University Of Calgary

Department Of Dance

Professional Series II

“Why Dance? 3D”

www.dance.ucalgary.ca

The Thursday Morning “Nobody-Asked-Me-To, But-Here-I-Go-Anyway” Review: “Professional Series II – Why Dance? 3D”

(or, “Why Only A Select Few Consider Me A Professional Reviewer…”)

 

“Shadows and lights, on a Saturday night,
If you're feeling a little bit crazy,
In the shadows and lights, it's a double delight,
Oh what can you do to amaze me?”

 - from “Shadows & Lights”, by Chris de Burgh

 

First off, this review is for a production that Mrs. That Dan Guy and I happened to attend WEDNESDAY night, not Saturday – but I’m not about to tinker with well-written lyrics. I couldn’t get that song out of my head after seeing this show, so you’ll just have to work around a little bit of confusion – and before I forget, this show is on again tonight, so if you’re in the Calgary area, make sure you try and fit in into your day-timer.

Not that that particular song was actually used in the show, it just sprang to mind after the creative use of lighting and shadows by the various dancers. No, the music was more of a percussive paradise of relentless rhythms – blends of world, club, and even a brief snippet of the classic rock variety. If you were a toe-tapper, you were powerless resisting the well-chosen beats.

I am getting ahead of myself. I should note before I get too far along that I’m really not that big a fan of dance in general. Don’t watch “So You Think You Dan Dance”. No interest in “Dancing With The Stars”. Whenever dance acts appear on competition shows like “America’s Got Talent”, I find myself searching for the prize in the Cracker Jack’s bag. I wouldn’t know a Samba from a fox with the trots.

So, it’s always a pleasant surprise to be taken by surprise, and get completely wound up in the creative efforts of a talented troupe like this, during last night’s show. Passion, energy, and grace from a wide range of dancers, on a 2-level stage that lent itself to multiple showcases (and the afore-mentioned use of shadows and lights…).

It’s amazing what you can do with no special effects, or Cirque-sized settings. With just the speed of motion, arms appeared as blurred and unfocused as my travel photographs. You couldn’t help but be informed that dance isn’t restricted to 50-pound waifs, as every dancer exhibited endurance beyond my comprehension.

Speaking of waifs, during “The Percussive Song With The Whistle”, five dancers formed a line and pose similar to something you might see in ballet (yes, I have been to ballet – I’m not a COMPLETE cultural hillbilly…). Neat effect coupled with the modern, expressive, visceral dance.

Also a neat effect – the multi-media aspect, featuring screens alternately incorporating the dancers themselves, or simply an article of clothing. Worked well within the performance, I thought.

After bringing the entire show back to where it started, the dancers invited audience members (many of them family and friends, I suspect) to join them. Mrs. That Dan Guy and I had to depart, but it was an exuberant, inclusive end to a captivating performance.

Two toe-tapping digits up!

Tomorrow, check back for my review of Stage West Calgary’s “All Shook Up”, a link to Saturday’s official Calgary Herald review, and my audio interview with the star of that just-opened show!

Charlie will be bumped to Sunday morning…

Chow for now 

I’m going to be interviewing Elvis!!


Well, technically the Elvis-esque star of the new Stage West Calgary production of “All Shook Up” – so you can look forward to a review here in this space, a future link to the official Calgary Herald review, plus the audio interview which will be available as a free download wherever you get your finer, fine downloads from.

I caught a media preview yesterday, and the snippet the cast performed looked pretty good. We’ll see how it all comes together when Mrs. That Dan Guy and I see the whole Shamu tomorrow night.

Now, where did I pack my bejeweled white jump suit????

Chow for now!!

I am cautiously optimistic, but there is growing evidence that Canadian Winter may be releasing us from his or her icy grip. Sure, there’s still snow everywhere, and the temps are remaining below zero, but I can feel circulation returning in six of my eleven toes, a clear indication warmer times are imminent.


It is early, so I may be a tad premature bidding o revoir to snow and frostbite. I mean, we could still get several blizzards before August, being in Alberta. Heck, we could still see Santa before August…

Ah well, today the sun is shining, and the polar bears have switched to their spring coats. Count those small blessings while you can…

Chow for now!!

I Believe (that):


Apple sauce is more about the saws than the apples…

Lassie probably had a pretty good head on her shoulders. Well, what with being a dog and all, “ahead” of her shoulders…

As often as the price is right, it could also occasionally be left…

You don’t see many hunting trophies following surfin’ safaris…

Aren’t all those plasma TV’s out there diverting valuable product from blood banks?

There are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, and way too much of all of those in your average reality TV show…

Uranus might want to consider an annual check-up…

A spoonful of medicine helps the sugar go down, especially if you’re diabetic…

If the devil is always in The Details, who’s looking after things in Hell?

My “estate” is pretty much going to be a recipe card for toast, and clothes from the past 5 decades…

Even though a picture is supposed to be worth a thousand words, none of those are likely to be “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”, or “Oxnard”.

It is time to wrap this folly up….

Chow for now!!

Oh the weather outside is frightful,


(Hey, isn’t this supposed to be spring?)

But the fire is so delightful,

(we set the sofa on fire, in here it’s friggin’ frostbite-full…)

And since we've no place to go,

(all the airplanes are grounded)

Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

(in friggin’ April…)



It doesn't show signs of stopping,

(till August)

And I've bought some corn for popping,

(up Jack Frost’s ass…)

The lights are turned way down low,

(heavy snow has snapped the power lines)

Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

(pass the rum and eggnog – it’s gonna be a long April…)



When we finally kiss goodnight,

(with those blue, blue lips and teeth a’chatterin’)

How I'll hate going out in the storm!

(unless I see a Greyhound marked “Hawaii”)

But if you'll really hold me tight,

(my circulation might return)


All the way home I'll be warm.

(it’s a deceptive stage of hypo-thermia…)

The fire is slowly dying,

(the chimney flue iced over)

And, my dear, we're still good-bying,

(In the matter of the estate of…)

But as long as you love me so,

(cause I’m holding the comforter…)

Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

(BUT NOT IN GODDAM APRIL….)

Chow for now...

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger and music connoisseur Charles D. Chicken…)

Happy “Record Store Day”!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Howdy hoomans, and I sher hope yer supportin’ yer local record store taday – IF YA CAN FIND ONE!!!!

Yuk Yuk Yuk!!!

Beleeve it or not, taday is Record Store Day, an that’s why I’m posin’ by one a my valuable vinyls – “Chick” Corea. Groovin’, man!

If I could post ‘em all, I’d include all my Wings records, an tha classic by The Emeralds – “The Bird Dance”. More commonly known in cultured circles as “Tha Chickin Dance”!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

There’s so many others I useta collect, before them hi-falutin’ CDs deprived me uv tha joy a vinyl. Now vinyl’s returnin’, like them poultry bumps on my back (an tha rash on my knees, but tha’s anuther story…)

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

I wooda recommended tha Zac Brown Band’s big record from a coupla years ago, but when I found out “Chicken-Fried” didn’t mena that tha birds wuz just “buzzed”, I hadta take a hard stand against the cannibalistic tones of tha song. CANNIBALS!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

So, in no particular order, here’s summa my favourite ole vinyl singles:

“Ain’t Nobody Here But Us Chickens”.

Wut?? That’s it???

Well, I can see I gotta hit the Googler, ta fine me sum new music…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Cluck fer now…

The end is nigh. Nearby, even…


I post these little blathering every morning on one of those so-called netbook computers.We got it some time ago with a refund from an extended warranty – probably the only time in history THAT worked out…

Or did it? This thing has been acting funkier and funkier, plus the battery now has about the lifespan of a piece of warm toast.. The other day, I passed it over (fully-charged) to Mrs. That Dan Guy, and in that brief exchange, the battery went dead. Even now, it’s like watching the second hand on a watch, as I type this.

Well, it was a good run. I’ve learned to type on a keyboard about as big as a mushroom cap. All things must pass.

Just like gas from MTDG….

Chow for now!!

                                                        Springtime In Canada…


Yessir folks, we wanted to live here! Yet another glorious spring day in the shadows of the majestic Rocky Mountains. Under a blanket of fresh snow. Actually, more like R2200 insulation than a flimsy little blanket…

To drive Mrs. That Dan Guy into work this morning, we left the house at 8 PM last night. Tested our four-wheel-drive to get back onto the roads after sliding onto boulevards and sidewalks.

On the way back home, I saw a couple of snow-weary polar bears beating the ever-lovin’ bejeesus out of a local TV weatherman. Tow truck company receptionists answer their phones with “no habla Anglais, Duetsch, et Espanol. No habla period.”…

Spotted a bouquet of tulips boarding a Greyhound bus heading south.

More snow coming over next couple of days. Determining where I should crawl in for renewed stretch of hibernation.

Call me in August…

Chow till then.

Like Alan Jackson sang in his haunting 9-11 anthem “Where Were You When The World Stopped Turning”, I’m not a real political man.


However, let me see if I can wrap myself around this ongoing Canadian election campaign:

- Current Prime Minister Stephen “Tony Soprano” Harper would rather scare Canadians than offer anything of substance. His repeated bleat of preference is “we don’t want an opposition coalition”. As a minority government, ironically he survives as a coalition government, currying the favour of whichever party (the dastardly Bloc Quebecois included) will support his initiatives.

- His government was brought down as a result of corruption over indifference to the appropriate conduct within parliament – yet he still feels we should reward that behavior as voters with a majority mandate! He’d be right at home running Egypt, Libya, or Iran…(the fact that there’s oil in the mix of our public consciousness makes that analogy even more interesting…).

- He’s pudgy – which even by the most basic advice you see on résumé sites suggests he would have trouble getting hired in the competitive job market. Combine that with his age, and politics really is his only option as a career path…

- His party began running campaign ads long before the government was brought down – I’d suggest that indicates they were planning an election long before the rest of the parties decided to vote against them. Even though he continues to blame all the other parties for causing yet another election.

I say get the facts (certainly not the personal opinion of some nut-bar online blogger) before you make your decision for voting day.

I think you can figure out who I WON’T be voting for…

Chow for now…

Hey, don’t miss my monthly "business" column – celebrities and super sales agents often employ costly “life coaches”. Why can't the rest of us take advantage of prudent, inspirational advice?
I offer a practical (and free) alternative:


http://www.remonline.com/home/?p=8342

You’re welcome!!

Chow for now…

Holy Crow!

Brainfart!!!

I type my posts up first thing every day in a Word doc, after several bad experiences in the early days  of doing this blog. Then I copy and paste them here. End of story, usually.

Today (the 11th, of all days), I somehow forgot to post it, after getting it done.

Good Golly - well, here it is anyway - so sorry:

***************************************************************************

I need to start deciding my blog topics in advance – these past few mornings have been a traumatizing display of anguish, hand-wringing, and blame-placing. I’ve taken it almost as hard as Mrs. That Dan Guy.


I do prefer to just “wing it”, with these daily postings, either relying on something we’ve done recently, something we’ve watched on the telly over night, or just acting on whatever random thought is travelling through my cranium each morning.

Lately though, like Old Mother Hugger, the cranium has been bare. Not a pretty sight. Worse yet for readers, and I do hate to disappoint my tens of followers.

Well, it is what it is. With nothing else coming to mind this fine Monday morning, here’s my review of last night’s episode of “Matching Colours”, on HGTV:

“Mesmerizing!”

Chow. For now…

Argy’s Collectibles, Winnipeg Free Press

“Record Store Day”

Here’s a link to a great piece in the Winnipeg Free Press on “Record Store Day”, featuring some input from my ole amigo Ray Giguere of “Argy’s” Collectibles (NOT Arby’s, as the article suggests. Great, now I feel like picking up a roast beef sandwich…):

http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/local/the-vinyl-frontier-119557369.html

When I first started finding success writing humour, I wrote an opus article myself on the joys of visiting record stores, which I did throughout my entire youth. Something youth now sadly forsake in favour of funneling their Bieber through digital downloads. It just ain’t the same kids!!

Actually, I now reference that piece (which never did get published) in my “Add Some Funny To Your Writing” courses, as a glaring example of…BAAAAAD writing! It was indeed a car wreck of a piece, with way too much over-the-top exaggeration and about 1100 words too many for the idea. It never did get into a "groove" (hee hee hee...).

Anyhoo.......
There you have it folks – check out the article, and/or better yet, take the time to savour a sensation from another generation – the delight of classic vinyl!

Chow for now…

Chicken Scratch

(posted by a perplexed weekend guest blogger, the apparent poultry pauper Charlie Chicken…)

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

$44 Billion!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

What the pluck – Scrooge McDuck is worth $44 cluckin’ billion??? How duzza chicken get written inta that duck’s will???

By the pinfeathers of Thor – that’s a whole lotta chicken scratch!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

If I wuz them dasterdly Beagel Boyz, I woulda studied a little harder ta pry them bucks outta ole Scroogie! Sheesh – even coppin’ his change purse would be worth a few mille… I could doze on duck down for decades with that kinda moolah!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Wut I wanna know is how a cartoon duck acquires that kinda grease. Amway? Sham-Wow shares?

Mebbe he wuz one a tha monsters that created Windows….

AAAARGHHH!!!!!

OK Charlie…calm down…think….

Mebbe I gotta offer him premium interest rates, at tha “Bank A Associated Poultry Fellows”. Located in Scotland, ta sweeten tha pot?

Straight ta tha Gran cluckin’Kaymenz islands if I get my claws on a nickel….

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Cluck fer now…

W. Bruce Cameron

“Columnist Of The Year”, http://www.columnists.com/ 
“A Dog’s Purpose”

This piece linked below originally appeared in eVent Magazine, a weekly supplement to The Kelowna Daily Courier. However, I recently came across it as an online link to the main paper’s digital site:

http://www.kelownadailycourier.ca/includes/datafiles/print.php?id=197288&title=Talkin%91%20funny%20with%20Bruce%20Cameron%3CbR%3E

Worth a read, and if you scroll back up afterwards to click on the photo montage above today’s post, you can listen to the full interview.

Mr. Cameron has just been named “Columnist of the Year” by the National Society Of Newspaper Columnists, his latest book “A Dog’s Purpose” has spent several of the past few months on the New York Times best-seller list (there’s a link on this blog page to my Amazon review), and he’s at work adapting the book into a feature film for DreamWorks.

Why try and come up with something original here when there’s quality product I can recycle????

 :-)

Chow for now!!

Hmm. I thought when I joined Networked Blogs recently that I’d get to read about network TV shows. It’s not like that at all!


Basically, the site is like a Facebook page for bloggers, on Facebook. Or very close to Facebook, like a cousin or BFF. Like a roadrunner or KFC to a Kie-O-Tee…

I digress…

Actually, I knew what I was getting into when I joined, as many of my colleagues in various online groups and real-life associations are already active members. And, more exposure never hurt anyone, right – any Tiger-blooded Warlocks out there wanna give me a “Amen, Brother”??

So, by tomorrow at the latest, I hope to come up with something TO blog about, and therefore by association, network.

Until then, isn’t The Price Is Right on network TV? around this time of day??

Chow for now!!!

Today I would like to salute OPEC, and ALL the participating member nations.


OPEC – “Over-Priced Energy Creators”.

Well done OPEC, well done…SA-LOOT!!

Chow for now…

Now that this blog is part of the Networked Blogs space, I suppose I’ll have to start taking greater efforts to raise my game.


Or, I could just point out that my game is more Hop-Scotch than Angry Birds, and hope that all the added features distract readers from the silliness that passes for actual posting here.

Time will tell – if you’re a new visitor, check out my recommendations over to the right. Download a free episode of my ongoing entertainment audio interview series. And (just sayin’) check back Saturday morning for something a little different – NOT for the faint of heart…just sayin’…

Chow for now!!

Should be a fun drive into Mrs. That Dan Guy’s work tonight, as a major road has been shut down permanently to accommodate expanding the Calgary airport. Despite having had a year to prepare, it comes as no surprise that much of the work to accommode alternate road accesses hasn’t been completed just yet, which should make for much hilarity during rush hour.


My prediction is that the city and the airport authority will regret this little foray sooner rather than later. The road closed was a major artery, used for years. With nothing but surging city growth over the past few years, removing a major roadway should really grind traffic to a halt at awful times of the day - this should be loads of fun to unaffected observers.

That would be me, not MTDG…

Chow for now!

“April showers, brings May flowers.”

“April snow, brings…Nanook the Eskimo???”

Ah, springtime in Canada. I know, there’s not much difference (viewing the photographic evidence) between, Spring, Fall, Summer and Winter here, but nonetheless, it bears witness as a gentle reminder that WE COULD BE LIVING IN FRIGGING FLORIDA!!!!!!!!!

Ahem…

Chow for now…

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger, Frostbite Chuck…)

Oh, Canada…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Jus when tha cluckin’ snow melts aroun’ here, the next logical thing is ta have MORE pluckin’ snow fall – a wing-flappin’ blizzerd!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

As ya can sees frum tha lawn chair buried over there, the hoomans aroun’ here determined that winter had moved along.

EL-WRONG-O!!

Snow predicted all weekend, an as I type this, geese is gatherin’ ta fly back down south – who needs this “ship”?? It’sa crocka “ship”!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

I pity them poor jackrabbits that’s all over tha place aroun’ here – they been startin’ to turn darker colours frum their snow-white winter fur, ta blend in better with tha summer mud tones. They better get to a paint store, an pick uppa few quarts a Egg-Shell White – they’ll stick out like a sore bum with darker fur!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Well, I better shovel outta path – my smokes are runnin’ low, an that ain’t acceptable!

Cluck fer now…

In about 50 minutes from now, Mrs. That Dan Guy will report for yet another surreal experience in this ongoing Twilight Zone that we call our lives these days. She has been summoned for jury duty!


We have no idea what the case may be, or if she will even be chosen, but it just adds another car to the Rollercoaster Of Surreal we seem to be caught on lately. If it’s a criminal case, she could be tied up for a week or more. If it’s a civil case, it may be just a day.

I tried to get her to wear a monocle, or bring a couple of cats, but she’s just a spoilsport when it comes to doing things by the book.

And, even though today is April Fool’s,, this is NOT a gag – she really is going to be (possibly) a juror.

Good thing we used to watch L.A. Law faithfully. I did remind her that only the lawyers can holler “Objection!”

Chow for now…

Aye Caramba!


Or, should I say “hola”?

Yesterday I Tweeted a gag on Vincent Van Gogh’s favourite song, without any knowledge that it was actually his birthday! What are the odds of diong something like that – a few billion to one? Insane…

It was actually conceived after an e-mail exchange with my sister, yet somehow serendipitously got posted on the famed artist’s birthday. You just can’t plan for stuff like that.

Well, I imagine if one was inclined to actually research and plan their writing efforts, maybe the odds would be a lot closer. That’s something you can certainly rely on rarely happening in this space!

Chow for now…

I’m pretty sure I saw a puddy tat.


I DID!! I DID!!

No, wait…that was Sylvester…

I did not see a puddy tat…

Chow for now.

I’ve been relatively fortunate over the years here, with respect to spammers. Considering the locations of my audience from Google Analytics, I would expect it to be to a lot worse.


The last couple of days, a group of online casinos (probably all the same virtual owner) have been posting comments, almost making some small degree of sense relative to the actual blog post. But not really, so I’ve taken them down, which is really easy now with the Comments section feature. You can not only remove unwanted comments with no trace that they ever existed, you can mark them as spammers at the same time.

It is a delight. Not so much for the spammers, but certainly for myself, and my readers in Belarus. No ruse here!!

Chow for now…

I understand that blogs are somewhat passé these days, abandoned in droves for the micro-blogs of the Twitter world. Which would make perfect sense, as I have now linked almost everything I do online here now, instead of back over at my old main traditional website (which I really should reactivate…). Just in time for readers to have abandoned ship – excellent!


Oh well, at least I Tweet, so hopefully there will continue to be a few dinosaurs like myself that continue to visit old-fashioned blog sites like these. The social media sphere is a fickle place, which is why I’m trying a bit of everything these days. Like that fertilizing fly food that you fling at a wall, something has to eventually stick. Or stink…

Chow for now!!

In America (the U.S. of A.), if a politician were to be found in contempt of the very system they proclaimed to stand for, they would likely face some sort of sanctions, be asked to step down and hastily hustled off into the hinterlands, or be impeached.


In Canada, if you are found to be in contempt of parliament, you get a mulligan. The government is dissolved, and an election is called. The hope is that you will simply surf back into power, having pressed the reset button. Taa-dah!! I'm ba-ack!!

Well, I for one hope that the current regime has pressed the ejection seat button, and that they get formally invited by the people of Canada to explore the hinterlands. Let’s get the next batch of liars and promise breakers in, and see what they might do differently…

Chow for now!

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger, and fashionista Charlie Chicken..)

Howdy hoomans!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Check out ma new threads, Peeps – a fancy para "dee-zyner" jeans, left at tha door yesterday. Someone obviously recognizes wut a glamour-puss I iz!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Acid-wash, I suspeck. Ya see these brands on them Calvin Climb models inna magazines all tha time! And now on ole Charlie…

I may hafta head ta tha mall, ta strut ma pinfeathers. Tha chicks dig this sorta stuff. Makes a manly man look even manlier…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

I gotta pick up a copy of that new CD anyway, with tha hit “Friday” song – I wish I wuz as good a songwriter az that lady iz. She’s given The Beeb a run fer his money!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!

I oughta cum up with a song about my new jeans – “New Pants, New Pants, Ha Ha Ha”, or sumthin like that. Mebbe sumthin that actually rimes wood be better…

OK, I’m off ta tha mall – I can workon my song lee-ricks while I’m drivin an text them back to myself…

Cluck fer now!!

Thank God, It’s Fry Day!!


Yessir, this is the one day of the week that I am allowed to indulge in French fries, thanks to that old classic saying about the tasty fast food delight.

I often wonder how these old sayings come about, and if it would have actually been better named if it were “Fries Day” – but who am I to quibble?

Hello Ronald; Well howdy there A & W; Buenos Nachos Burger King – I will have a small order of your freshly deep-fried potatoey things!! Salt them suckers up while you're at it!

Yummy!!!

Thank God for Fry Day….

Chow for now!

(chow down...)

I think I might have wickets - you know, that disease you get when you’re out at sea without fruit.


I haven’t technically been to sea lately per se, but I did have a bubble bath last night, and didn’t have any fruit at all while I was sunken in the suds. I suppose I could have grabbed an apple on my way in, but who can think about all those sorts of logistical concerns – I just wanted to unwind among bubbles…

Now, I’m covered in wickets. I think. It could also just be that I need to put some lotion on my skin.

Maybe I’ll try that, before I make a doctor’s appointment…

Chow for now.

If I could only have one TV show to watch it would have to be, hands down, no contest Showtime’s “Shameless” (yeah, that’s right - we get big-time American programs here in Canada..). Still working through the first season, what a joy ride!


Admittedly not for EVERY taste, the rough-and-tumble adventures of the Gallagher family are like a freakin’ rollercoaster – hilarious one moment, exhausting the next. For such outlandish characters, you can actually see real life through their eyes, unless you’ve perhaps lived a life untainted by anything other than roses and sunshine. If you thought Three’s Company was risqué, you may want to pass on this show…

Of course, how bad can it be, when the talents of William H. Macy are on display, and Emmy Rossum creates a character country miles away from her cherubic Christine in the film version of “The Phantom Of The Opera”??

Like the recently departed and profoundly entertaining “Saving Grace”, “Shameless” is a refuge from the schlock that passes for network television these days. Catch an episode, and let me know if you agree…

Chow for now!!

Nat King Cole was a merry old soul

And a merry old soul was he;
He called for his band, and for a drum roll
And he called for his Fiddlers Three.
Every fiddler had to piddle,
But it was show-time, so no go!
Oh there's none so rare, as can compare
With Nat King Cole and his Fiddlers Three!

Chow for now!!

What does that old saying “till the cows come home” mean, really?


Why would you put off doing something just because your cows are out and about? Why did you let them go out in the first place? If they’re teenage cows, you need to have more rules, I think. If they’re old cows, let ‘em go I say – they ought to know well enough when to come back home.

You frankly need to show your cows who’s the boss (that you are in fact the person in charge, not episodes of the old Tony Danza TV show…). I guess we also need to be honest about what may have happened to make them go out in the first place…how are things at home with you and your cows??

Chow for now…

Ah yes, springtime in Canada – the below-zero temperatures, the fresh snow covering several inches of the ground – why, it’s downright balmy! Where’s my hammock???


Is that a frozen robin I see, on the branch over there? Could be a magpie, hard to tell with the coating of ice…

Guess my tomatoes are goners, having been foolish enough to leave them outside on the patio overnight.

Oh-oh…speaking of that…has anyone seen Sparky??

Oh my…

Chow for now!!

Chicken Scratch

(posted by a wolfen guest blogger, Charlie “Howlin’” Chicken…)

A-ooooo!!!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

I thinks I’m turnin’ inta a where wolf! Can ya see tha hair sproutin’ from my poultry bumps??

AAA-OOOOOO!!!!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Yessir, I’m like that dude in the Trilite movies, that’s more wolf than actor. I’m a powerful beast a prey, with no mercy fer hoomans. Unless they got some Alpo fer where wolves…

AAA-AAA-OOOOOOO!!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!

Thas right, folks – tha power uv tha full moon has overtaken my gentle demeanour, and awakened tha beast inside, tha beast that craves hooman blood – or mebbe a coupla doughnuts.

Tremble in yer boots, peeples of tha world – tremble I tell ya!! I am unable ta control tha forces that inhabit ma body. I’m also unable ta control my bladder apparently – I really gotsta pee rite now…

Well, I suppose I can terrorize hoomanity later, I see one uv them local jackrabbits by the bushes, so I better make chase (after I use the little chicken’s room)…

AAAAAA-OOOOOOOO!!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Cluck fer now.

Whoo-Hoo!


As of this morning, officially surpassed 2000 downloads of my audio interview series!!

http://thatdanguy.libsyn.com/ (or just click on the photo collage above)

Author Will Ferguson, actor Jamie Farr, cartoonists Chuckle Bros., and author/screenwriter W. Bruce Cameron tied for first place. Listeners coast-to-coast in North America, plus downloads in Japan, U.K., and China.

Chow for now!!

Almost forgot (scroll down to read actual post made earlier this morning)

Happy Anniversary, Such Is Life!

Here's the first post from 2006:

http://thatdanguy.blogspot.com/2006/03/such-is-life.html

Chow (until you read the following post) for now...

Cn I mke n entire post without using the first letter of the lphbet?


Probbly, but it will sure look wcky!

I cn see why Wheel Of Fortune gets so mny of those letters clled. Very useful in mny words…

One thing I sure won’t be ble to use, the bbrevition for lcoholics nonymous!

Or tht orgniztion for utomobiles, tht rescues them on the rodside…

Hee Hee! I’m sure giving Spellcheck grief with this bit…

Not to mention nyone trying to red this…

Chow for now!!

Have you ever looked at a new Word doc, and wondered what was behind the fresh white page? On my computer, there’s a blue background, but I can’t quite make out what’s behind the page…


There’s a shadow, over to the right, so it really just seems to reinforce that there IS something behind the page. Maybe more pages? Maybe a duck?

Maybe a babbling brook, teeming with wildlife, bathing beauties, and Grizzly Adams?

Not sure how all that would fit behind there, but it sure is on my list of suspects…

Chow for now.

Steve Martin

“Rare Bird Alert”

Most vivid dream in a looooong time last night, and the first one I’ve remembered in quite some time as well…

Details are sketchier now that I’m awake, but in a nutshell, Mrs. That Dan Guy and I joined her sister and hubby from the “Hood”, on a Thanksgiving vacation to Steve Martin’s farm. Yes, Steve Martin, the banjo-playing actor and comedian. Turns out the in-laws knew him and his family, and finagled us an invite along with them.

Nice spread by the way – the Martin farm…

However, Mr. Martin was entirely indifferent to me, even though I tried explaining to him that I was a huge fan, and had even recently written to his record company to try and acquire a review copy of his new CD – “Rare Bird Alert” with his bluegrass banjo band (true story BTW – available in stores this week!! And don’t forget to catch him on Letterman Wednesday!).

Anyhow, while wandering around some of his farm’s outbuildings, I managed to find a big pile of…well…there’s no pretty way to say this, but – manure. Coming as no big surprise to Mrs. That Dan Guy, I somehow managed to end up coming into contract with said manure, causing her much embarrassment.

That’s about the time I woke up.

Wonder what it all means??

Chow for now!!

The Big Yawn


Read a piece in the paper a day or so by yet another entertainment writer, sniveling about what he referred to as anthemic songs. In a nutshell, his soapbox was covered with spittle over artists and songs he felt are vastly overplayed, over-rated, and entirely unnecessary. I think the spark for his piece was the latest single from Lady Gaga “Born This Way”, and he blasted songs from the past few decades including “I Will Survive”, “Greatest Love Of All”, and others similar (as in NOT recorded by some unknown indie artist only he and twelve other people worship).

At any rate, it gets a bit tiresome after awhile, all these “experts” blathering on about songs we need to be protected from. The problem is, most of the songs he referred to have sold multiple millions of copies, and the artists (for the most part, rehab stays excluded) have sold out arenas and stadiums to adoring fans since releasing many of the aforementioned songs.

Here’s my humble philosophy on this – taste is subjective, opinions don’t seem to be. Most critics feel that mass appeal is a symptom of poor taste, and therefore endeavour to shield us all from these offensive performers.

Really? Let’s put it this way – even the worst bubble gum music from the 1960’s STILL finds airplay somewhere. Yet have you seen a review from the 60’s anywhere? We all still remember the Gloria Gaynor hit “I Will Survive”, but are newspapers and websites ANYWHERE still running poor reviews of the song?

If someone can sell 20, 000,000 copies of a song, and sell out a 20,000 seat arena, I’ll listen to the critics when they can do the same thing with one of their reviews.

'Nuff said…

Chow for now!!

Whack-a-do, Whack-a-do, Whack-a-do-do-do.


Chow for now…

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken…)

Random (Chicken) Thoughts

Don’t buy me no brush fer my birthday, I already gotsa comb!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Sure, mebbe ya got “goosed” in tha past, but ya ain’t lived till ya been “chickened”…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Gotta get out this weekend, I bin feelin’ cooped up lately…

(Hee Hee Hee…)

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

I only work one day a week – itsa claws in my contract…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!

I’m gonna donate my lips ta sigh-ence wen I pass on – so they can use ‘em inna lab as beakers!!

(Har Har Har…here all week folks, try the chicken feed…)

BUK-AAAAWK!!!

I gotta new Twitter account. Thinkin’ a callin’ it “Chicken-@!#* My Dad Says”…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Omigod I’m funny – so funny I could just cackle…mebbe I should find a open mike nite somewhere.

Cluck fer now!

If I Were A Carpenter (My Bookshelf Wouldn’t Look Like A Triangle…)


Chow for now….

New information out regarding quantity of wood woodchucks capable of chucking.
Variants include size and age of each woodchuck, size of wood chucked, and prevailing weather conditions.
Also factored into equation: altitude, density (forest versus flat open space), fitness regimens, steroid use, specialized training, and variable of termite infestations.
Charting variants per capita, grouped by ages, best guess is a woodchuck would chuck as much wood as comparably-sized woodchucking mammals.
Now you know...
Chow for now!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Darkness Comes At Night

Chapter Four

Chester dropped his cigarette to the ground, absent-mindedly grinding out any lingering hot cherry. As he was snuffing out the smoke, he realized he had just lit the thing. Maybe it was time to start focusing a little bit more.

Standing just outside the shadow of the streetlamp, Chester blended into the beigeness of the sidewalk’s concrete. After two hours of standing in the shadows, without clients to observe, he questioned his motives – was it really supposed to be Tuesday night, or Thursday – the damn days just look so much alike on the calendar…

Determining his skulking to be a misguided effort, Chester adjusted his hat, took off the listening device cleverly concealed as a Sony Walkman – and wandered up to his favourite late-nite coffee shop. The Bottomless Cup was closed however, legal notations posted on the glass window. Seems they had fallen into rent arrears somehow. Chester grumbled, and started down the sidewalk towards his studio apartment.

Just a few feet from the coffee shop, gunshots rang out – close enough to merit his investigation.

Close enough, had he not come to his stakeout unarmed. Taking a wide circle away from the direction of the shots, Chester blended into the darkness. The darkness that comes at night…

(Chow for now…)

"The lone and whining road,

Leads me to Ecuador.


Will never mist appear,


I’ve seen that goat be-fo-ore…


It always Leeds my hair,


Leeds me to Ecuador…."


Thang Q, here all week folks!!!! Try the veal...

Chow for now!!

Today, I’m getting on the bandwagon, and finally going green.


On second thought, maybe I should have a doctor look at this questionable toe…

Chow for now!!

Shouldn’t that old hit pop song have actually been titled “I’m Leavin’ IN a Jet Plane”??
After more than 23 years, search for Waldo officially called off…

New male pattern balding discovered: paisley.

Young Paris Hilton sees oven in use: “That’s hot!”

Building hut in back yard. Thinking of calling it “Jabba”…

Arborist doing inventory: One, two, tree, four…

Wouldn’t advertising flyers be far more interesting if they actually flew??

Chimney sick – think it has the flue…

Less hazardous, costly super-hero musical planned for Broadway: “The Amazing Caterpillar-Man”.

How planning and procrastination bit me in the ass: Should have taken the time to finish writing the full name of my business on the company van before heading off to pick up Junior at school yesterday. Had a devil of a time trying to explain to the arresting officers that the name of my business is Free Weed REMOVAL…

Need to get new internet toaster – too many pop-ups denied lately…

Mad Hatter medicated, now just miffed.

(Chow for now…)

Chicken Scratch

(posted from the Hoosegow apparently, by incarcerated weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken…)

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Guard! Occifer? Occifer???

Hey, we’re outta bathroom tissues here,or even a few wood shavings! Howza bird gonna do his bizness??

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

What a pickle!! Man, ya firget ta pay fer one lousy Bieber CD, an tha Fuzz gets all bent outta shape. Now, I’m dancin’ ta tha Jailhouse Rock!!

Actually, I’m dancin’ aroun’ either petrified mice, or really solid dust bunnies. Ain’t these jokers ever hearda brooms??

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Hey guard guy! Yo, screw!!

Marco?

Polo??

If only I had a few more feathers, or wore pants – I’da never got caught! Curse that musical genius for releasin’ remixes a his hits!! I can't resist his melodies!!

Hey, how long can they hold ya for, if ya confess ta yer crime? Damn my bum knee, and ingrown toenails!! So much fer a quick getaway…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Guard!! Lemme talk ta my lawyer, an do ya mebbe got any Johnny Cash records I can lissen to??

I needta make sum calls…

Cluck fer now!!

To Blog, or Not To Blog…


I Blog, Therefore I Am…

A Blog From My Hand Is Worth Two Anheuser-Busch…

Tis A Fah Fah Better Thing to Do, To Blog…

You know, a person could really milk this for hours. With no raging topic today (seriously, the cyber-world has milked every possible iota out of the ongoing Sheen lunacy, I’d say), I find myself once again tap-dancing to get a post whipped together this morning.

At least tomorrow Charlie will arise from his slumbers to help out. Today, I must face the keyboard alone, without a friend, without a peacock feather - without a tiara.

Feathers? Tiara? I’ve probably said too much…

Until tomorrow then…

Chow for now!!

I’m pretty sure that there’s a cat, or other animal under our bed. We haven’t had pets for many years now, thanks to my suddenly developing an allergy to pet dander. However, SOMETHING must be living under our bed, because throughout the night I hear (and smell –whew!!) foul things. Frightening things. Things that would make a weaker man whimper.


Mrs. That Dan Guy SWEARS it isn’t her, but I kinda wonder if she’s lying. She sure giggles when these infractions “let loose”. And she often waves the blankets. Frankly, I’m just not buying the animal defence…

Chow for now!!

Cold snap for the foreseeable future. Hope to feel my knuckles again sometime in April…


Yes, it is colder than a penguin’s fish locker right now here in Calgary, and if you can believe what you hear (you should, especially if it came from TV), it may get even colder. Have to dig around and find my long underwear.

Say, has anyone ever invented battery-operated knickers? Just what the doctor ordered for frigid weather…

While I try and survive this latest onslaught of Canadian hardiness building, check out my latest REM column, poking fun at city slogans. Maybe ours should have been “Calgary – We’ll Flash-Freeze Your Meat…”

http://www.remonline.com/home/?p=7935

Chow for now!

I hereby notify the execs, producers, and talent scouts at CBS that I am available immediately to fill any recently vacated roles on certain hit sitcoms. Frankly, I’m two-and-a-half men just by myself…

Chow for now!!

If you can believe Google Analytics, this blog is being read on four of the seven continents. Kinda makes sense when compared to my podcast interview series, which has downloads recorded via their own tracking, plus i-Tunes, indicating listeners coast-to-coast across North America, the UK, Germany, France, China and most recently – Japan. I think I can attribute the Japanese connection to author Will Ferguson, who has some history there (along with family, if I’m not mistaken).


This sort of news buoys me up slightly, after some of the disappointments from last night’s Academy Awards. Unlike the Grammy Awards, which ROCKED this year, the Oscars seemed lost in the wilderness. Some nice surprises, some pleasing (and expected) wins, but mostly a muddle. I think the moral of the story is that you need an entertainer to host, not just popular stars either young or old.

Maybe some cut-aways to Charlie Sheen ranting would have spiced things up a bit?

Maybe I should offer Charlie up for next year’s duties? Hey, if they want edgy…

On a positive note, the Calgary Flames won their match-up last nite, so The “C” of Red gets closer and closer to joining the playoffs this year. Who’da thunk it?

Chow for now!

Looks like one of the few strands keeping me digitally sane may be unraveling, which can’t bode well for my own mental threads…


The past month or so, my little net-book has been acting funky. Running Windows XP, it has allowed me to post these daily dribbles and drabbles, as well as let me jump on to a computer without: a) waiting 90 minutes for it to boot up, and b) not having to use Windows Vista 24-7.

Well, it started with poor battery life. I used to get a week with my limited access, but now as soon as I turn it on the battery ion starts to visibly drain like an hourglass. I’m actually lucky to GET an hour out of it. Kind of defeats the purpose of being a laptop.

Now, it’s also gotten as sluggish as Dagwood Bumstead’s friend and hammock-loving neighbour – I may as well hit a key, then go grab a coffee before I try and type the next one – It’s about as speedy as an anchor stuck in fresh mud. Never used to be that bad.

Worse, it now flashes other programs briefly in the background. Let’s say I go to open a Word doc – I’ll see a flash of something like Windows Media Player appear for a millisecond, then vanish as quickly as the apparition appeared. Also, when I actually click on Windows Media Player, it takes a few tries to conjure it up from the ether before it actually arises from the grave to load.

I had a glimpse recently of Windows 7. I’m not sure if it was just an oasis for a man dying of thirsty in a digital desert, but it sure seemed to be a slick operating system. Then again, my toaster looks like a slick operating system compared to what I’m working with right now.

Why couldn’t I have been born wealthy, instead of just attractive, wise, witty, flexible-for-my-age, and patient????

Chow for now…

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken…)

“Failed GLEE Auditions, # 12, 897

 – featuring Cornelius D. Chicken”

“Climb every mountin’,

Search hives below,

Follow country highways,

Every path and corn row.

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Climb every mountin’,

Ford and Hyundai,

Follow pretty rainbows,

'Till you find your ice cream.

BUK-AAAAWK!!!

CLIMB EVERY MOUNTIN’,

Till you find ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!!”

BUK-AAAAWK!!!

Cluck fer now…

“Better go get the chicken…”


No, that’s not a farmer speaking, or an employee at a Canadian KFC restaurant trying to stretch one of their elderly anorexic hens into a couple of 20-piece bucket measl. That’s just the typical approach to a weekend, here in the Such Is Life household.

I actually use that “fetch-the-bird” phrase around here as often as I mutter “@!*#ing Windows Vista!!” An inanimate rubber chicken that posts here on the weekend remains (according to Google Analytics at least) the single most popular feature of this blog, the next closest being my entertainment reviews. I am being upstaged in my own space by a rubber chicken. So this is how my life as a humour writer has unfolded…swell.

Well, at least people are reading – so many bloggers would kill to have the audience that follows Charlie, although glancing at some of those countries, I wonder if maybe readers are either simply salivating at the possibility of said chicken on a rotisserie, or are tuning in each week to see just not wacky the photographer is with location shoots (of much concern to Mrs. That Dan Guy, let me tell you…).

Well, let him shine I say – doing this gig daily, it’s nice to get at least one day off, even if it is to let a delusional chicken rant.

Chow for now!!

As Mrs. That Dan Guy frequently mumbles around here, nothing seems to be sacred when it comes to mining material for laughs in this space – or as she refers to it – wholesale family embarrassment.


So, imagine my reaction yesterday when she proposed a joint blog/Twitter/Facebook project, which will likely raise my own revealing conversations here by a substantial degree. I’m not at liberty to reveal details yet, and this may not even come to pass, but I will admit that she’s on to a pretty good idea.

Piqued your curiosity? Stay tuned folks – never a dull moment in the Such Is Life household…

Chow for now!

“Move Over Mrs. Markham”

Stage West Calgary
Jane Noble
J.Sean Elliott

Hey, my interview with a couple of the cast members of this delightful comedy is now available for free downloading!

Either:

a) Convert this page to an RSS Feed, which I have yet to see work properly myself…

b) Consult your local Conjurer, to access it via the ether,

c) Just click THIS link: http://thatdanguy.libsyn.com/  (probably the easiest),

d) Subscribe for free on i-Tunes, searching for “thatdanguy’s podcast”.

All this on the heels of discovering yesterday that my Calgary Herald review was picked up online by…THE NATIONAL POST!

Not saying I was a tad giddy about that, but I posted links everywhere online I could find, including a site proposing to cure foot fungus. That admittedly may have been ill-advised….

http://www.nationalpost.com/Naughty+farce+delivers+laughs/4312742/story.html

Enjoy! The interview was a gas!!

Chow for now…

02 22 11…hmmm…


Well, just about done editing my latest audio interview – the link will definitely be here for tomorrow morning. Fastest half-hour ever – these folks were a delight to chat with!

As a bit of a sneak preview, check out actor/singer/songwriter J. Sean Elliott’s website:

http://jsean.net/

He’ll be performing here in Calgary on Feb 28 between shows at Stage West, and you can get an idea of what to expect right on that homepage.

Is that all I’ve got??

Yup, seems to be…

Chow for now!!

Even without actually attending this year’s Heritage Classic (annual outdoor NHL hockey game), it was impossible to avoid coming into contact with it yesterday.


Ferrying around Mrs. That Dan Guy for her work, attending to an interview of my own (hoping that will be posted online later today, tomorrow the latest), it was everywhere – no big surprise, knowing how near hockey in Canada is to a fanatical religious experience…

I tuned in to a local AM radio station (AM!! How quaint is that?) that was carrying the broadcast. Driving home at one point, I realized I was passing our Canadian Football League’s McMahon Stadium (NOT named after Ed McMahon, to the best of my knowledge) where the game was being played. Glancing over, the crowd was nothing short of astounding - tens of thousands of human popsicles encased in parkas, toques, and frostbite. Hardy souls, Canadian sports fans…

After all the build-up, when we got back home, we watched the game on TV until both tuners of our PVR went to competing recordings. Not sure if it was our weekly animated Garfield cartoons, or another infomercial by Joan Rivers, but it prevented us from catching the end – didn’t matter, our hometown Calgary Flames emerged victorious!!

Yee-Haw!! Vive Le Hockey!

Chow for now…

Chicken Scratch

(posted by a disgruntled weekend guest blogger, Charlie “Low-On-Patience” Chicken)

Hmmph….so THIS is why I got bumped yesserday?? Big deal – so Banjo Boy knows howta spell…

Phooey!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Ennertainment? I know a thing or two about ennertainment!

My favourite jazz musician iz Chick Corea. There’s a pretty good blues singer in New Orleens named Rooster. An wuzn’t there a classik rock band named “Atomic Rooster” – now THERE’S some talented pluckers!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Mebbe I oughta revive my high school noosepaper column, “Poultry Scat”! I could show summa these hoomans howta appreciate the finer aspecks a tha musical werld!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Ya want classy ennertainment? How about “Ain’t Nobody Here But Us Chickens”?

Or tha United Brotherhood A Poultry Feathers’ national anthem – “The Chicken Dance”???

I got yer class – right here!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Ah, mebbe it is a good effort – fer a hooman…

Lemme try and figire out that turkey’s password again – I got me some writin’ chops ta dust off!

Cluck fer now…

(Editor's Note: PLEASE scroll down to yesterday's post, for a link to something clearly above Charlie's feeble head. And check back soon for my audio interview with some of the cast!)

Naughty farce delivers laughs (Calgary Herald, 19 Feb 2011, Page E2)

As promised, here's the official Calgary Herald review - hot off the digital press!!

---

Naughty farce delivers laughs
DAN ST. YVES
Calgary Herald
19 Feb 2011

It may take two to tango, but in Ray Cooney and John Chapman’s popular sex farce, Move Over Mrs. Markham, it takes about six to set up a frenzied dance contest in an uncharacteristically busy English flat. Two married couples, an au pair and a randy...read more...

Tech Tags: Calgary Herald newspaper ENTERTAINMENT

Did I post a link to this month's real estate/general humour column yet? I don’t think I did – I’m pretty sure I linked it to my Twitty, or Tweety, or whatever the heck those twittering things are called.


Just to be on the safe side (and in case you missed it) (and because it gets me off the hook for today’s post), click on this link to see mangled phrases and erroneous word use:

http://www.remonline.com/home/?p=7733

Enjoy!

Chow for now…

It appears that the well has finally run dry – late-nite TV infomercial providers have clearly run out of ways to help us improve our woe-begotten lives.


The same people that found ways to help us hapless humans muddle through vegetable chopping and survive frigid nights in our own homes by sewing sleeves onto velour blankets are now pitching ideas that absolutely indicate the creative minds behind the products are kaput.

The most recent infomercial running (at least here in Canada) attempts to help those of us that are too incompetent to water plants, or reach things higher than our belly button. In sweeping graphic demonstrations, the marketers unveil…a flippin’ pulley. A big, black hideously ugly pulley, to allow anyone with the mental faculty of a toothbrush to pull down hanging planters to water the contents, rather than find a step stool. Bad enough we weren’t competent enough to find ways to clear up spills before Sham-Wow, now we may be endangering our lives reaching up to water plants. Where do I send my $19.99, and PLEASE, let me know before midnight tonight!

The guy with a warehouse full of 59-cent pulleys must be hoping that PT Barnum was right – there’s a sucker born every second…

Chow for now!

I remember when Conan O’Brien was a popular late-nite TV host, a terrific writer with credits on “SNL” & “The Simpsons”, and not just a cause celebre buoyed along by a fan base that only stirred when it seemed he was a done-wrong-by underdog.


Reading the online drama over Jay versus Conan versus NBC gets better all the time. The "ratings" for each show appear to be jumbled in a stew of whatever is most convenient to make each camp’s case – which is still all about done-wrong-by underdog O’Brien. I wish I was so done-wrong-by – I could buy a whole lot of bologna with over $30, 000,000…

This ramble is really brought on by watching a rare episode of O’Brien’s latest show on…TBS? BLT? DOA? I tuned in because I noticed his guest for the episode was my own personal favourite late-nite host (in a three-way tie, but I won’t tell you the other two just yet), Craig Ferguson. I expected a lot with these two, but after fast-forwarding through the “monologue” (I use that term very, very loosely), and then fast-forwarding even faster through some inane banter after the commercial break (was there a sketch too? I just wanted it to be over), Ferguson joined the frivolities. And things just never developed from there.

OK, this is all simply my own opinion, but regularly catching snippets of Leno’s Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, Letterman, and Ferguson, I don’t expect Conan’s vaunted Team Coco will buoy this turkey along much longer. Sue me, but I just don’t think he has the goods anymore. Maybe it was the groundswell of support from viewers he never had while he was hosting The Tonight Show. Maybe it was misplaced confidence when curiosity seekers and fellow albinos tuned in the first week on…what network is he on? TNT? OCD? XYZ?

Maybe I lost my point midway through that first comparison. Who really knows? At any rate, I predict here in writing for all the world (or at least four people) that you better tune in now, I think Conan may soon need to be practicing for a gig on satellite radio. Go ahead, call me a Negative Nelly - it's better than what the Conanites will be saying...

Chow for now!!

In The News Now:


Reports are indicating that earlier today, an unidentified person had a great fall. We deem it necessary to indicate that “had a great fall” is meant to say that this person fell. Not that he was enjoying a delightful autumn.

And by “fall”, that is to say that this person literally fell. From a wall.

In attendance at the scene, all the king’s horses, and all the kings men. Couldn’t seem to be able to put this fellow back together again. Until we receive official word from hospital officials, we must presume that despite scrambling to assist, the victim may have succumbed to injuries from his fall.

Stay tuned for updates as this develops.

In related news, Lady Gaga appears at Grammy Awards in egg-shaped encasing.

Chow for now…

Stage West Calgary

“Move Over Mrs. Markham”

Ray Cooney & John Chapman

The Monday Morning “Somebody-Asked-Me-To, So-Here-I-Go” Theatre Review:
“Move Over Mrs. Markham”,
at Calgary’s Stage West Theatre Restaurant.

Ah, the grand old British sex farce – a genre that has launched thousands of TV sitcoms, countless risqué movies, and delighted theatre-goers for decades. Even after debuting back in 1969, this production didn’t seem to lose anything in this most recent remounting at Stage West, judging by the reaction of the enthusiastically appreciative audience.

Remounting may not be such a bad turn of phrase with respect to this show either, considering the amount of thwarted “mountings” attempted as the play chugs through both acts. While the first half focuses on building up the blocks that will absolutely tumble towards the conclusion, the second act holds the hearty laughs that form the payoff for the audience. Even at 42 years old and counting, the gags and premises still resonate, a testimony I’d say to the writers of this production.

In a nutshell, a trio of star-crossed couples attempting to couple (some in full flagrant infidelity) find a number of wacky, escalating circumstances preventing their efforts. Along with some fine supporting cast members, the main actors absolutely dive in and infuse the roles with the dynamics that start you off in light chuckling, building to outright belly-laughs. I’ve got a whole new appreciation on the under-utilized art of goosing, and hope to employ maybe the “Canadian Goose” technique sometime this week, to see how much my spouse might appreciate the playful gesture. Hoooonk!!

Once my official (much more descriptive, far more professional) Calgary Herald review appears online, I’ll post the link here to direct you to that resource. And, over the next week I’ll be sitting down with some cast members for my ongoing audio interview series, which you can access by clicking on that photo montage at the top of this page. Check back soon for those features

Until that time, take my word for it – if you’re in the Calgary area (or plan to be) you won’t be disappointed here if you’re in the market for a good saucy sex romp.

Uh, or enjoying a terrific play about that…I really need to work on my clarification skills…

Chow for now!!

You know, I really need to take just ONE day, one day where I make the effort to reload my main website now that I have it transferred over to a new host. I suppose my lack of motivation might stem from all the things now available right here on this site – even links to my Twitterings. Or Tweets. Or poppycock – whatever you want to call them.


Plus we are otherwise occupied still with far more important matters – like “when will there be a movie version of Wheel Of Fortune”, “was there ever a Windows 6”, and “how much wood DOES a woodchuck chuck”?

So much to grapple with, so little time. As they say though, why put off until tomorrow what you can put off today?

Chow for now…

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken…)

Happy Weekend, hoomans!

Hey, I got a surprise gift inna mail, and I hafta admit, I’m kinda scratchin’ my head over it…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Near as I can figger, itsa eye dropper, but it surely ain’t sized fer the average chicken – unless tha chicken is maybe Paul pluckin' Bunyan!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

It could also be fer ear drops, or other orifices I ain’t cluckin’ inclined to consider, if ya know wut I mean…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

I’ll find some use fer it, maybe a IV drip fer whiskey? A beaker fer Bud Lite?

It’s probably some cluckin’ practikal joke, but fer the life a me, it don make much sense. I’ll surf tha Googler later, see if I can determine wut the heck it might be.

Fer now, it gives me sumthin ta reach the stuff on tha upper shelf here in tha kitchen. So long, Cheezies! Yer mine now!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Cluck fer now…

02 11 11…interesting…


Hey, a cheater post today!

Check out my monthly column:

http://www.remonline.com/home/?cat=6

Fun with words…

Chow for now!

Today there will be a candlelight vigil in honour of my late sister-in-law, who continues to inspire and comfort even after she has passed on. Expect a large turnout for that event…


Chow for now…

Today’s blog post has been nominated for the “1st Annual Sterling P. Silverware Award For Insight, Observation, & General Cleanliness”. What an honour, and that’s without even having posted it yet!


I know I’m the dark horse in this category, and it would simply be incredible if I pulled off the upset and won, but in case I don’t, I’d like to thank a few people who have made today’s post here possible:

1) First off, Benjamin Franklin, for inventing electricity. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to use electronic devices in this modern age without someone having the foresight to invent electricity first. Thanks Ben!

2) Second, evolution, for allowing us to drop our tails, and become proficient with that big word that our thumbs are so well-known for. Prehensile? Ambidextrous? Wiggly? Whatever, it’s what sets us apart from animals without hands.

3) Lastly, Alexander Speller, who invented spelling. That made sentences flow so much better. And made them easy to understand.

I thank you all, and look forward to next year’s awards…

Chow for now!

Some days are diamonds, some days are dust, which is a polite reference to the bullshit and gall capacity of human beings.


In other words, the classic comedy line: “Aside from that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?”

Chow for now…

02 07 11


Hey, it’s 7-11 today? No wonder I feel like a Slurpee™®©!!

You know, this marriage of social media forms I’m dabbling in this year is getting a bit ridiculous.

First, I awake and post a comment via Twitter to Facebook every morning before driving Mrs. That Dan Guy to work. I return from that (a little later today thanks to an overnight snowstorm) and get this site up and running.

All these virtual tidbits will eventually point to my podcast, my LinkedIn, my Youtube channel, my Farmer’s Almanac projected 2012 daily horoscope and radiated infra-red rainbow chakras. Eventually I’ll be streaming my nightly R.E.M. wave patterns, and offering MP3’s of my bi-weekly singing in the shower. Clearly, nothing is sacred anymore.

However, this is reality for aspiring writers now, as we compete with not only fellow scribblers, but free content online, such as unknown amateur stardom-seekers whacking themselves in the gentles with garden rakes for voyeurs at the office to giggle at instead of getting reports in on time. Egads.

What the hell, I am having fun while while I do it, and I don’t have to step on a garden rake until well after lunch, so…let the games begin!!!!

Chow for now!

Just before the weekend, I used Skype for the very first time. I know! And how about them space-age cell phone thingies??


Anyhow, after avoiding it as long as I could (yet another technology trying to thin my hair and make it even greyer), I have to admit – it was pretty cool.

The only downside is that when you happen to glance down at the little monitor image of yourself, you will note that:

1) If you are unkempt, you must immediately excuse yourself from the call to put on a hat and/or pants.

2) If you are sitting in front of a poster of scantily-clad women (or men) (or farm animals) (or Justin Bieber) you should really swing the webcam around to a more neutral view of the curtains or a bookcase.

3) Remember that when you start to close your eyes, or roll them upwards as if to say your video chat partner is a completely boring delusional lunatic, they can see you very clearly.

4) Lifting your cheeks to pass gas is also completely evident to the person you are chatting with.

Aside from the odd faux pas or two, this is a totally cool way to be right in the same virtual room as someone. Now I’ll actually be able to SEE my mother ask me why I don’t have a real job.

Chow for now!!

Chicken Scratch

(posted by handyman, guest blogger, and buck-nekked jaybird Charlie Chicken…)

“Baby Baby Baby…oh, Baby Baby Baaaaay-beeee….ohhh!”

Whoops! Why, hello my hooman friens! Just doin’ a few upgrades ta tha ole bird bath here – just about done..

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Tryin’ ta add some massage jets ta tha shower here, an I think I got it figured. A bird’s gotta stay clean, ya know wut I mean??

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Did a few other home reno projects while I wuz off lass weekend – includin’ installin’ a water bed in tha "Luuv Coop". Sure, it may jus be a ole balloon, but as long as ma beak’s pointed up, all’s well!

Poultry Wave!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Wut else? Oh yeah, I exchanged tha “Chickie Litter” box wit sum more appropriate indoor facilities. Amazin’ wut ya kin do with a empty coffee can an four feet a garden hose…

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Better wrap up this project toot sweet – I hear movement upstairs. Hoomans cluckin’ everywhere!!

Cluck fer now!

Still playing ketch-up, mustard been further behind the 8-ball than I thought.


All things considered, we are slowly getting back to “normal” here in the Such Is Life household. After spending time with family the last week or so, we must conclude however that we may not exactly be normal. Well, I am, but that Mrs. That Dan Guy…

A certain chicken will return tomorrow after a brief recess (like the cavity between his ears. Do chickens have ears? I must Google that…). Even missing a weekend, he is still the most visited feature on this site, which I’m thinking may be a real concern.

Anyhow, better get back to the mountain of ketch-up to do. Mayo may not get it all taken care of, but I have to try…

Oh yeah – the Twitter – today, a tribute to Canada’s noble…beaver??? (@thatdanguy1)

Chow for now!

Thought (hoped) things would be getting back to normal here today. Ha!


Evidently not, as we madly play catch-up after a week away.

So, for a wee bit of funny, wander over and check me out on Twitter (@thatdanguy1). Two-For-One today!

Until tomorrow,

Chow for now!!

Oh give me a home,


Where the buffalo roam…

Where buffalo are roaming? For Pete’s sake, who needs to have hulking hairy smelly beasts wandering around everywhere? Never mind the mess they must leave behind, especially depending on their diet.

Let’s try this again…

Oh give me a home,

Where roast beef sandwiches roam.

And cold beer, a little cantaloupe on a tray…

Yeah, that sounds better. And now, I’m hungry…

Chow for now!!

Where does the time go? It’s been a week today already since we lost two family members, and it feels like just a day could possibly have elapsed since. Winding things down, there’s still a couple more days before things get back to normal in this space.


As always (as of late), you can veer over to Twitter, and find out what Joan Of Arc was musing about, in a historical Lost Tweet Found (@thatdanguy1).

Chow for now…