A Timely Look Back....

See below an excerpt from my old newspaper column, May 28, 2004:

 Whatever Happened To The Smurfs?

My mind tends to wander on occasion. Well, alright, most of the time.

When it does, curious things perplex me. One recent thought that scampered back and forth between my ears was: whatever happened to those lovable little blue people - The Smurfs? Back a few years ago they had a hit TV show, a CD or two, even a string of videos-and if I’m not mistaken, a run of “Smurfs On Ice”.

I decided to scour the Internet, search through newspaper files at the library, and even executed a series of letters to all the major cartoon studios in North America.

In addition, I dug through my extensive back issue collection of People Magazine for any possible clues. After getting distracted for several weeks with a string of 1980’s articles about Linda Ronstadt, I emerged from the basement and gave the Internet one last shot.

The big pay-off was “smurf.com”, the official site of Smurf-O-Mania. At smurf.com fans have kept alive links to all the Smurf history, Smurf lingo - even Smurf games.

Now, while this was helpful in reconnecting with the group as a whole, I still had the gnawing feeling that something was missing. Where had all those favorite characters drifted off to with their lives?  While I can’t reveal my sources, I have managed to compile a semi-accurate list of who, where, and what the Smurfs are up to now:

-Smurf Village has prospered as a tourist attraction, luring travelers from all over the world. The town council is currently awaiting a destination casino license, with plans to expand into a chain of Smurfland Hotels and Casinos.

-Papa Smurf has retired, and now resides in Phoenix, where he splits his time between golf and dabbling in time-share sales. 

-Chip Smurf is now president and CEO of Keebler, overseeing a staff of 27 elderly tree elves. He plans to launch a new Canadian product into the market...maple syrup-chip cookies.

-On a less positive note, Crack Smurf enjoys an opulent lifestyle at his ocean-front home in Malibu, with an estimated net worth of $1.5 billion from his importing/exporting concerns.

-Lazy Smurf, as could be expected, never really amounted to anything. He is most often spotted at rural carnivals or toy store openings, and has substituted for Sleepy at Walt Disney World parades.

-Baby Smurf has grown into a teenager, and hopes to get a sitcom this season, or appear on Survivor XXVII - Moose Jaw. Baby has been the least-arrested child star of her era. She is currently dating Dewey, one of the famous duck triplets.

-Smurfette’s life since the glory days has been marked with one bad career decision after another. She had declined the role eventually awarded to Demi Moore in Ghost, which she now admits was a horrific career mistake. She instead chose to be in a never-released remake of Seinfeld, with an all Smurf cast.

Adding insult to injury, Smurfette's 2003 solo pop album “I’m Blue, What’s It To You, #*!#!?!”, came out the same week as American Idol’s newest release, and subsequently plummeted off the charts. Smurfette is currently recording a country album, remaking much of the BeeGees song library. 

There you have it. My curiosity satisfied, I leave you. 

Even as I sign off, my mind is starting to wander again...whatever happened to Yogi Bear & Boo-Boo?

Chow for now!!