Chicken Scratch
So you got five toes on each a' yer feet – ya think that makes ya better than me?!?!?
Buk-AAAAWK!!!!
Charlie’s got a few tips today, fer plannin’ yer New Year’s Eve parties. Not that y'asked, but to be honest, if yer head wasn’t attached t’yer shoulders, you probably wouldn’t be pickin’ yer nose right now!!
Buk-AAAAWK!!!!
So, ya might wanna grab a piece a paper and a crayon. Here we go:
1) Attire: That will depend on how formal the evenin’ is gonna be. Dress casual, black tie, or buck nekked. I been feather-free for mosta my life, and I try not to go outta my way just for a stupid party. I say buck nekked…
2) Transportation: Charlie likes a good time as much as the next guy, but seriously – be responsible. DO NOT chug-a-lug a barrel of paint thinner, then drive across town! Make arrangements to cab home, then bolt once you get at the street before your real home!
3) Gift for party hosts: Ha Ha Ha Ha!! YOU’RE the gift!!
Buk-AAAAWK!!!!
4) Spirits: Here’s where ya really need ta pay attention. Stores will be closed once ya start gettin’ good an’ whiskered, so for the pluckin’ luvva Leghorn – remember to buy enough booze ta see ya through until ya gotta start sippin’ on the hosts’ supply. And remember – variety!! Me, I like my gin, but by about 11:00 PM, it can be fun ta mix a little tequila inta the pitcher, or Amaretto. Wine is for wusses. Ya won’t see any self-respectin’ chicken sippin’ onna glass a Chardonnay just before New Year’s.
5) Locations of every toilet and sink in the house: When yer cookies are needin’ to be free, ya can’t be wonderin’ where “The Crapper” is. Make that yer priority, as soon as ya arrive…
Buk-AAAAWK!!!!
There’s probably more to relay onta ya, but I’ve been getting’ prepped for a few hours already, even though the big day is still a few away. Never too early. Ah crap, I didn’t pick up smokes… Cluckin’ hell!!!!! Where’d I put my pants???
Cluck fer now!!
So you got five toes on each a' yer feet – ya think that makes ya better than me?!?!?
Buk-AAAAWK!!!!
Charlie’s got a few tips today, fer plannin’ yer New Year’s Eve parties. Not that y'asked, but to be honest, if yer head wasn’t attached t’yer shoulders, you probably wouldn’t be pickin’ yer nose right now!!
Buk-AAAAWK!!!!
So, ya might wanna grab a piece a paper and a crayon. Here we go:
1) Attire: That will depend on how formal the evenin’ is gonna be. Dress casual, black tie, or buck nekked. I been feather-free for mosta my life, and I try not to go outta my way just for a stupid party. I say buck nekked…
2) Transportation: Charlie likes a good time as much as the next guy, but seriously – be responsible. DO NOT chug-a-lug a barrel of paint thinner, then drive across town! Make arrangements to cab home, then bolt once you get at the street before your real home!
3) Gift for party hosts: Ha Ha Ha Ha!! YOU’RE the gift!!
Buk-AAAAWK!!!!
4) Spirits: Here’s where ya really need ta pay attention. Stores will be closed once ya start gettin’ good an’ whiskered, so for the pluckin’ luvva Leghorn – remember to buy enough booze ta see ya through until ya gotta start sippin’ on the hosts’ supply. And remember – variety!! Me, I like my gin, but by about 11:00 PM, it can be fun ta mix a little tequila inta the pitcher, or Amaretto. Wine is for wusses. Ya won’t see any self-respectin’ chicken sippin’ onna glass a Chardonnay just before New Year’s.
5) Locations of every toilet and sink in the house: When yer cookies are needin’ to be free, ya can’t be wonderin’ where “The Crapper” is. Make that yer priority, as soon as ya arrive…
Buk-AAAAWK!!!!
There’s probably more to relay onta ya, but I’ve been getting’ prepped for a few hours already, even though the big day is still a few away. Never too early. Ah crap, I didn’t pick up smokes… Cluckin’ hell!!!!! Where’d I put my pants???
Cluck fer now!!
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