Long weekends tend to confuse me. Is today “Monday”, or “Tuesday”? Will “Friday” feel like “Saturday”?

Will I be able to type more than four words in a row this morning, without quotation marks?

Will I come to resent the next weekend, when it only consists of two (very short) days?

Seriously, I love my long weekends, but it really throws a monkey wrench into all the other ones. I don’t like them nearly as much as I do the longer ones. Sort-of how I like my monkey wrenches more than any of the non-monkey ones…

So how do you accept these extended weekend stretches as they were probably intended (boom sales periods for the liquor stores), without being absolutely miserable when a full week follows the next 2-day weekend??

Well, maybe you should trick your mind into thinking you’re NOT at work on a non-holiday. Pretend you’re at a lazy, warm beach, and kickin’ back in a lawn chair. As a matter of fact, bring your lawn chair to work on whatever day you feel should be the natural holiday.

Pack some hot dogs for lunch. I don’t know how you’d heat them up, I haven’t really thought this through that far. But some of those photocopiers get pretty hot after running for 20 minutes or so…

Wear your beach clothes – the ones that hang down past your knees and your crevasses like rapper pants. Don’t be afraid of a loud T-shirt, with statements like “My Coffee Cup Is Really Filled With Corona!!” Make your biggest decision on this non-holiday holiday whether you should wear a plaid bandana, or a baseball cap.

There you have it. Every week that isn’t legitimately awarding you a long weekend, can become one with simple amendments to your weekday.

Next week: dealing with the extended and/or permanent vacation that may follow this advice…

Chow for now!