Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

AAAWK!! A Hawk!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

(This blog is fer tha birds!!)

Hey, buddy - got a match??

Huh?? You EAT CHICKENS?????

RUN FER THA HILLS!!!

Every man fer hisself!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Cluck fer NOOOOOOOWWWW!!!!

(P-oom....)

I really should get my butt in gear this morning. It is currently in "Park". Even a shift to "Low" would be a massive improvement.

In a few more minutes, I'll have to shift into "Overdrive" if I hope to get the hell out of here on time...

Chow for now!!

This digital life of mine has an absolute mind of its own. I have tried to link certain aspects together, but for months my blog posts wouldn't show up in Facebook. Then, all of a sudden, a few random posts would show up out of the blue, unprompted.

Now it seems that they are going to post, based on the sudden appearance there over the past couple of days. By the time I finish this, that could have changed once again.

For now, I will bask in all the glory that is modern digital technology - even if it is running entirely amok...

Chow for now!!

I love Mac. I adore Apple.

That's all...carry on...

Chow for now!

At my age, I thought I was done, but apparently I recently grew another foot!

(Yuk Yuk Yuk!!)

Chow for now...

New Post:

Post.

Old Post:

Post.

Can't even tell the difference...

Chow for now.

Realizing lately that since my recent return to the full time "day job" work force, I will need to discipline myself a bit more if I hope to keep up with my writing commitments.

Like, for example - I may have to cut back on the 6-8 hours of TV a night I tend to enjoy. Although, watching David E Kelley insert  scenes into his own series discreetly expressing his disgust with banal reality TV programs is a bit too much to walk away from. Is there such a thing as speed viewing??

For another thing, I can't afford to toss and turn in bed until 2 AM, get up to watch informercials, and hope to be alert after work to write.

I may have to quit fretting about the rapidity with which my hair is vacating my scalp, mostly without having given sufficient notice. That should free up my cranium hamsters for more pressing issues.

Clearly, there is work to be done. I'll put some thought to that after my first siesta of the day...

Chow for now!!

Realizing lately that since my recent return to the full time "day job" work force, I will need to discipline myself a bit more if I hope to keep up with my writing commitments.

Like, for example - I may have to cut back on the 6-8 hours of TV a night I tend to enjoy. Although, watching David E Kelley insert  scenes into his own series discreetly expressing his disgust with banal reality TV programs is a bit too much to walk away from. Is there such a thing as speed viewing??

For another thing, I can't afford to toss and turn in bed until 2 AM, get up to watch informercials, and hope to be alert after work to write.

I may have to quit fretting about the rapidity with which my hair is vacating my scalp, mostly without having given sufficient notice. That should free up my cranium hamsters for more pressing issues.

Clearly, there is work to be done. I'll put some thought to that after my first siesta of the day...

Chow for now!!

Chicken Scratch(ed)

(posted by...uhh...has anyone checked for a pulse?? Charlie??)

AAAWK....

Chckn down....

AAAWK....

Anyone get tha number a that bus???

Hey, lookit all tha lil birdies!!!

AAAWK....

Why does I smell carpeting? Is it sum chick's new parfum?? "Berber Fer Bedazzlin'?"" 

Oooh....ma Adam's apple haz a filter tip...

AAAWK....

I think I'm juss gonna take a lil nap right now...

Cluck. Fer now.............

Are pairamedics on tha way????? 

Our drive into work yesterday morning was disrupted by a smaller vehicle behind us trying to play through, to use some common golf lingo. My first accident in over 20+ years, even if it was not my fault.

So, now going through the process of trying to figure out how to make a claim and get this vehicle of ours repaired. We are also discovering that having a cheap policy payment for our auto insurance may be offset by the heinous deductible we will now have to pay. Unless we don't as it was not our fault. We'll see.

Otherwise, we may be starting a charitable organization, Hope For The Hapless.

Business as usual, here in the Such Is Life household....

Chow for now!

“Flawtography By Dan” - Episode #017

Me!

As a writer, I have had many opportunities to read my work in front of an audience. This was from an event in Kelowna, British Columbia, at a quaint local art gallery whose name escapes me.

As you can see, the surroundings add something to the moment, a sort of ambience or clarity that a duller facility might not recreate.

Thank you, digital photography, for capturing the moment for future reference!

Please, ask permission if you plan on using it anywhere...

Chow for now!

It's funny, or it would be if it wasn't so stress-inducing...

It's almost like my Windows Vista computer knows that I'm finally trying to sever my ties with it.

For a couple of brief hours over a couple of days, it was like new - running like a clock, and barely ever f-ing up. Then, I determined that it was finally time we should part ways.

Well, like a scorned lover that saw a lifetime of dreams and accomplishments shattered, Evil Vista returned, and confirmed that I need to transfer what I can, and run whatever is left through a shredder. Maybe even try an exorcism.

Evil Vista exploded a few cells in my brain last night when it suddenly blanked out in the middle of just a few minutes of work. I will shortly explode a few of Evil Vista's brain cells, and then some...

Chow for now.

I just want to clear off my old Vista computer.

I just want to clear off my old Vista computer before I take a sledgehammer to it.

I just want to clear off my old Vista computer before I take a sledgehammer to it, then use a flamethrower to cremate the remains.

I just want to clear off my old Vista computer before I take a sledgehammer to it, then use a flamethrower to cremate the remains. But it may be worthwhile to take a bazooka to whatever survives the sledgehammer and bazooka.

I just want to clear off my old Vista computer before I take a sledgehammer to it, then use a flamethrower to cremate the remains. But it may be worthwhile to take a bazooka to whatever survives the sledgehammer and bazooka. The remaining remains will be shot into the sun.

I hate my Vista computer...

Chow for now.

Still enjoying "Canada's Got Talent", even if the talent appears few and far between where the acts moving forward are concerned. One thing for sure, you'll never drift off to sleep with that shrieking host...

Who knows? Maybe as Canadians that have supplied worldwide superstars like Michael Buble, Celine Dion, and Justin Bieber, we need more upcoming acts that: play spoons, jig, and break wind.

Whoops! That should have read "break WOOD". My bad...

Chow for now!

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

Well, la-de-dah, hoomans!

Ole Charlie iz a TV star!!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Yeah, I got a cameo in ABC's "Modern Family" lass week (ABC - America's Broadcastin' Chicken).

It wuz just a small part, but I hafta say - I think I stole tha show! Even with a full cast a clowns!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

My actin' classes has paid off! Well, technically the fast-talkin' with that flatfoot traffic cop when I got pulled over tha uther day...

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Hey, mebbe now I can get a aminated series? CHUCK?? CLUCK??

GETTIN' PLUCKY???

The possabilities is ennless!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Of course, I kood try drama, mebbe on one a them Law N Order Up! shows. I could team up with Ice Tea!!

Thass, it! I'm packin' up, and move to Holly Wood!

Uhhh....anyone got spare change fer tha bus??

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Cluck fer now... 

6 YEARS!!

2, 252 posts (including this one).

Posting daily, with one notable exception.

Getting replaced on weekends by a rubber chicken (who will be here tomorrow, slightly peeved at getting bumped yet again...).

Delivering as consistently as a postman, even when I've got nothing to deliver, per se...

http://thatdanguy.blogspot.ca/2006/03/such-is-life.html

In the years since I started this endeavour, I've:

-Tried to add fresh humor to a website that I still haven't resurrected, thanks to TWO web-hosts going broke.

-Linked to online versions of my various local and national humour columns, even though many of those links will now be broken, as the newspaper I used to write for has shuttered their website.

-Became subservient to a chain-smoking, hard drinking illiterate rubber chicken.

-Completed a magical banjo quest (still can't tune the damn thing).

-Began my "Nobody-Asked-Me-To" entertainment review series, which led to my recurring theatre reviews, and the birth of my podcast interview series, which you can view by scrolling back up and clicking on the photo montage that appears when you first arrive to this page.

-Live-blogged travel adventures (mostly mis-...).

-Rewrote versions of popular fables, fairy tales and children's stories. I can't apologize enough to everyone for those.

-Have used this space as a shameless excuse to get photographed with a number of celebrities.

-SWITCHED TO A MAC!! SWITCHED TO A MAC!!!!

-Jousted in the comments sections with a witty spouse. Too damn witty, if you ask me...

Man, where does the time go? Well, you can certainly view it in the archives. Click on a random link, and see what I was doing back then.

Go ahead, I'm not going anywhere...

Chow! For now...

I hope you dance.

But maybe not if you're getting audited by the government.

And it probably wouldn't be a good time if your partner is questioning your credit card statement charge for "Gender Transition".

I don't hope you dance when a rhinoceros is charging. I'd suggest you run.

I hope you dance.

Do not dance while transporting nitro glycerine.

Dancing while instructing students in mathematics could cause some concern from your employers.

DO NOT DANCE - while getting a haircut - you may end up looking like a sea urchin.

I hope you dance.

Chow for now...

Running late. Must think quick...

Buttock warts?

That's the best I could think of??

Good grief...

Well, chow for now then.

End Of An Era...

It would appear that after suffering through almost half a decade of trying to "use" a computer with the early version of Windows Vista OS, I am finally going to pull the plug, and move completely over to this Macbook.

Yes, this computer has had a hard drive die completely earlier, but I'm backing it up now, so I will move what I can over now, and start accessing my email and more on this puppy.

Much as I would love to continue stabbing myself in the brain with a serrated harpoon on the Vista computer, it has now become essentially useless. Well, as long as you DON'T want to:

open the Internet,
download email,
word process,
open a digital picture,
play music,
watch a video,
expect the screen to illuminate,
weigh down a stack of loose paper,
update the OS,
swat flies with it,
double-purpose it as a discus,
compute.....
the Vista computer is simply golden.

In honor of National That Dan Guy's Blood Pressure Day, I will embark on "making arrangements" to move that piece of wires and plastic on to a happier place, where it can roam free with other dinosaurs and spotted field owls.

Oh, on an unrelated matter, I have a used computer for sale, with the Windows Vista operating system.

Offers???

Chow for now.

I Knew Them When...

Wow!

At least three actors/singers that I have interviewed over the past few years are currently appearing on Broadway!

On freakin' Broadway!!

Melissa O'Neil, Lee Siegel, and Katrina Reynolds are in the cast of Jesus Christ Superstar, in the latest revival running right now:

http://www.superstaronbroadway.com/

You can download (for free, for Pete's sake!) my interviews with them if you hunt around in the archives - Lee & Katrina are in the Motown Gold ensemble episode, and Melissa was part of the British Invasion cast. Scroll back up and click on that photo montage, and you will magically be transported to my site!

I knew them when!!

You know, on the way to bed last night I was convinced I had the perfect blog post for today.

Should have stopped to write it down...

Now, as I sit here before this computer, I am vacant between the ears. The great ideas are simply not coming.

Oh sure, I've got a few scattered thoughts, like "are Rice Krispies farting when they Snap, Crackle & Pop"?

Not much of a post there...

Better regroup, try again tomorrow...

Chow for now!

Watched the Academy Awards last night, Mrs. That Dan Guy & I. Not many surprises, as it actually ran live on TV a few weeks ago. Between news shows, newspapers, the internet and Twitter, we pretty much knew all the results. Still, we had our fingers crossed that Kim Kardashian might win an honorary award for Lifetime Achievement...

Although, it did turn out to be an unscheduled SCTV reunion, what with Eugene Lev and Catherine O'Hara in an Oscars sketch, and Martin Short in "Canada's Got Talent" afterwards. Ah, Canadian versions of popular American series. The only noticeable difference between the two is a host virtually no one has ever heard of outside Toronto, and acts whose talents are tailor-made for the unsettled frontier towns we still live in here.

Still, we will return to the Boob Tube to catch an episode tonight filmed in our hometown of Winnipeg. You know, beaver pelts were traded with earnest throughout the years there, and they were fairly instrumental in the early development of the area. Once Winnipeg gets electricity and running water, it will really start to take off with tourists. And lingering beaver pelt traders..

Chow for now!

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

Aha!

Looks like Banjo Boy ain't tha only one that kin see them 11 11's everywhere!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

I wuz grocery shoppin' tha uther day, and lo and bee-holdin' I came across this...

This....

Hey!!

HEY!!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

CALL THA COPS!!!!!!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Cluck fer now - we need a amboolance, STAT!!!!

I believe that I have recently-discovered psychic powers!

Check it out:

* Tomorrow morning, a barnyard animal (as unlikely as that sounds) will appear in this space.

Amazing!

Let's see if it happens - fingers crossed!!

I could be the next Amazing Kreskin!

Now if I could only get my powers to work with lottery numbers...

Chow for now!!

Eek!

A mousse!!

Sorry, it turned out to be gel - carry on.....

Chow for now!

Today, no traffic rants or rambles.

Today, no rubber chickens of any sort.

Today, no MSG.

This  just happens to be the 25th anniversary of the first time that Mrs. That Dan Guy shamelessly begged me to take her out on a date. True story - I was minding my own business where we used to work together, and suddenly, she appeared (seemingly out of nowhere), with her 80's Bon Jovi hair-do. Too much time has passed since to recall exactly how she used here feminine wiles to beguile me, but obviously, 25 years later, whatever ruse she pulled worked.

Sure, we've had our ups and downs over the years - you never really keep track of how many times you use an elevator, but I can assure you, it's been many, many times over the years.

All in all, I remain tickled that she took the initiative all those years ago - it feels like barely 24 years have passed sometimes.

Now, where are my coffee, newspaper and slippers?? Someone's slackin' off today....

Chow for now!

Another major snowfall last night, so another crawl into work today.

On the way home yesterday, we were stuck in a slow-moving lineup trying to get onto a major thoroughfare. In the right lanes beside us, some poor bus driver was signaling in vain, trying to move over into our lane.

Apparently, the attempt to change lanes was not making the driver of a small car behind the bus happy, as the kid there started laying on his horn - if you can call the feeble noise his car was making a horn.

If I had been the driver of the bus, I would have stopped, gotten out, and asked the bozo if he hoped to move anytime in the near future. At least that's the polite version, omitting the part where my boot would have added a few inches to the little moron's upward ascent.

We harbour the absolute worst drivers in the land here...

Chow for now...

I swear, Calgary drivers have to be the least capable of any drivers in the civilized world. It's equal parts of arrogance and ignorance, mixed in with a dash of entitlement if you happen to own a BMW, Mercedes or a Lexus.

Hey, this isn't sour grapes, it's fact. Today, in a raging snowstorm , a bus was going down a hill backwards in our neighbourhood. Unintentionally, as it was too slippery for him to make it up the hill. Did the driver behind him stay safely back, or allow the bus driver to safely maneuver? Nope. Entitled, the idiot drove around the bus as it was still careening out of control, to proceed along on his route unfettered by outside circumstances.

This isn't the first time I've griped about the motorists here who seem to indicate that there is absolutely no requirement in Alberta to receive a drivers' licence. Every time, in a prairie winter city that we have a snowfall, there are inevitably HUNDREDS of accidents. Few motorists slow down, and the aforementioned BMW. Mercedes or Lexus drivers assume us po folk will simply yield our right of way so that they can proceed far faster than road conditions allow.

If I had a magic or super power, it would be to transport these clowns with a wave of my hand onto office building rooftops, where they would be stranded each and every time they drove like the village idiot, until something sunk into their thick skulls and due care and caution might become more frequent than hell bent for leather, despite the driving conditions.

End of rant. Chow for now...

Happy to discover that my recent video with the cast and director of Stage West Calgary's latest production works just fine if you download it via iTunes. As is the version on YouTube. I was literally bedazzled yesterday watching it on my iPhone. You could say I was iXcited...

So, I now officially pronounce my profound love and bottomless desire for Mac. We may have to move to Utah so that our relationship (myself, Mrs That Dan Guy, and The Miracle On Rocky Ridge - interesting how "miracle" has Mac embedded within the word!) can be accepted as appropriate and nurturing. Or Macturing...

Now that the flower of Mac video editing has opened before my eyes, I will admit that I am a changed man - a man on a whole other, more keenly aware level of creative awareness. As a creative soul, I have mactured considerably with this newfound skill set, and there is now a burning fire within my....CRAP! That's a burning fire in my toaster!!!!

9-11!!! 9-11!!!!

Gotta go - chow for now!!!!!!!!!!!

Chicken Scratch

(posted by weekend guest blogger Charlie Chicken...)

Say, uhh...anyone seen Lindsay Lohan around??

I wuz hopin' fer an autograff...

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Mebbe I'z in tha wrong place? This ain't Saturday Night Live??

I, uhh...I left ma glasses at home!

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Well, long as I'm here, can I see a few bunnies? I do loves amimals!

I have a pertikilar fondness fer cottontails...

BUK-AAAAWK!!!!

Whoa! Wuz that Charlie Sheen I just saw over at tha salad bar??

Waiter!!  

I need a salad plate, STAT!!

Cluck fer now... 

Any NHL Hockey fans out there?

My latest REM column:

http://www.remonline.com/home/?p=11450

Behind the scenes is where it's at!

Chow for now....

Today, I am away from my new full-time day job, as I finally will attend a preliminary appointment to determine how medical professionals will perform some internal spelunking. I hope they are medical professionals, I hate to think people do this sort of thing recreationally...

Yes, after at least a 3-4 year wait, I am going in for the consultation appointment that men of my advanced years are expected to attend regularly (hey, if I'm regular, why do I even need to do this?? Here all week folks, try the veal!!).

I expect today I will have my options explained, and maybe meet the miniature camera that will be probing my sun-deprived Venice Canal. Wonder if they'll find those car keys I misplaced a few years ago??

I will confess I'm not particularly looking forward to this - I don't even like putting in eye-drops, let alone lengths of cable - but at my age, this is a practical process to ensure sinister things aren't going on in the background, literally.

Chow for now!