Chicken Scratch

Gardening Tips From Charlie

Happy summer, human beans!! I'd join you in some suntanning, but it just reminds me of heat lamps at a certain Southern Cooked Poultry joint. No way Jose!!

Buk-AAAAWK!!

So, today, I'd like to share some gardenin' tips, so as to prettify yer yard, or windowsill.

I've got some experience in fertilizin' gardens, which may be a bit awkward for humans, but still can be done, in my opinion.

So, first off, yer gonna need some soil. Somewhere to plant your daisies, not push them. This soil should be muddy, and in an area where the sun shines. As supposed to where I'm gonna kick you, if I see you reaching for another McNugget!!

Buk-AAAAWK!!

OK, ya got some muddy soil, and a degree of sunshine. Next, ya need seeds. Seeds for the plants ya wanna grow. I prefer tubeaks, you may prefer tulips!!

Ba-dum-bum!! Here all week folks!! Now THAT'S pluckin' funny!!!

Anyways...

So, and I know this sounds all technical and scientific, but the next step is, ya plant the seeds in the muddy soil. Push the little pluckers into the soil, and cover them up. Then water them. And for a few more days, keep watering 'em. If you so desire,take advantage of nature's call to fertilize them. As long as you aint' planting carrots, fertilize away, baby!!

Now comes the hardest part of gardenin'. For what can seem like days, ya hafta wait for somethin' to happen. Water, wait. Water, wait.

Oh yeah, I also advise ya to invest in some buckshot, for any lazy-ass robins that swoop down to chew up yer hard-worked efforts. Ship the carcasses off to that restaurant chain I mentioned earlier. It's still a bird, even if it ain't technically "chicken".

Buk-AAAAAWK!!

There's probably more advice to give, but these are the basics. I mean, come on, if ya can't handle somethin' as simple as pushing a seed into the ground,why would I waste time telling ya how to prune??

Although, I'll give ya that one for free:

Spend an hour inna tub of water!!

Cluck for now!!