Once upon a time there was a young orphan. A young orphan with dreams.

This young orphan saved every nickel he earned selling recycled shaving cream, and one day he was able to afford his dream trip – an economy flight to Hawaii, where he would get the chance to shake the flipper of a trained seal.

The young orphan donated blood, and was then able to purchase the first set of clothing he had ever owned without gaping holes. He hand-cobbled a rudimentary pair of shoes out of hardened cantaloupe shells, and fell asleep every night, imagining the joy that shaking a seal’s flipper would bring him.

On the day of his flight, the young orphan began a journey that would find him eventually connecting in eight cities, and not a single pretzel to be found. This was REALLY a discount airline.

When he finally landed in Hawaii, he realized that he hadn’t made any sort of hotel accommodations, and so he had to sleep wrapped in papaya leaves, in an underpass stretching along a pineapple factory. On the plus side, this was far better than his home back on the mainland, where he shared a bedroom with 18 other orphans, and a blind ferret.

The next morning, the young orphan (struggling ever so slightly with a recurrence of his asthma) walked 18 miles to the Sea World-like park where he had read of this seal experience in a Reader’s Digest magazine. He found a seat close to the front, and awaited his chance – he would soon shake the flipper of a real, live seal!

The trainer brought out a number of different animals, and they all performed wonderful tricks. Then, with a hearty “Hark! Hark! Hark!”, the seal arrived onstage!!

The trainer asked for a helper, and the young orphan raised his one good arm. Suddenly, an adult woman – a Canadian woman - appeared out of nowhere, running right onto the stage. She grabbed that old seal by the flipper, and crushed the young orphan’s dream forever.

The end.

Chow for now!!