightful complement to a side of chop suey.

Hey, isn’t that how you call a piggy?? “Soo-ee!!!” Ironic…

Tune in next time, to see how the other two piggies fared.

Chow for now!!