Chicken Scratch

Ho Ho Cluckin’ Ho…

Well, lookee here – looks like Banjo Brain finally figgered out howta post my column again!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Sure, I know he said that I wuz on holidays, but the truth couldn’t be further from the cold, hard facts.

Exhibit A: I did provide columns for the past two weeks.

Exhibit B: I did provide photos for Dimwit D. Doughhead to post.

So, while he may have suggested me and the rest of the flock were unavailable, he was misleadin’ you, my smooth-skinned readers!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

And man, did you miss some terrific stuff! While my beak is still so sore frum typin’ those other posts, I can still let ya in on summa the highlights:

1) We recreated a nativity scene here with some of our ole barnyard pals. Which reminds me, we gotta get someone to repair the burn holes in the family room carpet – stoopid smokin’ donkey…
2) You humans ain’t the only folks that get visits from Santa Claus. Although, our Santa really DOES have claws…
3) It was so cold here over Christmas, we all were running around the house, covered in poultry bumps. OK, technically, we’d look like that anyways…

BUK-AAAWK!!!!

4) Santa answered my wish, with a BB gun under the tree. We’ll see how funny it is to leave ole Charlie behind next year, with a caboose fulla buckshot!!
5) We chickens have come to determine that the greatest Christmas album of all time was recorded by Canada’s own Celine Dion – whatta cluckin’ voice!!
6) Also a big hit onna TV this year – the recent movie remake of Alvin & The Chipmunks. Hey, they may have lived in a forest instead of a barn, but we animals gotta stick together. Two claws up!!
7) No matter how ya cut it, eggnog barf is about the grossest thing you will ever encounter in your life.
8) The chicken littles have an amazin’ capacity to consume tinsel. THAT ain’t gonna be pretty…

Gotta skitter. Time for Password, on the Game Show Network…

Cluck for now!!