KnuckleHead Of The Week

Hey, how about a new feature here at the Such Is Life blog?

A reader participation post, where I ask about suggestions for the KnuckleHead Of The Week.

Maybe it's any other driver on the roads other than yourself? Perhaps it's a co-worker??

It could even be a fast food restaurant worker that botches your order, or a retail store clerk that appears to have gone into rigor mortis during a particularly long lineup. 

I really have no criteria here - or standards for that matter. If you come across a complete knucklehead in the course of your day that you truly believe needs to be "outed" - leave a response in the comments section. 

We'll see where this goes - or if any of you knuckleheads even participate :-)

Love Ya!!

Chow for now...

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

So, yew two is tha rep-ree-zentatives uv American Thanksgivin'???

I get that turkey, but wut's up with YOU, squirrel??

Do yew simbalize tha nuts everywhere out there, or low-budget holiday dinner opshuns??

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Wut's that??

No, I ain't smokin' a doobie - ma home-rolled siggerettes leave tabakka everywhere, and I keep hearin' about it - so's now I juss roll tha end up. 

I really need ta try trainin' theez hoomans a bit better - too much cluckin' work fer a bird in this here joint!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

So, wut's tha plan fer tha holly-day boys?? Yah, I git that, Tom Turkey - I'd play Hide N Seek myself fer tha next few days...

Squirrel?

C'mon - quit playin' with them damn nuts a yours, and pay attention ta tha conversation!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Look, I gotta run - my HomeIn Garden shows are on, and I gotta fight fer a good seat on tha sofa with tha lady of tha house - between you and me fellas - she's a little addicted ta them shows!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Cluck fer now!  

Golfing (The Dan Way)

My latest REM column!

REMONLINE.COM

Enjoy!

Chow for now...

Time Keeps On Slippin', Slippin'...

Dear Steve Miller,

Thanks for writing that dandy lyric. Sure is what I'm feeling these days.

The future seems to be rushing past me routinely these days, while I make my dazed way through perhaps a few too many juggled obligations. I want to get up in the middle of the night and stab our alarm clock, just to try slowing it down a little bit.

Somewhere along the way, I hope to catch the future's coattail, and hitch a ride. Until then, I'll be over in the corner, waiting to see what needs to get handled next.

Squeaky wheel gets the oil!

Chow for now...

My Ass Is Asleep

Man, that donkey of ours enjoys the life of Riley - here we are scrambling through our routine to get ready to go to work, just as we do every weekday morning.

Meanwhile, Pedro our donkey is still sound asleep, oblivious to all the pandemonium going on around him - Mrs. That Dan Guy singing to her mirror on a hairbrush/imaginary microphone/the TV unwatched over in the corner as I stare wistfully at last night'a leftover popcorn rather than prepare breakfast.

It is the circle of life, here in our home.

Sleep tight donkey - heck, why not burro right under the covers!!

Chow for now....

In The Blink Of An Eye

So, this weekend we made a mad dash back to Kelowna, where we lived for 14 years. It was a lightning-fast visit, so for any of our many, many peeps out there - sorry we missed you. It was a targeted family visit, and frankly I've been on longer elevator rides. Next time, we promise to be more available!

At any rate, it was nice seeing family again after conflicting opinions on the length of time since our last visit. According to our estimates, it had been "like, forever" since we had been there, and to them, it was estimated that television had just been invented when we were there last. Either way, we can agree it had been a long time.

Beyond the disagreement of length of time, it was everything we had hoped for - we saw everyone, and got to spend some quality time visiting. We had some laughs, and I managed to fit some future e-bay merchandise into Mrs. That Dan Guy's purse. We were shocked by how much all the kids had sprouted up over the years, yet still fell for the old "pull my finger" schtick.

Good times.

The trip also featured moments of surreal drama - we flew standby, so missed the first three flights out of Calgary, arriving late at night - and missing out on a planned interview I had hoped to do. That will have to be rescheduled, but looking forward to finally making that happen.

After finding out that there were only two seats left and 4 people on standby Sunday morning, we opted to cancel and rebook as a full fare, which means that my man-boob reduction will now be postponed indefinitely. Guess there's a new sports bra in my future.

Overall though, it was just terrific, and we'll have to make a return visit sooner rather than later. Soon as we sell our "souvenirs"...

Chow for now!!

Running Behind...

In keeping with the spirit of our recent trip this weekend, our flight out last night was delayed - so we got in pretty late last night.

However, up and at 'em - but a 4 vehicle collision is making the news this morning, which will slow my morning commute.

So, my recap of the weekend will have to wait. For now, I have to try finding an alternate way in....

Good grief -

Chow for now!

"I Have A Drum"

Among many of the lesser-known speeches in history, Martin Loufa Kin's percussive proclamation stands out above the others.

"I Have A Drum" was delivered in a parking lot outside a music store, and basically was just a reassurance that Martin had indeed purchased a drum. 

History, including that of the drum, remained unaltered by that particular speech.

And now YOU now...

Chow for now.

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest croupier Charlie Chicken...)

"7 come 11, for our fodder, who is in heavin!!"

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Oh, howdy hoomans!

Ole Charlie seems ta has tha run a tha house this weekend - so I juss got me a little gamin' action goin' on!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Couldn't find tha roolet wheel, but there's always lotsa dice in board games! 

Woot Woot!!

So, step right up, limited tyme offur!

Place yer bets folks, don be shy!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Cash only pleez.....

Wut's that?

Loaded dyce??

Mebbe YER loaded, pal!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

SNAKE EYES!!

BOXCARS!!

Craps. And now I actually gotta....

Well, see ya soon. Bring yer money...

Cluck fer now!

Life As A Turtle

It would be cool, in my humble opinion, if humans were built like turtles. First off, you'd have wrinkles right out of the starting gate, so no need to ever worry about that as you age.

Second, with a shell you'd never need to be a property owner - no taxes, no upkeep - maybe the odd shellac over the years - but anywhere you pulled in your feet for the night would be home! Be it a sandy beach, or a lovely meadow in the forest - no two days would need to be the same. Hate your neighbours? Move it on down the road, buddy!

Of course, for other things - perhaps a lady turtle friend, you may need to reconsider the logistics of a single turtle shell. Perhaps a double-wide??

Crap. This is obviously how things go awry....

Leave this with me, clearly I need to put a bit more thought towards the next stop in our evolution experience...

Chow for now!!

Humpty Dumpty's Fall

I'm not talking here about the season.

I'm reflecting on what could have been the origin of the modern-day omelette, as we know it.

Never mind all those king's horses and men. Never mind Chicken Little screaming that a giant talking egg was falling on his head. Never mind a jealous Mrs. Dumpty pushing poor old Humpty off the wall in a misguided moment of rage. Let's reconstruct the scene, and see if my theory stands the test:

Mr. Dumpty happened to be sitting on the perimeter wall of a small English cheese factory. Just below the wall was a mushroom patch. As workers scrambled (sorry, bad choice of verbiage...) to rescue him, cheese on their hands mixed with broken shards of crushed mushrooms. Almost as one, the rescuers lifted Humpty in to a giant frying pan, and couldn't even look each other in the eyes as the combination became quite apparent - and even more tantalizing.

On a steady heat (initially to try reviving Humpty), the smelling salt was determined to require an equal measure of pepper.

By the time it was determined that Mr. Humpty could not be revived, his remains had developed a golden, crispy hue.

And that is how the modern-day omelette came to be - if my train of logic stands up to scrutiny...

Chow for now!

Things That Postal Workers MAY Be Thinking...

* "Plain brown wrapper? Who are these people kidding?? SEX TOYS!!!"

* "Hello doggie...no, no need to calm down...yessir, just a little bit closer and I'll see how well this Tazer works..."

* "Jeez, I've got more corns than an Idaho field..."

* "Wow, everybody DOES know my name! Hey there Normie!!"

* "Great! Like the chaffing wasn't bad enough, NOW I got hemorrhoids??"

* "I swear officer, when I said I was gonna "go postal" I meant I had to get to work..."

* "Uhh, I dunno boss - I know we have to deliver bills and collection notices, but I don't think I can actually threaten to make someone "sleep with the fishes"..."

* "Do these knee-highs make my calves look fat?"

* "Unit 215, Unit 251 - close enough!"

* "Huh. Apartment building garbage disposal chutes DO look like mailboxes..."

* "I thought women LOVED men in uniforms??"

*******************

Later!

Chow for now...

The Race Is On!!

Time is ticking as we try to wrap up pressing deadlines and pesky items that need to be attended to before our departure this week. Unless you're a criminal reading this, in which case we are lolligagging around, and will be relaxing at home all weekend. We may or may not feed our pitbulls this week - just sayin'...

I got my latest video interview loaded in record time, after discovering by accident that my latest Stage West Calgary review had gone live online in record time - in under 8 hours since submitting it! If you scroll back up and click on the photo montage, you can view that podcast, AND read my Calgary Herald review.

If you prefer, you can simply click on my YouTube link over to the right, and catch it there as well, or watch one of the three-part talks with author Suze Casey on her new book "Belief Re-Patterning". I still have to try boosting the audio level for Episode One, and load the audio only podcast, but that's on my plate for tonight.

Finally, I'll need to be doing my homework to prepare for another interview this weekend, and after that, I hope to catch up with legendary Canadian roots musician Shari Ulrich.

LOVE IT!!

Stay tuned, campers.........

Chow for now!

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken, delayed due to more pressing posts...)

PETRIFIED POULTRY!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Oh ma gawd, buddy - wut happened heer? How did yez cum ta this fate?? Wut Medusa tirned ya ta stone??

And who tha cluck stuck that stick up....

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

This iz juss horrafryin' ! A fellow berd cut down in that prime a hiz life, and terned inta a lamp??

What will become uv me if a evah let ma vigilants down?? I could become a cookie jar??

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Uv course, becoming a bronzed god might make sum sense, but ah'd prefer if it was a bust or proper stat-choo, NOT mah skin an bones....

Life. So cruel. So harpless....

Cluck fer now...

Stage West Calgary Entertainment Review: "Sexy Laundry"

The Sunday Morning "Somebody-Asked-Me-To, So-Here-I-Go" Entertainment Review:

"Sexy Laundry"

Stage West Calgary

Starring William R. Moses

& 

Jane Spidell

Stage West Calgary's recently-opened production of Michele Riml's "Sexy Laundry" diverges from the recent musical theatre offerings at the facility, into a character-driven comedy. Laundry examines a couple 25 years into marriage as they struggle to re-ignite the flame that at one time may have resembled a super-nova, but now has cooled off into all the wattage of an interior refrigerator light...

In this, my "unofficial" review, I'll touch on some thoughts, but expand more for my "official" Calgary Herald review. I'll also be sitting down later today with Mr. Moses, and will soon have an interview linked for you to hear even more about the show, and his lengthy career. We're all about value after all, here at "Such Is Life"! Make sure to come back and look for those links soon!

Back to the play - this is pretty fertile ground for comedy, and certainly has proved such in the past, both in books, stage and movie offerings. "Sexy Laundry" makes for another fine entry into the genre. Terrific performances, modern images of the many distractions (mostly electronic) to a relationship - and one of the least erotic S & M  scenes you could ever imagine - a riot to view!

William R. Moses plays Henry Lane as a plaid cost-conscious husband that resembles a slice of unbuttered toast left over at a continental breakfast buffet. Jane Spidell is his wife Alice, that has come to place high stakes on a romantic weekend getaway as a last resort to stoke the passion in their relationship. The only other character is the "Sex For Dummies" book that they are consulting regularly for insight into amour. 25 years of mutually diverging interests place the humorous roadblocks into those efforts, and many audience members exchanged knowing glances at the impediments that build up after such a long time together as a couple. Often something as simple as the importance of not missing the nightly news...hard to role-play sex games with one eye on that!

There are some terrifically funny moments and even more insightful observations into relationships here, especially if you've been in a long one. There are some lagging moments, but at about 2/3 of the way in, Riml finds her voice again and the show engages the audience right up to the conclusion. Director J. Sean Elliott continues to add to his comedy credits, expanding out from his recent farces at Stage West into this more nuanced effort. Well done, all in all.

More to come in the Calgary Herald review....

Chow for now!  

A Review - BTU @ The Calgary Folk Club

The Saturday Morning "Nobody-Asked-Me-To, But-Here-I-Go-Anyway" Entertainment Review:

BTU, at The Calgary Folk Club

(Barney Bentall, Tom Taylor, Shari Ulrich)

Well, for my introduction to the Calgary Folk Club (my bad, not theirs - they are currently celebrating the launch of their 41st season!!), I had the great pleasure of seeing old favourites in concert again, and discovering amazing new talent. 

And now I'm on a soapbox I want to shout from - hardly alone though as the house was packed and appreciative during the show last night, which incidentally ran late into the evening. Who knew? Well, obviously the folk club members - for me it felt like I was the last person on earth to discover truffles...

First off, opening act Headwater out of Vancouver presented a short set (and rousing encore) that showcased old and new music in their repertoire, and easily won over some new fans I'm sure. A great sense of humour in the between-song patter never hurts with me either. I'm reluctant to quote some of their commentary in case you do get a chance to check them out, and lose out on the element of surprise. These two young gentlemen are on a launch pad, are about to release a new album - and you can find out more by clicking on the highlighted link above...

Harmonious headlining trio BTU showcased individual and collaborative songs that reminded me of why I've been a fan of at least two of them for so long. And now that I'm familiar with Tom Taylor, I can't wait to pop in the CD of his I picked up after the first set was done. 

BTU is Barney Bentall , Tom Taylor , and Shari Ulrich . Amazing enough each on their own, but there were moments last night when they harmonized that you thought they were auditioning for a gig (way down the road hopefully) as the house band in Heaven. Stunning - I hope at least one of those tracks are on the live CD I snagged.

What more can I say - you can try and compare Ms. Ulrich to other vocalists, but last night she still had that unmistakeable crystal-clear "Shari Ulrich" sound that added "Talk Of The Town" to my vinyl record collection.  Barney Bentall has (after seeing him perform live three times before) become an even more engaging artist over the years, and his encore with the trio of "Something To Live For" was just about the coolest thing I've seen on stage - and I've seen a lot.

Finally, so happy to have discovered the talents of Tom Taylor. An instant favourite with his vocal range and writing, can't wait to pick up the new album he has coming out in November. As a matter of fact, all three have albums in the pipeline, and now I have to track them down as they are released. That should buy me some time to listen to what I bought last night :-)

All in all, a wonderful evening of entertainment, in a club I should have discovered long ago. And shall help others discover now...

Some Random Thoughts:

* I hope to interview Ms. Ulrich for my audio podcast series (click on the photo montage above to see other interviews), and chat about not only her own career, but BTU as well.

* As soon as I entered the club last night, I was having flashbacks - of coffee houses in Winnipeg with up-and-coming singers; of The Winnipeg Folk Fest scene; and of all the events I used to play recorded music for as a DJ in Winnipeg - most especially the Manitoba NDP party that had a strong connection to the folk music scene there.

* I think Bentall Taylor Ulrich (BTU) was a prudent choice of initials for the name of the band. Thank God they didn't go with Bentall Ulrich Tom Taylor...

Chow for now!! 

Craaaaazy Times (But I Like It)

Man, my calendar couldn't be fuller if I were a Kardashian touring a camera testing factory...

Tonight, Mrs.That Dan Guy and I are off to see the legendary Shari Ulrich, along with her latest project BTU - I'll be interviewing her Saturday, and then that evening we're off for the latest show at Stage West Calgary. I'm interviewing the star of that show Sunday.

Still trying to master my audio podcast before we leave next week (another city, some family visiting, and a long-delayed musician interview!!), and I've got a couple of author interviews I have to squeeze in somewhere along the way.

Technically, I am looney as a tune....

But I really wouldn't have it any other way.

Chow for now!!

If I Were A Carpenter

-There would be a whole bunch of cabinets with overlapping doors out in the marketplace...

- I would likely be learning to live with a two-by-four glued to my hand...

- My signature rocking chairs would simply be three-legged...

- I would invent various wood-coloured duct tapes to cover the nails and screws coming out of the sides of anything I joined together...

- people putting together IKEA furniture would have a fighting chance of achieving something resembling a bookshelf by the end, compared to my staggering wood bits...

- my saw would make a seen...

- the only tongue in groove would be me trying to lick out the ice cream in a Sundae cup on my lunch break...

- If I were a carpenter...

Chow for now!!

Breathless Anticipation

Can't wait to hear what Apple is about to roll out today - there's even speculation abounding that the latest i-phone will debut!

Not that I really have a chance to take advantage of whatever miracle they lay upon the display table - I'm still on a 3S phone!! With a rotary dial...

I just tend to enjoy my time on the bandwagon is all, especially when it's the Apple bandwagon. For the non-hypnotized (Windows weirdos), when you open Safari after a product launch in the Apple world, it automatically showcases the latest and greatest. I will lovingly gaze upon whatever it happens to be, and then surf away to something less exotic - like how to reattach a toe after dropping a meat cleaver on it.

Just in case it ever happens to me...

Again...

Chow for now!

11 Years...

This is the 11th Anniversary of Sept 11. Still makes me shake my head. Like earlier generations that recall what they where doing when President Kennedy was shot, or even myself when Elvis suddenly died, it is a day that will likely never gain note for anything other than what we reflect on year after year - even if we don't even live in the United States.

As it happens, I recorded a Tom Hanks movie, "Extremely Loud, Incredibly Close", and we watched it last night - not something that was a conscious intent by any stretch of the imagination. The movie follows a young boy that loses his father during the terrorist attack.

Can't endorse the movie enough - thought-provoking, riveting, sensitive, heart-breaking - the young actor that steals the show from at least half a dozen veteran actors will leave you breathless at points.

Much like the events 11 years ago....

Chow for now.

Busy Times Ahead!

Well, my social calendar is filling up, at about the same rate as my interview schedule.

Over the next week or so, I'll be sitting down with a Canadian entertainer I've long been a fan of. Immediately after that, my latest Stage West Calgary actor interview will be sitting down for a chat in support of their latest production.

I've also got two author interviews in the immediate future, and a few other pitches out there.

Call me crazy. Or chatty....

Chow for now!

Looking For My Keys...

Pardon me...

Just looking for my glasses...

Pretty sure I had them yesterday, but now I can't seem to spot them ANYWHERE....

Dang....

Must keep searching....

Chow for now...

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

Ahhh...hello hoomans...SHHHH!!!

Keep it quiet willya.

We gotta keeps things on tha Q-T - apparently this cluckin' city is gettin' Draconian regardin' ma kind...

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Frankly, fer a cowboy town, I kin hardly baleev that city council wud git sew obstructive ta birds that should be home on tha range. Ah kin only hope we band tagether ta appeal this Randy Travisty a justice!!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Fer now tho, ah had better keep a low profile - like under tha sofa, or behind a talkin' chair.

Chicks, ole Charlie misses ya, an hopes ta git in touch soon - please desist frum pesterin' me on ma sell phone until I gave ya tha thumbs up.

If I had a thumb, so ta speak...

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Until then, I will hafta survive on cable TV, and whatever beer I kin find here - care packages can be sent ta tha usual address...

Cluck fer now!!

You MAY Be A Porcupine If...

You MAY Be A Porcupine If:

Your windbreaker jacket gets shredded every time you try to pull it on.

You spend vast amounts of time brushing dandelion fluff out of your quills in the spring.

You never get invited to birthday parties anymore, or anywhere else balloons are found, for that matter...

You always seem to lose your deposit on bouncy castles.

No one tries to throw you up in the air at your wedding. or after winning the state championship.

Your coworker in the office is always stacking memos and notes on your back.

Farmers attach you to a stick, and roll you through their gardens in the fall.

Fellow diners reach over after meals, and pluck you before picking at their teeth...



Have a great weekend, y'all - porcupines and all!!

Chow for now....

Things George Washington MAY Have Said...

"Yeah, I did chop down that cherry tree - you think wooden teeth grow ON trees??"

"Does this chin make me look like Jay Leno??"

"Keep rowing Buster - we're gonna find that coin I threw in here if it takes all night..."

"No, just a trim Sam - I'd like to stay with these bob curls a bit longer..."

"That's PRESIDENT sir to you, you dumb-ass barista - and don't forget my extra foam!!"

"Sooo Martha....hows about we get that bonnet off and try to find somewhere to hide this salami..."

"Ha! Televised conventions?? That'll never fly..."

"My saddle sores need a gentle massage..."
*************************************************************************
Chow for now!

A Link You CAN Click On...

Well hello there!

Is this your first time here on my site? Welcome!

Been here before??

Welcome back!!

Hey, did you notice that photo montage above?? That is a safe link to click on, and once you do, there is a wealth of free interviews with authors, musicians, actors - and more!

You have to click on the archives to listen to some of the older interviews, but if you like the comedy, there are plenty of funny people - many you've heard of!

Shameless self-promotion - wattaya gonna do??

Enjoy!

Chow for now...

More On..."The Big C"...

No, not "moron", you read it right - "more on"...

Mrs. That Dan Guy and I made it through the first season marathon this long weekend of "The Big C". And now we need to get our hands on Season Two. STAT!!!

So much for cutting back on television.

This amazing show is EXACTLY why we have no interest in reality TV, or Kardashians. A well-scripted show, written by writers, acted by actors - everything that is the polar opposite of money-making crapola - just draws us in. Doesn't matter if it happens to be drama or comedy, I guess we've just been more into storytelling than which vapid golddigger that hears dog whistles is going to be the choice of some empty-headed "bachelor". For a few months.

I know - we are just too tight-assed about reality TV and their roster of "stars" to enjoy what that genre has to offer.

I'll keep my butt cheeks puckered, and continue to hold my nose thanks. When I have to start watching orange creatures named "Snooki" that aren't on the cast of "Sesame Street", that will be the day we unplug our TV  for good...

Chow for now...

Au Contraire

"What Contraire's Mom says when Contraire does something really cute".

Chow for now....

The Big C

Great....

Despite ongoing and aggressive action to REDUCE the amount of TV we watch here in the Such Is Life household, it just so happened that our television was on in the background over breakfast yesterday. There was a marathon running of the entire first season of the critically acclaimed "The Big C", which roped us right in.

So, we PVR'd the entire season, and will be working our way up to the latest episode, as time permits.

This is the problem when you're trying to cut back on television shows - despite dropping programs we really enjoy, and trying to maintain a mere handful of other offerings, family members will recommend some dumb-ass show ("Storage Wars"??? Dammit Yuup, we just can't quit you.......) and we're hooped.

At our age, we do have to watch out for our ultra-sensitive brain cells though, so we absolutely refuse to watch anything that features a "Snooki", a host that does DNA testing to resolve paternity issues among knuckle-draggers, or almost anything that starts with "reality". It is an ongoing effort, and we must remain vigilant at all times - stupid is invasive, and hard to get out once it finds a home.

Anyhow, looks like we still have a few episodes of Season One to get through, so I must excuse myself - this show is a hoot!

Chow for now...

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie...Charlie...uhh..Charlie????)

Hey, this ain't the website I thought it wud be!!!

DANG YOU GOOGLE!!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Oh- uhhh...hi there hoomans!

Ole Charlie was juss...jusss...uhh...looking fer a link ta....umm...homeless shelters...fer street chickens.

Yeah, yeah - that's the ticket!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

I've delevloped an innerest in hoomanitarian causes, an I worry fer all them homeless chickens out there - poor lil things...

Hmm. I see I gotta trim ma chicken claws - I think ma typin'  is sufferin', based on how "developed" looks in that last pair-a-graff....

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Anyhoo - I better keep surfin' tha innernet - I can't rest until I find the proper resources. Fer homeless chickens...that need love. An homes......

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Call me Saint Charles....or Mutha Teer-Easa tha Bird....

Cluck fer now...