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Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Dear Collusive Gas Station Companies

Oh sure - there's absolutely no collusion between gas stations - it is simply a miraculous coincidence whenever every station raises prices regardless of crude oil values. It has absolutely no relationship whatsoever to the arrival of a long weekend, and drivers trying to get some relief for weeks of work with a little getaway in their cars.

I've heard that there's a two month rule, where adjustments are made after analyzing trends and data, before prices can finally start to come down. However, if someone flushes a toilet at a refinery in Bora Bora, that delay is enough to see prices rise by a dime at the pump overnight.

So, let's stop kidding ourselves, shall we? Let's just own up to the fact that as collective gas station owners, you are simply operating on market demand greed, and might be the only industry that can actually raise prices with no regard for their customers, just to capitalize on a temporary opportunity.

Here's my thoughts, and wishes for your collective collusive asses:

1) I hope that rabid squirrels find your colon opening, crawl in, and chew away at your intestines.

2) I hope that your suppliers of everything you have to purchase get wise, and raise their own prices to offset the profits you plan on pocketing during the self-inflated gas price period.

3) I hope that when we finally convert to alternate fuel sources, your real estate holdings will be flagged as environmental hazards, with millions of dollars in penalties and fees to remedy.

4) I hope that the rabid squirrels that have entered your colon opening develop obesity, and grow barbed wire fur as they make their way through your intestines.

Sorry, I have to cut this short - running late getting ready for work.

Chow for now!!

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