While travelling through the forest one afternoon, young Red Riding Hood became disoriented.

Happily, she had a handheld GPS system to help regain her bearings, and was soon back on track to Grandmother's house.

Until a big wolf appeared, and impeded her on the route to Granny's.

"Say, wut up homey?" the wolf asked Little Red Riding Hood. He appeared to be a friendly beast.

"Stay back, Jackass, or I'll zap you with my illegal stun gun, purchased off of e-Bay", replied Red Riding Hood. And she appeared to be very serious...

The wolf grinned with all the charm of a used car salesman on a sunny Saturday afternoon. " I be chillin', Little Sister. It weren't me that just enjoyed three little pigs with a side of poached eggs!!"

But he did have traces of straw on his fur...

"I'm serious, you hairy reprobate", Red Riding Hood barked out. "And I got a canful of Mace here that sez you need to step your mangy butt back!!"

The wolf decided to humour Little Red Riding Hood, just in case she really was armed to the teeth. He was, after all, still recovering after a whole bunch of huffin', and puffin', and blowin' houses down. Damn asthma...

"Carry on, my dear maiden", the wolf smiled, with all the charm of a dentist who has just discovered decay in 9 molars. "Granny's house is just yonder, over the knoll".

Little Red Riding Hood glared at the wolf, but didn't put down her stun gun, as she walked around him, and right into the hands of a crazed woodsman, who in addition to being Dutch, mistook her for a mature pine tree.

Our story ends as his two-sided axe splices the air...

I really wish I had put more thought into having a moral of some sort to wrap this up...

Oh well...

Chow for now!!