Today is grocery shopping day, one of the household duties I have assumed. Well, technically, I’ve always done it, but for the purposes of general griping or poking fun about it, let’s just say that I have “taken on the burden”…

I don’t know how often you folks shop for groceries, but this is a process that your parents probably wouldn’t even recognize.

First off, you arrive at the grocery store, and leave your car with a friendly attendant, for the scheduled 5000 KM oil change.

Entering the store itself, a kindly old gentleman wearing a hat from another era greets you, and hands you a newspaper, which you will peruse as you wait in line at Starbucks, for your shopping latte.

Coffee in hand, you will now pick a shopping cart, which features a perfectly-sized coffee cup holder. If you haven’t brought along your butler, you will need to refer to your own grocery list.

At the entrance to the first food aisle, a celebrity chef is offering samples fresh from the grill– today: Bison Tartar, with crab-apple baked potatoes. You will spend about 20 minutes noshing on this fare, and chatting with fellow shoppers about how the current coach of the Calgary Flames needs to be shipped off to bolster the front line troops, somewhere in Baghdad…

Once you’ve visited the Starbucks' customer washroom to brush, rinse, and floss, you choose to start shopping in the SECOND aisle, to avoid a second helping of bison.

The list this week is rather simple: bread, milk eggs, and an outdoor patio furniture set with 20’ umbrella. Sadly, the store simply features a Forest Green model in stock, and your wife had her heart set on Burnt Umbra. A quick visit to the Fabric Staining Department confirms that the dye application won’t run, even after hours out in the hot sun, so you ask a stock boy to take the furniture set out to your car.

A quick jaunt through the checkout, and your car is waiting, freshly lubed, and ready to go. You truly have to love the modern grocery experience!

Chow for now!