I’m confused.

Not that that’s breaking news to anyone reading this space semi-regularly – but being confused today is the result of something I see on the Word processing sheet before me, right now.

I’m using a type or font that proclaims to be “Times New Roman”, which sounds to me to be a contradiction in terms, or at least a bit of a mathematical conundrum.

First off, how many new Romans have there been, since their heyday back in olden times, when Caesar salads were as common as wrinkle-free togas. You could probably argue that every newborn in Rome today is a new Roman, but I don’t think it holds the same cachet as it did back when Julius was picking out new sandals for conquering Macedonia.

As if the “New Roman” oxymoron didn’t sound bad enough, the Word processing program wants to suggest that we “multiply” the error – by adding “times” to the two-word phrase. Like, "add 3 Europeans, divide by 1 North American, times New Roman." I'm back in that cursed junior high school Algebra class, and I'm sitting in the front row!!

Does this font actually mean to say “New Roman Times”? Maybe that was a font they used in newspapers in ancient Rome? “The New Roman Times announced today that the Spartan Dribblers beat the Carthage Travelers 111-99, advancing to the finals.”

Some additional research is clearly in order, to resolve this matter.

Or, I could just switch to The Little Mermaid font, Arial.

Chow for now!!