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Tuesday, February 11, 2014

How To Use An Elevator

1) Approach elevator, identify door. Press button for direction you would like to be taken. "Away" is not a valid option...

2) Wait for response from closed doors. Once doors open, enter elevator. NOTE: Do not be frightened by others joining you. Elevators are not a private means of transportation, even if you have paid someone in the lobby for First Class accommodations...

3) Locate buttons, press desired floor. Again, be aware that others may press floors you have no interest in stopping in - these commoners do have the same rights you do, as frustrating as that may be.

4) Once elevator begins to move, look away. Look away, Dixieland. Do NOT make eye contact, or attempt to converse with your fellow passengers. Should you feel the need to discreetly pass gas, try to glare at a random passenger to defer blame.

5) Arrive at your destination floor, leave elevator.

Now, how hard was that? Enjoy your life in elevators, wherever your travels may take you!!



Mrs That Dan Guy said...

Well, my daily elevator rides at work will now never be the same again. Now I have to rehearse these details in my head every time to make sure I follow the directions.
Hmm, these past few days I wish there had been an "away" button. How can we get this option installed?

ThatDanGuy said...

Practice makes perfect!

You'll find these techniques literally up-lifting!