Dear Soda Cracker Manufacturer,

Good morning, and thank you in advance for listening to my concerns. Which it turns out, are manifold.

While I have enjoyed your product immensely for several decades now, the inconsistency of your product has prompted this action, in the hopes (however dim) that bringing these concerns to your attention will generate some inward reflection, at the very least.

First off, how is it even possible to overcook soda crackers – so much so that they look like they have grown tree bark? Soda crackers are typically expected in lighter shades, NOT sporting George Clooney’s tan. If No-Name Brand manufacturers can remember this rudimentary technique, wouldn’t it be reasonable to expect a major manufacturer to do the same?

Second, is there any way to possible correct the setting of your machinery – the one in particular that packages each individual cell of crackers? Not much of an adjustment, mind you – just enough to prevent 90% of the product from arriving pre-crushed. Handy as that is for enjoying your product with soup, a meal of cheese and crackers gets a bit more complicated.

I could go on, but that should be enough to at least open a file, and perhaps prompt some internal investigation. I look forward to your response.

Thanks,

That Dan Guy

(Chow for now…)